The Indian Cow (I mean, almost that)

You'll forget English by the time you finish reading this. This is a true essay written by a candidate at the UPSC (IAS) Examinations.The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:

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Indian Cow

HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [but will do so when he is got child]. He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [Horses don't have any such attachment]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, waterman's and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, Also his other motion… gober is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes [like Pizza], in hand and drying in the sun.Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chews with his teeth that are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, especially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the files which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow......

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The candidate passed the exam, and is now an IAS

Its a Forwarded Mail Post. I did not write it, as you might know - I'm not an IAS by any means :P LOL!

My Seminar

God has bestowed me, with a voice so nice,

That the teacher gives me, enough seminars to suffice,

Vinay do this, and Vinay do that,

Give a seminar at the drop of a hat.

Today, I had to give seminars two,

One in C++, the other in CIP too,

I hit the midnight oil yesterday, preparing for it,

So serious was I, I fell asleep with the light still lit.

With God’s grace, I was late for class,

I entered to see a new teacher, alas!

Hoping she didn’t know of my task, I sat down,

But she did know, as she told with a frown

She told me, Vinay start your seminar fast,

I took up my notes, and stood up at long last,

The class was asleep, I could tell with ease,

They told do awesome, wake us please,

My friends, applauded, as I started to speak,

The teacher looked shocked, my knees a bit weak,

10 minutes in, she still looked pale,

I stopped to ask for doubts, lest she made me fail.

The class, looked at me, and burst out loud,

Gales of laughter, were on me bestowed,

Now I was shocked, as I waited for them to stop,

Anxious to know, why my seminar was a flop

When I came to know, I joined the fun with a smile,

The teacher joined too, and we laughed for a while,

I’d jumbled them up, given the wrong one,

It was a bit embarrassing for me, yet all had a lot of fun.

Note: CIP is Constitution of India. :) Nothing whatsoever to do with programming.

PS: This an old poem... but i think it suits the day, so posted! :)

Fakin' news !!

Found two of the WL founders on street !!

Lessons in excellence - VII

# For the earlier chapters of "Lessons in Excellence", click here

Prats : Ek dost,kitna chatur kitna pyara
Lounge : Ek dost,kitna chatur kitna pyara
Prats: Lounge ko kitna entertain karta hai
Lounge : Lounge ko kitna entertain karta hai
Prats : Har adah har angle se, Stephen !
Lounge : Har adah har angle se, Stephen
Prats : StepMan ka Judwa bhai lagta hai..
Lounge :StepMan ka Judwa bhai lagta hai..

Prats : This style of poetry is called "comparison for excellence" and is written for comparing a 'heart throb' with a 'super hero'.Invented in WL and made famous by student of some Balan guy.

Lounge: *Takes notes. Nod their heads & Look on with admiration*

Bhola Bhala Patient

Doc:-ab tabiyat kesi hain?
Mariz:-pahle se jyada kharab hain?

Doc:-dawai khaali thi kya?
Mariz:-nahi dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.

Doc:-i mean dawai le li thi ?
Mariz:-ji apane di to maine le li.

Doc:-abe bewkuf dawai pee li thi?
Mariz:-nahi ,dawai to laal thi.

Doc:-abe gadhe dawai ko pee lia tha ?
Mariz:-nahi sahab,peelia to mujhe tha

Evolution!!

For all the curious souls, Arjun won Stelyn's heart with his proposal, "Oh meri 'mix n match'...aa..aaa...aaa...aaa...aaaja...marry me!!! I will show u Taj Mahal..!! Be mine". They tied the knot in a private ceremony. And they lived happily ever after.

Taking you back in distant past, post Marilyn's death, Ste went on and married Jennifer. They made a sizzling couple.

5 years later, they had a beautiful baby girl. They named her Stara. She got the best of both worlds from her illustrious parents. She inherited Ste's humour bone and Jennifer's beauty. When she grew up, she was the talk of the town. Such was her beauty that mirror would crack when she would pass by. She was an epitome of confidence and beauty. She is our very own Stara.

Meanwhile, Arjun and Stelyn had a baby boy. He resembled his mom and his gradfather so much that they decided to name him Stepotter, because Harry Potter craze was catching up at that time. Little did they know that Stepotter would actually end up looking like a clone of Harry Potter. He transformed into a handsome young man. Post his studies he moved to America for higher studies.

There in America, Stepotter happened to bump into Keira Knightley in one of the award functions. So mesmerized was he by her beauty that he would dream of her day in day out. As fate would have it, Keira bumped into him once again in a shopping mall. They have been bumping into each other ever since. Cupid struck and they tied the knot. They have a beautiful daughter named Stelly, who has taken WL by storm coz of her beauty. She is the perfect girl. What a lineage!! What genes!!

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CONTEST OF THE DAY: CHANCE TO CHANGE THE FAMILY TREE

Play the proposal game. Girls have to write a funny proposal for Stepotter and Guys have to write a funny proposal for Stara. Stephen would select the funniest responses and declare the winners. Arjun, you may divorce Stelyn and dive in as well..he he he. All yours....go down on your knees....pen down hilarious proposals. Lets sprinkle humour with love. Stara and Stepotter are waiting for you. You stand a chance to change the family tree :-)

All the best. Happy proposing :-)

Two Mosquitoes! :)

M 1- Dear, I am so lucky to have you in my life!
M 2- Really darling? Awww... :)
M 1- Today I want to sing a song for you!
M 2- Oh, that is so sweet!
M 1- *Clears its throat and sings* Aashiq banaya, aashiq banaya, aashiq banaya aapne...

M 2 dies on hearing that song. Any guesses why??

Just because that song was a HIT! :P

Ste vs Sandeep!

Pre-script: Ste is preparing for his examinations and Sandeep is at his usual best. He tries to irritate Ste and the result is this conversation.

Sandeep: Kya kar raha hai mere chhotey...?
Ste: Ghaans kaat raha hu!
Sandeep: Apni book ke saath ghaans kaat-ing?
Ste: Tu bol na re lambe tera kaam kya hai?
Sandeep: Chal bata java ke do naye versions kaunse hain...
Ste: Kya baat kar raha hai? Kaunse?
Sandeep: So simble, MarJava MitJava!
Ste: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

:P :P :P :P

P.S.: You'll be reading stuff like this the whole day guys! Pile up your frustrations and see me on gtalk! :P

Who's that gal???

Q:What do u call a girl who is cute, hot, intelligent, understanding, sweet, caring, not possessive, never jealous and a great cook???

Ans: A rumour......

Received this as a SMS......

Midnight Outing..!!

(Guys, writing after a long gap. Lost touch. But anyway (try to) enjoy it :) )

“Damn… These mosquitoes….. Dude, I'm not able to sleep at all.” Roshan almost cried.

“Think about your ex, think about the day you got your board exam results and the day your neighbour’s dog bit you…..” I went on like a ‘Reality Show’ judge..

“Shut up. Oh my god, you just ruined my night’s sleep.” Roshan sat up trying to forget everything that I had told him to recollect. He shook his head and continued- “Okay. Now tell me, how to get rid of these mosquitoes? Man, they come close to my ears and make stupid sounds.”

“You’ve got to take revenge on them man. Show them your man-ness.”

“But how??” Roshan said, though the ‘how’ was dragged so much that it sounded like a wolf’s howl.

I stood and marched to the cupboard to fetch my CD pouch, slipped out an audio CD from it and passed it on to Roshan- “Take this.”

“Latest Hits OF Himesh Reshammia?”

“Yup. What better way to take revenge on those mosquitoes uh??”

He kicked me hard after which he hurt his toe, howled like a wolf again and went back to his bed. I mean, any mad fan of Himesh would have done the same. All was well from my side, as eventually I had ended up irritating him more than those little useless mosquitoes.

An hour later……

I noticed Roshan sitting against me wearing one of those Shilpa Shetty’s fake IPL smiles. He growled - “You ruined my sleep you idiot.”

I returned a girlish smile, which pissed him off even more. He pulled my blanket out as if he was planning to strip me, but just said, rather ordered- “We are going for a ride. Get up.”

Cruising at a high speed, there we were, on the streets of Bangalore as the clock struck 2 in the morning. We rode along as the cold breeze tickled our ears, the silence around gave a becalming effect and the blood pressures raised with every turn he took. I yelled at him from the rear seat- “Ride carefully. I almost met god last time I sat behind you.”

“You are not on the pavement, so you are safe.” He yelled back.

I didn’t actually quite stab him but I was tempted to say – “Go to hell” but again, I was intelligent enough to hold it back realising the irony that it would present considering that I was sitting behind him.




Anyway, finally Roshan spotted the brakes and the bike was brought to rest. I realised that we had tripped 10kms in pursuit of a cigarette. His wafer-thin wallet had enough in it to afford a cigarette for him and a cool-drink for me. He gazed strenuously at me and enquired out of frustration – “When will you grow up?”

“I read about the evils of smoking, I gave up smoking.” I smiled.

“I read about the evils of smoking, I gave up reading.” He smiled.

I returned the stare like I had glasses slipping from the tip of my nose. He continued gazing at me, now like a devil with his face engulfed in smoke. I continued with my cool-drink, staring at the sky as he continued puffing away smoke staring at street dogs. Just as it was getting boring, a girl wearing pants which almost started from her thighs came by and asked Roshan- “What kinda' person are you?”

“Who? Me?” Roshan bulged his eyes showing excitement as he hid his tautness.

“Yes baby.” She smiled.

“I’m basically a diplomatic person.” Roshan replied in a way which reminded me of my class 10, slightly eccentric Maths teacher.

“If you think, completing your ‘diploma’ course is what is being ‘diplomatic’ then you are wrong you stupid.” I said clamorously busy staring at ‘nothing’.

The girl, an intelligent one I concluded, turned to me and asked me straight- “You want that stuff?” as she dug out a packet of a whitish powder from her bore well sized pocket. Roshan, who was aghast at seeing her with drugs, leapt on to the bike and threw it into ignition and rustled –“ Dude, come over. Fast.” I walked to the bike with one eye fixed to the girl ( like James Bond), said- “ Tell me if that powder doesn’t work, I have a CD of Himesh Reshammia’s latest hits” and off we went as Roshan played with the accelerator putting the lives of street dogs into jeopardy.

As we reached home, Roshan went into a mood where he sounded like a retired senior citizen, with his ears being fed with some ‘latest hits’ of those silly mosquitoes. He went on and on with his morality talks, which reminded me of a line – “If electricity comes from electrons does it mean morality comes from morons?” Anyway, that’s when I realised that there are worse things in life than death, spending an evening (sounds better than ‘night’) with Roshan.

SOILD STATE DEVICES AND CIRCUITS - SSDC - SEM -iii (ELECTRONICS ENGINEERING)

(Image - PROXY PALS - shishir singh and pranshu shukla )

thats a direct post from the pages of my Diary that I shared with my orkut friends long time back...

21st july 2008 - sem 3 starts, we three... me and my two frns(whose pic is with me in account) starts the class and here this SSDC proffessor enters... first question he puts up to me sitting on first row, "what was the intention behind ur choosing EC as branch?", i give a long reply in full proof stylo english about ambitions and aspirations of mine in electronics... then i notice that he hardly got clue of my vocab and was never listening after 20 seconds of my start of the reply..
then he makes a circuit... and places a battery, inverted as to what it was meant to be (in a CB configuration diagram) [ULTI BATTERY] what the hell? i stand up and ask the question and then he rubs the B OF CB and write E , it becomes CE.. and smiles and says i was just testing u all... (what the hell? half of the output circuit is still same, this is again a wrong diagram... ) then he goes on to dictate the theory and neither am i able to hear the clear pronunciation of his voice and nor i am sure if he is speaking the right thing.. then he questions me as to if i am trying to become oversmart after getting 68 in basic electronics(in first sem), dont know how he knew that? and then that horrible first lecture of SSDC ends.. i see the book and horrified at the tough diagrams, decides to voluntarily study it without any help from this hopleless teacher... to pass to learn and to get my frns pass... then....
in the rest of sem... things became from worse to worst...
this teacher was such a non dominating and totally confused fellow, people started clapping in his classes .... to make his fun and on top of this, u know what he kind of enjoyed this claping... and then in every next class of SSDC.. me makes a statement "jyada padoge toh jyada number aayengey" and :dus marks ka yeh question hai, samjhee!! dus ka dum" and me and my two frns (now from the last seat,, our usual destination) replying back to the teacher "WAH! kya pyaari baat kahi hai, SUBHANALLAH!" and then to follow up... "whole class would clap" .... look at this! and then now comes my record...

classes in the sem :
40
attended :
6
attendance present in :
36 (courtesy shishir singh(one who always use to say subhanallah! after my wah! , present in my account album,more than a frn to me in college, my voice, my strength, and in SSDC, my proxy)
where is me? ? usually in canteen in SSDC classes or if sitting(rarest of rare) then eating someone's tiffin in the last seat...!! and that too infront of teacher's eyes... now the result : studies SSDC always in the morning of exams, just learnt diagrams and working mein" one principle learnt and then ussi ko active and passive mein badal badal k ans ko lamba kar do" and then got 18,21,20 in 3 sessionals out of 30(and that too when i knew most of the questions before the exam,now dont ask how?
and then today attempted paper of 70 maks, might land up at 50 ... to 60 as usually i am very certain and write ans properly in external but bas back bach jaaye then i wont complain, that i have promised to myself... i am a contented human being as far as getting marks is conecrned/... so clear rahun hamesha! and PROUDLY class mein aisa hi behaviour rakhun... saumya and susheel(polite and sincere)... bas yahi wishes chahiya aap logon ki...

************************************************************************************* As I look back the diary... there is a smile on my face! got 42 In SSDC.... I remember this story cos yesterday in my second last exam of fourth sem I encountered the same prof of SSDC as the invigilator in a diffferent college!

- PULKIT
(ALSO BLOGS @ POETIC CRIES )

Lyrics Writer! :)

Pre-script: Bluey is trying to write the lyrics of a song. Greeny interrupts.

Greeny: Oye, kya kar raha hai tu?

Bluey: Gaane ke lyrics likh raha hu!

Greeny: Tujhe A B C D nahi aati aur tu lyrics likh raha hai? Huh!

Bluey: Accha, tujhe aati hai A B C D?

Greeny: Haan, aati hai!

Bluey: Toh bata ki A ke baad kya aata hai?

Greeny: A ke baad B... fir C... fir D!!

Bluey: Nahi!! A ke baad aata hai... A, kya bolti tu, A, kya main bolu! Huh! Bolta hai ki A B C D jaanta hai! :P

Greeny: Grrrrrrrrr!!

P.S.: Sorry guys, this was so bad!! Bear with it!! Lol...irritating you guys is fun too!! :P

Murga ya Murgi

munna bhai:-are circuit bole to murga aur murgi me fark kaise karne ka hain?

circuit:-are simple hain bhai....Tension mat lo
ek patthar utha kar marne ka

bhaga to murga


aur bhagi to murgi.

Before & After!!

Before Marriage -

Roses are red, Sky is Blue,
You are beautiful, I LOVE YOU!

After Marriage -

Roses are dead, I have flu,
Don't get on my head, PAREY MAR TU!

P.S.: My first try! Hope you all like it! :)
For those who do not know punjabi, Parey mar tu means Get aside you! :P

Dramatic Verse!

One day in Prats' poetry class...

Prats :...So now you know the basic of rhyming. I want all of you to write four lines in verse form and bring it to our next class.

The next poetry class...

Prats : Ste, read out loudly what you have written.

Ste : Yes, Ma'am!

A boy was walking down the track,
The train was coming fast.
The boy stepped off the rail road track,
To let the train go past.

Prats : Not bad, Ste but you could have made it more dramatic. Sandeep, you try.

Sandeep : More dramatic...er...ummm...

A boy was walking down the track,
The train was coming fast
er...
The train jumped off the rail road track,
To let the boy go past.


Till the next time,
Rose

P.S. Sorry Prat Di, Ste and Sandeep "Dude"...couldnt help myself :P

aaj ka bikhari

bikhari:-sahab 120 rupaye de do .....bahut jarurat hain.

aadami:-120rs kyo chahiye tumahe...

bikhari:- me meri family se bichad gaya hun.

aadami:-kaha hain tumhari family.

bikhari:- samne PVR me picture dekh rahi hain

HOW TO KILL IT...!!!

Her: How do you kill a mosquito??

Him: Ah!! its a long process..!!!

Her: You have to tell...Its mandatory.

Him: OK...here i go..Steps below:

1.Catch the mosquito alive
2. Tie off its legs
3.Then Tickle in its stomach
4. when it laughs catch its mouth and pour a spoon full of poison

Saaala..paaka mar jayega...!!!

Her: (In anger) wah wah....wah wah..!!!

She stands up and slaps him hard...!!!

Him: Why did u slap me?? Was i wrong??

Her: (Showing the dead mosquito on his face) This is the best way to kill a mosquito..!!

Machchar -A wicked cinquain !!

I cought
the mosquito
who sucked my blood last night
Hanged ,punished but didn't get my
blood back !!

Lessons in Excellence VI

# For the earlier chapters of "Lessons in Excellence", click here

Prats: Subah se na ek kandha bika hai, na bika hai adha aloo.
Lounge: Subah se na ek kandha bika hai, Na bika hai adha aloo
Prats:Stephen bada chatur singh hai, Na samajhna usko lalloo.
Lounge Stephen bada chatur singh hai, Na samajhna usko lalloo..
Prats: Har ladki ki ankhon ka tara hai,rooh ka rooh-afza hai
Lounge: Har ladki ki ankhon ka tara hai,rooh ka rooh afza hai
Prats: Lounge ki jaan stephen, kitna achcha woh likhta hai
Lounge: Lounge ki jaan stephen, kitna achcha woh likhta hai
Prats: Baas ek buri aadat hai,
Lounge: Baas ek buri aadat hai,
Prats: Hafte mein woh sirf ek baar hi nahata hai.
Lounge: Hafte mein woh sirf ek baar hi nahata hai.


Prats: This style of poetry is called "let them know" poetry. It is used to motivate and "sudharofy" subjects on whom the poem is written. By putting things across in a subtle way and demanding a change of behavior. Helping the person on whom the poem is written improve. Invented in WL and made famous by student of some Balan guy.

Lounge: *Takes notes. Nod their heads & Look on with admiration*

Caught!!!!

Ram's mobile rings,"Pick up the phone darling....."

In the screen it was,"Wife.... calling....."

"hey dear wer r u???"

"Y r u not replying idiot???"

"Is ur idiotic dasd near u??? ok tell mm alone for wat i talk"

"mm"

"Do u love me???"

"mm"

"Shall v elope???"

"mm"

"Ur dad wil never accept our love..... let's just kidnap him nd make him accept our love??"

"Hello",a hoarse voice on the other end.....

She hung up the phone.....

It was Ram's dad......

Pity fellow his love was caught at home......

U al know wat will happen next......