October 28, 2008

For Shruti.

like a traveller... a vagabond.... a gypsy..... i am not certain of my living, do i have a life ? can i breath ? a non-certianty, as if a day of resurrection, i culd have lived, i culd have taken the air to my lungs, but yet the hurdels came in between, i culd have darted pass on the rocky jagged roads, no bleedings, no drop of blood have fallen out of my skin!! i culd tread on... but i am chained.. ensnared... the rope that have tied in have taken my freedom away. I am living in the steel walled room, there is no escape, i am suffocating, clastrophobiac......i am not only lonely But also FORLORN .... hollow from inside, the dreams are of glass, the life is a glass life, how could it survive in Metalic walls ?? as if encaged, as if engraved !!! digging my own grave, with my very own hands. the darkness of my room plunging deeper, the tears falling to crumble down. I am No pheniox that burns itself to be ALive, i am not a dream, which can be dreamt. what i am ?? as if the way.. as if the things... do i have a living ?

His words ringing in my ears, her tears were silent, His ire getting deeper, her sobs turning to sighs, his anger on acme.... all my little days .. my little world, my little mind encaptivated by this all, the little me weaving plans to protect Her, the little me preparing my-self to shelter my siblings, the little hands ready to earn.... an earning. for her... for them. ....Do i have a life?

I am ready to fly from my nest, i have to study harder, i am to stand high with pride. But then the hell broke out, He dragging me OUT of HIS house, I... crying pitiously, I... pleading .... beseeching ... my words ended... my faith broken... my dogma's shattered.... my gait trembelling.... onto the rubble of my dreams, onto the debris of my desire that i nurtured through out my life, drop by drop from my tears.... pint by pint through my blood. ... DO i have a life ? can i live? ? shuld i life ??

God Knows !!

(from the diary of my young being. I am copy pasting the exact stuff. the spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes is because of the extreme emotional stress i had been through :) and well.. I have always used big words to sound small.. Sigh!)


  1. ohhh asbah....i m truly touched yaar..
    i wonder how cud u write dis at such a young age..13 u said?? god!
    but then i understand...circumstances can bring out anything..we all face such situations in life na...a very sad post...
    'i am no phoenix...i m not a dream....' u write really gud!!

  2. wow wow wow asbah...for once the spelling mistakes and grammar does not matter...this one really caught me strong deep within...left an impression deep within...you can play with words at ease islexxxx...good one yaar...for once "cud" for "could" has not irritated me...cheerio!

  3. Di this piece brought tears in my eyes...
    I am feeling the exact way you must have felt then...
    Thanks for putting it up here for me..
    Thanks so much..now I'm more stable..

  4. thankyou people. writing it onto the paper then made me stronger too.. helped me a lot.

    Sandeep thankyou for not being bothered by cud :P by the way i Used, Culd, there is a slight difference.. a typical teenager language na, don't look from you 20 + something eyes :)

    and i remember i learn the word Forlorn then, hehe although the usage here was a little In-correct.. but then its what it is like.

    thankyou Pri :)


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