Pucliar LOVE!

‘ I can not live without you , take me with you’ she hugged him he kissed and they happily lived ever after..
Perfect ending? to a love story No! well that's what they give it when it comes to great writers and director/ movie makers but in my case after a kiss this all started I am Aleena , you can surely call me lena and this is my story;
I am an Asian living in England for past 1 year with my husband. We got married a year and 3 months back and then I came here with my hubbee, he doesn’t like me working so all I have to do is stay at home and wait for him till evening. I don't understand why Asians want a sexy babe as their girl friend but for marriage thing they need a homesick girl educated but simple, up to date but not fashionable. Sigh! these double standards and male chauvinism, I am quite sick of it. I did my Bachelors in Engineering and sometimes I really curse myself about getting married so soon. Mostly when I see good salary packages on ad’s in newspaper. Still I ask myself why I married ( a question that was in my mind since I knew my parents lives together because they are MARRIED, the only thing which is changed in the statement is I as now I think why I GOT MARRIED ) . But this doesn’t mean my husband is not good, he is a honey bee , really take cares of me like a delicate piece of God, loves me like crazies but still there are few things that I need a part from these. And this list I can never tell him because once I did and his excuses were way to big then my little, innocent wishes.

I want babies, now listen to his reply ‘ Oh but I don't want one not even in near future because I already have one ’ a kiss on my cheek and that's sit..

I want to work, perfect answer ‘Why you want work honey pie while I am working already for you’ a pinch on my nose.

I want to make friends go on outings ‘Darling ! you know we don't know people here, they have different standards of living you won’t be able to cop up with them. And apart from this I do take you on outing OK OK why don't we plan an outing this weekend what say?’

I still remember those nights when we used to talk whole night. We promised each other that we will provide each other maximum space that we can. Were those promise were made to be broken only ? I was so proud to have him that my friends in University used to hoot me a lot due to my day dreaming and claiming every other person resembling him. =D I laughed with tears in my eyes. Yes I agree memories play a confusing role as when we remember the good ones we cherish them with smile on lips and tears in eyes and when we remember the tough or bad ones we have a laugh . Hey I got to go my husband is about to arrive any minute and he will be hating if he saw me using net instead of waiting for him ( these men ! *Sigh* ) …

To Be Continue..

- illusiOn ~

Life ......... Death

Voices if siren
Cries of people
Silent my tears
Eyes closed with fear
Heart getting wild shivering my mind
And there I hear a voice
Between those cries
Voice pulling me itself so strong
I was hard to beleive
But I had to leave
As dawn falls just before the dusk
I felt something
But could see nothing
I want to cry i wanted to speak
But my eyes were shut my lips were sealed
And then I saw him
A shiny angel casting his spell on me
As they touch my heart
The spell made me at relaxed
But I hope for death
He came near and said
' You are still alive you are not dead '
So I nodded my head
A tear rolled down as
I was alive but I feel so dead !

-illusiOn~

I am sorry guys I know I am posting here after couple of months and even after a long time i am posting a very ordinary piece but beleive me I am not fine.. I hope by this poem you can easily understand what I am facing..

Tainted Love - V

For previous blogisode click here

TAINTED LOVE - V

Sam Maccery standing with a hand up in the air probably she was about to say a "hi" , with tears in her eyesand a expression of perplexity on her pale face. She surely had heard every single wild and hard words by Adam Steve and for that Adam wished to kill him this time for sure. Sam turned and without a word she ran away , Sheila ran after her leaving her things behind. while Adam put his head in his hands as he was shocked on what just happened. Everything has straight went wrong.

' Could you please explain me of what you just did Adam Steve' Albert asked with a sneer in his voice.
' I dont know.. It was just.. I didnt.. I didnt wanted her in the party that's sit..' Adam said in a giving up way.
'What ever man.. You listen to me now Adam Steve .. She will be coming to in the party and she will be guest of mine. I cant ignore her just because of your some shitty reason. You are acting as a absolute coward.. Now common lets go and say sorry to her.. You were xtremely harsh with her.. Be a man.. Stop acting like a loser '

Holding hand of Adam, Albert drag him out of the pratice court but there they saw no sign of girls but then they heard low voices of cries from their left corner. They hurried off and saw Sam crying badly, having back towards boys so she was unable to see them. Adam glimpse the r0oad avoiding the silence and the nly voice of cry of Sam , pain and sadness overwhelming him. Sam was crying and was speakign even ( he never can understand how girls perfome this two things together . It was as tough as to understand a girl );

' Tell me Sheila! Whi I love him so much.. Why Ilove him so much and he loves me not not... what made him hate me so suddenly when things were so good between us.. tell me what went wrong? Why he left me? What made him? Why my heart aches when he avoids me? Why it still wants to be centre of Adam Steve's attention? Why after all this my heart gives me a feeling that he will come back? I hate my self, I hate my hopes, I hate that every ngiht I make my self believe tomorrow he will be back and every day I tel,l my self to pass the time as its just for few days? How easily I can hate my self but why its so difficult to hate him? Why I cant even think abvout hating him ? WHY ?? Why I still Love him? ' She was asking questions, and both of them were silent as they were unable to answer. While on the other hand third one ( Adam Steve ) was not ready to know the answer, so he quit and walked away...

He ran fast as if wanted to get out of what he just saw. He want a escape of pain he had after looking at Sam's tears. He was unable to understand why his heart was aching badly ? Why he wanted her not to be in party? He.. was deep drowned in his WHY's, If's and But's , he rested his head with eyes closed and got an image of Sam with tears in her eyes. He opened his eyes and brought his mobile out and wrote;

Her eyes and there flickers,
Still enchants me,
Make me shiver,
Though I want my eyes,
To be off from her's
But something stops me,
And I wont be knowing it EVER..
Never..

Someone from back read it loud which made him hide the cell phone. As he turned around he saw Enrique Moze with a evil smile on his face..

' So Adam Steve is writting poems these days! Wow the fanous foot baller, teh best stricker is a poet.. wow! I guess I have my gossip of the month.. You know it will be great for the headline..My luck wowh..' Enrique left Adam in complete anger . He was the worst enemy of Adam and that was because of Sam Maccery as he was too in love with that silly girl.

Later that night, he switched off his cell phonelocked his room and even turned of his room's light , avoiding all the possible sources of connection with the rest of the world. He opened his laptop and clicked on a fimiliar folder named ' C.M.A.S ' , just to distract his mind and its thoughts. SHe was no doubt a beauty but he was losing track everytime he look at her he gets an image of crying girl and scentences filled with deep pain, his ears still were hearing those questions;

How easily I can hate my self but

why its so difficult to hate him?

Why I cant even think abvout hating him ?

WHY ?? Why I still Love him?

These scentence and the image of her crying outside the court was again and again on his mind . Why he ran when he saw her crying because he still cant see her in pain! Why everthing he write something he had her image ? why? why there are some questions that has no answers? He felt tears rolling down from his eyes, making his face wet.. he in his cell phone light started writting;

My heart afraid,
As I know soon I will hear your name with someone,
Someone but not me,
Peevish I get with a helpless heart,
I dont want to show, I dont want to care,
But listening to this I feel so dead,
I dont want you to be with anyone,
Dont ask me why> As I don't have any reason,
I Say I don't love you and I believe I don't,
Then why I feel you always around,
Words.. they are not rhyming,
But they might tell you!
What is going on in me,
As you all I can think off,
Yes I am get envious with even a though of your share,
And you have been knowing it ever since it was there,
Can you forgive, Can you be back?
Do you love me, Please nod your head in YES !
Just come back once , and I will never let you go again,
Come back and I will tell,
How hard its for me to hurt you as its like I hurt myself,
Shattered I am in trying to avoid you,
Tell me, what you do to me?
Why I cant forget you?
Just come back once , and I will never let you go again,
Come back and I will tell you,
How much I love you !!

There was a knock on the door and he heard a voice, voice calling his name. Voice of a girl his heart was thinking about, he hurried off and opened the door. His jaw was wide open, tears in his eyes and he saw...

To Be Continued..

- illusiOn~

P.S( I will end the story soon um sorry if you get bore by this)

P.S.S( I am so so very sorry for nay kinds of mistakes.. plz avoid it )

For more visit illusiOn~

A NIGHTINGALE !

He saw her for the very first time while he was glancing round the area. She was dressed in red coat with a black skirt. She looked quite dirty one, but her looks made him stare her like fools. He never come across such beautiful, magnificent and wonderful eyes. Pain , affection, affection they have so much floating in them. She was without any make-over and honestly speaking she didn't needed one.. He felt bad for her who was now playing with mud. He went near by and said;

' Hey ' He wanted to listen her voice but she didn't respond

He few more times tried talking to her but she avoided and instead of answering she left the area. Next evening he again came there and found her in very same dress again with mud. He tried talking but she refused like the first day, next two days he tried the same and got the very same results. After 3 days or so having flickers in his eyes he went close by, luckily this time she didn't ran away in lieu she continue what she was doing. He sat there without saying ' hello ' this time. Few minutes of silence she stood up and started walking and he followed her

' Hey ' He said with a desperation in his voice
' Hey ' he was amused as her voice was beautiful like she was but she continued her walk so he ran after her.
' Wait ' Racing towards her he stood right in front of her so that his body can make her stop
' What? ' She said giving him a hard look
' Err... just wanted to know your name ' He said avoiding her rudeness
' Tara.. ' And with that she continued walking
' I am Sameer ' He said from behind
' Good for you ' She said before turning down the tunnel and left him startle.

Later that evening he went to Boston for two weeks but there too, those two eyes followed him. He was a party boy but even in dances he couldn't take his eyes off the image of those eyes present in his mind. Following week he went to a formal date with Seliona Albert but instead of praising her beauty he kept on thinking about those features of an unknown girl which was instantly noticed by Seliona and this ruined his perfect date. On the day of his return again he was in trouble because of those two eyes and he messed up with a girl which resulted as a slap placed on his left cheek. Finally he came back next evening with flowers in his hand, words in jumbled order in his head he went to the lake side hoping to see her. He was dressed in a formal suit and hoped same for the girl as it would be biggest day for the girl, he was going to propose the girl as in his view he was deeply in love. As reach there his eyes search her thirstily but he failed as there was no sign of her. Finally at 6:00 he decided to leave while passing the oak tree he saw someone, an average looking old man with a brown hat in peculiar behavior as if he was searching someone.He looked around and finally his eyes caught her, hiding herself in an oak tree, with its leaves sitting on a branch, he quickly looked at the other side as he didn't wanted old man to notice her as he guessed the girl was hiding from the old man. He walked around keeping himself near by the tree and finally as the darkness arises old man walked away. Moments later girl jump down to the boys abatement she came toward him with a quickness.. Eyes that made him restless were filled with water. She came closer and hurriedly she put his hand on his coat plundering them and whispered;

' Give me a penny please! please give me a penny, he will kill me I need to give him the money give me the penny ' She said frenzily and without a word he handed all money he had from his wallet to her palm.

She dazed him for few seconds and then ran away, he sat down on his knees facing the sky. Tears roll down her eyes and flowers fallen down his hand . He cried silently without making noise but then only he heard something something scary which made noise, loud noise, a roar by the clouds and it rained. He felt like clouds were his partner in crime. He looked again the sky hoping that sky had noticed what just happened how he lost his nightingale. How he will be able to forget those eyes, eyes which had so much in them. Which filled by so much purity, hope, sadness, happiness, will he ever be able to forget them? He will never be able to come here again to see his chirping nightingale ... never again..


-illusiOn~

MaGiC - ( Called loved )

MaGiC - ( Called loved )

He woke up, very early in the morning and rushed towards the door leaving a bye note , clipping his belt and buttoning his shirt. He wore his socks in his car and drove it fast. It was cold though it was just start of October, with October something flash in his mind and his ears heard a voice;

You forgotten my birthday.. I reminded

you since start of October

and then you say you married me

because you love me

He looked around but found no one, carefully he parked his car and hurried off in the building in front. As entered the gate he saw Ken waiting for him dressed in a formal suit.

' Hey ! ' Ken came closer and hugged his friend with a noticeable feel of sympathy and concern
' Hey ! I hope I am not late..' He said while hugging.
' No no its very fine.. the meeting is postponed but where you were as I tried your number but nobody answered. You weren't at home? Or were you? ' He avoided his glance
' I was at Catherine's place ' He said in slow voice.
' The blond girl friend of yours? ' Ken asked him giving him a nasty look
' No she was Sally , she is new, met her at the down bar hall, she is a red head ' He gave her description.
' You were with your new girl friend when your own house was set on fire. Man! I don't understand you, you know Mandy is right you are ridiculous at time. I don't understand how one can be so careless and carefree that a night before his marriage life will be finished he is spending night with his new girl friend. Amazingly pathetic ! ' Ken said in low voice but with a disgrace in his tone.
' Oh common man. After me and Mandy are aparted I have to be with these girl only no? so what should I be doing a night before my marriage life ends . Should I have been drunk and cry, no reason for that sorry. Be pratical man common I think we are getting late ' He headed towards the stair case..

Manderith's name was call out just after 30 min of desperate wait. As she entered the room she saw him, his breath taking looks. He was still so handsome, she wiped of a tear that was ready to leave its place in her eyes. He cleared her throat and settle down beside him. She placed down her bag down right beside her right leg and put her tremble hand on her lap. She felt fatigued even though she came here with a friend who drove. Magistrate after 30 minutes of settlements gave them 30 min for reconsideration as they both were unwilling to consider their decision. Both of them were now sitting in a waiting room with their friends. Sara sat beside her best friend and pat her back as Mandy was in deep silence. Ken gave Eden a thought full look and sat on the last chair next to the door.

' Mandy let me grasp water I will be back in a minute ' Sara left and few minutes later Ken said
' Eden I need to call someone important and no proper signals are available I will be back shortly ' They both left to provide them some privacy though they were unaware of how big their egos were grown by now.

Eden hesitate in the silence awaken as they both left the room he give his better half a look who was sitting resting her head placed with wall, her eyes closed. He just noticed how pale she was looking, where her freshness disappeared? Was it because he left her? he cough just for her attention and she opened her eyes, there eyes were locked for a moment but then she broke the fortification herself and looked away from the only window of the room.

' Are you OK? ' Finally he asked
' Yeah.. why? She said in low tone which was certainly not her style.
' Just like that.. actually you looked little pale.. whats wrong ' He had concerned in his voice
' I am fine .. Thank you just work load.. over time ' She said while closing her eyes again.
' Oh.. right ' He said thoughtfully

The silence was again waken by both of them as they both beseem themselves with it only, drown in silence they both didn't even realized only five minutes now they had of their breaking up relation. Ken and Sara entered the room and the silence was gone.

' Lets go.. Time is up.. ' Sara give her hand and she stand up holding her hand.
' Lets go mate ' Ken said while placing his hand on Eden's shoulder
' yeah ' He slowly said and they headed towards the door

Magistrate gave them papers to sign and he forward it to Manderith, She with trembling hand bent down tears right from her eyes fallen down on paper making it wet and he viewed this scene from a little distance, something punched him from inside. A feel of guiltiness raise and he even trying over look but the emotions was strong and it grasp his heart. Mandy gave the paper to Magistrate and hurried off, leaving the room without noticing someones is running after her. She run down the stair case and finally reaching the parking area she felt giddy and before she could fallen down she was restore in two strong arms.. She rolled her eyes and saw Eden holding her from her waist

' You know running after you reminds me our first meeting, you still are a good runner.' He said
in lower voice looking in her eyes.
' I.. ' She said but she left her sentence in middle as her tongue was hashed up and her tears told him everything as they roll down her face, he bent his head still looking her green eyes and kissed her face drinking her tears. He made her stand and she cried badly which made him feel worse without being aware of what his own intentions he curled her in his arms and hugged her as if she is the most valuable thing of his life and he feared losing her. She hugged him back though tears were still in her eyes and she was still crying. They didn't notice how long they hold each other embrace each other but they got parted when Mandy pushed him and remembered that few moments before they were ending there married life ,on his decision. She turned when he hold her wrist and turned her towarda his face and said;

' You know Mandy! why I ran after you? Because while you were signing the paper I remember the lines once you told me you like alot. I remember it words when you your tears fallen down the paper making wet and I whispered to myself is it important to lose someone to feel his/her importance , to know that you love the other one. I asked myself if I will be able to live without the girl who changed my life, the girl who compromised with defects of mine and accepted me as whole and you know Mandy the answer was NO ' He said in his deep low voice which took her heart away and she was obviously with out any other question, she was convinced and as a result she hugged him rolling her hands at his back whispering ' I Love You ' .

After few minutes when they ended all there massive misunderstanding they saw Ken and Sara in front of them. Both had a bright broad smile on their faces. They came closer and said;

' You know what Eden your better half is much more sharper then you ' Ken started taking conversation to a lighter mode.
' How? ' Eden said
' She didn't signed the paper with her own signature see what she signed ' Ken showed him paper and he saw I LOVE YOU instead of Manderith Len written, he looked Mandy who looked a little puzzled, he gave her a smile with tears in his eyes, he hugged her furiously holding her from back ( who could imagine Eden Len crying for a girl.. this is what called LOVE no? )

-illusiOn~

P.S ( A small try from my side..)

P.S.S ( please do read and comment)

Do visit illusiOn~

A Dark Silent Grave..

A DARK SILENT GRAVE...

A turning point came in my life,

Dark, very dark and so very quiet,
As if nobody could hear me,
Restless and keen I was, to,
Know what's wrong, why I was,

Surrounded with infinite silence,
I wanted to scream but my voice was choked,
Languid I was, with no hope,
Escape I wanted but had no hope,
Not now, not again,
Tired and fatigued, but couldn't move on,

Groan in agony, as emotions melt from my heart
Result was in tears, leaving my eyes,
Although I loved silence,
Voices but I now wanted for sure,
Eager, bolstering words from my loved ones

-illusiOn~

P.S( Maverick thank you so much for help and you know what i wrote it keeping you in mind, imagining you and myself off course)
P.S.S( Its dedicate to me and maverick exclusively) heheh

She..

He was sitting there like he used to be.. waiting.. waiting for her to appear .. It was 9:00 p.m .. She loved coming late making him wait for her .. . All of a sudden his cell rang on the other hand he heard his friends, Ammad's worried voice;

What he heard made him startle and with a pain in his heart he gave his head in his hands..

-illusiOn~

P.S( an awful attempt.. sorry guys)

Tainted Love - IV

For previous blogisode click here

TAINTED LOVE - IV

Kevin Loughlin right in front of her. A simper on his face..

' Yeah ? ' Sam inquired him off..
' Actually Sam, that's your pen you forgotten on the table only .. I even tried to call your name out but you were too busy with Adam Steve so I thought its better to give you after your conversation in person only ' Kevin explain his act of calling her from behind..
' Oh ! Yes Thanks Kevin ' Sam said and beckon Sheila to move on who was standing at the other side of the car
' Thank you Kevin but we better get going .. you know getting late.. ' She apologized and sat in the car..

As Sheila started driving, Sam tuned on the radio which played a slow number by Plain White T's. She quickly changed the channel and after a long search she turned it off.

' Whats wrong Sam ? ' Sheila had to ask this question as Sam was looking anguished.
' No.. nothing its just I am thinking about something ' Sam was trembled..
' You are thinking about something like Kevin ? ' Sheila tried to divert her friends little, pissed off mind.
' Obviously not .. why would I ? ' Sam said.. and then without giving Sheila a chance she continued..
' I mean why would I ? .. there is no point in thinking about that guy named as Kevin Loughlin OK OK I know he is very cute, handsome, intelligent and above all he really seems to be caring towards me but all this is zilch for me ' Sam said with ' no more on it ' tone.
' Oh so you were thinking about that bloody idiot ' Sheila bitterly said
' Yeah.. I was thinking about him only...' She said with expression of drowned in her own thoughts..

After dropping Sam home, Sheila quickly drove to the church side for picking up those two who have been waiting for long period of time. Adam and Albert invited her for there practice session so she offered them to for a ride..

' God! What took you so long ' Albert asked..
' Ah ! nothing actually right after you guys left the college Kevin came and started chatting with Sam so got late because of that ' She said while glaring Adam's face
' Who Kevin? Kevin Mark? ' He suddenly got alert but he continued showing his famous indifference nature
' No ! he is Kevin Loughlin from Economic department ' Sheila answered while controlling her smile.
' What he has to do with Sam? and why the hell she even talked to him? what was the so bloody need of such formality? ' Adam suddenly sounded like a possessive lover.
' Well.. What I can say? Its her life .. cant tell her whom to talk with ..' Sheila aerate the anger of Adam as she was happy to his love for her best friends in his tone..
' Common guys ! We better get going ' Albert said avoiding both of them, sounding as if nothing happened.

Sheila with two boys went to the practice session and settled herself on a chair in setting area. She really enjoyed what just happened and she wanted to share this fact but she couldn't as she want them together and a simple gossip was definitely was not enough. She knew how much she was involved in guy named as ADAM STEVE, best foot ball player in their college, love of so many girls and dream and life of Sam Maccery. She was deep in thoughts not recognizing since how long her cell-phone was beeping. Albert and Adam came towards her with smiles on their faces talking loud about practice match. They sat beside her when Adam's voice brought her back to the real world.

' Hey guys.. When you got back..?' She asked with a bashfulness of not watching a single stroke of them
' Just now and you know what? both of us are selected as team. Although Adam's presence was obvious but i will be playing as left winger. Isn't it great ? ' Albert was in his own assiduity. Sheila hugged him
' Congratulations darling ... i am so happy for you and this calls for a party no? '
' Yeah sure ! ' Albert kissed her.
' Lets party at Canzell's. What say? Invite all the buddies of yours ' Adam got excited too.
' Sure .. And yes Sheila do invite Sam after all its all because of her i am able to have you back in my life..' He embrace Sheila, who was looking to Adam who was seems to be uncomfortable with this news..
' But Adam.. ' Sheila was about to say just then only they were interrupted by Kevin Loughlin
' Excuse me ! ' Sheila raised her brows while other two gazed him..
' Coach announced a party for the team members and their friends at the main stream tomorrow at 8:00 p.s ' With a quick finish he left them..
' Is he the same Loughlin ' Adam asked Sheila
' Yeah .. but the good thing is now we will be spending no money and will be partying even ' Sheila was thrilled and so was Albert as being a student it was quite expensive to finance a party on your own. But Adam was lost in something else..

Adam head was banging as he didn't wanted Sam to be there in the party but he had no choice as he knew if he said this loud no body will ever understand why he is saying so. Why he don't want her in the party was yet a a mystery to him even..

' Al ... Sheila ..' Both of them look Adam as he called their name loud..
' Guys! I don't want Sam there.. please err. I mean don't take me wrong but atleast this time I want her around in party she will make me.. uncomfortable.. Can we go to the party without her..' He completed his words slowly
' Add! Sam will and if you don't feel like partying with her.. being around you surely can avoid coming it not her fault that you feel uncomfortable while she is around .. she always have been with us in our celebration .. if you have problem you better..' his tongue was hashed up as he look to what Adam and Sheila were staring and to there surprise right in front of them it was..

To Be Continued..

-illusiOn~

P.S( I will end the story soon um sorry if you get bore by this)

Kiun Jagti Rehti Ho?

Kiun jagti rehti ho,
So kiun naheen jateen,
Yun jagtay rehnay se,
Kia naseeb ka taluq,
Kiun tumhain ye lagta hai,
K ye rat jagay rang lain ge,
Naseeb inkay khil jain ge,
Raj kumar aa kar ke,
Betiyaan le jain ge,
Aisa kab ho hai jo,
Aas main tum yun bethi ho,
So kiun naheen jateen?
Jagti kiun rehti ho,
Dil tumhara maa ka hai,
Mantay ye hum bhi hain,
Fikr tm ko ziyada hai,
Jantay ye hum bhi hain,
Par ye naseebon k khail hain,
So itminan rakho tum,
Ik din hojai gi,
Betiyon ki shaadi bhi,
Par istarhan mat rutho tum,
Zaat se oper walay ki,
K wo palnay wala hai,
Kuch behtar karega wo,
Sab ka khayal rakhta hai,
Ab kiun istarhan se bethi ho,
Kiun jagti rehti ho,
So kiun naheen jateen!

-illusiOn~

P.S( for all mothers..)

Illusion!

Illusion was what I lived in,

Illusion was what I believed in,

Illusion was what I was allowing to take over me,

Illusion was what was reigning all over me,

Illusion was infact which was shadowing the real me!

Illusionary life was what I was living all along,

Illusionary was the thinking and illusionary were the ways,

Illusionary were my thoughts and illusionary were my beliefs,

Illusion was all over me hiding the real self and the real situations,

Illusion was all over like the dust and the mist which gave a beautiful feeling!

Illusion was brought into my life when the glasses and pieces had shattered around,

Illusion was imbibed in me for not wanting to see the pieces I broke,

Illusion was the disbelief in the shattered pieces being the real me,

Illusion helped me to create a false me and join the shattered pieces,

Illusion was a belief the pieces would never show the cracks,

Illusion was in hiding the cracks and holding the pieces which still cracked,

Illusion was in believing the false me to be the real and real to be non existent!

Illusion was what made me to move into an unintended and rough territory,

Illusion was what made me believe in smoothening the other territory and making it mine,

Illusion was what made me move deeper into the dangerous path,

Illusion was what made me believe in making a new path,

Illusion was what made me believe in making a new self,

Illusion was in making my life filled with new dreams and new beauty,

Illusion was in making me false and living a false me forever,

Illusion was what it was in living the false me forever and ever!

Illusionary was the belief of absence of memories and realities,

Illusionary was the forgetfulness of betrayal and cheating,

Illusionary was what I was covering with the shadow of a new life and a new me,

Illusionary was in forgetting that chuckle of yours,

Illusionary was the belief of past being so past me,

Illusionary was the belief in the fake friendship and fake laughter,

Illusionary was the hidden mask and the hidden hurt!

Illusion was what broke lose with that smirk and the chuckle you still give,

Illusion shattered down when the memories again haunted me and I fought with your shadow,

Illusion made me uncover the mask of the real me haunted with disbelief,

Illusion made me see the betrayal and hurt in the mirror of the real me,

Illusion was what made me question the false illusionary territory seeking false happiness,

Illusion was what made me remove the mask hidden and the scatter the pieces all around!

Illusion was making me see the self which was left dead by someone ages ago,

Illusion was making me realize I can’t ever be alive as the real self ever again,

Illusion was making me ask the devil for one last time “Why did you do this to me”,

Illusion made me question again and again “Why did you make me die such a death”,

Illusion made me kneel and cry at my funeral questioning “Why Can’t I ever be the same me ever”,

Illusion made me pour last rite flowers on me and wondered “Why can’t I never ever return to what I was"

Illusion was further sobbing over , "Why can’t I ever be the person I was”,

Illusion then made me finally realize what I am and can never return to the Innocent Me,

Illusion was what I had become now,

Illusion was what the Illusion and me was made of!

Crossposted@My Personal Blog

Tainted Love - III

Continued from: Tainted Love

TAINTED LOVE - III

Adam and Albert came closer and Adam said...

' I need to speak to Sam. Please excuse us '

Without another word he took Sam's hand in his hand and drag her out, leaving Sheila and Albert alone. Sam was stunned fortified by the feel, clinch of his hand touched her. She was mismerized and was dragged along him. He took her towards the field area down, near the cafe side. There he left her hand, took his hand out ithout even realizing of what his touch had made her feel.

' Sam ! I brought you up here with me to give Albert and Sheila space so that they can talk and they can think about themselves as I dont want my friend to pay penalty of being my friend and get broken off his relation his love because we both didnt work out, because our relation ended. I dont want that ' He said those breath taking lines in just one go with being aware of what could be its results.Sam gave Adam a stare who was looking towards the bridge area where Ciara was standing probably doing some excercise

' Listen ! I now have to leave do prepend on what I just said ' He ran away from the field area while Sam sat on a chair feeling collapased. She espy her hands opening them slowly and there she saw a paper in her fist she opened it carefully and slowly, moving her eyes from line to line..

I feel her stare,
And I find her no where,
She is kind of girl,
those are rare,
I want her yes! in real,
But when I close my eyes to feel,
I always see her with eyes filled with tears...

' Sam ' She turned around and saw Albert and Sheila together holding eachother in thier arms, coming towards her she fist paper again in her hand and smiled;

' W..where is Adam ' Sheila asked.
' There.. ' Sam pointed her finger, where Ciara was in Adam's arms, Sheila stared with her mouth open while Sam made it shut with a smile on her face. She cleared her throat;

' Guys look! I dont want you people to break apart because me and Adam did.. Sheila its unfair with Albert.. its a way big punishment for Albert being friends with Adam. His only fault is that on one side he loves you and on the very other side he is best mate of Adam Steve the guy who dumped your best friend.' She said whatever Adam told her so. it was still tough though seeing your loved one in some other girl's arms .. She walked away without lookign at her best friend who was getting prepared to have WAR with Albert again..

' So you guys are finally back ' Adam said just for assurance right after their practice session.
' Yeah .. All thanks to Sam ' Albert said while Adam without an empression sipped water from his bottle.
' Hmm ' Adam was unable to say anything.
' Oh! Think of my honey and my honey is here.. ' He re-phrase the famous saying of THINK FO THE DEVIL AND THE DEVIL IS HERE with his own selection of words as he saw Sheila and Sam coming towards them.

Adam stand as trhey both came closer, Sheila gave him a big hug like she did to Albert with kiss on his left cheek but Sam and Adam both conspire on just a verble "HELLO !"

' So how was the practice boys? ' Sheila asked as they settle down on the floors only.
' Yeah went good ' Albert answered asboth of them wanted to neglect an unwanted awkward silence between Adam and Sam. Suddenly Sam stood up and said;
' Guys! I need to leave ' She hugged Sheila who was wondering what suddenly went wrong with Sam which made her leave while Adam on the other hand was grateful to her .
' Bye Sheila, bye Albert bye.. and yeah! Sheila do remember I need a ride back home.. ' She said as she turned around and walked away.

It was 2:15 p.m, three of them were waiting for Sam to appear at the main gate of their college but no sign of her was yet appeared.

' I guess you people should go. You guys have trials at 4:00, I will wait for her myself ' Sheila said as she saw Albert glancing over his watch after every few seconds.
' Yeah Add ! She is right. We better leave or else we will be late for trials. Let go.. ' Albert put hand on Adam's shoulder, but then Adam spoke those words which amazed Sheila and took Albert in a shock state.
' No Al ! lets wait for her. Let Sam appear first then we will head towards our homes ' Both of them though stayed quite but they were surprized on perplexity in Adam's voice.

At 2:30, finally they saw Sam outside the library coming straight towards them. Adam hurried off towards her and her hold her arms and almost scream at her.

' Where have you been foool ! answer me. We all were so distress because of you. You dont have even any idea of it ' Adam was shrieking while three of them including Sam were in apoplexy . To break the silence apart, Albert taking an eye-advice from Sheila spoke, which tear the fortification which surrounded Adam who was still holding Sam.

He left her startle there and turned his back and started walking with Albert beside him. Reaching at a certain distance he truned arounf he gave Sam a look. A look which made her feel of him, love of him, clear in his eyes.
Quietly she moved towards Sheila who was standing with folding hands around her waist looking at her surroundings, the building of the college with much of her interest making Sam feel that she is too busy. Sam started moving and so Sheila does when she feel herself surrounded by someone. She felt fortified and tehre she stopped, turned and saw...

To Be Continued..

- illusiOn~

P.S( I am sorry for my mistakes.. I hope I am able to do justice with characters in the story)

P.S.S ( Do read and do comment as they are always very important)

Tainted Love - II

Continued from : Tainted Love

TAINTED LOVE - II

It was by some A. Steve , written for their college magazine. She never knew Adam writes but why the hell Sam was reading his poetry .. now for what.? she tried Sam's cell-phone number but it was switched off. So she tried her land line number.

' Hello! Good evening Maccery residents ' A female voice greeted her.
' Hey! its Sheila speaking Sam's friend can I talk to her ' sheila introduced herself hoping to catch Sam on phone atleast this time.
' Oh Sheila how are you my child.. Well off course you can talk to her but my child Sam is vexed at the moment, she locked herself in her room since she entered the house after you dropped her. Could you try later please ' Mrs. Maccery was on phone and she answer Sheila in detail.
' Oh its certainly fine Mrs. Maccery I will surely dial later. Have great evening..' Sheila hang up the call, few minutes later she tried Sam's cell phone but it was switched off like before.

So Sheila decide to leave her friend on her own for some time. She curled herself in bed playing a fresh number by Pink Floyd on her music player and started reading a book which she bought couple of days back.

At 6:00 p.m she left her house for a walk and there she saw Albert Loughlin playing football with Adam Steve, she ignored there glare and continued her walk when she felt someone chasing her, she at first snub the presence of someone at her back though the feeling of some was very strong. At a round about she stop herself and turned around where she saw Adam and Albert chasing her. She gave them a nasty look and went closer.

' So.. Why chasing me ' She demanded for an answer.
' Err.. I .. actually I wanted a talk ' Albert get closer while Adam was standing with a smug glow looking all around the ground avoiding an eye - contact with Sheila.
' I don't feel like talking to you ' Sheila answered impolitely.
' But Sheila look.. ' Albert was trying hard to talk to Sheila so she decided why not listen him for once and for all.
' OK! go ahead say what ever you like but better be quick as I have to rush ' Sheila severely said though she knew she was ving very rude but she couldn't help behaving like this while having Adam around.
' You carry on I am coming in a moment ' Adam left them with an awkward silence
' Sure ' Albert said as he saw Adam heading toward Ciara who was dressed in a track suit looking towards him only with big smile on her face, Sheila felt like drubbing Adam for this ..

She without bothered that Albert is standing and wanted to talk left him running back towards the track , with a wild heart beat. How Adam could be so insensitive, how can he forget Sam's love her concern so easily how could he? She deep in her thoughts she jounce with someone badly. She looked up with hand holding her head, pain on her face;

' Hey watch out ! ' It was Sam
' Where have you been I called you your mom told me you are vexed and you locked yourself in room ' Sheila tried to divert Sam's mind
' Yeah.. b.. ' Sam got quite and she stared something When Sheila turned around she saw Adam and Albert coming towards them and slowly she mumbled which ravish Sheila ;
' You know Sheila after my break up with him whenever I came across him, I look at him I remember these lines written by someone...'

Each time i looked in the mirror,
The image of yours opposite mine,
I just cant bear the distance between,
As i want you with me,
And hates the fact,
From this mirror i can see,
But can not touch you,
From this mirror i can see,
But cannot feel you,
Use of this mirror is nothing,
But yes it can show you!

Adam and Albert came closer and Adam said...

To Be Continued...

-illusiOn~

P.S( I am sorry for making this a series but hope you will enjoy it..)
P.S.S( I am bashful on silly and big mistakes of mine hope you will ignore them as i am still learning.. )

For more visit : illusiOn~

So What If I Am Blind

So What If I am Blind !


I can't see the colours, can't praise them like you can,
I can't jump on floor on beds in happiness like you can,
I can't hug my friends rushing towards them like you can,
As All the time I have to hold a stick, have to note every skip,

So What If I am Blind !

Though you can shout with fear watching movies,
And you can see languid on people's faces,
By attending parties you can easily bewitch people,
This all you can do but there is none what i can,

So What If I am Blind !

If I cant show the flickers in my eyes, So what !
If I even cant see the thundering nights, So what!
If mirth is all by eyes and chant by ears, So what!
I can't feel the pleasure I cant hear the intones, So what!

So What If I am Blind !

If everything, you have to deem and you have to appraise
I relent not easily for what then,
As i heed all for myself, as I am the decreed
I grin always as I feel no shame,

So What If I am Blind !

So What If I cant see the colours, the light,
And its you who sees thunders not the loneliness,
Yes it's you who can see everything but have zilch for feeling it,
And here its me who feels everything but can see nothing..

So What If I am Blind !

-illusiOn~

P.S( Thank you Maveric for the help Love u for this)

P.S.S( the credit goes to mav for refining it.. )

for more please visit : khayal~

Just For Her !

JUST FOR HER !

She was silent,
Silent as if she holds no words with in her,
Imbue in her own pain deep in her thoughts,
Nothing was wrong,
And so nothing was right,
Affably lovely and gorgeous,
She was all for me,
But oblivion I was for her,
I wanted to lag her heart,
And replace it with mine,
If only I could ever get a chance,
Embleming her with me was not only my passion,
But my dream my love for her,
Oh ! Yes but I was wrong,
I never wanted to ail her but i did,
And I was aidos on it,
I loved her and,
I wanted her as she was everything to me,
And I was noone but a zilch for her,
Nothing, nothing at all matters to me,
But just my love,
Love of mine, love for her.

-illusiOn~

For more visit : khayal~

Tainted Love!

TAINTED LOVE !

It was 3:00 a.m, when finally Sam decided to shut her computer off and curdle herself in bed. She closed her eyes making herself believe tough days wont lasts.

' Sam! ' Somebody called her name.
' Yeah ' She replied with heavy dreamy voice still feeling herself in dream.
' WAKE UP ' It was Sheila , who yelling on her head almost blowing Sam's mind off.
' What's the matter ? ' Sam opened her eyes and glimpse Sheila's face.
' I thought you are dead.. anyways we are getting late for class. Could you now get up and dress up a little faster ' Sheila shook her head and warned Sam, finally she had to leave bed.

Sam hastenly dressed herself, got her books and with Sheila waiting with her car down the gateway she left her home. This was daily routine of Sam Maccery. Sleeping late, getting up late , rushing for everything and cursing herself laters.

' Ahh! Now all because of you I have to park the car in pool side parking area .. its so far ' Sheila groaned.

' I am sorry for that really ' Sam was bashful but at the very same time she was thankful to her friends who were so much concerned about her.

' Now .. You stand here while I park the car and get back to you, together we will go to the lecture hall. ' Sheila told her and took the car towards the pool side area.

Sam stood there still, busy in her thoughts, thoughts which were painful. A horn woke her up, made her back to the world where she belonged. The so familiar voice of horn. ( so finally she had to face him). She searched the car and her caught it park towards the garden side lane. She moved towards it in a trance slowly and quietly without making noise though while doing this her heels ached but she didn't bothered. There she saw him with a girl sitting next to him, cautiously she got near and she saw Ciara Methew of Fine Arts department. They both were busy with in their own chats holding each others hand. She was shaking with grief badly. She availed the side of grey car parked at back and rested her self with it, tears rolled all over her face.

' Sam! 'She heard Sheila yelling for her which means she was back she slowly move towards the left side of the road and quickly wiped her tears off.
' I am coming ! ' She squalled and ran towards her.

Sheila watched her best friend coming towards her with puffy eyes and red nose. She knew she had been crying as she knew Sam since their childhood and she understood every style of hers She wanted to kill Adam Steve for this what he did to her best friend , who was so deep in love with him. Sam came slowly near her and avoiding an eye contact she mumbled;

' Lets go to lecture hall, shall we ' Sam said and without another word she started walking slowly, Sheila gave that black car an angry look and alas! she walked after Sam feeling no choice left.

After attending lecture Sam decided to go to the cafe while Sheila decided to stay with couple pupil she knew. After half an hour Sam returned and they decided to leave. sheila was dropping Sam home as Sam's home was in her way. Way back to parking area they passed by the corridors where Sam saw Adam and a friend of his playing guitar. She closed her eyes to stop her self looking his blue eyes but couldn't hold up her breath which took his smell with in her nose and she inhale his sensational, breath taking smell. She felt she now wont be able to move an inch even but then with closed eyes she felt a hand grabbing her hand by wrist making her move leaving corridors behind. She opened her eyes in mid-way and saw Sheila holding her hand and rushed almost running towards the parking lane.

' Are you mad? ' Sam yelled as they opened the doors, Sheila gave her a nasty look
' Yes feeling like one but not more then you ' Sheila hit her back with her words.

Rest of the distance was covered silently as both were sad and angry at the very same time. Sam slammed back the door as she stepped out of the car and Sheila left for her home. Sheila parked her car outside the garage and suddenly noticed a paper lying down the front seat while locking the doors. She picked up the paper and read it , it was print out of poem titled as " Fallen Love Again ' ;

Fallen Love Again!

Prepare yourself,
For breakup in life anytime anywhere,
As love can fail sometimes,
Making some one's heart yours for eternity,
Be ready, be prepared,
As bonds are often fragile,
Heartbreaks, you may suffer from,
Imbued in pain,
Oblivion to believe,
Loss and distrust,
Avoiding this will be impossible,
And soon you will miss your agility,
Time will flow by, unstoppable,
Involuntary, Unrelenting,
So for love always be ready,
To fall in love again,
But do keep a safe way,
As sometimes love leads life to nowhere,
And there you need a new direction,
Which way back to life,
To reality and to your dreams,
So when you fall next in love,
Keep an alternative room,
Do have a safe plan,
As you fall in love again!!

She quickly rolled her eyes down to read the poets name as she never knew Sam could write poetry even, when she read the name she got startle as it was not by Sam but by..

To Be Continued..

-illusiOn~

P.S( Thank you maverick for help in poem.. )

P.S.S( I hope you guys will enjoy it)

P.S.S.S( i am very sorry for some tweaks here and there)

For more check : illusiOn~

She does not -5

Continued from Tan's post she does not-4

Tan's mind was full of questions. He wanted to ask so many things from her but .. he tried her number but it was of no use . as dialling her number made him hear a female voice " the number you have dialed is not in use please try later" . He wanted to ask her why she did this to him? what made her ..

He wanted to cry but tears were unavailable like she was. World at this stage seems too unfair to him..

Condional Love...

I always believed that hiccups means that someone who loves you is missing badly but today things were different .. I lost her three months back and since that day today was the first day I had hiccups.. why this was so.. don't know but I still missed her every day every night though passing a day was easier much easier then night as at night voices in my heart can be clearly heard.. why I missed her so much...

-illusiOn

Me

My hands are trembled..
My words are jumbled
I feel like a lost kid..
Searching for my family
The known faces among the unknown ones,
Standing facing the sky,
With nothing to do,
Helpless but hopefull,
In middle of a big crowd
With loads n loads of people around,
Around me but too busy to notice me,
To eager for thier destinations
Sometimes I feel blessed
That I am not one of them
But sometimes my heart aches
Why " i " am not one of these?
As my words are jumbled,
& my hands are trembled...

-illusiOn~

Choriyan! (the journey continues)

It is an answer to what pratz wrote. She said.. chooriyan

CHOORIYAN!

Mujhe ik bar phir,
Yadon ki nagri main,
Janay ka hukum mila,
Main ne tooti chori nikali,
Rakht-e-safar ko bandha,
Dhaltay suraj ko gawah bana,
Main us dais main ja utra,
Jahan haseen pal kuch bitaye thay,
Kuch roop suhanay dikhay thay,
Us raat ki sari narmi phir,
Ankhon main aj utri thi,
Jis raat sitaare roshan thay,
Main ne jab uski kalai thami thi,
Phr chooriyan main ne pehnai theen,
jo saaz ki manind bajti raheen,
Wo raat suhani kitni thi,
Main sooch main ussi ki doba tha,
K pass chori walay k wo nazar ayi,
Meri ankhain utheen phr hileen,
Rokeen phr tehr gayeen,
Usay kitnay rooz bad aj daikha tha,
Ankhon k rastay dil main utartay,
Najanay kitnay pal beetay,
K uski nazron ne mjhe ghaira,
Mera bandha hisar tora,
Wo taiz dorti ojhal hoi,
Magar main ye daikhta kaise,
Usay rookta kaisa,
K mere dehan main to bas,
Wo do nazuk khali kalayan theen,
Wo kiun aj khali theen?
Kia mere hijr main aisa tha?
Main to ye samjhta tha,
K usay aj bhi choriyan achi lagti hain!

-illusiOn~

Guys I guess I have heaten up the battle here "chooriyan" fever is on hope you guys are enjoying urdu/hindi poems here. Your comments are especial for all of us.. Please do comment though there is no race here I bet all are best on their own work! Enjoy~

One thing more please do keep labels same so that we can easily relate the poems.. Hope no one will mind that :D

For more visit: http://illusionplaywords.blogspot.com/

Tooti Choriyan! (Bangles)

Tooti Choriyan! (Bangles)

Wo kehti thi choriyan,
usko pyari hain,
nazakat ki alamat hain,
Sharm o haya k paikar ki,
Dilfaraib zarorat hain,
So is bar main ne ussay,
Kuch kanch ki choriyan pehnain,
Labon se choom k hathon ko,
Uski khusboo dil main basai,
Magar bichartay waqt ye hoa k,
Main janay ko mura to,
Unhi choriyon ne uski,
Nazuk kalai ko zakhmi kar dala,
main madad ko bhara magar behtay khoon ne,
Mjhe rooka mjhe tooka,
so main uski ik toti chori uthayaye chal dia,
aj bhi aksar main jab yadon k dais jata hon,
wo toti chori saath nikal leta,
Unhi zakhmon se khoon rasta,
mehsos karta hon,
Mjhe ab choriyan achi naheen lagteen,
k ye toot jain to dil ki manind,
Zakhum ghaira deti hain,
Par shayed usay ab bhi,
Choriyan achi lagteen hon!

- illusiOn~

for more check: http://illusionplaywords.blogspot.com