LOL again :-)

Sandeep: Doctor, Are you sure Ste is fine?
Doctor: 200% sure! Still if you are insisting, I will check once more.
Sandeep: Please doc.
Doctor: Look Ste. What is this?
Ste: A doll
Doctor: Yes!! Good, my boy! And this?
Ste: A camera
Doctor: Brilliant! Now, what about this?
Ste: *Blushes* The thing to be used for family planning
Doctor: Very good, my "know it all" boy! And who am I?
Ste: Ramu the monkey! My best friend. I love you!
Doctor: Uh...oh...I was wrong. We have a problem here.

LOL returns!

Sandeep: Look at this Ste. What is this?
Ste: A banana
Sandeep: Good. Now tell me what is this?
Ste: Mangoooo
Sandeep: Excellent...Very good. And this?
Ste: Brinjal
Sandeep: Bravo! You seem to be fine. Then why do you keep on shouting "Ghost! Ghost" the moment you see your reflection in the mirror?

News Coverage - Birthday@Lounge

# Mumbai Times contacted Ste for a tete-a-tete seesion. They wanted to interview him and share some insights on what went behind the creation of this masterpiece and his thoughts on his fellow bloggers. Little did they know of what lay ahead ;-P. Read on!!

Reporter: Hi Sir. This is Sachin from Mumbai Times.
Ste: Aila! Sachin. Sachin Tendulkar or Sachin Waghmare?? Ha ha ha. Call me Ste.
Reporter: Sachin Marathe Sir. Oops, sorry...Ste.
Ste: Suber! Yey yey yey!
Reporter: Ste! Everything fine?
Ste: Ya ya! Just celebrating. It's lounge's birthday today.
*Springs up and does a pelvic thrust. Reporter is visibly amused and impressed at the same time to see this man's dedication and involvement*
Reporter: So how has the last year been with all fellow loungers?
Ste: Terrific. When I first started having fun with Arjun....
Reporter: Arjun from Bangalore?
Ste: No re! Arjun from the Mahabharata. The great archer. He is a fellow lounger and gives archery tips. Its an honour to have him here with us. A very good friend of mine. The oldest here.
*Reporter looks around to check if Ste has been consuming liquor and is out of his senses*
Ste: And yaa...what are we without Sandeep...he is one who starts off the mayhem...
Reporter: Sandeep Balan....yaa, I know.
Ste: Idiot!! Sandeep Patil. The batsman. I often meet him and bowl him out with my yorkers. And then I thrash him all around the park. And he starts crying on the lounge and starts the mayhem.
*Reporter looks at Ste in a state of shock*
Ste: And Pratibha is really the queen...
Reporter: Pratibha Sofat right?
Ste: Idiot! Pratibha Patil. Queen of our country. She is a good friend of mine and a fellow lounger.
*Reporter on the verge of a breakdown*
Ste: And have I told you about Christopher?
Reporter: Christopher Poshin David?
Ste: OMG!! No you moron! Christopher Columbus. He discovered America and on the way back discovered Writers Lounge as well. He has been with us ever since.
*Reporter collapses*
Ste: Oops. Was he not briefed about my contacts and the lounge? Aiyo! Kadavulle!!
*Ste's secretary walks in, glances at the reporter lying unconcious besides, and looks back at Ste*
Secretary: Sir. Your routine check up with Navjeevan Psychiatric Counselling Center has been fixed for 11 am tomorrow. Thanks.

Lessons in Excellence VI

# For the earlier chapters of "Lessons in Excellence", click here

Prats: Subah se na ek kandha bika hai, na bika hai adha aloo.
Lounge: Subah se na ek kandha bika hai, Na bika hai adha aloo
Prats:Stephen bada chatur singh hai, Na samajhna usko lalloo.
Lounge Stephen bada chatur singh hai, Na samajhna usko lalloo..
Prats: Har ladki ki ankhon ka tara hai,rooh ka rooh-afza hai
Lounge: Har ladki ki ankhon ka tara hai,rooh ka rooh afza hai
Prats: Lounge ki jaan stephen, kitna achcha woh likhta hai
Lounge: Lounge ki jaan stephen, kitna achcha woh likhta hai
Prats: Baas ek buri aadat hai,
Lounge: Baas ek buri aadat hai,
Prats: Hafte mein woh sirf ek baar hi nahata hai.
Lounge: Hafte mein woh sirf ek baar hi nahata hai.


Prats: This style of poetry is called "let them know" poetry. It is used to motivate and "sudharofy" subjects on whom the poem is written. By putting things across in a subtle way and demanding a change of behavior. Helping the person on whom the poem is written improve. Invented in WL and made famous by student of some Balan guy.

Lounge: *Takes notes. Nod their heads & Look on with admiration*

Oops !!

1st day at work.
Boss Sandeep to Ste : welcome...Be good, you will be fine.
After a week.Ste to Boss Sandeep : Good morning Sandeep,How are you doing?
Sandeep(in black suit black tie) : Morning !..hey you must work hard.
After a month...Ste : Hello Sandeep!
Sandeep( white shirt,black tie..coat is at hanger) : You must Work very hard you know!
After a Quarter....( Ste tried to escape but found Sandeep in front of him): Hi
Sandeep( white shirt, tie is on head) :Can you hear me, you must work hard!!!
Ste: Yes..
Sandeep: Hmm.. meet me after lunch.
After lunch Ste goes to Sandeep's cabin : Hello, you called me after lunch.
sandeep: yes..take this new think pad..it will reduce your work by half.
Ste: Oh..great..Can I have two?

Remix !!

Pre-script: The following is a telephone exchange between Subramaniam kuppusami ,a tourist in Thailand and 'Just bake' cake shop receptionist for a birthday cake, Subramaniam is a south Indian and shop receptionist Hennzy is a Thai.

"I waant to worder a cake" - Subramaniam Kuppusami said from the other side.
" Hiu whan da cake fo budde? " - Hennzy responded.
" es "
" Ok, Hiu whan saamti tobee ritin on da cake?"
" es, please write my wife's name, Satyabhama.."
" Kudu speda nemfome saa, weema mek miste in spelin"
" siar,spell as 'yes' as shugyaar,'yea' as yepple ,'tee' as tyango,'wai' as ello ,'yea' as yepple ,'bee' as brawo ,'haich' as yennri,'yea' as yepple ,'yamm' as mike ,'yea' as yepple"
" ok sa, weez kala hiu whan sa?"- Hennzy noted on a paper and said.
"ello please"
"Ok sa.. so, happy baddeto Shatabama' rye ? Hiu whan henitin mo tobee ritin?"
" es, 'with laau raagu' spell as aar,yea,gee,haich,yu."
" tenjewberrymuds fo colin 'jass be', cake wibbi onya dooste widi an aar"
" tank you"
" Hiu aar weekam "

The Idea guy!!

Sandeep during his campus Interview and Idea Cellular visits their campus

Interviewer: Tell us about yourself?
Sandeep: What an idea ,sirjee!

Interviewer: Why do you want to join us?
Sandeep:What an idea ,sirjee!

Interviewer:Tell us why should we hire you?
Sandeep:What an idea ,sirjee!

Interviewer:Who is our brand ambassador?
Sandeep:What an idea ,sirjee!

Interviewer:What is the tagline of our company?
Sandeep:What an idea ,sirjee!

Interviewer :W ow! ! real time reply! you are selected.
Sandeep: What an idea ,sirjee!

The Dumb!!!

# Campus interview paper of Stephen Anthony, a final year computer science student. Shared with the author of this post by the company for global welfare

DETAILS

Name: Stephen Anthony.

Age: 20 years

College: Terna College of Engg, Navi Mumbai

Branch: Computer Science

GENERAL SECTION

Tell us something about yourself: I am a dreamer, I dream things so that one day it would turn into reality.

Hobbies: Cooking,Hockey,Writing.

Strengths:Team leadership,Communication Skills,Motivator.

Weaknesses: Bad handwriting and I mean it coz it cost me most of my marks.

Why do you want to join us? I do believe that there are certain things in your organisation that I see no where.I feel that this is the right place for me to be here as I hope to learn new things from your organisation .

Why should we select you? Because I see myself as a eligible candidate who can work with your organisation.

Any location preferences? Mumbai,Chennai,Bangalore ,Delhi based on priority

Are morals more important to you or work? both if should say

APTITUDE TEST

Q) How many bits make a nibble?

Ans) 4

Q) What was the name of the first microprocessor?

Ans) 8085 as per my knowledge

Q) Software for the best mind in the world - is the catchline of?

Ans) sorry,I think I don't know the answer.

Q) Who confounded Apple Inc. with Steve Jobs?

Ans)Steve Wozniak

Q) In which research lab programming language C was developed?

Ans) Bell Lab by Dennis Richie

---------------------------------------------------------

After this interview,I got selected in Techmahindra.Before this Ste was called by Sandeep Balan for an in terview in Idea Cellulars (What an idea, Sirjee?),,,, to read click here

Despite of insane answers,Idea Cellular selected him.Ste realized the company status and wondered if that was how Sandeep was selected in Idea Cellulars.

## I blog at www.thesolitarywriter.blogspot.com

The Genius!

# Campus interview paper of Ste Gonzalves, a final year computer science student. Shared with the author of this post by the company for global welfare

DETAILS

Name: Ste

Age: 21 years

College: PK Tunn College of Engg, High lands, Mastiwadi

Branch: Computer Science

GENERAL SECTION

Tell us something about yourself: I am a boy

Hobbies: Playing high-high with friends every night

Strengths: Chest: 42, Bisceps: 21, Weight: 80, Build: Athletic

Weaknesses: Girls

Why do you want to join us? Obviously because you can't join me

Why should we select you? Because I am the bestestest

Any location preferences? Continental, Mexican, Chinese

Are morals more important to you or work? Food

APTITUDE TEST

Q) How many bits make a nibble?

Ans) Very good

Q) What was the name of the first microprocessor?

Ans) Hats off!!

Q) Software for the best mind in the world - is the catchline of?

Ans) Well done

Q) Who confounded Apple Inc. with Steve Jobs?

Ans) Keep it up

Q) In which research lab programming language C was developed?

Ans) You win...I lose!!

---------------------------------------------------------

## I blaaaaag at www.yembeeyae.blogspot.com

Wives & Husbands!

(This is Asbah's entry for the contest. Just posting on her behalf)
Pre-Script: Wife cursing the hubby

Wife: Udhar dekhiye. Udhar dekhiye. A brand new TV our neighbours got!
Husband: I know sweetheart, but don’t we have world vision? Why worry?
Wife: Udhar dekhiye. Udhar dekhiye. A brand new refrigerator Simpsons have got!
Husband: I know sweetheart, but don’t we have automations? Why worry?
Wife: (ghussay mai) suno na, the pados walay have bought a new home
Husband: Aray we have the wholeeeeeee world as our own! Why worry?
Wife: Pata nahi kab serious hu gay, guess what? samnay walay have a new car - kuch tum bhi socho na
Husband: Aray bholi begum, we can always ride for free, remember? Lets have some fun :D

*grabs her by legs and fly off to land onto the moving cow*
*and sings!*

Of birds & flamingoes!!

Sandeep: 1…2….3….4….5….
Ste: What are you doing?
Sandeep: Counting birds
Ste: Why count birds when you have such gorgeous flamingoes at that table?
Sandeep: I prefer birds
Ste: Let me go and catch some flamingoes
Sandeep: Best of luck bro. I will catch you at home.
*1 hour later at Sandeep's home. Ste has just walked in*
Sandeep: 1….2…3….4….5…
Ste: What are you doing?
Sandeep: Seems flamingoes attacked you! Counting all those finger imprints on your cheek!

Manoranjan Ka Baap!

Pre- Script: Ste is sipping masala tea at the chaiwala bang opposite his “takemytrip.com” office. A car stops bang in front of him

Stranger: Could you please guide me to the office of “takemytrip.com”?
Ste: Ofcourse. Go straight. Take a left. Take the first right after the fountain. Keep going straight. Once you reach “Lovers point” park, anyone can guide you to the office. It’s bang opposite the park.
Stranger: Thanks a ton
Ste: My pleasure
*Car zips away*
Chaiwala: Saab, yeh to aapka hi office hain. Aisa kyun kiya?
Ste: Ha ha. Apne baap ka kya jaata hain. He he he.
*Back at the office*
HR: Sir, this is Ste. Ste, meet our new MD.
*Gulps. The new MD turns out to be the same stranger*
MD: Meet me in the office *Leaves*
Ste: Baap re Baap!

Twist in Mama's secret muse

pre-script: Mama's secret muse

Me: So Howz your cheek??
Ste: Rocks man !!
Me: I know...my sources tell me that: D
Ste: hahaha.
Me: Take good care dost
Ste: haha..ya ya.. She’s coming to Mumbai in may..
Me: what? What are you talking about?
Ste: You were asking about my chick right? My gal?
Me: No man.. I was talking about your right cheek, your face.. I heard you got a tight one from your Dad yesterday... for chatting late night in gmail.
Ste: Oh..feeling better... applying ice on it.

The Great Recession

Employees: We need recognition for our work!
HR SPOC: Please don't create a scene here
Employees: What do you mean by saying that we won't be promoted this year? Despite performing exceedingly well!
HR SPOC: You need to understand the market dynamics. We are on the cost-cutting drive.
Employees: We need recognition. We need recognition.
*HR SPOC heads towards HR head's cabin to discuss*
HR SPOC: Sir, they are not willing to even hear me out. This is the letter they have handed to me which has been signed by 100 employees.
HR Head: Hmmm...100 employees..They need recognition right? Sack 60 of them at random. The remaining 40 will automatically feel recognised!

#Lines: 7

LOL contest - phew!!

Hi Family,

The last two weeks has seen one of the best phases of WL. We have laughed our hearts out. Humour is a difficult genre to attempt...and a 12 dialogue one is like making it tougher. But the lounge responded to the challenge in a way only it could. The response has been overwhelming. This contest has broken all existing records of posts attempted here at the lounge for a contest. And each one of these have been a class apart. A big thanks to all those who are not comfortable with this genre but still took the challenge heads on! We appreciate that.

Seeing such enthusiastic response to LOL@Lounge contest, we have decided to revise the submission rules a bit. We believe that humour as a genre does not let you choose your best work and its best left on the reader to judge on that. So we are looking at a solution where we could let the reader judge the best work out of all the enteries out here rather than writers shortlisting their best work and sending it to us. We will come back with the revised rule of submitting your entries tomorrow morning. Till then keep LOL'ing.

We are extending the "LOL @ Lounge" contest till 7 pm of 7th April. For all those who are yet to post their works here, please hurry. Lets celebrate this last day of this laugh-a-thon with a flurry of humour posts and make this contest the most memborable one for months to come!

We are celebrating 6th of April as the "Laugh-a-thon" day, marking the last day of the LOL contest. Lets go for the kill one last time.......laugh till you drop dead! ;-)

Cheers,
WL Admin

Campus Placements XI

Pre-script: In continuation of this post.
The next week at Dr. Ready's Lavoratories.

Neha: A real degree and a GPA of 4.. lands me nose deep in work. Handling 2 jobs. And look at Sandeep! Na degree, na tension, na kuch. Serve coffee, make money, enjoy life! Aah.. think of the devil and he arrives. Look at him, smiling! Kya hua? Itna khush kyun hai tu? Promotion to mera hua hai.

Sandeep: Neha... oh Neha... kya bataoon mujhe kya hua hai! Main thehra raha zameen chalne lagi... kya yeh mera pehla pehla pyar hai...

Neha: Haan... yeh tera pehla pyaar hai... is hafte ka... aaj monday hai na!

Sandeep: Pehla pehla pyaar hai... pehli pehli baar hai...

Neha: Okay, okay... but who's it? Kiski shaamat aayi hai is baar?

Sandeep: Shaamat? Shaamat nahi bey, kismat bol kismat! Kismat chamki hai jo mera dil aa gaya hai... teri assistant Sakhu pe!

Neha: Haan? Sakhubai? Really? Yeh kaise hua? Kab hua?

Sandeep: Saturday ki baat hai. Main yahan table saaf kar raha thha. Kisi ki matakti kamar ne meri nazaron ko apni taraf kheencha. Maine kaha "Ae Masakali Masakali, uff Matakali Matakali..." Aur usne meri taraf mudkar dekha. Uff woh aankhen, woh adaayen! Phir jhaadu dikhaakar bola "Melya..." Main to wahin fida ho gaya! Neha, bas mere liye ek aur favor kar de Neha.. tu meri sachchi dost hai na? Neha... main tujhse request kar raha hoon... meri love story bana de yaara, Sakhu ke saath meri love story bana de!"

Neha: (is too dazed to react) ...

#9 lines

(PS: Melya: One of the words used for swearing in Marathi)

Campus placements X

Sandeep: The hygiene incharge!! Me??
Mr. Bhatia: Congrats Sandeep! Congrats! You deserve it!
Neha : Congrats Sandeep *chuckles*
*Suddenly, the HR walks in*
HR: Sorry Sir, What on earth is happening here?
Mr. Bhatia: Nothing. We just promoted Sandeep to become the hygiene incharge.
HR: You can't do that Sir. He does not have a valid degree. We need an MBA for that role. And that too, an MBA in pharma!
Mr. Bhatia: Oh!
HR: And its a violation of our contract with him as well.
Mr. Bhatia: We desperately need a hygiene incharge. Where will be get an MBA(pharma) from??
Sandeep: Sir, right here! Our Neha is an MBA in pharma sir. Molecules have been her first love. She even did a project on "Chemical reactions in a closet and the role of molecules" for her summers with our competitor "Get Set...Let Go" lavoratories, Sir.
Mr. Bhatia: *Looks at Neha with admiration* Now you will be handling two roles.
HR: We are adding Rs. 101 to your CTC rightaway.
Neha: *Tears of joy*

Campus Placements IX

Pre-script: In continuation of this post.

Neha has been handling customers day in and day out. Today has been unusually heavy though. Seems like there's a gastro or diarrhoea epidemic in the city. At the end of the day, however, Neha is happy because more business means good news. And good news during the recession is rare. To handle the extra business, Dr. Ready's Lavatories have appointed another receptionist to handle the night shift. She's just arrived and is taking over from Neha.

Neha: And here, Kajal, these are the books where you make the entries. You know the cash registers and all, right? Phew, what a busy day! I am outta here.

Meanwhile, Sandeep walks in.

Neha: Arey Sandeep, what are you doing here? I didn't even call for coffee. Neither did Mr. Bhatia. Oh, you came here on seeing Kajal? (turns to Kajal) This is Sandeep. It's a ritual that every girl who walks into this office MUST be first introduced to Sandeep. He enjoys a slightly less-paying albeit better job than us. This recession, I tell you! Oh, how come you are here? And what is this broom in your hand for?

Mr. Bhatia enters right then.

Mr. Bhatia: Arey Sandeep, chalo chalo, kaam par lag jao. Go inside. Neha, you must learn from him. This young man has surprised us with his hardwork and dedication. So, we have decided to promote him from a peon to the Hygiene in-charge. He will personally inspect each of our company's offerings (lavatories) before the customer can avail of our services.

Neha: (suppressing a laugh) promoted? Absolutely sir! I am sure he will handle the pressure even better than all of us here!

#6 lines

Campus placements VIII

Sandeep: Coffee for you madam

Neha: Thank you! You never do bring one when i call you from my desk!!

Sandeep: Eh! Mr. Bhatia has asked me not to serve in that section. Does not leave a good impression on the guests

Neha: Whatever!

Mr. Bhatia: Thank you Sandeep. You are doing a great job. As a part of our contract, come what may, you will only serve tea/coffee for us. We will start off the conference now. Neha, please take notes.

Neha: Yes sir

*2 hours after the conference gets over, Neha comes back to her desk. She calls up Ste from her mobile and starts crying*

Ste: You think my job is fun! I am sick and tired of sitting here at the Sulabh Shouchalaya and counting 1 Re. and 2 Re. coins. The great recession has spared no one and we are forced to charge as well. And private companies like you are hitting on our business model too!!

Neha: This seems to be the only stable thing dude. Recession or no recession!

Ste: Sandeep is so better off. Serving tea/coffee to employees is so cool. Atleast he does not die a silent death every minute like us!

Neha: You bet. Hey Ste...I will call you later. A customer is here!

*Disconnects her mobile. Wipes off her tears and clears her throat*

Neha: Good morning. Dr. Ready's lavarotary reception. Neha here. Right Sir. The western toilet for 5 Rs. and Indian for 3 Rs. You can avail Special summer discount of 40% for yearly membership! Dr. Ready's Lavarotary...Always "READY" for you...We handle pressure better...since 1970.

Campus Placements VII

Pre-script: In continuation of this post and this post.

Interviewer: (looks at Neha from head to toe) really? That's your ID? 

Neha: (uncomfortably) Uh... yes sir. I had created this in school.

Interviewer: Oh that's okay! Everyone does crazy things in school. Even I have an ID that I'd made in school: handsome_hunk74@yahoo.com. But I am sure you will mail us your new ID.

Neha: (delighted) Sure sir! Sir, can you do me a favor?

Interviewer: Sure, tell me!

Neha: Sir, I request you to take my friend Sandeep also in this company. His degree is fake and no one is ready to give him a job. 

Interviewer: Well, okay... done!

One month later, at Dr. Ready's Laboratories.

Mr. Bhatia (Neha's boss): Arey Sandeep, yahan conference room mein 4 chai lana. (turns to Neha) Neha, coffee for you? 

Neha: Sure sir!

Mr. Bhatia: Sandeep, madam ke liye coffee. Jaldi!

Sandeep: (to himself) sigh! paapi pet ke liye yeh bhi sahi!  

#12 lines