When Will I Have My Soul Back....!

Ages seemed since the time bygone,

Ages seemed since the Tears froze,

Ages seemed since you were gone,

Ages seemed since we ceased to be US!

But my phone seemed the same again,

Your number flashed to evoke the old me again,

The name was the same, the you were the same,

But I wasn’t the same nor were you the same,

The number which always cheered me,

It froze me and it stoned me,

The voice which cheered me ,

was seemed to be mocking me,

I was lost still thinking “Why did you do this”,

without able to ask!

The memories galore across me ,

and they were still teasing me,

A year was gone since u left me,

and it’s been five years since I had known you,

But then you still haven’t left me ,

though I have ceased to exist for you for long,

When I gave you that heart I wanted it to be there forever,

My heart is still there but then you gave the place of my heart to someone,

You snatched the soul and ripped it so that no one else could ever take it,

And I see you giving your heart to someone else without a finch!

The first time I had laid my eyes on you,

You had called them deceiving and bewitching,

I kicked you for the joke which I see it as a reality today,

You made me laugh, you made smile,

You made me strong, you made me a new me,

You instilled in me all that lacked in me,

Today I feel like asking why you made me what I am,

And then I realized you did take the fees for your teachings,

The fees were just too big a price for me and a joke for you,

The fee was my heart, my soul and the inability to ever forget you!

You always bewitched me with the half told lies,

I saw it as your helplessness in love,

Today I know it was your trick to keep me with you,

It was a trick to make me go when you wanted me to go,

I believed in your love as the biggest truth,

My life revolved around you,

I forgot life was anything but you,

And then the time came when u flashed those teeth to say goodbye,

And I still saw it as your helplessness and not as the deceit,

But my life still exists and it does even without you!

I would have believed in your truths and my sacrifice all along,

Had I not been God’s favourite child,

And I realized the truth and the lies,

It hurt me beyond measures,

It hurts me still to see those years as a lie,

I still wonder what you gained,

I still wonder what u gain through the “fake friendship”,

But I still have no answers and no questions,

Just the fact that the devil’s bewitching eyes broke me!

I wanted to move ahead after the deceit,

I m trying and will till my last breath,

But the devil has made a permanent location inside,

I still spread love and I still spread smiles,

But they are unreal and unlike the real me,

I still wanted to give my love and soul to the one, the one who deserves it,

But I fail terribly every time and today I sobbed one last time,

Seeking to know…. “When will I have my soul back?”!

P.S. i have no idea why i wrote this. i wanted to write something on a Teary Wednesday and this is all i could come with. i don't know if its a prose or poem....but i couldn't re read it to make it perfect.

I wish it was fiction....would have been easier to compose it!

Death By Love ....

The world around me is so cruel

Its just a reflection of hell

Love buried in the grave

Poor heart, only love it craves

Darkness surrounding my happiness

Now i am used to the bitterness

Acids of love burning me all over

Turning my love into hatred forever

Beauty spilling outside the face

Filthy inside, with no grace

Slowly taught me to love

Blindfolded me to deceive

Act of winning heart, with charm

Felt false warmth, in his arm

His lies echo in my ear like a thunder

How did i lose my mind, I still Wonder

First love, First kiss i tasted

I might lose it, I feared

One in a million, i thought i was blessed

I never had it, I then realised

I lost it, before i could have it

Cursed is my life, i accept it

My soul no longer hungry for mortality

I only belong there in eternity

Love, the beauty and the beast, never pleased me

So i sip the poison of love, do not cry for me

Pain leaving my body, is a relieve

Oh ! How amazing is Death By Love !

I Miss You ..

Life would have been different

If we were Together

I would have been livin my life

But You left me, and i forgot to breathe

Looking back all i get is a tear

Wish you were here very near

groaning at the wickedness of my fate

I realise Now its too late

waking up with wet eyes i miss you !

Wish i never would have met you

Deep scar in my heart is not healed

The evil side of you is revealed

I hate you, as much as i love you

I cry at night thinking of you

Losing you was part of the game

For you played it so lame

My love for you is pure, i cry no more

For you will stay in my heart forever

As the Star fall down, i wish for you

My heart silently whispers *I MISS YOU*

Illusion!

Illusion was what I lived in,

Illusion was what I believed in,

Illusion was what I was allowing to take over me,

Illusion was what was reigning all over me,

Illusion was infact which was shadowing the real me!

Illusionary life was what I was living all along,

Illusionary was the thinking and illusionary were the ways,

Illusionary were my thoughts and illusionary were my beliefs,

Illusion was all over me hiding the real self and the real situations,

Illusion was all over like the dust and the mist which gave a beautiful feeling!

Illusion was brought into my life when the glasses and pieces had shattered around,

Illusion was imbibed in me for not wanting to see the pieces I broke,

Illusion was the disbelief in the shattered pieces being the real me,

Illusion helped me to create a false me and join the shattered pieces,

Illusion was a belief the pieces would never show the cracks,

Illusion was in hiding the cracks and holding the pieces which still cracked,

Illusion was in believing the false me to be the real and real to be non existent!

Illusion was what made me to move into an unintended and rough territory,

Illusion was what made me believe in smoothening the other territory and making it mine,

Illusion was what made me move deeper into the dangerous path,

Illusion was what made me believe in making a new path,

Illusion was what made me believe in making a new self,

Illusion was in making my life filled with new dreams and new beauty,

Illusion was in making me false and living a false me forever,

Illusion was what it was in living the false me forever and ever!

Illusionary was the belief of absence of memories and realities,

Illusionary was the forgetfulness of betrayal and cheating,

Illusionary was what I was covering with the shadow of a new life and a new me,

Illusionary was in forgetting that chuckle of yours,

Illusionary was the belief of past being so past me,

Illusionary was the belief in the fake friendship and fake laughter,

Illusionary was the hidden mask and the hidden hurt!

Illusion was what broke lose with that smirk and the chuckle you still give,

Illusion shattered down when the memories again haunted me and I fought with your shadow,

Illusion made me uncover the mask of the real me haunted with disbelief,

Illusion made me see the betrayal and hurt in the mirror of the real me,

Illusion was what made me question the false illusionary territory seeking false happiness,

Illusion was what made me remove the mask hidden and the scatter the pieces all around!

Illusion was making me see the self which was left dead by someone ages ago,

Illusion was making me realize I can’t ever be alive as the real self ever again,

Illusion was making me ask the devil for one last time “Why did you do this to me”,

Illusion made me question again and again “Why did you make me die such a death”,

Illusion made me kneel and cry at my funeral questioning “Why Can’t I ever be the same me ever”,

Illusion made me pour last rite flowers on me and wondered “Why can’t I never ever return to what I was"

Illusion was further sobbing over , "Why can’t I ever be the person I was”,

Illusion then made me finally realize what I am and can never return to the Innocent Me,

Illusion was what I had become now,

Illusion was what the Illusion and me was made of!

Crossposted@My Personal Blog