Being in LoVe, Aimlessly and Hopelessly

What makes a person hopeless lover?

Does that mean there’s no hope of coming back to practicality?

I am a hopeless lover, and proud to be one.

I like weaving dreams about my future, his future, OUR future!!

Haven’t met him since just few months, but seems like ages have passed.

Why dreamland becomes your best destination?

Why dreams become your best companion and you get lost in your own little world?

Why suddenly every cheesy line starts making some sense?

Why every lover has same thoughts to share?

Why words fall short and tears say it all?

Why you start understanding the language of eyes and silence?

How often have you confessed that you cannot live without the other?

An enucleated nuclear family.......

"Leave me alone!!!!
Isn't ter anyone to understand me??"
A shrill voice shrieked thorugh the corridors......
Anyone who hears the voice would understand the pain deep inside.....
it was Mrs.Khanna who lost her daughter and her real self a month back......
she has been in the Ward since then......
Her life ruined by her daughter's demise......
She refused to take medication since her admission into the ward.....
A new psychiatrist has been called for to asses her condition.....
She was brought into the consultation room by two huge persons holding her......
"Take your seat Mrs.khanna",the psychiatrist,Dr.Ramesh told....
She took her seat slowly in a very depressed state.....
From her appearance the doc figured out that she ia havng bi-polar mood disorder.....

'Am here to hear your words mam....',said the doc...
'I've nothin to talk....Pls leave me alone',came a sober reply from Mrs.Khanna...
'Talk to me,,..... Open yourselver up.....'
'Just leave me alone',
'Ok mam relax..... Y have you been denying visits from your husband???'
'How dare you talk to me about that bastard???',Groaned Mrs.Khanna agitatedly....
'Ok mam.... I wont talk abt him...... be relaxed.....'
'hmmm',
'Atleast temme why are you not taking your medication',said the doc....
"I dont wanna forget what happened....
I dont wanna calm myself down by your stupid medication...
I wanna feel the pain inside me.....
I wanna stay in love with my sorrow,....
I wanna feel the seperation.....
I wanna develope the agitation in me.....
i wanna avenge my daughter's death.....
I wanna tear that bastard apart....
I dont want Lithium.....
I want a knife to kill him....." Said Mrs.Khanna getting up from the seat.....
Dr.Ramesh was speechless..... He saw the fire in her eyes,.....



To be continued........

I blog at -->> It's raining outside

...sudden outburst of emotions..

A hand waved behind the dusty glass window and bus moved slowly away from that hand.For few seconds my hands stayed there in air and my eyes looked outside the window as if he was still there waving his hand.I wanted to scream but my voice stucked somewhere inside my neck.I felt it was painful even to take out a single word. I Holded my bag and purse tightly as if I was a child and someone would steal away my things from me.When a person get emotionally drenched,he often become weak and that weakness make him scared of the world and so was I.
I sat at the last seat of bus near the same window from where a few seconds back I saw him waving his hand and again with this see-off new unbearable journey of waiting started which freezed my heart and hurt my eyes so badly that they started bleeding .Holding tears by the side of my eyes chocked my neck so much that it pained a lot to take out words from my mouth when bus conductor asked for ticket.I took ticket and holded tightly in my hand.Though bus moved slowly far way from him but my thoughts stopped right there with him,from where the bus started.All the moments of back few hours started flashing and at each moment my heart start paining and tears started running endlessly.It's not just about that single moment it's about the beautiful time that passed by often bring tears to my eyes.The moments in which we smiled endlessly often make eyes wet.Though people so far away from us are still with us every moment,though we keep on talking to them regularly but sometimes inspite of all those talks and letters we miss them desperately because we need there presence more then there words, we need there eyes to look into ours to read millions of unsaid words,we need a warm touch to give peace to our wondering soul.And when that moment reaches us with opened arms our heart just wishes time to stop there forever.But reality often knock us so hard to ground that it hurts even more when we try to reach back.
When I was trying hard to stand back something knocked at my door of thoughts.A phone ring.I watched his name ringing on cell,I just rubbed my tears from my cheeks,though I tried to force them back,so that not to make them audible in my voice but,I knew that I was just giving an impossible effort.I pressed green button on my phone and his voice started,as ever it was but this time little bit low."Did you sit well in bus? When you just reach give a call" and my tears started falling and now nothing on the earth could stop them.He sensed it and said"You are crying.Don't do that.I don't want to cry more.I have already cried a lot.I was busy that's why I didn't got time to talk much and I just made you sit like that in bus",his voice started getting heavy before it could break out I just gathered some how my shattered soul and tried to hold back my tears and forced some words out of my mouth,"I am fine and I will call you back when I will reach".After that he was trying to saying something but I could just hear incomplete words as his voice was getting off due to weak network and after few impossible efforts of trying to get out what he was saying,call disconnected.No Network.My phone too drenched with my emotions and tears and lost it's network.
"Alas!".Yes,he cried a lot and whenever he cries my soul tear apart into thousand of pieces.I know men are not supposed to do so.They are just the strongest one and a single tear from their eyes is sign of weakness that's so feminine .But still he cried because today beautiful piece of his heart left him alone,his sister left him to move ahead with her life partner, tieing a knot of vows of marriage.As her car moved slowly away from banquet hall,his throat felt a thrust of emotions which forced tears out of his eyes.Holding his tears by the side of his wet eyes he moved slowly away from crowd to a lonely place behind a car and just broke out endlessly.Far away from him,though I could just sense him crying behind the car,but my soul crushed slowly and slowly with his each tear fall.My legs desperately wanted to run toward him behind that car which shielded his sudden outburst of emotions, to hold his shattering soul within my arms.When very precious people steps out of our world,they leaves behind a emotional disaster within our heart which hurt our soul thousand of times leaving behind an endless pain.That's why I wanted to hold him away from this sudden disaster.But I failed,that distance of just few steps turned into miles when my eyes looked at the crowds of people standing between us.I felt helpless as if i was locked up within glass walls from where I could only see him crying but could not touch him.Why this world always stand against us when we want to do what our heart say.
For few seconds I was in war ,where my thoughts were knocked down by innumerable shots of this strange world and amidst of this war something was running very fast.The best part of this thing is that either you die or survive,cry or laugh,it never stops,it is nothing but,"Time".When he made me to sit in bus,after the celebrations ended and everyone holding there wet eyes and mingled emotions of happiness and sorrow moved back to there paths,I realized how time runs so fast.After few hours of my meeting with him,for which I waited impatiently,I was again made to stand at that disastrous turn from where I have to move alone with a pang of parting in my heart.Beautiful moments often run very fast.When I saw bus moving away from him and that waving hand,my few beautiful hours spend with him slowly started altering into showcase of memories,which I can treasure for thousands of years but can't live it for a single second.Now with this phone call,I realized how his soul would have shattered twice in a single day.I can't even imagine how he must be struggling with this second parting.Strange is this parting world in a second you are screwed down totally without even hurting physically.I heard parting often weakens our heart but, this much it will, I never ever thought of this.
I still don't remember how I passed that bus journey of few hours but what I could gather was just those endless tears which keep on falling.I keep on rubbing them from my cheeks and they keep on falling back as if they have been locked up somewhere inside my eyes and had got the best moment to run out and have freedom.It 's just the game of time,as days will move ahead my soul will recover slowly and hold back the tears and treasure them again for some other beautiful yet painful moment.Though this journey of few hours some how ended but,the biggest journey has just started and how it will be and when it will end is still a question and 'Time' can only answer how emotions will entangle itself ahead in future ...!!!!

P.s. Freelancer your rendezvous inspired me to cross post this from my blog ..ya this one is quite emotional one.I wrote this when I met and again parted with my friend after a long time...but its true ..we meet to part again and part to meet again...!!...

Love Is What They Need...

A day when I fail to remember
Love that you all gave me
Zealously I pray, let it never happen
Hear my cries oh lord, hear me
Ever if it happens
I may please be forgiven
My memories have deserted me
Every moment it might be painful
Read my love for you in my eyes
Sadness is what they might speak

"I rushed to show this piece of paper to my mom! I somehow knew who's handwriting it was... my grandmother's!
"Mom, I saw this diary in my closet... went through a few pages and see what I saw."

My mom glanced through the pages. I was right! It was my grandmother's diary.
"Oh dear! I feel so sorry for her. May be she knew what was going to happen to her and hence, she wrote this."

I could see the tears in my mom's eyes.
My grandmother was a very cheerful lady...ever smiling! She always enjoyed meeting new people, talking to them, spreading smiles everywhere she went.

Suddenly she had started keeping to herself... she did not come out with us anywhere we went. She even stopped talking to me!
That afternoon when I came back from my school, she saw me through the door and refused to recognise me! At first I thought that she was joking, but later on I was told that she was not. In a few days' time, she stopped recognising everyone around and had started withdrawing herself from everything and everyone around.

After a few months, she became bed-ridden! She could not walk... out of fear she threw away the food I got for her. She spoke of the things unknown to us, may be something unknown to her as well. I always got angry on her whenever she did such strange things. I seldom could stop myself from shouting on her!

Today, she is no more...

Today when I read what she wrote a few years' back, it makes me feel guilty for what I did to her! She could do nothing but had to give in to that remorseful fate of hers.
Sorry Grandma, I know you are listening to my cries tonight.
Will you ever forgive me for what I did, ever?"

And with this, she closed her diary...

A tear fell on the last word she wrote. She was not sure whether that word had been wiped off by the tear that fell on it, but she knew that these words would have been heard by her grandmom and would have been forever etched in heart!

P.S.: I saw a post on the aged people affected by the Alzheimer's disease in a post at Leo's blog Conjuring Kreativity! My heart goes out to all those affected by Alzheimer's. I urge all their friends and relatives to treat them with love and compassion because these patients hardly know what they are doing, unlike us who are very much aware of our actions.

Crossposted from my blog-

PRAGMATIC UTOPIA

I'm waiting...! :(

I'm waiting
I'm waiting for this plant to grow
That one day it becomes a tree
And from all the burdens it sets me free!


Twenty girls I liked
Twenty five I proposed
Thirty slapped me
And therefore I tied this rope!


You know not the pain
We hold in our little hearts
The way we run after you
And you make us see the stars!


Damn all these damsels
I've now decided
Agonised is my soul
I feel alienated!


I trusted in you
Your 'No's have hurt me
All my savings
You've made me spend all the money!


I water this plant every day
Let it grow
And to end my agony
I've tied this rope!

P.S.: This is a poem filled with humour. A new attempt from my side. Please bear with it even if it is not funny! :P

This has been cross posted from my blog - PRAGMATIC UTOPIA.

PeAcE!!

I sit calmly
Gazing at the sea
The setting sun
The oozing serenity!

The waves caressing the sand
How could he ever let go of my hand
The tears I have in my eyes
Can never tell you my plight!

The waves roll out again
Like the pain in me time and again
They return dauntlessly
And I look at the sky complainingly!

The sun is setting
Indicating the dawn
Just the way he left me
To cry and to frown!

I am not weak
I know my might
I grow stronger
With each passing night!

The dawn brings with it
Rays of hope
For the puppets of the God
Who hold on to their rope!

Life is never the same
You can never live it with ease
I promise today
I will find that PEACE!

P.S.: I am so new to poetry, please bear with me!

There will be blood...

Prescript:- Manifestations of the color Red...Asbah sparked off this sort of a tag with her tale. She showed the grotesque and evil side of the color in Sinister Red...Kajal followed up by coupling the color to the feeling of jealousy in The Shade Of My...Priyanka followed up with Mesmerizing Red thereby manifesting the feelings of happiness and joy...Maverick gave it a twist with his abstract take on the same theme in Asphyxia...and now yours truly humbly presents this tale which uses the color as an analogy to human emotions as a whole.

A glass of red wine in his hand and a cigarette between his lips, he was lost in a reverie...of moments spent together under the night sky...of waking up and watching the red of the new dawn in embrace...of bare foot walks on unnamed beaches hand in hand...of the incessant whispering of those inane sweet nothings...of the crimson red of the blush which formed on her cheeks when he praised her beauty...of that dazzling red gown which he had gifted her on their first anniversary...of that breathtaking sight which she was in that gown...of that first night together in the throes of passion...of those countless bunch of red roses which he always brought for her...of the red of the blood which oozed from her hand when she pricked a thorn...of those promises made of togetherness forever...of protecting the flame in face of thunder...of keeping the flame of love alive forever.

And he saw her today with someone else...sharing a drink with someone else...laughing at someone else's stupid jokes...matching steps with someone else...embracing an alien body...whispering sweet nothings to someone else...blushing red at someone else's words of praise...the promise was broken...the flame of love wisped off...forever was made to be a lie...a lie which despaired him from within...which engulfed from all sides...a lie which broke his very reasons of life...which made every other truth bland and barren...a lie which numbed his senses...which pierced the heart...a lie which he could not take...which needed redressal...a lie which needed a penalty.

He had called her to their farmhouse...asking her to wear that red gown...she had asked him why this sudden urge to be at the farmhouse in the middle of the week...he had promised her a surprise...and surprise her he would.

He saw her from the terrace as she came out of the car...as breathtakingly beautiful as ever...with a slight smudge of blush on her cheeks wearing the red gown, Red...the color of eternal love..of happiness and joy...of bliss and togetherness.

She had a quizzical look on her face wondering what the surprise was...he did not move to kill the suspense...instead he led her to the dining table for a dinner lit by the yellow and red flame of a candle...his face was an impressionless mask as he studied the fakeness of her smile, of her words, of her promises...she could not see but his face was turning red, Red...the color of anger, of jealousy, of rage.

They were dancing together...arm in arm like old times...nothing had seemingly changed for her..nothing was actually the same for him...as they continued to match steps he remembered an old song

I've never seen you
Looking so lovely as you did tonight
I have never seen you
Shine so bright
I will never forget
The way you look tonight
The lady in red
My lady in red

They were soon lost in the throes of passion...in the heat of the moment...in the fervor of craving...an intense togetherness called out to them...shreds of layering prohibiting the union were discarded along with the red gown, Red...the color of passion, of pleasure, of lust.

"I love you...have always loved you...will love you to eternity...yet you have betrayed me, you have broken the promises, you have proved forever to be a lie and you will have to pay for it...in eternity shall we meet again and maybe then you can forgive me for what I do to you now"

In a fluid movement he put his hand under the pillow, the silver of the steel gleamed in the darkened night and then without batting an eyelid, in one swishing movement which reverberated into eternity he slit her throat...red liquid spurted out as if a new fountain had just sprouted out there, showering his face in red...there would be no intense togetherness, no union of souls...the lie had been answered, the betrayal redressed.

There was a look of surprise still etched on her face...and yet there also was a look of recognition...that this was the end...Her body was again covered in red...a hue of deep crimson red clothed her body...she still remained his Lady in Red, Red...the color of revenge, of blood, of Death!!!

Forever Yours

"I am sorry, I cannot give you what you deserve", she said tears falling down her cheek. He shrugged and moved closer to her....."Then let me at least give you what I have, it will be enough for both of us.....trust me", he said wiping away the tears of pain and feelings of disconcert.

P.S. 1st attempt @ 55 fiction, hope it's not very bad.

Amazing you...

Its amazing when you speak to me
Its amazing when you make sense
Its amazing because I can understand
The meanings of your words, so dense!

A step or two, when you take towards me
I can see my world converging in
As you hold my hand and walk around
You make my blue world so green!

I talk to you, in puzzled words
You respond with puzzled looks
You try to learn, and you try to share.
Your smile proves a thousand brooks.

Come, my child and hold my hand
Walk with me into the world
I’ll teach you now, I’ll teach you how
To lead a life with bliss unfurled!

It’s a situation where the father is talking to his baby. The baby tries to talk, but could make no sense; but the father still finds that meaningful. The father talks and the baby cannot sense anything; but the baby tries to find its meaning. Both of them are in the same state of mind, the difference is that we can understand what the father can say and what the baby does, we can just gaze and guess! The above words are of a father!

Where is that love?

"No talking business...just admiring," said Mrigank.

"Oh, tell her what you have been feeling for her for the last two years," I said.

I tried and explained to him that this 'admiring' business would not help him anyway! He would have to talk to her...I knew what Mrigank felt for Vidhi. She was not extraordinarily pretty, she was not an extrovert and she was always uncomfortable when it came to talking to new people.

Mrigank loved Vidhi because she was one of the most innocent faces he had seen, she was simple, she did not talk to many people but she was the best friend one could ever have...when she smiled...Mrigank always said that she resembles a blooming flower!

That evening we met...I was there with Mrigank and Vidhi. After hitting him so many times with my elbow and stamping on his feet...he finally spoke to Vidhi and said those three magical words to her! Phew...what a relief it was for me!! You know why...because I always knew he was the one for Vidhi...they looked picture perfect!! And finally the day had come!! Vidhi left without telling him what she felt. Mrigank felt confused...he could not sleep that night.

A week later I met Vidhi...she told me that she always liked Mrigank. She was so surprised when he proposed her...she could not understand...she could not talk! I called Mrigank to the nearby market and Vidhi spoke to him there! She told him that she loved him...! Ever since then...they were inseperable. Vidhi understood what Mrigank had to say even before he uttered a word...and so did Mrigank...such was their understanding.

They are married now. They have two kids...a boy and a girl. But there is something that is wrong...it seems that their marriage is on the rocks now. They are perhaps going through the toughest time. Vidhi told me that Mrigank's behaviour had changed...he had started being rude to her...he never showed his love for Vidhi anymore. There were so many problems. I spoke to Mrigank...he had his own issues with Vidhi's behaviour. He thought Vidhi did not understand him anymore...he also told me something that I did not expect...he told me that she was not the same Vidhi anymore...the one whom he had fell in love with.

I understood. Their story made me question myself - Does love fade away with time? Where is the love that made so many couples feel jealous of Mrigank and Vidhi? The only answer I could think of was this -

With time, responsibilities increase, some promises are kept and some broken. There was a time when you did possibly anything and everything to be with your loved one... today the times may be different. But the love is still the same...it will be the same forever. All you need to do is relive those moments...a little more love is all it takes!! A little more effort in expressing the love...a little smile... a little bundle of care...

Show your love to your loved ones...tell them you care... Life will never have a full stop...nor will our greed have! Everyone is into the mad rat race...there is no finishing line to it. But in the mad rat race, we forget what importance we hold in the lives' of our loved ones...we forget to express what we feel for them. Life can wait...

Go ahead and tell your loved ones what you feel for them. Tell them how much they mean to you...and you'll see all the grudges fading away and a new sunrise with lot more hopes!

Cheers

*PEACE*

A Rainy Encounter

It was another Monday and he knew not what to do. The morning was broken and no Sun rose. Dark clouds covered the sky like a thick blanket. A few beams of light came out from here and there but could never match the sunshine he had yesterday. The sip on the cup of tea was bleak – it tasted like syrup and looked like mud water. He kept the cup aside and stood up from the easy chair. He removed the yellow dirty curtains with his shivering hands and moved out in to the verandah. The indoor plants there were still wet from the late night drizzle and so were the streets down. He held the railings tightly and looked up once again towards the sky.

Drops of pearl are hiding
Behind the blanket of cloud
The glacier of rains
Not moving but shouting aloud.

Go away, O cloud great,
Let there be sunshine,
Let the rays pierce my heart
And reach this soul of mine.

No, it would not rain soon, he thought. Is it good time to go out? He looked at his watch, probably for the tenth time this morning and it tells the same time. It was time to sit back at home and get more bored. He turned back towards the door of the verandah and leaned backwards on the railings. He took out the small linen piece to clean his spectacles, again for the tenth time probably. It was shining like gold by now. He cleaned it once more and went inside.

He turned on the TV to see if there was anything interesting. Astha Channel! Damn! There is nobody home today. He need not pretend to be watching this freaking channel anymore. He turned on the Sports Channel. WWF – yeah, the program to watch now. He liked this fat man in red and white, but could not recall his name. Whatever, he was good – he thrashed those two bulldogs the other day and it was fun to watch. Let’s see what he does today to this bear in yellow.

“साब, मैं जाऊँ?” (“Sir, may I go?”) the maid enquired. She has always been so nice to him. Always ready to serve him the way he wants. She’s probably the only person in the world who takes good care of him. Probably an ‘achhut’ (untouchable) – pretty dark, tall and exposing! She must be in her late twenties. She has all those immature gestures of that age. Probably unmarried too, but he never had the guts to ask her. These people do not clad that way too, so you cannot just tell if they are married just by looking at them.

“साब, अब मैं जाऊँ?” (“Sir, may I go now?”) the maid enquired again. Damn!

“सिउली, बेठ न थोडी देर. घर में कोई नही है. थोडी देर बय्ठ्के चली जाना.” (“Shiuli, stay for some time. There is no one in the house. Stay for some time and then go.”)

“साब, दूसरी जगह भी जाना है.” (Sir, I need to go to another place too.)

“अभी, अभी जाना है?” (“Do you need to go right now?”)
“हम्म, नही. थोडी देर बय्ठ्के जाती हूँ.” (“Hmm, no. I shall stay for some time.”)

She sat near him, alongside his easy chair. He felt anxious. She was sitting so close to him that he almost could smell her sweat. He hoped that it starts raining and never stops now.

Rain now,
As if you never did
Wash away the earth along
For, it’s you now, whom I need!

Rain hard,
As long as you want to,
Don’t ask me why, now
Just that I want you.

He could easily feel that Shiuli did not take much interest in wrestling. So, he gave the remote to her and asked her to select a channel she would like to watch. She took the remote with a tiny leap, but then looked back at him as if asking permission. He smiled at her and winked. She was all smiles. Could not read much though, but she was happy getting this unexpected privilege. She browsed through the channels and finally held on to a Hindi movie channel which was showing a not-so-new movie on it. Shiuli seems to be enjoying.

He could not look at her directly, even if he wanted to. He tried to move within his chair as far as possible, but could not get a glimpse of her. He moved again and again in quick succession, but still Shiuli’s beautiful face was away from him. He could feel the togetherness and the proximity, not knowing if Shiuli was feeling the same. He did not care for that. He was trying to get as close as possible, in his own way, from within the boundary of the easy chair.

“गोविंदा मेरा सबसे मनपसंद हीरो है साबजी. आपको भी अच्छा लगता है?” (Govinda is my favorite hero, Sir. Do you like him too?”)

He came out tearing through the spell of her beauty.

“हाँ, हाँ क्यों नही. बहोत अच्छा है. और कौन अच्छा लगता है तुझको?” (“Yes, why not? Whom else do you like?”)

“गोविंदा, शाहरुख़, अमिताभ और सलमान. आपको?” (“Govinda, Shahrukh, Amitabh and Salman. And who’s your favorites?”)

“हाँ, मुझे भी.” (“Yes, I too like them.”)

It started to rain outside. It was drizzling, but now it was heavy – just what he wished for. Shiuli was getting more relaxed and friendly with him. She let go the knot in her hair and let it loose. A subtle fragrance filled the atmosphere. He could feel it – more with every breath he took. At times, she would catch hold of the leg of the easy chair and would shake it. The sudden movement would set a chilling feeling in his spine. He was very excited – a feeling of freedom and mischief was filling his mind. He was about to ask her to close the door to the verandah when she looked up at the wall clock.

“मर गयी साब! नौ बज गया. मुझे दूसरी जगह भी जाना है.” (“Oh My God Sir! It’s 9 o’clock now. I need to go to another place too.”)

“चली जाना. ये फ़िल्म तो खतम करले.” (“Finish this film and go.”)

“नही साब. मुझे अभी जाना होगा. घर में मेरा एक साल का एक बच्चा भी है. अकेला है वो. मुझे अभी जाना होगा.” (“No Sir. I need to go now. I have left my one year old kid back home. It is alone. I need to leave now.”) With these words, she stood up and started to tie her hair.

He was dumbstruck! He never saw that coming, not from any direction he could think of. He felt lost. He felt selfish. He felt weird and shitty. Ashamed! He knew not how to react. A weird feeling filled his head and the feeling moved down through the throat and chest and reached his stomach. It was almost aching! He sat straight in the easy chair, trying to relax. He was breathing heavily – almost audible. He wanted to walk up to the door and open the door by himself, but could not even stand up. His heart was sinking and he could feel it. He could utter no word.

Rain O rain,
Stop pouring!
Take a break and stop for sometime
Let her reach her goal. Then rain again!

The downpour slowed down. Shiuli left, not before reminding him of the glass of milk and his medicines. He raised his right hand as if he promised her to have those on time. She locked the door behind her and threw the key from beneath the door. He need not move towards the door. He could not. He was too ashamed to have looked at her again or to move any further. He sat there for I-don’t-know-how-long. The delicate scent of her body, hair and sweat prevailed, but he could not feel it anymore.

He stood up holding his knees. He walked up to the door to the verandah, removed the curtains and leaned on the railings. He remembered today to be another Monday morning. He ardently hated this time every week for four years, since the time he retired. It was not raining anymore, but the streets down were all wet. He looked up in despair. I am not sure, but probably he cried – for one last time!

A feeling so impure
I felt today,
I would shed tears, but then
Laugh, you may.

What would you do there?
Come down and pour on me
Drench me, soak me and clean me
O Cloud great, I pray to thee…

Cross posted at: Thus Wrote Tan!

heh

Parkme ekroz...

Main tumhe chahti hun, agar tum samajh sako - agar tum mujhe apna samajh sako.

main bhi tumhe pyar karta hun, tum janti ho.

hyan, main janti hun. to phir kya tum mujhe kabhi nahi kahoge? kabhi bhi apne muh se nahi bologe?

kyon? muh se bolna itna zaroori hai? itne saalon ki itni intezaar ke baad tum aye ho. itni raatein akele guzarne ke baad mujhe tum mili ho aaj. itna kuch karne ke baad tumhare saath rehna ka soubhagya prapt hua hai. tum dekh nahi sakti ho? tum samajh nahi sakti ho?

nahi, main nahi dekh sakti. main dekhna hi nahi chahti. main tumhe dekhna chahti hun, aur tumhari muh se sunna chahti hun. mujhe tum itne saal nahi mile. jo sochna tha, jo bolna tha sab sirf main hi samjhi. tumko bolna nahi pada. tum nahi bole. harwaqt sirf maine samajh liya. abhi to tum mere paas ho - pratyaks ho. tum ho, main hun. to phir kyon nahi bologe?

hyan, kahunga.

to phir bolo. kitna kuch tha tumhare paas bolne ke liye. jab main phone karti thi tum bolte the kitna kuch hai bolne ke liye. phone chhodna nahi chahte the. ab kya hua? abhi bolo. bolo na, ji.

main tumse pyar karta hun.

main bhi. main bhi tumse pyar karti hun.

main bhi sunna chahti hun tumhari saari baatein. jo tum bolti thi ke phone me nahi kaha ja sakta hai. tum boli thi ke kahoge. ab kaho. main kab se baytha hun tumhari sab baatein sunne ke liye. kaho na shona, main sunu.

tum kyon aise ho? tum kya kabhi bhi mujhe nahi samjhoge?

matlab? yahan pe samajhne ya na samajhne ki kya baat hui? main to...

rehne do, aur kuch kehne ki zaroorat nahi hai. shayed main humesha hi kuch jyada mang leti hun. harbar bas wohi ek galati kar leti hun main.

nahi. suno. main keh raha tha ki...

kya keh rahe the? bolo.

matlab, ab to shaam hone wala hai. yahan aur zyada der taq nahi bayth sakte.

byath nahi sakte? kyon bayth nahi sakte?

nahi, matlab yahan pe to...

tum yahan bhi ghabra rahe ho? abhi bhi ghabra rahe ho? kyon? abhi to humari shaadi ho chuki hai. to phir shaam ke baad park me baythne se kya hoga?

log kya kahenge?

kehne do. hum kyon sunenge dusro ki baatein? itne din to bas auro ki bare me soch soch ke kuch bhi nahi kar paye hum. abhi bhi karne nahi doge?

hyan? kya karna chahti ho kaho. sab kar sakte hain. bolo na...

nahi, rehne do. tum thik keh rahe ho. Lets go!

nahi. baytho na. abhi to shaam...

dhal chuki hai. shaam ho chuki hai. ab aur roushni nahi hai, dekho. kuch der me hi raat hone wali hai. kaali raat. andheri raat. kabhi na khatm hone wali raat. is raat ki koi subha bhi nahi hai, shayed. chalo chalte hain ab.

lekin shona...

chalo.

Did not use the Hindi Script for my mates in the Lounge who can’t read Hindi. Hope rest of you would not mind reading this as it is. This is not exactly a true happening but it is truly inspired from one of the many things that happened with me. There are lot of things that come into the picture when two people start living together. I wish I could share whatever I go through, but I’m afraid, most of the experience, august though, will not be welcomed! Hope you like this trial…

Still Thinking of You...

During moments like these
when life is still
no thoughts hovering around
and no dreams being woven
I am often transcended
down the memory lane

I revisit the sands of time
when you were by my side
I still relive the moments
of our ephemeral togetherness
while you consumed almost
every waking moment of my life

Such recollections drive me crazy
moving me to laughter and tears
and with a tug at my heart
I then reconcile to my fate

May be your time had come
and I shouldn't question your exit.

escapism

There is this feeling

for a really long time

can't shake it off

or stop thinking about.

Wondering what is happening

why is Life so demanding

or do we make it so

Shuddering at the very thought

facing the dilemma of what is ought.

Like a mad man down the road

running helter skelter

are our wrecked thoughts

good or bad, laziness creeps.

Inept are we

in our action and words,

always on the verge of lies

shillyshallying obligations

unto us and others

making mockery of all

the inclination to escape

present realities

into our own world 

of imaginations and fantasies

to assuage our thoughts

is everpresent as ever

Is the notion due

to pure haziness

on our part.

Is shying away

from responsibilities 

show the right

sensibilities

es·cap·ism 

n.

The tendency to escape from daily reality or routine by indulging in daydreaming, fantasy, or entertainment.

Witness History in the Making...

Barack Hussein Obama II is the first African American to be elected President of the United States. It is certainly a matter of pride for each and everyone. It is surely a history made.

Let us get to know the schedule of events for Mr. Obama's inauguration as the 44th President of the US (what if we can't be there for the ceremony, right???) -

8 a.m. (6.30 p.m. IST): Gates to the inaugural ceremony on the West Front of the US Capitol open.
10 a.m. (8.30 p.m. IST): The inaugural festivities start. Two-hour programme includes musical selections and invocation by Rev. Rick Warren.
11.45 a.m. (10.15 p.m. IST): Joe Biden is sworn in as vice president.
12 noon (10.30 p.m. IST): Barack Obama takes the oath of office as president using Abraham Lincoln's inaugural Bible.
12.05 p.m. (10.35 p.m. IST): President Obama gives the inaugural address.
12.30 p.m. (11 p.m. IST): After his inaugural address, Obama escorts outgoing President George W. Bush to a departure ceremony.Attends a luncheon in the Capitol's Statuary Hall.
2.30 p.m. (1 a.m. IST): The 56th Inaugural Parade makes its way down Pennsylvania Avenue from the Capitol to the White House.Later that day, the Presidential Inaugural Committee will host 10 official inaugural balls.

(PS: I got this data from a website.)

It is being said that more than one million people flooded the capital to watch the swearing-in of the country’s first black President.I wish I could have been there. For me, this is a sensational victory for the not only the blacks but for each and everyone. All the racial boundaries will have to get dissolved and vanished with this!!

Obama has sworn-in as the 44th President and he is the FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT and he has made history. It might sound stupid, but I am personally so happy after his victory. This victory in itself is an answer to the whites’ thinking of their being the most superior and premium race in the world. This man, Barack Obama, seems genuinely an honest man. His intentions (i.e. working towards the welfare of his country) can be clearly seen on his face!

I personally wish Mr. Barack Obama best of luck and may God shower all his choicest blessings on him and his family. May God give him strength and courage to face any obstacle that would come his way!
ALL THE BEST TO YOU MR.OBAMA... WE LOVE YOU!

PS : The collage has been made by me and it is a gift from my side to Mr. Obama. I know he won't even come to know about this collage, but I am just trying to be OPTIMISTIC.

WELCOMING MYSELF INTO THIS WORLD..AFTER 21 YEARS ;)

JANUARY 12, 1988

(8 A.M.)

She was yelling and crying in pain as she was rushed to Karthik Nursing Home in Erode (in Tamil Nadu). Dr.Suguna Balasubramanian had to attend to her. The moment Dr.Suguna heard that she had been brought to the hospital, she ran to see her patient.The doctor could see that this case had now turned complicated.


(8.30 A.M.)


Dr.Suguna's husband is also a doctor. He was also called by Dr.Suguna to assist her in the operation. The pain was now unbearable. So many emotions were taking birth inside her..



She was happy that she was going to bring her first child into this world..



She was in acute pain that was unfathomable..



She was scared.."What if i'm not alive to see my baby??".. and such questions clouded her mind even more.


(9.30 A.M.)
Dr. Suguna came to Mr.Viswanathan and informed him that his daughter's case was a very serious one. It was a question of life and death for her.
She was in a serious condition and it was possible only for either of them to survive..either the baby or the mother.
He was made to complete all formalities before the doctor could begin the surgery. His hands shivered while he was filling the form and signed it.



He said, "Doctor, if it is a question of life and death for her, i would want my daughter and not the baby."





(10.30 A.M.)
Dr. Suguna went inside the operation theatre and the red color light above the door went on..
Each and everyone was praying for her, her husband was called from Delhi..(we have a custom that the first baby is born at the mother's place).
In the midst of the operation, the doctor found that the blood pressure of the patient had shot to 210/180..and the patient got an attack of epilepsy!!



The doctor gave her heart and soul in saving her patient. The operation continued for 2 hours..

"What would i tell Venkatesh if Subha doesn't sur....," thought Mr.Viswanathan. Obviously, he would have had to answer every question that her husband would have asked him if something would have happened to her.


(1.15 P.M.)

The hospital heard an intense, high-sounding and piercing cry of a baby girl.. :)

Mr.Viswanathan, was thrilled when he heard the cry of the baby, but suddenly he was reminded of his daughter.."

The doctor said any one of them would survive and if the baby has..then what happened to Subha..??"He was anxiously waiting for the doctor to come out.


(1.45 P.M.)

Dr.Suguna came with a big smile on her face and said.."Congratulations, Subha and your angel, both are fine."

Mr.Viswanathan could not understand what to do..to cry or to smile!!

He took the angel in his arms and called his son-in-law and told him the good news!!




January 14, 1988

Mr. G.K.Venkatesh reached Chennai. It was a long way before he could reach Erode which is another 260 kms from Chennai. January 14 is the day when Tamilians celebrate Pongal. All modes of transport did not work that day and he had to take lifts from strangers, sit in a lorry and finally after many such hardships, reach Erode.

When he took the angel in his arms, his joys knew no bound and all the fatigue had vanished.




January 15, 1988

Subha regained consciousness after 3 days. She did not know what had happened to her baby. Mr.Venkatesh came in, gave her the baby in her hand and he became the sole eye-witness to what his wife felt at that moment. (Ahh, i wish i could have seen her at that time.)


January 12, 2009

The angel is now going to turn 21..!! Her name is Aarthi Venkatesh..!!

They love their angel and their angel loves them too..!!

THANK YOU MOM N DAD, LOVE YOU!! :)

My dad's name is Mr. G.K.VENKATESH and my mom's name is Mrs. SUBHASHINI VENKATESH.I dedicate this post to them. It is because of them what i am today and I thank them for everything that they have given me..!!

P.S. : I just wanted to share this incident with you.

And the biggest and beshtesht P.S. : I have tears in my eyes just when i have just completed writing this post..!!

A letter to my Akka....

17th June,1996

Dear Akka,
Its been a long time since you wrote.I still believe that you remember me and Amma.Its been years and we still live on hopes.We hope that one day you would return back to us.Many things in life are not constant.Life is not the same ever since you left us.
I still remember how Amma used to work hard for us.After dad left us when we were just kids,you and Amma worked hard for me and Meena.Being an elder child is a curse as they are the one responsible after the family head.Akka, we miss you very much.Your valuable suggestions that came out at the right time helped me a lot.You left us for some silly unacceptable reason.I will convince Amma and assure you that she will accept you if you return back to us.Now we are in a better position , but we still feed incomplete without you.
Without you our life would have been a complete mess.We were hoping against hopes when you left us.Come back akka.
Dear god, it isn't fair ,you snatched our elder sister when we were young.Did you ever know that she was like you to us.Return our sister back to us.Come back akka.We miss you.We love you akka.

Yours loving,
Thambi

Love !!!!!!

Well this is one of my favourite topic..

And this one is in response to Tsshar's blog Lost love..

If love is nothing but illusion of the heart
so let me live in this dream forever
let me believe still
that you and me
is we
Don't wake me up
I love to dream like that
Don't wake me up
I want to sing my song
Till the end of love