Yes, I will...

Yes, I will still love you.

Not because I can forget all that you have done, but just because I can forgive you for all that you have done. You did not betray me; probably, I was not able to keep your trust.

Not because you left me staggering in this stringent world – all alone – all by myself; but because you have taught me to live alone, which I had forgotten since I met you.

I will still love you.

Not because of the way you behave; but, because of the way you made me to behave. I will still love you, because you make me live my life, even now, when you are far away from me.

Not because I want to love you, still; but, because that’s what I have done all my life – I do not know anything else to do. That’s all that I have been doing – that’s all that I can do.

Yes, I will love you, because it’s only you and your love, that I will live for.

---

Guardian Angel

She walked across the beach, pondering over her already messed up life. She was stranded and helpless, what she needed was an angel in disguise. She continued walking and then began picking up shells, just as they used to do together. Then she sat down and buried her legs in the sand. She remembered how he would playfully sculpt the sand around her legs and then she would to his. They used to sit for long hours at the beach, smiling at each other enjoying the beauty of God's creation. But all of that came to an end when he was called from above. He was snatched from her. That stupid man who ran over him, would probably be feeling guilty even now, but a mistake is a mistake and no one could do anything about it. His carelessness had cost her husband his life. She cursed. 

The air gently blew and she felt like he was around. Telling her that he'd never let her out of his sight. She smiled at the enveloping air and tried to catch it. She spent the entire day walking and running around the beach trying to feel him and then catch him. Stupid as it may have looked to others, she had every right to behave stupidly. After all, it pains to lose your first love. Her only love. She thought back to how their fingers had been entwined all through their marriage ceremony. Everyone called them the happiest couple. That was her moment of bliss. 

Slowly she settled down on the rug, in their loft. The small one, they'd acquired over time with a lot of struggle and perseverance. She observed everything, each picture, each furniture, everything had its own story. And all of it was as crystal clear to her as his face was. Then she went to their bedroom. The place they'd decorated as they'd always imagined. She opened his cupboard and took out his clothes... laid them down neatly on the bed and then she noticed something weird in the cupboard. There was a box, she'd never seen it. 

Slowly she took out the box and placed it on the bed. She sat down and wondered if she should open it. It was his after all, he deserved privacy. Alive or not. But then she saw her name inscribed on the lock and it hit her. The necklace he'd given her a while back which his name on it, the one in the form of a key was the one that would open this box. He knew that we were incomplete without each other. She began crying, their love was deep and crazy and she knew that she'd never ever be able to live the same normal life. 

Slowly she unlocked the box with the key and was surprised to find a letter. He'd not left her after all. 

'He always wanted to ensure his presence. He'll never let me stray, never let me alone. He's always going to be my guardian angel'. She mumbled

And just as she was reading the letter absorbing every word as if he was saying it to her...

The bell rang. 

Love

Sonshu

Will you still love me? Part 3

One week. Two Holidays (Read it as voluntary bunks). Two Public Holidays (god bless religion). Two "Get out's" from senior intern manager. The first 7 days in short have been usual for me, following the same course on which my life has carefully tread so far.

 I am casual and thus in-spite of all my carelessness for every other serious task, I am good at one thing for sure - Mixing with people around me. Two  other male interns, no matter how boring they were, had gradually gelled with my friendship and for all the utter shit I landed up in during work assignments I could easily tell that female colleagues Riya and Tina found me cute. Not the Ranbir Kapoor kinda cute, but the lonesome vulnerable street puppy kinda cute. You know what I mean. 

Anyways, now coming to The mystery of the office herself, Miss gorgeous hairs and bitter attitude, Payal, About her I was still not sure that she even knew of my existence. I mean its ironical how I was always around cracking jokes on which everyone laughed and she still refused to even lift her chin up from that stupid mobile phone of hers, how I was being screamed to get lost by the in-charge and everyone at that moment being tensed giving me a poor-puppy look while she is busy with her diary making notes as if nothing that happened to me or I did ever was in her sight. It was not rude if I can appropriately put it up, It was disinterest. A complete disinterest which actually serves as a slap in the face for attention seekers like me. Talking of attention seeking, I can tell you something that more and more a person as beautiful as her abhors you for no reason known to self, the more becomes the challenge and curiosity to know the basis behind it. On the weekend, while drinking kingfisher and watching weekend football, I made a note to self to make sure I know why she hates me for what I am, or why she is the way she is. I made another note that very night - To make sure that I carry extra beer for weekends when I have to finish the stupid reporting home work from office. I put the second note as a lower priority, I was gradually becoming obsess of her strangeness.  

Monday morning, The time I have learned to hate for every reason known to me. Late again, carefully just somehow tucking the over length shirt of my roommate as mine was not pressed(read it as not washed), I was looking like an Idiot again for the hundredth time boarding the same metro train for the hundredth Monday in a row, missing two early one's again. The human-sea around me pressed hard and rolling inside, in the next blink of a moment, I was inside the compartment. An old lady right next to me gave me an angry stare "Dikhai nai deta hai kya... You Idiot, You stepped on me while getting in". I made a puppy face my long messed up hairs falling on my eyes and whispered "Sorry aunty". she snubbed and looked the other way. The puppy face never works on old ladies, I looked down on my shoes, the polish has been mercilessly rubbed away by footmarks of the crowd. I started rubbing my shoe from the back flap of my trousers and from my hands I started combing my hairs a bit. I heard someone slowly smiling right behind me, and turned to found a pair of beautiful eyes staring at me, enjoying my nuisance every passing second and carefully observing my every move. She was the mystery herself and though I knew nothing about her except for a name, I was sure of one thing - she had a smile so beautiful like a morning prayer of peace after a sleepless night of tension, She kept smiling watching me and I stood there motionless unable to understand how to respond. The Monday never appeared so warm and beautiful before.

- Pulkit & Maithili

(to be continued next Wednesday)

Will You Still Love Me? - 2

A story of Insecurity after betrayal, hope after reassurance and ... Love after tears

Continued from HERE

HER - I paced back and forth at the bus stop, concious of the eyes savoring me, my body.. I tried not to look anywhere but the buses approaching. A few men spoke in low tones and grinned at each other. I steal a glance at them through the corner of my eyes. A fear too known, grips me. Do they recognise me? It is a warm evening. Even though I m dressed in a full sleeved salwar kameez, I shiver. I feel stark naked at this bus stop.

Someone tapped my shoulders lightly. I was startled and immediately the 'fright, fight, flight' mechanism of my nervous system is in place.

"Hey Payal, I think I scared you."

It was the same guy from office who introduced himself to me last week.
I realised I was sweating profusely and my face had gone pale, my lips colourless. I ran my tongue over my lips trying to usher in remnants of confidence.
"What do you think you are doing?" I shoot at him, immediately realising how viciously sharp my tone had become.
"Sorry Miss, but if you don't respond to your own name, please let us lowly mortals know what name you like to be addressed." he mocked me.
He was just the kind of people I was trying to avoid, who posed danger to me. People too much interested in my life and too reckless to know where to draw the line.
Payal... It would take time to get used to the name. I wondered if the name as purposely chosen to demean me.. To dethrone me from the place that I once occupied in everyone's eyes.
"What do you want?" I confront him to defend my own indifference to my new name.
"I do not need anything. Maybe you will need this tomorrow." he said flashing my ID card.. Oh crap! I had left it behind while signing out.

I muttered a "thank you" and quickly snatched my Id. I see the colour of his face change. I cringe when I see that my act hurt him and he walked away. In some other life I would have gone after him and apologized. Right now I regretted not carrying my pack of cigarettes in my handbag.

************

I reach the place where I have been staying with my uncle's family for more than 2 years now. This place could never be home for me even for a minute.

I get cold stares from my aunt to looks ready to spit venom. I recline in the small room that was once a store room.. It still is, in a way..

I hear aunty shout at uncle, "If anything goes wrong we would lose face. What were you thinking before taking her in? I tell you, this girl will ruin our name. I don't want her shadow on our daughter."

I m strangulated by the ghosts of my past, but not enough to kill me. I could try other ways to kill myself but I hold back knowing that the consequence would be worse..
I drift off to sleep once again hoping that I won't see tomorrow.

IT won't stop.. It is relentless, deligiently following me every night.. I m shaken again, my bed damp with my sweat. That hole left in my chest won't heal. The nightmares remind me every living hour of my past.. I look across the room.. A plate of dinner gone cold.. I eat few morsels.. Like a mother soothing a child and singing a soft lullaby to sleep, the pill that I swallow takes me to a dreamless world.

--Pulkit & Maithili--

(to be continued next Wednesday)

Will you still love me?

A story of Insecurity after betrayal, Hope after reassurance...and love after tears!



 
Image: courtesy -http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs8/i/2005/311/f/d/Boy_and_Girl_by_BeautifulEnemity.jpg
He - 28th August, 2011. Times of India - New Delhi Office.
 I am Suraj Batra, a final year journalism student. It was my first day of internship at office. Seven new interns alongside, and an entertainment section joint editor giving us a tour of the office building, this was exciting. I was out of sync from everyone around me. When all the other 3 male interns were soberly dressed in a check formal shirt, the "beer does a body good" imprinted black T-Shirt was helping me nothing in making a decent first impression. I made a puppy face to the receptionist when she gave me a strange look and immediately decided that I shall rather remain blank when the same strange look is given from all others whole day. The puppy face is not a politically correct escape gesture when u are a guy, specially a guy like me. Slightly overgrown beard, messed up hairs, disorganized and carefree are the two words which actually define me. It took me not long to notice the four other girls in the internship team. The green top had assets that can help me spoil every darn assignment by taking off my concentration, the pink top was cute but looked the rodies type emo a bit - certainly not my taste, the black top was a stunner - 11 on 10, well out of my reach. The fourth one was Strange. she was the most properly dresses among all the girls. Their was an air of arrogance about her which took me to a complete disliking of her. She was walking a few steps ahead of me. White suit and neatly lying from the corner of her shoulders, a dupatta on it. Pinned hairs, half left loose, partially revealing the smell of shampoo looking slightly wet still. She must have been 5 feet 6 inches tall, wheatish complexion, dark black eyes and perfect lips resting below a small nose. She had spectacles resting on her head like a pro reporter or something and she was the only one among us who had not uttered a word yet. She looked the confident-practical breed. The one that hated those like me the most. 
Anyways, I decided to focus on the office tour. It was a colorful creative place and no matter how pain in the ass shall be rising early every morning to come here, I was sure that once in the campus-it shall be fun.15 minutes break after an hour of briefing and touring, all interns quickly made their way to the cafeteria. Names and a little intros were exchanged, Riya, Tina, Akriti. Rahul, Ajay, Vinay. The strangeness was yet to reveal anything about her, she looked disinterested in the chirpiness of the exciting initial conversations and rather continued to tap her touch screen phone to post something on what slightly from the corner looked like twitter screen. I started hating her more and more. What attitude man! She smiled a little and said "excuse me", her voice was contrary to her personality. It was so sweet and polite. I wanted to make a call to my room mate and ask him to pick me up from here only for the matinee show of the movie, the network was breaking and I decided to walk out of the cafeteria to search the signal lines. I found a few finally and managed to get the call connected, It was ringing now.She was standing in the corner watching Delhi from the window and smoking a ciggratte. I tip toed near her, almost forgetting the call. "This can kill, Hi..Suraj. IIMC, JNU final year." I smiled to her. She said nothing in return. Fuck! I made a fool of myself again - I hate my nature at times. "anyways...." I whispered and just as I was about to leave her alone. She turned her face to stare in my eyes and said "I know it kills, and hence I shall have another one soon" She smiled a little. Her eyes were red. She left. My friend on phone was screaming "Abey kuch bolega......." 

---- Pulkit & Maithili


(To be continued Next Wednesday)

Sign Misunderstood

“What do you want?”,she asked,sounding a bit irritated.

“You”,came the reply.

“That doesn’t gonna change what has happened between us”.

“Then tell me what I can do to change it”,he wanted her back,desperately now.

This was all she had been waiting to hear. She wanted to scream out her love for him

.Her heart pounded,skipped a beat and finally she gathered courage to speak,but words just won’t come.

He took it as a sign of her losing faith in his love.A sign misunderstood .

“I know I have been a jerk in your life. I have the capacity to hurt you and this is what made me run away from you.But trust me, every single second that I breathe,I remember you.”

She knew this all.She knew he loved her but just won’t admit and express it,a hard to understand soul he always has been.

“But trust me, this time I won’t leave you.Never ever. Just trust me and come back to me.I really really Love you.Please forgive me for all the past things that I have done to hurt and humiliate you.I am sorry”,he said sounding low now.

She had been waiting for this day and this very moment since the day they broke up.And now that all this was happening in real,she just couldn’t control her tears from showing up in her eyes.

But he thought she didn’t want him back again.He thought she was engaged with someone else.He took it as a sign telling him to back off as she had already moved on in life with some else.

He interpreted it as a sign that she wasn’t in love with him anymore and just didn’t want him back.But this was surely , a sign misunderstood.

She was crying.Dreams striking reality made her cry.

“Okay, I understand.I have no right to ask forgiveness for all the past deeds and obviously no right to ask for you and your love again.I am sorry that I called”,he hung up on her.

She stood dumbstruck.With the cell phone in her hands and frozen to death.She just lost what she thought was hers for life.Her silence was misinterpreted. But she couldn’t help correcting the sign misunderstood because the call log said the call was made by unknown caller,a Skype call with no number to dial back.

http://smitasdesk.blogspot.com/

Rain - 6WS series

He whispered. She laughed. It rained.

Missing you, Angel

She came,
She smiled
I just saw her smiling.
I just saw her hair,
Prevented by a mere clip
From bringing upon an evening.

Her smile,
A Flamboyant spring on course
Washing away all lies
Her hair,
The dark dense blanket of cloud
Over my face and eyes.

I miss her,
I know she would miss me too
One thing that we both could not say
Will be said once, if true…

Four Liners

I thought it was pretty real,

but to my surprise it was fake,

love turned to be a mistake for me,

that again I never want to make.

***

When the darkness surround you,

and you cannot see the sunshine,

you're always welcome to turn to me,

coz I'm yours and you're all mine.

Replica

Lonely

I'm not alone yet I'm lonely.

Replica...

Your Name

Today I was thinking what to write about love. I was about to write your name and suddenly I stopped. I only smiled.

Replica...

Love Happens?

She walked through he door

Looking for someone

I turned and looked at her

She was still searching for that someone

Then she looked

She smiled

I smiled back

Our eyes met

She slowly walked towards my table

"Hi, I'm Lara" she said 

I knew that time

That she, was the one for me

But she just thought of me as a friend

Over the years we became the best of friends

But never did it go further

Till today I still wait 

For us to become what we should have long before

For Love to Happen 

Love
Sonshu

I Will Take You Back With Me...

You left me in the rain,

I still can't believe it

You pulled your hands,

Away from mine

You walked away,

And didn't look back

What happened to all those promises?

And all those dreams we shared,

Every minute of a memory we had

You held me close to you

And said you'll never let go,

Oh what happened to all of that?

I want you,

Back into my life

I want to see you around,

Through my eyes

Please don't tell me goodbye,

Don't say its over

I wish, 

That we could go back to those times

We smiled and laughed

You didn't make me cry

You hugged me and never let go

And then you'd say

"I love you so so much!"

So don't you tell me

That its all over

I'm coming back

To take you with me

I need you, I want you

I will take you back,

With me....

<3>

Sonshu

The walk

She walked by the beach. Her feet feeling the soft sand, some sort of soothing effect that had on her constantly churning brain. The sand was slipping through her toes, kissing them and then just going by. It was like the eternal dance of time. There was some strange comfort in feeling something not so solid beneath you, in feeling something that moulded itself to you. Sand at the sea is like a lover’s embrace, one that fits your body perfectly. As she walked into the sunset, it felt as if every tension was leaving her through her toes. The sand was absorbing it all. She had long believed that is how love should be. Something that absorbed all your worries, consumed them and replaced them with loving care. But what she had overlooked all this while was that while she was busy getting the loving caress of the sand, the sand itself was getting depressed by her footprints. While she got her love, the sand was losing some parts of itself, being pushed down. Some parts of it was still sticking to her, but most of it was just going down, deep down into some unknown darkness. Was this truly love then?

Love is Life

Its Life that brings us together

Its Love that binds us together

Love this Life

Live your Love

For, Life Alone is Beautiful!

Love Death

Contd from Death(this is gettin interesting) by Vinay

Love Death for Death loveth thou!

Can you let go?

Has it been raining break ups or what? Suddenly in the last few months so many of my friends have ‘broken up’ that I seem to have heard about all sorts of reasons for break ups and seen all sorts of ways people deal with them. For a person with limited actual experience, I think its great I got to hear of these things, I atleast know what not to do now. So one of those usual coffee discussions about the big R word and my friend says, ‘So you don’t believe that there are people who cant let go of their love?’

Honestly, I think we can do whatever we want, if we put our mind to it. So yes, we can let go of love too. But with the numerous second hand break up experiences and my limited experiences, this is what I have learnt of people who don’t let go. Prime reasons are as follows.

1. Fear : What if I don’t get anyone else, what if its not the same as this? Frankly these are tricks your mind is playing on you. There are 6 billion people in this world, surely you can get someone else.
2. My pain is my badge of honor : You wear your pain on your sleeve. You tell the world how much you have suffered and how despite all that you are still surviving. You don’t let go coz it satisfies this need of yours to tell others that you have gone through shit and still you are surviving bravely (?). Now unless you can write poems like Ghalib (a famous Urdu poet) out of that hurt or you can build a Taj Mahal out of that pain, its not worth holding on.
3. Guilt trap : For some others it is a matter of revenge and reverse control. They want to make the other person feel bad about what they did. So they act all hurt and hold on to that hurt and bitterness all their life. Even if they get someone else who is actually better they wont allow themselves to be loved, because then they would lose that righteous anger of theirs. Most of us also know of some friend or the other who was used as a pawn by one of their split parents to guilt trap the other person.
4. My love is the purest : I happen to know some of these people. They don’t let go coz they think that they are the ones who are responsible to prove it to the world that true love still exists. You ask them why are they torturing themselves, they tell you how can they let go of true love? They are proving just to themselves that their love is pure and divine. By no means am I saying that true, honest love doesn’t exist. Thing is you don’t have to prove its existence. And if you have to prove it to someone, seriously are they worth your time?

And all of these people are uncomfortable with their status. You can forever hear them saying that they want to move on, that they want to get out of it or that they want to let that person stop affecting them, but honestly they don’t want to do any of it. They want to hold on for all the above mentioned reasons. So to all of them, people decide what you really want and then just stick to it and more importantly, take responsibility for what you decided. If you want to keep crying, then realise that you made that choice. If you want to get out of it, decide that and don’t look back. In the end, life works itself out.

I am renting my heart again.....

I am renting my heart again
somebody reside without complain

scars of past are carved beneath
pangs of grief is under wreath
smile has withered away in the corner
life is still sad like a mourner

I am renting my heart again
somebody reside without complain

darkness is awake inside my room
future seems like a bloody doom
hope is dead within these rifts
deep inside me fury drifts

I am renting my heart again
somebody reside without complain

wake me up from this endless sleep
hold me back from this great steep
accept me as I am torn and broke
mend my wounds with caressing stroke

I am renting my heart again
somebody reside without complain

seal me inside your soul forever
shield me so that I am not hurt ever
knock on my heart as breeze of dove
just pay rent of unconditional love

I am renting my heart again
somebody reside without complain

You, only You

Montonic harmonic and yet mnemonic
as you maketh the way
your beauty, you beauty allover deep rooted
red is the hue of the air
the razzle and dazzle of your ensemble
amorous as ever i may
the days i slayed, the prayers i made,
the thread of us is grey
no sun, no moon, whatever the boon
your smell makes my day
Montonic harmonic and yet mnemonic
as you maketh the way ...

HAPPY DIWALI!!!

Dieting goes way out of the window when tempted with a variety of
Indian sweets that are placed in front of you at the
Workplace, sweet shops and when invited to
An Indian home during Diwali,the festival of lights.Not only Sweets&
Lights,but also Fire Crackers makes this day Wonderful.
In this Special Occasion, I wish All a Colourful Diwali :)