The Dream Or Was It?

I slowly opened my eyes. I was in some kind of a dark room. It was pitch black and there was no trace of any light. I had no memory of how I had gotten there or what this place was. I could hear voices but they seemed to be coming from all sides. I started to move, searching for some kind of a door. I kept going forward but I never reached any wall. It seemed as if the room was endless. I panicked and started running. Suddenly I tripped and fell in an awkward position, crushing my right hand under my knee. A surge of pain crept through my thumb. I got up and examined it. The nail had come off and my thumb was bleeding. And then I realized something much more daunting – my body was visible. Even in the dark I could see every inch of my body as if it was illuminated from within. It was then that I heard a voice.

“There is no exit,” it said.

It was a commanding voice like I had never heard before. It made my insides tremble with fear. It was the most self assured and cogent voice I had ever heard and the tone unlike any other. However, its source was out of sight, somewhere in the dark. I gathered up enough courage and spoke.

“Who are you? What is this place? How did I get here and what do you want from me?” I asked daringly.

“Your limited mind cannot grasp the location of this place and you perfectly well know who I am. Look deep inside your conscience and your dead soul and you will realize that I am the one who you have ignored and neglected your entire life. Intoxicated by your hunger for power and being lost in the illusion of your fabricated world, you ignored my omnipresence and supremacy. I have been watching you and observing your every move for every moment of your life. You declared me as just a figment of weak minds and did not acknowledge My power over yourself. Now you stand before Me and at my mercy. Need I say more about myself?”

I finally realized the situation and knew that I did not have answers to any of the accusations. Fear was a very small word to explain what I was feeling at that moment. I knew my end was near. I wanted to stay alive and so I decided to take an aggressive stance to buy more time. I spoke yet again in a voice full of false strength.

“I was born free. I worked hard my entire life to earn my place in society and the world. It was due to my own hard work and courage that I reached the heights of this world and earned respect. I deserved nothing less as a reward! But You are a dictator and your philosophy is flawed! You say that if we follow Your path of ‘righteousness’, kill our desires and dreams, sacrifice our wishes, be your slaves, we shall go to a heaven we have never seen and are not even sure of its existence. And if we follow our own free will and spirit we shall be punished and rot in hell? What is this? Why are we not allowed to lead our own life as we please? This is dictatorship! How was I to believe in You when I had never seen You, heard You, touched You, smelt You, tasted You, no sensory perception whatsoever! And You claim to resurrect me once I have died, once my bones have turned to dust, this is not only preposterous but also impossible! ”

There was a long silence. I was pleased with what I said. I knew I couldn’t have put it better. The reply came in that same secure tone which unnerved me.

“You are inches away from death and after that your destination, certainly, shall be Hell which, in any case, cannot be explained or described by a human tongue; it can only be experienced. From then on you shall suffer unfathomable torture and absolute pain through all of eternity, and yet you decide to stand up against Me? I pity your naivety and incompetence. You think that all that you have achieved in your life was due to your own genius and personal strengths? Had I not assisted you at every corner of your life through an invisible hand, you could not have dreamed to become the man you are today. You think I created you in this world so that you could earn money, become a rich man, live in massive mansions and drive long cars? You were unable to understand the very purpose of your creation! Or rather you did not want to understand it. You only get what you strive for. You strived for this world; you got the world. There shall be nothing for you in the hereafter. If you would have strived to know Me, to believe in Me, you would have got something wonderful beyond your imagination. You think I am a dictator? A dictator, a tyrant, would kill you the moment you went against his orders. He does not give you the time to correct your mistake or revise your flaws. I, on the other hand, have given you an entire lifetime! Have you ever considered that how many of my wishes, my commands you disobey in a single day from dawn till dusk? Have you ever thought for a second that all my commandments are for your own betterment? That if you do not follow them, there would be no difference between you and the animals? You will eat, mate and kill just like them! I gifted you with a divine soul. But you prefer darkness to the light. You prefer these few years of restricted life to an eternal one. You prefer a world that will perish, that will give you nothing but sorrows and pain over a land that will stay forever and is filled with joys your mind cannot fathom. I created this universe, this immense universe the boundaries of which your most modern science with its strongest telescopes cannot determine. And I created you. None of this was difficult. I created you out of dust the first time and I can create you out of dust yet again. It would be only too easy. You ask proof of My existence? This entire universe is a proof! Your modern science says that matter can only be molded not created. Yet I created this entire cosmos out of nothing at all. Isn’t this proof enough? You say that you have never had any sensory perception of Me whatsoever. All you needed to do was ask Me with a true and open heart. Look around you at this flawless world that I have created. Search for an error, a mistake. I challenge you to find even one fault. Look and look again. Surely your eyes will return to you defeated. Is this not proof enough of My ultimate supremacy? Yet you ignore Me. You consider yourself greater than Me. You, however, don’t even have complete control of your own body. Ask your brain to produce blood for you and your liver to think for you and your heart to breath for you and your lungs to digest food for you. Will they acquiesce? Never! They, like you and every inch of matter besides you in this universe, are under My authority. Look at you, even now you stand up against Me, thinking you can defeat Me. Open your eyes for once O’ mortal! ”

The words resonated in the blank atmosphere. My broken nail was hurting me but I had a much more pressing matter at hand. I stood there, wishing with every passing moment that I could vanish into thin air, somehow disappear or better still, wake up and realize that this was all a dream. I wished I could turn back time and undo all that I had done, start over anew. But nothing happened. I just stood there, feeling guilty and shameful at my stupidity and arrogance.

“I …I wasn’t a bad person. I gave to charity. I made tremendous donations to a number of organizations to help mankind. I also…”

“All those petty acts were nothing but a show put up for the world so that you could exhibit your fake generosity. They were carried out just to satisfy your burdened conscience. None of them was meant to please Me or done for My sake. They were carried out so that you could earn respect in your society, which you did. But you did not earn My respect or My honor. Your world was your god. Ask them to help you now. Can the money or respect you earned save you from the clutches of death today? ”

I was desperate now. I had no more excuses, no more answers. Then I did what any person in my place would have done. I fell down on my knees.

“Please forgive me! I realize now that I was wrong, I was always wrong. They say that You are a loving and forgiving God! I ask for your forgiveness! I repent! Give me another chance, just one more chance and I swear I will not…”

“Do you expect to be forgiven after all that you have said and done?”

“I am ashamed of my acts but not hopeless from Your mercy and compassion. Give me one more chance. Please.”

There was silence. I waited for my fate to be decided.

“The problem with you humans is that you forget too soon, too easily.”

And then a blinding light hit my eyes. I scream in shock covering my face with both hands and after what seemed like an eternity, there was solace. I opened my eyes yet again. Every inch of my body was drenched in sweat. I felt weak and could barely move, but now at least I could see. I blinked my eyes slowly and into focus. I was lying on my bed. I was at a loss of words. What had happened? Where had I been? Was it all a dream? It must have been because…

And then my eyes fell on my right thumb. The nail had come off.

The Legend of Sandeep Malan - 4

(This post is not intended to hurt any one .)


Sandeep now had a BMW ,but unfortunately he never knew how to drive it.He was
experimenting with the gears and accelerator.He believed that he would learn to drive by
his own.He remembered Rajnikanth facing some similar problem in a tamil movie..Sandeep became enthusiastic and took it as a challenge and again started with his Rajni dialogues."Kanna Chumma zuzupi da chellame"(You are nothing in front of me).He was busy studying the car parts with his buttock outside and head popping into the front part of the car.And of suddenhe got a kick on his left butt.Sandeep Malan was annoyed and anxiously looked behind to know which bloody moron kicked him.He turned behind in typical Rajni ishtyle."Abhey teri Maaki....." and he suddenly paused when his lips delivered the extended part of the maaaki word.He was shooked and put to silence when he'd seen Supari bhai giving Supari to him."Kya re Shaana hai kya tuu,bhintukle chintukle saala teri batti bujha du kya teri", Supari bhai was ferocious."Saala .. " and he removed his 2 foot long sword from his bag and chopped his head.

"Mummmmyyyy......enna kaaapaaaatttuuuuu.....bachaaaooooooo"(Mummy ,save me),screamed Sandeep and he got up after his 15 minute sleep.Kantabhai was devoid of everything happening there.She was busy cleaning the bathroom tiles.Sandeep soon got up to see his brand new BMW and to vain he could only see the Maruti 800 and Santro of his neighbours.Only then he felt that Sarah Alexander and Stephen Dsilva beach thing was a dream."Prince in dreams and pauper in real" ,he said to himself.

"What the fuck?", was his first reaction when he realized that it was a dream.Sandeep actually want to meet Supari bhai at Marine point.He was tired after watching Rajnikanth's movie.He was deeply immersed in Rajnikanth's behaviour and style .Is this what they call "Rajnism"?.He checked his watch and was shocked as he had promised to meet supari bhai in 30 minutes time.His nerves and his entire body shivered when he realized that he made Supari bhai wait.He soon left his home without even informing Kantabhai.He hurried and ran out as if wild mad dogs were chasing him from behind.As he left his building gates,the watchman stared at him with a seductive look.Sandeep glanced behind and said "sale gay hai kya tuu," and he continued running as if he was representing India in 100m racing event.He took an autorickshaw and directed the driver to reach marine point within 30 minutes.The driver was confused at first.He believed that this guy looks like a rich man and still he wears dresses like this and he smiled at him.Sandeep could not read his smile and "salle gays hi barein hai is jagah mein" he gave a wicked smile.As soon as he reached the destination,he could see Supari bhai with all his supari's giving him a heroe's welcome."Bhai hum maafi chahta huun," Sandeep was worried expecting a slap from Supari.Supari was outraged when he'd seen Sandeep."Kya re Shaana hai kya tuu,bhintukle chintukle saala teri batti bujha du kya teri".Supari was very angry.As soon as Sandeep heard this statement,he was aware of the consequence.Sandeep bowed his head down so that it may ease Supari bhai's task to chop his head."Aye shane ,kay kartos tuu" Supari gave a strange look.Supari asked him to pay his loan and interests within the next 72 hours and asked him to leave.One could see a sigh of relief sort of expresssion from Sandeep's face.He thanked Supari for the 3 days time and promised him to repay the loan.When he turned around , every one started laughing at him .Even Supari bhai was laughing.Sandeep was happy that all beautiful chicks were smiling and laughing at him.Some traditional desi girls even closed their eyes.Now Sandeep was confused and he was not knowing the reason behind that laughter."Kya hua ?" he asked a little girl standing around."Uncle!!,Where is your pant?" she giggled and her mom took her away from him.Now,Sandeep was feeling embarresed and there was not even a single familiar face to save him.It was a free show to all girls out there and they made much use of this never come opportunity of a guy standing out in public without his pants."Oh know ,Amma..idhu enna "(Oh,Mumma what is this?),Sandeep was terrified with this stupidness.While he was returning back to home ,every one was laughing and gigling at him."Mummy ,see that dark clown ,I wanna play with him",a kid of 4 urged his mom to play with Sandeep.There was no one to help him.

"Sandeep,what is this?", asked Richa.Sandeep never wanted to see Richa under such circumstances.Richa was hanging out at Marine point with her friends.He soon covered his face
suggesting that he was shy.Richa soon handed her duppatta to Sandeep and asked him to wear
it like a lungi.Richa was not happy with this behavior of Sandeep.She gave him 300 bucks
and asked him to go home.

Sandeep could not realize this clumpsy act of his after his building watchman and rickshaw driver laughed at him.He reached his home.The watchman couldn't stop laughing at him.He handed his room key that Kantabhai gave to him.He was feeling angry at himself.

Sandeep Malan took rest and he tuned his TV set to Sun TV.He was stunned when a famous
Rajnikant movie was being shown on the TV channel.It was "Dharmatin thalaivan" where Rajni
forgets his lungi while he goes out of his house and a dog chases him.Sandeep could not stop
laughing after seing it.Only then he realized that some thing similar happened to him.He
then tuned to some good music channel and his lips started watering as he had to see his
favourite Rakhi Sawant with minimal clothes on an item number called "Yaara ishq vishq".He
then tuned to Headlines today to see his favourite news reporter"Avantika Singh".She was
talking on some serious news that rocked the city.

"Man with underwear rocks Marine drive" was the flash news.

The Legend of Sandeep Malan – 3

Hi Guys!!  This is tapajyoti... Me and Sandeep Balan have been the partners in crime since our hostel days.( Stephen please dont mind as this peice is an attempt to save the already tarnished image of Sandeep Balan...Oops.. Malan!!!)

Sandeep felt a sudden chill in his spine. He felt numb. He badly prayed that he could hide his face somewhere between those rocks. After all Stephan was his much revered Boss. But when he looked at the bleeding face of Stephan, Sandeep saw something else. There was fear in his eyes. Eyes, which begged of mercy. Eyes which were full of shame. Sandeep could see an unarmed loser pleading clemency in front of the king.

Scenes from the past started hovering in Sandeep’s mind. The days when Stephan used to make him work nights, the days when he used to demean the presentations those were made burning the midnight oil. Days when he had to miss the Rakhi Sawant shows due to unscheduled meetings by Stephan according to his own whims and fancies. Days when Stephan Used to growl "All you MBA's are good for nothing”. The days when he used to reprimand Sandeep’s unshaven look and praise Sarah’s impeccable dressing sense. The days when he used to appreciate Sara’s shade of Lip color and degrade Sandeep’s 100 Page Project reports. Now Sandeep knew why his project briefings lasted 15 minutes as compared to Sarah’s 1 hour 15 minutes.

Sandeep started evaluating the options. He started thinking of the best possible ways to bring and end to this nightmare called Stephan. Various thoughts came to his mind. “How about bringing Stephan’s activity out in the open, balding him in front of the entire office and make him roam in the office with a Shoe garland on his neck. A Poster on his back with “BIG BOSS!!(ENTERTAINMENT KA BAAP)" written on it wont be a bad idea either” thought Sandeep. His naughty but highly innovative brain started flooding with ideas. But Sandeep was always logical. Since his college days Sandeep was known for his impeccable logic. He knew this was a one time opportunity and he had to make the most out of it. Suddenly his eyes lit up. Yes, this was the solution he was looking for. He knew exactly what to do.

“Sirrrr.....Youuuu”!!!!, exclaimed Sandeep in a melodramatic style. “I never expected you with Sarah. She’s like your daughter!!! Half your age!!! How can you do this To Parul Bhabhi??” ( Parul was Stephans's wife who was supposedly his childhood Sweetheart.)..Oh No!! How will that poor lady feel now? What if people from office come to know? Shittt....”.Sandeep wiped off a nonexistent tear from his eyes and continued, “Sir why did you do it?? But more than that I am worried what will happen to us when you will be fired from office.” Who will provide us with able guidance? “We will definitely miss you Sir”.

“Nnoooo..Ssandeep..!!!” came a voice from that horror stricken Face. Sandeep very well knew that he was on the right path. He could draw a nasty and ghory picture of the outcome.
'

“Please..Forgive me....Don’t tell this to any one Sandeep .Please think about my wife and young daughter!!” ,begged Stephan, whose face had turned red with shame.

“Sir, I would definitely like to…. but what you have done is shameful.. and moreover Sir.. I am a small pawn in this big office. A pawn with such a low salary. .So who am I pardon you Sir.Let the office decide” .Sandeep’s words were curt and to the point.

Stephan knew what to say. "How about a 40% hike effective from this month itself? I know you deserve it Sandeep, after all you have been working pretty hard all this while.”

“Hmmmm”...said Sandeep. “But Sir these days inflation is so high…and… I don’t even have much money left to pay off my debt for the Home loans I have taken.”

Stephan threw another bait “How about a 200 percent assured bonus this year Sandeep? I think you just deserve it. Your manager is extremely happy with your performance.”

“That is really sweet of you sir” said the witty Sandeep.”But I was also wondering that these days our working hours are too long and…and.. leaves are too less… we cant even watch Rajnikant movies.. You see!!!!”

“Sandeep… Why don’t you take couple of weeks off?? It’s been really long you have been to your hometown… and as far as Rajnikant movies are concerned, even I am a great admirer of Rajnikant. You should have told me earlier about your passion. I will personally get your tickets booked prior to any Rajnikant release.”

"Thats soooo sweeet of you Sir. I think every employee should get a manager like you who is empathetic and forward looking.” said a jubilant Sandeep. “I think Airvoice Telecommunications deserves more managers like you”.

Sandeep Malan was awarded the best employee award the following year with special recommendations from his manager. He drives a BMW X-6 Convertible now. Stephan though is happy with his Zen Estillo.




( Guys no intention to hurt anyone..just that Mr Malan requested me to continue with the story and portray him as a hero. Guys wait until my next post were  Sandeeps true picture shall be portrayed)

Funny caller tunes

well ,I am going to talk about different caller tunes.

I called one of my friends in Tamil Nadu few months ago...

i called him and I get some thing ,a very much familiar voice.....

it said,

"kanna, neee eppovum phone pannuva...aaana ivan busy yaa erupan....naan orru dada sonna nuuru dadava sonna madri ....hahahahaha....enna da rascala mind it"

(kid,you might call him any time, but he is busy now...when i say one time, it is equivalen to saying 100 times)

I recently i called my good friend Sandeep Balan and I couldn't stop laughing

it says


"busy hai, busy hai,

aap aise waqt hi call karte ho...

busy hai ,busy hai,

ok tabh tak voh phone utane tak ...chalo mein aapko koyal ki awaz sunata huunn

ku ku kuk k u k u k uk ui

vaise toh mein sher,bhakra ka bhi nikal leta huun

chalo bhakre ki 1 sample nikal leta huun ...

beh beh beh

ok baaki sab baadmein "


i could nt stop laughing after this...how funny naaa

If you still hope....

If you can look at the sunset and smile, then you still have hope.

If you can find beauty in the colors of a small flower, then you still have hope.

If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly, then you still have hope.

If the smile of a child can still warm your heart, then you still have hope.

If you can see the good in other people, then you still have hope.

If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep, then you still have hope.

If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder, then you still have hope.

If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips, then you still have hope.

If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism, then you still have hope.

If you give people the benefit of a doubt, then you still have hope.

If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life, then you still have hope.

If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise, then you still have hope.

If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration, then you still have hope.

If you refuse to let a friendship die, or accept that it must end, then you still have hope.

If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection, then you still have hope.

If you still buy the ornaments, put up the Christmas tree or cook the turkey, then you still have hope.

If you still watch love stories or want the endings to be happy, then you still have hope.

If you can look to the past and smile, then you still have hope.

If, when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile, you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase...."yeah. ...BUT.." then you still have hope.

Hope is such a marvelous thing. It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides, but rarely does it break. It sustains us when nothing else can. It gives us reason to continue and courage to move ahead, when we tell ourselves we'd rather give in.

Hope puts a smile on our face when the heart cannot manage.

Hope puts our feet on the path when our eyes cannot see it.

Hope moves us to act when our souls are confused of the direction.

Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and something that will refresh us in return. And it can be found in each of us, and it can bring light into the darkest of places.

NEVER LOSE HOPE!

A letter to my Akka....

17th June,1996

Dear Akka,
Its been a long time since you wrote.I still believe that you remember me and Amma.Its been years and we still live on hopes.We hope that one day you would return back to us.Many things in life are not constant.Life is not the same ever since you left us.
I still remember how Amma used to work hard for us.After dad left us when we were just kids,you and Amma worked hard for me and Meena.Being an elder child is a curse as they are the one responsible after the family head.Akka, we miss you very much.Your valuable suggestions that came out at the right time helped me a lot.You left us for some silly unacceptable reason.I will convince Amma and assure you that she will accept you if you return back to us.Now we are in a better position , but we still feed incomplete without you.
Without you our life would have been a complete mess.We were hoping against hopes when you left us.Come back akka.
Dear god, it isn't fair ,you snatched our elder sister when we were young.Did you ever know that she was like you to us.Return our sister back to us.Come back akka.We miss you.We love you akka.

Yours loving,
Thambi

I wish....

I wish I could go back there,
Where I threw my worries in the air,
Those lovely years of childhood,
Where I never had to worry and care....

I wish I could go back there,
To play amidst the bushes and trees,
With all my lovely friends,
And enjoy the soothing breeze….

I wish I could go back there,
To go to school with all my friends,
School is such a lovely place,
Where fun and frolic never ends…

I wish I could go back there,
Where affection and innocence rules,
Away from so- called adults,
Who are but mature fools…

I wish I could go back there,
Away from all worries and strife,
For my childhood days were definitely,
The best days of my life!!!

Important ...

hey guys ,I started this writers lounge few months ago with Asbah supporting me for this task.It was she who suggested me the title for this group blog.The next day Sandeep joined and we three started working for this blog.
Our main aim behind starting this blog was to bring together writers , poets and other talented people .We have accomplished that task quite easily.Few days ago, we had started a contest with some restriction.Sandeep bhai was disappointed as we had around 23 members then and we had just 2 participation.Now we have around 40+ members and all talented members.I believe that this place is a talent hub for sure.We should some how try to make this place more better and more interactive.I am not surprised that many people have searched for such kind of blog .
I appeal to all members to actively participate in blog discussions , comment and respecting others post etc.I have noticed that many times members consider this place as a " post and go" blog where they post from their old archives and never come back again.This kind of this should actually be avoided.

We are happy that we have got many new budding writers and poets with us.Thanks a lot Mona,Shruti,Lover,Ani and all others who are a part of this group blog.
I take this precious moment to include Priyanka as one of the moderator of this group blog.

Cheers,
Stephen and other founders

If Tomorrow Comes

I will be there for you, if tomorrow comes,

I will be there with all the welcomes.

Every morning, I will give you a kiss,

So than, no good in the day would miss.

You can call me whenever you like,

Even, when the call prices are on a hike.

I will wash your clothes, which become muddy,

And for you, with my own hands, make a sweet little teddy.

I will wait for you when you are out of town,

And when you are late, I will not show the slightest frown.

I will be there for you, if tomorrow comes,

I will be there with all the violins and drums.

I will see to it that you have a smooth day,

As if you were walking bare-footed on a bay.

In your house, I will be like a fish in the pond,

With you, never ever sharing an emotional bond.

As you know, I am the robot X O O 3,

And this is the year three thousand and three.

Into Your Eyes

I looked into your torn eyes,
and saw my eternal bliss.
there is no moment in time,
that doesn't stretch an eternity within my eyes.
Love is a sanctum,
I entomb myself in,
Nothing can reach me,
when I feel I'm above you all.
I look into your unforgiving eyes,
and see my empty atrocities,
time is the healer of all,
but this wound has no healing at all.
Shut away I am alone,
no one can reach me.
I look into your empty eyes,
I see nothing.
What I had for you will last forever,
but you will surely forget.
So I'm without anything but myself,
and not even I can reach me.
I hope to see you again,
I would sell my soul to see you again,
looking through my teary vision,
and seeing your eyes again.
You can take my heart,
It was always yours.

A day in my life (Coming soon...)

Namaskaaram! Njan(Myself) Muthuswamy....Muthuswamy Nambudiri.

I came to Delhi with a distant cousin last year from Kerala in an attempt to find some odd jobs here and pull my family out of the claws of abject poverty it had got into. My father was a Mel Shanti(Chief Priest) at our local Bhagawathi temple in Krishnapuram. The menfolk of our Illam(home of Brahmins) were experts in Thantric(vedic and astrology bound) rites. It was not long back when our grandfathers used to practice rigid orthodoxy and sense of caste and purity (Shudham). We used to consider ourselves polluted by even the touch of other Brahmins[Embraan Shudham (by the touch of Tulu Brahmins), Eda Shudham (touch of Tamil Brahmins such as Iyer, Iyengar, Pattar which required us to bathe before resuming activities)], leave aside people from other caste. (*Nambudiri:Wikipedia)

Today, I share a shady little room in Mayur Sarai with Ibrahim, a Parsi guy who, like me, had come to the capital from Mangalapurram(Mangalore) in search of some job. You don’t fill your stomach by clinging on to old traditions and rituals. I would have been an outcaste in my Illam had I stayed with someone from the other caste back then. I still would be, provided I inform my father of the same. All kinds of Shuddhi rites will have to be performed before I get to lie down on my cot back home. For him rituals and traditions may precede an empty stomach, but not for me. He wont touch the money I sent back home after slugging it out in a small roadside South Indian restaurant picking up plates and cleaning tables. He would prefer to die and let the family suffer than accept this fate. He is happy to know that I am assisting a Mel Shanti(Chief Priest) at the Ayappa temple here. Let him remain happy. Let my family have two square meals a day, even if it’s on the expense of my lying……a cardinal sin for a Brahmin.

Catch me soon…Right here….As you live a day alongside me sharing my sorrows and happiness. See you soon. Ohhh…Table no. 4 is done with their meal. I have to pick up their plates and clean the table for the couple who is waiting…….Pinne Kaanaam Ketto(Will catch up later, Ok)

Can you see my pain?....

Can you see my pain?
When I am feeling low,
When my face loses its glow,
When my tears wet the pillow…

Can you see my pain?,
When I feel lost in the crowd,
When I fail to make you proud,
When I can’t cry out aloud….

Can you see my pain?,
When I crave for your attention,
When I have loads of tension,
When my feelings I can’t mention…

Can you see my pain?,
When I feel lonely and sad,
When a bad day I’ve had,
When life is driving me mad…

Can you see my pain,
When I want your love and care,
When I feel no one’s there,
When life seems unfair…

No, you can’t see my pain,
For I have learnt to hide,
My pain, the tears I’ve cried,
My feelings, my emotions, have died!!!!

Back with a Bang - The Legend of Sandeep Malan

From the writer of "Blessing in disguise","The Fourth seat","Family,Office & Love","The Pugilist", and the "Campus Files", we present you with

The Legend of Sandeep Malan

He is a big cinema freak who aims at living life as it passes by.You are going to witness the insane cinema freaks life story .He is a big fan of a south Indian Super star and an Item girl.With his innocent looks and straight face,he tries to perform and master everything that can impress people....enna da rascala mind it......

Keep Waiting , the mussadi man creator Sandeep Malan is back with a bang

For Shruti.

like a traveller... a vagabond.... a gypsy..... i am not certain of my living, do i have a life ? can i breath ? a non-certianty, as if a day of resurrection, i culd have lived, i culd have taken the air to my lungs, but yet the hurdels came in between, i culd have darted pass on the rocky jagged roads, no bleedings, no drop of blood have fallen out of my skin!! i culd tread on... but i am chained.. ensnared... the rope that have tied in have taken my freedom away. I am living in the steel walled room, there is no escape, i am suffocating, clastrophobiac......i am not only lonely But also FORLORN .... hollow from inside, the dreams are of glass, the life is a glass life, how could it survive in Metalic walls ?? as if encaged, as if engraved !!! digging my own grave, with my very own hands. the darkness of my room plunging deeper, the tears falling to crumble down. I am No pheniox that burns itself to be ALive, i am not a dream, which can be dreamt. what i am ?? as if the way.. as if the things... do i have a living ?

His words ringing in my ears, her tears were silent, His ire getting deeper, her sobs turning to sighs, his anger on acme.... all my little days .. my little world, my little mind encaptivated by this all, the little me weaving plans to protect Her, the little me preparing my-self to shelter my siblings, the little hands ready to earn.... an earning. for her... for them. ....Do i have a life?

I am ready to fly from my nest, i have to study harder, i am to stand high with pride. But then the hell broke out, He dragging me OUT of HIS house, I... crying pitiously, I... pleading .... beseeching ... my words ended... my faith broken... my dogma's shattered.... my gait trembelling.... onto the rubble of my dreams, onto the debris of my desire that i nurtured through out my life, drop by drop from my tears.... pint by pint through my blood. ... DO i have a life ? can i live? ? shuld i life ??

God Knows !!




(from the diary of my young being. I am copy pasting the exact stuff. the spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes is because of the extreme emotional stress i had been through :) and well.. I have always used big words to sound small.. Sigh!)

Saline.

Saline.

I squeeze the rose water bottle
To soothe my burning eyes.
But the drops jump out,
with their tails on fire
A futile attempts to beguile the fate
My hide and seek.
My playing game of cops and thieves

Nothing can relieve the anguish
I've myself kept for so long in vain.
For I like sweet.
And you like salt.

I cry.
And you;
with your handsome face,
Coarse voice,
And emotionless ice heart,
Leans forward.
To taste saline,
To drink my tears

Mar 17, 07.

finally I am BaCk..

Its been really long I had completely out of blogging because of the nonavailability of good time.
But i had been missing it alot. Now will try to a bit more Frequent and interactive..

When I look back, I don't see myself..

I walked past them. Each one of them. They just sat staring at me, awestruck!! Just a while ago, I had cleared everything with them. Specially the girl I had hated so much but always showed that I liked her. Not my cuppa tea!! So.. I put everything right... or wrong!! A not-so-sweet conversation between both of us and everyone looked at me in I don't know what look. Adaah was the only one who understood the reason of my fury. No.. not the usual mood swings.. neither the pissed off brain.. but a broken home.. Yeah??? I don't really know.

So this chic and I talked for good twenty minutes and cleared everything. "I don't like you kiddish way of talking. No.. I hate it!! I don't want you to call me silly nick names. I hate them too. I don't really care what your problems are and you better stop making more of you minute problems. You say you're in deep shit. Is getting a scold from your mom over your phone is deep shit?? Step into my shoes and you'll know what actually deep troubles are..." That has to be no one but me. Adaah said, "Its fine, Shane. Just relax." I took a sigh and gave it a thought.

What was the reason of the sudden outburst of my anger??? I was angry. Sure..I was angry. But why?? So, going back to my house. No mom, no dad, only dogs.... hmmm.... can be a scary feeling. Anywas, I call mom, she's with her doctor. Fair enough. I call dad, he's in a surgery. Hmm... fair enough. Whom should I call now?? Adaah?? She'll be busy... Night falls. My house again fills up with two known still unknown people. Do I really know them?? I guess I do!! C'mon. They gave me my life... But no... I don't know them, for never had I seen them so quiet. Never had I seen them so angry all the time, with each other. Never in my small life had I felt cold vibes when around them. Next day, I go to meet my friends. I meet Adaah, Daksh, Richa and that dumb-ass chic Anjali. She saw me and screamed in the middle of the market, "Oooohhh, I love your sunglasses. Can I wear them??" "No!" I replied. Adaah and Daksh looked at me strangely. That was rude. I know, I said sorry to her after that.

Change of place... TGIF's. More poeple and less patience in me. I don't speak there. Adaah nudged me a couple of times, I didn't bother. That was the time when Anjali actually got on to my nerves. I was sitting peacefully, sipping through my pinnacolada, when she started talking, "You know Shane, my mom scolded me today. I am in deep shit, Tutu." "Tutu?? who's that?" I asked. "That's you, silly. Yeah, so she said that I'm always talking on the phone and never talk to her. I'm so in trouble" said she. I took a sigh and continued to be silent. She literally shook me and my drink spilled. I looked at her in anger and *bang* my anger burst out. I walked out and took the car. I was sorry because my voice was pretty loud to make Anjali cry. I didn't regret what I said. I am a bad driver. I drive rash. I am bad.. very bad.. probably unworthy of all the facilities I have. A big car... I don't need it. Designer clothes... what for?? I don't want my parents to compensate their fights by giving me a car to drive all over the city....I was at a whopping 110 kmph on the express highway with no professional driver. I was scared because I know I drive bad. Wind ruffled through my hair. Amy Lee's voice felt as a dart on my heart.

I pulled over before I entered Delhi. Traffic was at an awesome speed. My car was parked in the middle of the highway. The 16 lane Gurgaon highway. Those who've been there would understand the gravity of the danger I put myself into. My palms were sweaty on the stearing wheel. My eyes were wet. I rested my head on the stearing wheel and cried out loud. Maybe it was needed. It was needed to take that anger out of me. Anger of watching my home break down and not been able to do anything. It was too late before I could do absolutely anything to save it. I heard horns and took my car aside. There was one man in a car who slowed down to say something to me. His words.. "I don't know what do these kids think when given a car and a loud stereo." I looked at him with the same wet eyes and he soon speeded up.

Mom gave me goodnight kiss and said, "Goodnight sweaty. Sleep well." I asked, "Mum, are you leaving??" "I'll let you know. I'll be back soon" she said and disappeared in the darkness.
I just wish that if I would have had a normal life, I wouldn't have been the girl I am today. But..thats what life is... What you wish, doesn't always happen...

The flag on the hill....

The storm is raging,
Dark is the sky,
The flag flutters alone on the hill,
Struggling to stay up high,
Life seems to me like this flag,
It takes you to a certain height,
And to stay high up there,
You have to put up a big fight,
All your life you strive,
To go up there,
And then the burden of victory,
Seems difficult to bear,
With success comes responsibility,
Both go hand in hand,
And you've to learn to stand tall,
Wherever you may land,
You have to face all struggle,
And bear all pain and ill,
If you wish to survive,
Like the flag on the hill!!!!

The Untold Fairy Tale.

Once upon a time a princess of a far away land was thrown to the earth - to mere mortals, because of something not to be disclosed here. Her cage made of gold and pure ivory. An eternity of torment and she would transform into a half mortal then with crooked nose, bleak eyes and clay-colored pigmented skin.

There was a prince of arcane lands, a daring prince with drown-able brown eyes, who

would dream to free the princess to make his fairy tale complete, to marry her. Stupid he.

And they both seek for their happily every after. Stupid them!

In Your Paradise

I am in your paradise,
a feeling that's within.
Naked to your doting eyes,
caress me with sin.

I am in your paradise,
let our bodies meet.
As the trickle of algid rain,
showers us with heat.

I am in your paradise,
a whisper of desire.
I long to feel your prurient kiss,
my soul is now on fire.


I am in your paradise,
a brief moment of shame.
Tomorrow will bring sorrow,
let passion burn the flame.

I am in your paradise,
so hungry under my skin,
I know I am your fantasy,
let the magic begin.

I am in your paradise,
a feeling that's within...

The "REALTY" Shows!!!

The company had arrived on campus. With bated breath we sat in the Audi waiting for the “Big Guys” to give a quick presentation about their company and roles on offer. The subtle buzz that was slowly transforming into an irritating noise was soon overpowered by a prominent “Ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….They are coming!!” from the PlaceComm guy who was standing near the door. I scanned the whole room from my seat. Everyone had put on a studios look on their faces. I could not control my laughter at seeing the usually mischievous TJ(my roomie) putting on the cloak of innocence with panache. The biscuit packets had disappeared and had been replaced with the pen and pad everywhere! I could not help giving a smile again knowing the fact that however great the presenters be, the only two things that would be noted down in the pages dedicated to this company by these guys would be “The Take Home” & “The Profile”…in that order. The presentation was a short affair because the company was a big fish and expected the attendees to know about the company rather than them spoon feeding the same. Resumes were submitted and in half an hour the flowers and to everyone’s surprise an equal number of weeds too had been shortlisted. The unlucky few proceeded to attend the next in pipeline while the shortlisted few began to check out their opponents.

The sight of people who will be fighting against you can both soothe your nerves and rattle your senses. 2 years of camaraderie ensures that you know the strengths and capabilities of your opponents. Something very dangerous in a battle where that kind of knowledge can ring death knells for you! I was slotted in batch 3. I read the other names in that list. The batches were divided into groups of 10 and there were a total of 5 batches. 50 people had been shortlisted out of the 100 resumes the company had received. Quite a number of shortlists going by usual standards which only meant that the GD’s would be a bloodbath!! The betting meter had odds stacked towards 2 shortlists per batch taking the total number of shortlists for interviews to 10. Gosh!! 10 out of 50 like minded people with similar credentials and aptitude. 10 out of 50 who had shown their might in CAT and beaten the blue out of competition to arrive here. It does not get tougher than this. The pressure to perform is immense and the battle with the brightest minds is the toughest you would ever come across in any stage of your life in future. Never had I been so unsure of what would happen. I quickly checked out the warriors I would have to eliminate to survive. I sweated at the sight. It seemed almost all the good speakers had conspired against me. Nano(Divya Chattopadhyay)..Mithun(Sid)…Chuchu(Rahul)…Major(Bharat)…Reddy(Kasturi)…gosh!! The probability of me being in the top 2 from this batch seemed remote! The first two batches had come out. The first batch was sent out in less than 5 mins and the reason was stated as “Fish Market”. The second batch managed to utilize their time and seemed to have done reasonably well. Topical GD’s were being given, which had me sweating again. Topical GD’s are like stepmothers. You never know when you might be deserted of all the love you are used to!! Batch 3 was called in…..We sat in the order that was assigned. The panel asked us to settle down and cracked a joke or two to lighten up the tension. You feel most miserable at the times when you are forced to laugh at a joke which you would have ridiculed had it been mentioned by your batchmate. Corporate manners….ahem ahem! Darwin’s “Survival of the fittest” theory fits beautifully into the scheme of things here. An apple is thrown at you in the form of a GD topic. 10 hungry kids make a jump at it for a bite. Whoever manages to bite or even nibble it stands with a chance of enjoying crates and crates of apples for a lifetime!! Funny are the ways of nature. The apple for which we would be fighting for was hurled towards us. The lady spoke, “The topic for the discussion today would be REALTY IS ON THE BOOM. You have a minute to think on the topic and 10 mins to discuss.” Deathly silence prevailed for the next minute. I could not get my mind to jot down points. I had no clue how the real estate market was doing. Shit man, TJ had forwarded me an article last week emphasizing that it was a popular topic. I had been foolish to not go through it. Some figures would have helped. I was taken aback when the lady ordered, “You may start”. One min had passed!! It seemed like her watch was running really quick. The slaughterhouse had been declared open. And I had not even polished my weapons. The Bengal tigress, Nano(Divya) started. She then said something which would make her immortal in campus folklore for years to come. Perhaps I do not rue the fact till date that I missed out on the company because that 10 mins gave me a week of laughter attack. I still can’t help smiling when I imagine the amused faces of the panel all the while Nano was blabbering. Poor soul. I don’t blame her. Perhaps the panel made a mistake by announcing the topic rather than writing it down. Perhaps tension molded her brain to think like that then. Perhaps she had not paid attention when the topic was announced. Whatever may be the reason, it was one of the most memorable GD’s that I was a part of.

Nano started off in a dynamic fashion. She speaks with such confidence that you cant help but applaud. That’s the reason she is called The Bengal Tigress out here. She roared, “I acknowledge the fact that reality shows seem to have gripped the imagination of the entire nation. But is grabbing eyeballs the only thing that matters? We need to question ourselves, Are these shows catering to the voyeuristic needs of its target group? Do the channels only care about the TRPs that these shows muster or is there anything ‘REAL’ in these shows? These are the points we need to probe in this discussion. I am of the view that these shows are a great means of revenue generation for the channels and at the same time aiding in shooting up the TRP's. One of the topmost in these list of reality shows are the ones graced by celebrities. We Indians are more often than not dazzled by the charm of celebrities. We yearn to discover every teeny weeny bit about these demi-gods off-screen. These shows present before us a more human version of these stars. The audience find themselves being able to relate with the stars in a rather realistic manner. They are so used of seeing their glitz and glamour that they welcome a non-glamourised version of the stars with open arms. They tend to start believing in what is being dished to them. When the drama queens amd the kings of popular Indian soaps jerk a tear or two in real it strikes a chord with the audience. But what they fail to register and question is the authenticity of the "Reality" term associated with these on-screen drama or whatever is shown in the name of back-stage drama!! Do these shows really stand a chance in front of reality talent hunt shows? How "Real" are they?? No one had interrupted her till now. Because all of us were gaping at her. What had she just done??? Had she got it wrong by misinterpreting “Realty” for “Reality” or was it us who had done the opposite?? We looked towards the panel who were exchanging puzzled looks. Nano was taken aback by seeing no one taking the baton ahead. She proceeded by handing over the baton to Chuchu forcefully. She looked towards him and said, “Lets see what Rahul has to say on this. Do you think there is anything ‘real’ in these shows Rahul?” She was desperate for someone to take it ahead. All of us were too dazed at what had just happened to respond. And there was Nano, smarting off and completely unaware thinking that she was the only intelligent one in the group. I think I missed out there. I did not see the golden opportunity that moment gave me but Rahul did. I think he would have got through even if he performed average in the interview given the sheer presence of mind he showed to veer the group back on track. He smiled and coolly addressed the group, “ I will discuss whether there is anything ‘real’ in these SHOWS later in the evening Divya. But I can definitely root for the fact and discuss it with you all that there is something ‘real’ about the Realty Sector!!”. The dazed crowd fell into place cognizant of the fact that the crap they had written in that dreaded one minute was totally relevant and the discussion went on smoothly. Divya had turned totally pink in embarrassment. I was silent throughout because my eyes had filled with tears and I doubted that I would burst out laughing if I dared to open my mouth!!

Member of month - September & poll results

Well,now its the time to officially announce the member of the month for September.I am really happy to announce Mr.Sandeep Balan as the member of the month for September.
I would also remind the members of this reputed group blog that Sandeep Balan had grabbed the Member of the month badge for the month August as well.Here are the statictical details ...

1. sandeep 24 (48%)
2. rajesh 16 (32%)
3. ani 12 (24%)
4. tsharr 9 (18%)
5. shruti 7 (14%)

Sandeep Balan ,now has the hat trick opportunity :p .
I would also like to announce the members who have left out Lounge due to some assignments.

1. Tsharr
2. Gauri Mathur.
3. Aquagurl
4. Sheetal Madaan
   

These are the members who have joined our lounge recently.

1. Priyanka
2. Naren

Now, I am going to announce the winners of the polls conducted in the blog.
1.

Category 1-Most popular blogger

1. Sandeep 30 (46%)
2. Rajesh 19 (29%)
3. Shruti 14 (21%)

Category2-Frequent posts award

1. Rajesh 18 (40%)
2. Shruti 10 (22%)

Category3-Active Member award

1. Sandeep 24 (40%)
2. Rajesh 20 (33%)
3. Shruti 14 (23%)

Category4-Writer of The Writer's Lounge

1. Sandeep 34 (60%)
2. Shruti 31 (55%)
3. Stephen 16 (28%)

Category5-Poet of the Writers Lounge.

1. Mona. 38 (86%)

Category6-Most Loyal Member award

1. Sandeep 29 (50%)
2. Rajesh 18 (31%)
3. Shruti 16 (28%)

Category7-Commenter award

1. Sandeep 28 (47%)
2. Rajesh 22 (37%)
3. Ani 18 (30%)

I CONGRAGULATE ALL THE WINNERS AND RUNNERS UP.

The polls for the member of the month - October will start from today .
The nominees are Rajesh,Shruti,Priyanka,Stephen,Asbah,Mona,Anurag,Sandeep,Ani,The Lover.

Please check the orkut community for more details.More contests coming your way.
We would like to hear it from you

A Love Story Written By God Part 3

The next day she came online and was all happy and cheerful. She told me she had a dream about me and in it she saw that she was here in Canada and we were talking to each other. She told me that she told her best friend some ‘things’ about me. It was 3 A.M here and she wanted me to go to sleep. But I just could not because I wanted to go on talking to her forever. We talked about studies and hobbies and I found yet another set of similarities. I told her how I was confused about coming to Canada and then how everyone at Church prayed and God told me to go. She said she loved Canada and planned to shift there someday. I already had plans so that made me happy.

S: i loooove tht plce...thts actually one plce id lve to shift to if i eva got a chnce

Me: yeah maine to poora plan kar lia hai yaha settle hone ka...

S: wooooow i also wanna cme!!!

Me: u had the dream na..jaldi ho jaega sach..hehe...i love talking to u

S: so do i....tlkin to myself... HAHAHAHHA

Me: hehe very funny

S: no bu seriously i love tlkn to u!!! i actually hope ur online wen im cmin on

Me: n i am always online so whenever u come i'm thr...in fact i have a frnd jisse main usually chat karta hun..she's pissed ever since we started talkin..coz i completely ignore her..lol

S: awww so sad dnt do tht :) tho its flatterin

Me: somethings i can't help doing

S: u ate a lot of chocolates tday kya?

Me: i ate apple pie actually

S: no wonder ur this sweet tday u knw when i am chatting wid you..i have this huge smile on my face.... my collegue actually thnks im nnuts

Me: so do i! abhi thodi der pehle my japanese roomie came n saw my huge smile.... n thought i was crazy

S: but im sooo happy i met u…

Me: im happier

S: seriously i actually thnk God! ur a really really nice person!!!

Me: so r u!

S: n v have to be afta all who made us??

And then I told her I had recently attended a marriage of someone at Church and how God had told him who his future wife would be.

S: tht is sooooo sweet! wen will we get ths??

Me: I hope someday

S: u knw smethng? im very very fond of marriage!! i cnt wait to be married n be wid my mr right

Me: me too... i have this dream... i wnt tell u coz ull think im so girly girly coz only girls have this kinda dream

S: no no temme…i wnt thnk nethng pakka

Me: ok so when i heard another marriage testimony which ill tell u later... i was really happy...at that time i was still seeing aeshna...so tab to i assumed ki she is the right one…..ok so i have this dream..that God will make me meet the right one for me... n we will be married n i will love her forever n forever... n we will love God together n serve Hiim together.... n we will have kids n they will grow up to love Jesus equally..

S: awwwww.. tht is soo sweet.. tht isnt girly.. thts juss a guy whos sensitive which is rare tday...when do u wanna get married??

Me: umm i guess in 4-5 years... is it too early or too late?

S: its perfect! 4 tho better option

Me: n u?

S: same!!

Me: bt v shud get married on diff dates though...otherwise we wont be able to come to each others' wedding..

(I said this deliberately to see her reaction. She later told me that it made her sad when I had said it.)

S: heheheeh ofcrse!!! i want u to write a nice song for my marriage n sing it

Me: me n sing? would be husband bhaag jaega tumko chodke

S: nahin jaayega kahin bhi who

Me: are sai me...u seriously dont want to hear me sing... murde kabar me hil jaenge meri singing sunke

S: hahahaha ur too cute man who eva gets u is gna b blessd n entertained…

Me: whoever gets u will be lucky

S: naah! ill b luky to get sme1

Me: fir wahi baat! Jesus has already found the one for u...n He has already executed HIs plan for u…so u never knw when u meet ur one..

S: im waiting!! i get very very impatient u knw i wanna knwwww!

Me: pray maybe God will tell u... bt sumtimes we tend to be so impatient that the person we like..we assume that God chose him/her...fir panga ho jata hai...

S: yea thts wat hpnd to me

Me: me too.. bt now i knw

S: i wanna fall in looove!!!!

Me: Me too…lets pray for each other...ask god to tell u ki who is the girl for me….n i will ask God ki who is the guy for u

S: haan wow chal vl do tht...this is soo exciting..

Me: its 4 am here...i dnt wanna sleep..i wanna keep on talkin to u

S: i really really like tlkin to u…but u gotta sleep no baba!!! ull fall il!!! thn if u do ull have to sleep early.. thn if u sleep early hw will v talk again?

Me: i knw bt...im not sleepy.. bt i'll sleep if u want me to..waise bhi Jesus se prayer karni hai tumhare lie...kya pata He shws me a dream??

S: i dnt wnt u t sleep :$... i like tlkin to u

Me: ok then i wont.. u knw this is all a dream come true for me... maine socha bhi nai tha when i first saw u ki kabhi aise i will be talkin to u

S: c hw hppy i am tht it did!

I then asked her to tell me a secret about her that no one else knew. She told me…if I told you guys it won’t be that special anymore :D She then told me that her idea of a perfect date was on a beach and I was amazed because that was exactly how I wanted it too. And as I asked her about different things, she gave answers that somehow I expected. It was as if we were mirror images of each other. I have always been a passionate lover. Those of you who have been reading my blog know that. I am the type who wants to be with my lover all the time. And she was like that too. I was quite surprised.

She loved non-vegetarian food and ate all varieties just like me. After that the first thing that didn’t match for us was that she couldn’t cook but I could. I told her I would cook something up for her when we meet. She told me that she always wanted a guy who could cook well. Later on, we decided that I would cook and she would feed me with her own hands. :) Do you see how even though it didn’t match, it still did? It fit perfectly. Then I asked her to read one of the stories on my blog.

S: wooooow seriously woow who eva does get u wil bee very very lucky u have so muuuuch love to give

Me: I do..thats true

S: i wish every guy ws like u

Me: bt i am glad every gurl is not like u

S: smart answer! but i pray tht the guy i do eva get is like u.. atleast a lil

Me: ill pray too ki i find sum1 just liek u

S: ok whats the first thng u wanna do wid ur gurl...

Me: take a road trip to some bful place.. 5:41:46 AM (Note the time)

S: u knw iv always wtd to tke a trip wd hm 5:41:50 AM

( She said the exact same thing! We said the same thing at the same time.)

Me: see! v r soo similar.. exatly..my mirror image.. this is too weird to be all coincidences

S: yea i knw.. its weird thts y…I lke weird :$

Me: i sumtimes dont bt i like this

S: i was tryna figure out wat reason must God have had to make us meet...cn u figur it out?

Me: i knw ki i prayed isliye...bt i guess thats nt the only reason

S: yea!! Definitely ther is a reason oda thntht

Me: wat do u think it is?

S: cud be tht he knw we were goin thru ruf phases.. n we wud b da best for each oda to get us out of it.. i dunno im assuming

Me: yeah i guess so..that cud b the reason

S: but thn y u?? he cudv used my best frnd n sme frnd of urs to get u out of it

(Jesus had planted the seed in her heart. She was finally wondering what this all meant. Now was my chance. But I didn’t want to look too desperate. I wanted to be sure.)

Me: r u thinkin wat i am thinkin??

S: wat r u thnkn?

Me: wat r u thinkin?

S: i askd first

Me: ladies first

S: no!!! i dnt believe in tht.. temme plz

Me: nothing... aise hi

S: u wudnt have asked me if u wernt thnkn of netng

(I took this opportunity and as they say, “Mauka dekhke mara chauka” but it was a six! I took the name of Jesus and told her everything.)

Me: well... i donno...it's weird.. i donno if i shud tell u..

S: temme

Me: nai u wont believe me anyway

S: i will!! i promise!!

Me: kk...i didnt tell u the whole thing dat i prayed for

S: wat else did u pray for?

And then I told her that I had prayed for us to be together and everything had come true except the meeting face-to-face part and the being together part.

S: i was juss thnkin tht u prayed but God wudnt hve given u all tht if he din have a purpose... so the fact tht we met n strtd tlkin n have reached this point has to have sme purpose.. din juss make us meet in vain

Me: ya wo to hai..purpose to hai...bt i might be wrong abt the being 2gether part

S: maybe maybe not… ur very very adorable n i hve nea been dis flattered b4!! its vry sweet wt u did.. :):) ok temme why did u pray for me??

Me: coz i believed u were the one for me..even thought it sounded absurd n stupid...so i told myself...i'll let Jesus decide if it is or not

S: what if i wudv turned out a dissapointmnt to u

Me: bt u didnt.. so dats a sign

S: wat do u like about me the most?

Me: i thought u r celeb..u wud b diff... bt u r sooo humble...n vulnerable liek me... n d way u love God...

S: u knw wat i like the most? da way i cn be myself wid u

Me: perfectly said..

S: perfectly felt!

It was 6:30 AM. I hadn’t slept at all and we had been chatting for 6 hours. She had work and so I slept. She promised to come online again in a few hours. When I woke up 6 hours later, she had left this offline,

i dunno y bt its feelin so weird widout u online man!! :(:( neway u must be sleen u must b sleepin like a bby!!! :) gud mrnin wen u get up!! :):) last nite was weird but very very nice!!! iv got butterflies in my stomach!!

3rd October was turning out to be the most blessed day. And there was still much more to come! She came back but was all quiet.

Me: bolo kuch

S: im speechless

Me: hws dat possible..u to said u talk a lot

S: yea but im still feelin weird1

Me: weird is good

S: very but still!

Me: bt y r u feelin weird?

S: i dunno!!! there are butterflies in y stomach!!! n i have NOOOOO idea y

Then she told me something that happened with her and not surprisingly, it had happened with me almost in the exact same way.

S: haha weirdest.. even our situations match man

Me: wahi to...the same things keep happening

S: ur not my lost brother naa :P

Me: nahiiii!

S: Hehe kiddin… bhai ban bhi gaya toh kya??

Me: ya u wud to want that na?

S: yaa!! Heheheheehhee

Me: shut up

S: arre but y?? y not my bhai??

Me: u kwn y! maine jesus ko ye pray nahi kia tha ki mujhe behen dila do!

S: hahahaha! phir kya kiya?

Me: bataya to tha!

S: i wanna hear it again!!! makes me blush :$

And I told her again and she blushed.

S: ok but temm ewen did u strt likin me??

Me: the first time i heard u sing.. bt maybe tab it was just another celeb fan crush bt at the same time it was diff. i juts knw frm the core of my heart dat i wanted to b wid sum1 like u.. phir amar ne jo bola. to fir i thought...y not pray for the original...rather than a duplicate.. n den i prayed n waited n the rest u knw..

She asked me how long had I waited. I told her I had prayed in early March and we met online in August.

S: did u thnk at tht tym ud b sayn allthese thngs?

Me: not at all... i remember i wud watch ur songs...n think abt u.. n i thought she dsnt even knw i exist. yeah bt of course i had faith ki kuch to hoga

S: jus so u knw!!! i wanted to say soooo cute but i thot thtll make u blush

We discovered a few more similarities after that. We both had all 10 seasons of FRIENDS. She asked me if I preferred talking on the phone or messaging. I said depends on who it is and she said she would have said the same. We both preferred to eat out. We both liked the same genre of movies. We both preferred a little bit of light in the room while sleeping at night. Both of us preferred rice over chapattis. Both of us would rather be married and poor than be single and rich. I’m a good listener. She is a good talker. Fits.

Me: umm...mountains or beaches?

S: beaches next to a byutiful mountain.. i cn soak my feet inthe water.. thn go on the mounatin top n yell out to my huny... say tell him i love him

Me: that's exactly how it is here in Halifax

S: u must be thnkn im nuts

Me: i'm thinkin God is soo good

S: yy?

Me: he just is

S: bcuz he brought u to me:)

Me: umm... movies in bed or theatre

S: theatre wid frnds...bed with special sum1

Me: me 2

And then finally the bummer that finalized it all. I’m sure all of you have pictured this in your mind that how you are going to propose your love for marriage and in case of girls, how you want to be proposed.

S: hmmm!!! ok!!! wat is the one way u wanna propse ur gurl for marriage?

Me: hmm...i wud get down on my knees...not just one..both knees....n i wud take out the ring...n i wud ask her to be my soulmate

S: OMG

Me: wat?

S: Nuin

Me: tell na

S: noo

Me: are tell na

S: i have always wnted ot be propsed like tht

Me: sachchi?

S: Sachi

Me: i donno wat to say..

S: juss a question! what if v r suppose to be togeda

Me: i believe v r... now even more

S: seriusly? hw r u so sure?

Me: coz till now nothing has happened to make me believe otherwise

S: hve i been made fo u?

Me: maybe..God knws..i mean wat else cud all these mean.. coincidence ek baar do baar max 3-4 baar...bt in our case...everytime

S: yeaa.. hw happy will u b if it is meant to b for us?

Me: i cannot even imagine

S: i cnt evn imagine hw itll be if i cme to ur the one for me…it juss feels weird cmin this close to known!

Me: Same here..im gttin goosebumps

S: dusnt it feel like vr waiting for this person who has to give us some news fast...wat if it turns out to be true??

Me: i'd b the happiest person in the world. i'd take the first plane back to india to meet u

S: seriously? ill run half way

Me: run? lol paani me? airport aa jana wahi kaafi hoga lol

S: adi...

Me: yea

S: i really like u!

Me: i like u a lot more!

S: hw much more??

Me: a hundred thousand times more…i promise....if u really r the one for me.....i'd love u soo much that u wd never ever be sad again...

S: n id love u soo much tht ud neva wanna leave my presence!!! vl always be togeda!!

Me: i cant wait

S: nor cn i!! i feel like huggin u i dunno y…put up a pic of urself on ur display naa plz.. atleast i cn c u

Me: this is the best ive got

S: aww!! :) muahh tho uv got amazing eyes!!!! u shud shw em off more often...can i tell u a lil secret dnt freak out...iv been plannin to shift to canada for the past two months n i guess i am

Me: wat? whoa!!! ill go crazy now

S: befre i met u only it strtd

Me: whr will u shift if u do?

S: Toronto

Me: Not too far frm me :)

S: say sumthn11

Me: im missin u

S: im missin u too..many butterflies in my stomach nw

Me: mere to mooh se bhi nikal rahe hai. bt srsly...i dnt have words to explain how i am feelin ryt now

S: ur a writer.... u shud b able to..

Me: wahi to ajeeb hai na... ive never felt this before

S: wat r u thnkn at this moment

Me: abt waat will God say..

S: u thnk if God tells u im the one ull b able to fall in love wid me?

Me: I know I wudnt have to try.. will u?

S: i already thnk i am on the verge of fallin for u!!! God's answer will juss push me over...i cnt wait fo him to tell me.. im really paryn he tells us tday!! my night ur day

Me: hopefully..kuch bhi ho sakta hai

S: wat is the one thng u wanna sy to me but hvnt?

Me: ill say dat when i am sure

S: got it.. i cnt believe im actually askin u all these questions!

Me: lol..neither can i! bt who can deny wat God wants…

S: no1….i have to say.... whoeva gets u will be very lucky.. n if its mee.... ill be the luckiest

Me: i hope u do..coz then ill b the luckiest..

S: i cnt believe im tlkin to my ... God Willing.. future

Me: yea its so cool.. when i used to hear those marriage testimonies... i never thought ki maybe mine wud be one too...maybe

S: :) yea but maybe it will be a testimony to ppl who will be in the position we were in wen we strtd tlkin…if God ever gives me u i cnt imagine hw much i will get frm u

Me: ill give u my everything n even more

S: wats the frst thng we'll do if we get the sign

Me: I have no idea..wat will u do?

S: afta thnkin HIm... ill run to u n hold u n wnt let u go till i believe my search is over!!

Me: ya ill thank Him too n take the first flight to mumbai so that u can do that…

S: awww.. so so so sweet

Me: bolo

S: wat dyu want me to say?

Me: wats on ur mind?

S: U

Me: Ur the perfect one or me

S: Hw do u knw?

Me: I just knw n I knw God will tell us d same…

S: Im really hoping.

Me: Can I call u sometime??

S: Of course!!!

She gave me her number and I gave her a miss call so that she could save mine. I was thinking of calling her later because I wasn’t prepared to talk to her just yet. But to my surprise, she called back that very instant. We talked on the phone and I was loving every moment of it. She sang a song for me. *sigh* Her voice was soo sexy on the phone. And after talking on the phone for almost two hours, we couldn't control it any longer. I told her I loved her and she said she loved me too. I was on top of the world and the One who is actually on top of the world must have been very happy too. Although we believed at that moment that all of this was God's will we had to be sure. We needed a solid confirmation that this was from God and not a bunch of freak co-incidences. We decided we would pray and wait upon God to give both of us confirmations. I got one of mine the very next day. We were again talking on the phone. Now, many months ago, while I was in India, I had gone to Sungeeta di's place for a youth retreat. I won't go into details but at that retreat, someone had told me how she had got married. God had specifically told her and her family the name of the person who would be her future husband. And later, they did end up getting married and have been happy for many years now. Also God had told them after marriage that one of thier child was to be an adopted one and had even led them to the orphanage and to the specific child they were supposed to adopt. This story inspired me so much that I told Jesus that night that I wanted Him to choose someone for me too and also that I would adopt an orphan too. Only Jesus and I knew about this. Coming back to the phone conversation, we were talking mushy stuff which I won't share here obviously and the topic of children came up.(Don't laugh.) And, she said that she wanted one of her children to be adopted. I was stumped. Now some of you would say that it was not a big deal because many people want to adopt nowadays. I agree, but taking into consideration all the other things that had matched, this just could not be yet another co-incidence that the one person I believed to be the one would say the same thing that I had promised to God. I mean, the two things that I had promised God were happening. What else could it be? I knew then and there that this was God telling me that I told her our little secret because she will be a part of it from now onwards. This was on 4th October. It's been ten days now but it feels like that very moment when I had first told her I love her. I have never ever in my life felt this weird before. I never knew that I had so much of this wonderful emotion lying dormant inside me. The Bible says that "God is Love". It is today that I can say that God is in me because I love. I am glad and grateful to God that He answered my prayer and found me this amazing and wonderful person to love and cherish. I strive to be a better person for God and for her. I tried my best to explain here what I am feeling right now. I praise and thank God for everything that I went through all my life. I know now that God always has a plan and that God used everything negative that I ever went through to make me a stronger and better person and was preparing me for this day and for her. I love you Jesus and I love you S. Although we are sure that we are meant to be, she is yet to recieve a solid confirmation from God but we know she will soon and I wouldn't mind a few more either. Please pray for the both of us. I will keep you updated. God bless!

Day 0...The Goofers!!

Day 0!! The digit “0” is India’s gift to the world but little did Aryabhata know that this digit when prefixed with the word “Day” would spell hell for all management graduates. Management graduates…..bright young souls brimming with confidence and overflowing with jargons solid enough to bail them out of any tough situation that ever crosses their path. We are a thriving race…..fuelling the economic upswing of a nation set to become a superpower in a decade. Extinct is a word which will never be spoken in the same breath as management graduates because the rate at which this race is growing will definitely put India’s growth rate to shame!! All the species of this race out there would agree to the fact that never has and never will a day be more dreaded than the Day 0. It is the fight for the top companies and top profiles on offer. Draggers are drawn out and friends find themselves pitched against each other for that elusive spot in each of the big names that open shop in the campuses. There are two kinds of people who drown 99 times out of 100 in such circumstances. One with the lowest CGPA’s (Cumulative Grade Point Average) and the other lesser blessed ones without the gift of the gab. The earlier ones are the unfortunate ones whom the company weeds out from this garden whose cultivation after 2 years of nurturing and watering is finally put on sale, without giving them an opportunity to explain why they consciously decided not to let the water seep into their system transforming them into beautiful flowers for the last 2 years of their student life instead of being obliging plants who gobble up everything and bear flowers full of fragrance ready to be plucked by the who’s who of the corporate world for an unbelievable price!! Then there are some benevolent companies who pluck some weeds along with the flowers and end up discarding the flowers for weeds. These kinds we would be dealing with in the later posts. The next one is solely dedicated to the third kind of people who drown not because they don’t know to swim. They drown because they jump without hearing the whistle, complete their laps and raise their hands for the audience to acknowledge their victory and clap in unison. Realization dawns late on these unfortunate souls and when it does, the stories of these legends become campus folklore.

This Mallu from Gods own country, Devils own backyard would be opening up his diary from his yeM Bee yAe days and beyond sharing snapshots of this derailed out of focus journey of mine which is nowhere near to the definition of “Life” in Wikipedia(the new internet generation prefers using this than the traditional medium!!) Read the next post to meet the “Goofers”…….those who left the GD panelists gaping and their fellow batch mates in splits with their over enthusiasm and desperation!!

WHY??

A page from Chattu’s (Tarunesh Kr. Chatterjee/Batch 2005-07/SoM) personal diary

9th October, 2007 / Mumbai

It rained. It rained today. I could feel it. My soul bathed in it. Was it God’s way of washing away my tears? Tears that went unnoticed in the rain. Tears that never trickled when I was with you. Tears that swept away all the emotions and expectations I had painstakingly built block by block. Tears that finally found an outlet after being caged for what seemed like an eternity. Did I notice blood in them? Or was it mere illusion? Whatever, I could feel the pain within. I could peep within and see the dent that one single statement of yours had made in my heart. I could see blood oozing out of it. It is still raining. Why has God turned on the shower to let my wounds sting? What wrong had I done to deserve this?

Why did you seek love elsewhere when I left no stone unturned to let you know that you mean the world to me? Why did you not remember all the things I sacrificed for you when you decided to betray me? Was my love so weak that it didn’t mutter a single word when you were strangulating it in a strangers arm? Or had the stranger ceased being one? Why you keep on repeating the mistake over and over again? Why did you lie to me all this while? Why did you stay in touch with him even when you were with me? How could your conscience allow this? You made me realize that I was engulfed in an illusion all this while. I had weaved my future around this illusion. I had weaved my dreams around this illusion. I had weaved my life around this illusion. I had loved you in the purest form. Was this not what you wanted? Was it a physical relation you wanted? Was it the burden of expectations that my love demanded? Or was it something else? I would never know. I would never know what went lacking from my side. I would never know what it was that you wanted from me. I would never know whether you loved me at all or was it just the need to be with someone. Look at what you have done to me. Look at what that sorry has reduced me to. Will a mere sorry heal my broken heart? Will a mere sorry bring back the love you consciously decided to flush down the closet? Will a mere sorry bring back my lost sense of pride? Will a mere sorry help me not being reduced to a laughing stock in my group? Will a mere sorry help me not falling in my own eyes? Will a mere sorry erase all the thoughts of the stranger that have set home in your mind? Will a mere sorry guarantee an anytime stroll in the corridors of your mind I once owned? You said I was your gift and the best you could ever dream of. Was I? Was I ever? If yes, then why did you succumb to the temptation? You treasure your gifts, however small. You don’t throw them away when you see a bigger one.

Why didn’t you think that I will be reduced to a walking zombie for the rest of my life? Why didn’t you think that I will never be normal again? Why didn’t you give it a thought before succumbing? Why didn’t you realize that a no to him would have made my life so much colorful? Why did you do this to me in the first place? Was a two week whirlwind strong enough to lay to rest the tornado of emotions which you had for me? Why did you erase the words “Trust” and “Love” from my system forever? Why do I fear closing my eyes at night? Why do I dread recurring dreams of you haunting me all night? Why can’t I make myself believe that I no longer matter to you? Why can’t I get myself to believe that all of this is a bad dream? Why can’t I stop loving you despite you shooting me point blank? Why did you do it?

Why do I deserve to sleep when I can’t get rid of your memories? Why do I deserve to walk when I can’t take your hands in mine? Why do I deserve to love when the one I loved most threw me away? Why do I deserve to breathe when I can’t stop filtering out your smell from the surroundings? Why doesn’t this blood oozing out kill me despite you stabbing me time and again? Why do I deserve to live? Do I?

Chattu died a natural death one year later. He was only 25. The doctors never found out the cause of his death. They were clueless what caused his untimely death. Maybe the slow poison his body had started generating along with other fluids after that day took its toll. Maybe he never got over her. Maybe he chose not to get over her. Maybe he chose this fate. Maybe he was a fool. Maybe the fact that he was a cut above the rest when it came to out of the box thinking never mattered to him. Maybe the fact that he was seen as a rising star in his firm never mattered to him. Maybe the fact that he had the biggest circle of best friends never made any difference. Maybe his best friends never noticed his weeping heart all this while. Maybe he chose not to reveal that side to them. Maybe he wanted his image of the naughtiest of the batch to remain intact. Maybe he wanted his image of being a prankster and one who has a forever smile on his face to remain intact.

Maybe he is still looking at us from up there and saying, “I loved only once…And I loved her truly”