Will you still love me? Part 4

A story of Insecurity after betrayal, hope after reassurance and ... Love after tears

Continued from Here

 I was sitting alone in the cafeteria, having my lunch. The company gave us a voluntary break time and it worked in my favor. I would sneak in for lunch when the rest of them would get back into their cubicles. The cubicles made me feel secure. It was where I felt most comfortable these days. They were impressed with my work and thankfully did not make me go on field. Maybe they realised I excel at my work when I don't have to interact with people. What a contradiction to my previous life!
            

  I had just started on my coffee when I saw him enter the cafeteria and frolic with the girl at the counter. I silently prayed that he doesn't see me. That guy was persistent. I had rebuked him enough times and yet he didn't get tired of starting a conversation. I began to realise that he isn't that irritating when he isn't around girls who drool over him, like in that metro the other day. He looked so lost that I almost thought of talking to him. The way he was trying to wipe his shoes clean reminded me of the school assembly, when first grade boys did the same thing before the inspection! I couldn't believe I actually smiled looking at him. How long was it since I smiled anyway? He caught me smiling at him and gave me that idiotic grin. Ok, I didn't feel the same way about it then. It was something different as if we were sharing a private joke which only we understood. The walls built around me threatened to collapse and I immediately looked away. Gratefully the station arrived soon and its been awkward with him since then. 

         Oh no ! he was coming towards my table and without even asking he settled himself across me. He smiled and got busy with his burger. It was strange to see him so quiet. I looked at him closely for the first time. His dark eyebrows in a perfect arch above his dark brown eyes (I m not sure if he wears lens). His thick hair as usual flopping and covering his forehead which he tried to pull back again and again. His sharp nose and his perfect jawline. If one sees him in the way he was right in front me, one would think of him as a mature and reliable guy. One look at his slender fingers carefully picking out the vegetables in the burger and placing it at the side of his plate, you know what you are dealing with! He looked up at me and once again smiled (does he think the whole clan of girls would fall for his smile?? I admit he was cute though!)

         "Why do they call it chicken burger if half of it is stuffed with these ghaas phoos?" he said gesturing childishly at the dressings as if accusing them of coming on the burger and making it less delicious.  I do the most unexpected thing! I laugh out aloud at his action. 

         "OMG OMG!! You laugh as well!!" He got hyper with his reactions.

          I nod silently and listen to his blabbering. I notice that for the first time he was talking more about work than about me and him and unknowingly I join in the conversation. My phone beeped and I see that it is already 2! For last one hour I have been talking to him and my cheeks hurt due to all the smiling and laughing I had done. IT had to, considering the long period of rest it had got. He noticed my phone and remarked, "Hey I have the same model." 

          I just said, "Congrats" and even though I didn't think it was a great joke it set him rolling with laughter. 

          I finished my second cup of coffee and we returned to work. I noticed that for the first time he was wearing formals ( read proper formals with tie and all) to office.

I started my work and after sometime out of habit went into the gallery of my mobile. The image folder looked strange and the contents left me breathless. I get an anxiety attack of sorts (It hasn't happened for long) and I close my eyes and sit still till the turbulence has passed. I opened my eyes to see him smiling upon me 

         'Hey payal I think thats my cellphone you brought by mistake. Here is yours!"

        I got up in a fit of rage and thrust his phone into his hands and grabbed my own phone. 

        I picked up my bag and rushed out of the office. Tears poured out of  my eyes and I took in a quick smoke. My thoughts before hailing a cab were of resigning from this office..

       

       

Maithili & Pulkit

(to be continued next Wednesday)

Will you still love me? Part 3

One week. Two Holidays (Read it as voluntary bunks). Two Public Holidays (god bless religion). Two "Get out's" from senior intern manager. The first 7 days in short have been usual for me, following the same course on which my life has carefully tread so far.

 I am casual and thus in-spite of all my carelessness for every other serious task, I am good at one thing for sure - Mixing with people around me. Two  other male interns, no matter how boring they were, had gradually gelled with my friendship and for all the utter shit I landed up in during work assignments I could easily tell that female colleagues Riya and Tina found me cute. Not the Ranbir Kapoor kinda cute, but the lonesome vulnerable street puppy kinda cute. You know what I mean. 

Anyways, now coming to The mystery of the office herself, Miss gorgeous hairs and bitter attitude, Payal, About her I was still not sure that she even knew of my existence. I mean its ironical how I was always around cracking jokes on which everyone laughed and she still refused to even lift her chin up from that stupid mobile phone of hers, how I was being screamed to get lost by the in-charge and everyone at that moment being tensed giving me a poor-puppy look while she is busy with her diary making notes as if nothing that happened to me or I did ever was in her sight. It was not rude if I can appropriately put it up, It was disinterest. A complete disinterest which actually serves as a slap in the face for attention seekers like me. Talking of attention seeking, I can tell you something that more and more a person as beautiful as her abhors you for no reason known to self, the more becomes the challenge and curiosity to know the basis behind it. On the weekend, while drinking kingfisher and watching weekend football, I made a note to self to make sure I know why she hates me for what I am, or why she is the way she is. I made another note that very night - To make sure that I carry extra beer for weekends when I have to finish the stupid reporting home work from office. I put the second note as a lower priority, I was gradually becoming obsess of her strangeness.  

Monday morning, The time I have learned to hate for every reason known to me. Late again, carefully just somehow tucking the over length shirt of my roommate as mine was not pressed(read it as not washed), I was looking like an Idiot again for the hundredth time boarding the same metro train for the hundredth Monday in a row, missing two early one's again. The human-sea around me pressed hard and rolling inside, in the next blink of a moment, I was inside the compartment. An old lady right next to me gave me an angry stare "Dikhai nai deta hai kya... You Idiot, You stepped on me while getting in". I made a puppy face my long messed up hairs falling on my eyes and whispered "Sorry aunty". she snubbed and looked the other way. The puppy face never works on old ladies, I looked down on my shoes, the polish has been mercilessly rubbed away by footmarks of the crowd. I started rubbing my shoe from the back flap of my trousers and from my hands I started combing my hairs a bit. I heard someone slowly smiling right behind me, and turned to found a pair of beautiful eyes staring at me, enjoying my nuisance every passing second and carefully observing my every move. She was the mystery herself and though I knew nothing about her except for a name, I was sure of one thing - she had a smile so beautiful like a morning prayer of peace after a sleepless night of tension, She kept smiling watching me and I stood there motionless unable to understand how to respond. The Monday never appeared so warm and beautiful before.

- Pulkit & Maithili

(to be continued next Wednesday)

Will You Still Love Me? - 2

A story of Insecurity after betrayal, hope after reassurance and ... Love after tears

Continued from HERE

HER - I paced back and forth at the bus stop, concious of the eyes savoring me, my body.. I tried not to look anywhere but the buses approaching. A few men spoke in low tones and grinned at each other. I steal a glance at them through the corner of my eyes. A fear too known, grips me. Do they recognise me? It is a warm evening. Even though I m dressed in a full sleeved salwar kameez, I shiver. I feel stark naked at this bus stop.

Someone tapped my shoulders lightly. I was startled and immediately the 'fright, fight, flight' mechanism of my nervous system is in place.

"Hey Payal, I think I scared you."

It was the same guy from office who introduced himself to me last week.
I realised I was sweating profusely and my face had gone pale, my lips colourless. I ran my tongue over my lips trying to usher in remnants of confidence.
"What do you think you are doing?" I shoot at him, immediately realising how viciously sharp my tone had become.
"Sorry Miss, but if you don't respond to your own name, please let us lowly mortals know what name you like to be addressed." he mocked me.
He was just the kind of people I was trying to avoid, who posed danger to me. People too much interested in my life and too reckless to know where to draw the line.
Payal... It would take time to get used to the name. I wondered if the name as purposely chosen to demean me.. To dethrone me from the place that I once occupied in everyone's eyes.
"What do you want?" I confront him to defend my own indifference to my new name.
"I do not need anything. Maybe you will need this tomorrow." he said flashing my ID card.. Oh crap! I had left it behind while signing out.

I muttered a "thank you" and quickly snatched my Id. I see the colour of his face change. I cringe when I see that my act hurt him and he walked away. In some other life I would have gone after him and apologized. Right now I regretted not carrying my pack of cigarettes in my handbag.

************

I reach the place where I have been staying with my uncle's family for more than 2 years now. This place could never be home for me even for a minute.

I get cold stares from my aunt to looks ready to spit venom. I recline in the small room that was once a store room.. It still is, in a way..

I hear aunty shout at uncle, "If anything goes wrong we would lose face. What were you thinking before taking her in? I tell you, this girl will ruin our name. I don't want her shadow on our daughter."

I m strangulated by the ghosts of my past, but not enough to kill me. I could try other ways to kill myself but I hold back knowing that the consequence would be worse..
I drift off to sleep once again hoping that I won't see tomorrow.

IT won't stop.. It is relentless, deligiently following me every night.. I m shaken again, my bed damp with my sweat. That hole left in my chest won't heal. The nightmares remind me every living hour of my past.. I look across the room.. A plate of dinner gone cold.. I eat few morsels.. Like a mother soothing a child and singing a soft lullaby to sleep, the pill that I swallow takes me to a dreamless world.

--Pulkit & Maithili--

(to be continued next Wednesday)

Will you still love me?

A story of Insecurity after betrayal, Hope after reassurance...and love after tears!



 
Image: courtesy -http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs8/i/2005/311/f/d/Boy_and_Girl_by_BeautifulEnemity.jpg
He - 28th August, 2011. Times of India - New Delhi Office.
 I am Suraj Batra, a final year journalism student. It was my first day of internship at office. Seven new interns alongside, and an entertainment section joint editor giving us a tour of the office building, this was exciting. I was out of sync from everyone around me. When all the other 3 male interns were soberly dressed in a check formal shirt, the "beer does a body good" imprinted black T-Shirt was helping me nothing in making a decent first impression. I made a puppy face to the receptionist when she gave me a strange look and immediately decided that I shall rather remain blank when the same strange look is given from all others whole day. The puppy face is not a politically correct escape gesture when u are a guy, specially a guy like me. Slightly overgrown beard, messed up hairs, disorganized and carefree are the two words which actually define me. It took me not long to notice the four other girls in the internship team. The green top had assets that can help me spoil every darn assignment by taking off my concentration, the pink top was cute but looked the rodies type emo a bit - certainly not my taste, the black top was a stunner - 11 on 10, well out of my reach. The fourth one was Strange. she was the most properly dresses among all the girls. Their was an air of arrogance about her which took me to a complete disliking of her. She was walking a few steps ahead of me. White suit and neatly lying from the corner of her shoulders, a dupatta on it. Pinned hairs, half left loose, partially revealing the smell of shampoo looking slightly wet still. She must have been 5 feet 6 inches tall, wheatish complexion, dark black eyes and perfect lips resting below a small nose. She had spectacles resting on her head like a pro reporter or something and she was the only one among us who had not uttered a word yet. She looked the confident-practical breed. The one that hated those like me the most. 
Anyways, I decided to focus on the office tour. It was a colorful creative place and no matter how pain in the ass shall be rising early every morning to come here, I was sure that once in the campus-it shall be fun.15 minutes break after an hour of briefing and touring, all interns quickly made their way to the cafeteria. Names and a little intros were exchanged, Riya, Tina, Akriti. Rahul, Ajay, Vinay. The strangeness was yet to reveal anything about her, she looked disinterested in the chirpiness of the exciting initial conversations and rather continued to tap her touch screen phone to post something on what slightly from the corner looked like twitter screen. I started hating her more and more. What attitude man! She smiled a little and said "excuse me", her voice was contrary to her personality. It was so sweet and polite. I wanted to make a call to my room mate and ask him to pick me up from here only for the matinee show of the movie, the network was breaking and I decided to walk out of the cafeteria to search the signal lines. I found a few finally and managed to get the call connected, It was ringing now.She was standing in the corner watching Delhi from the window and smoking a ciggratte. I tip toed near her, almost forgetting the call. "This can kill, Hi..Suraj. IIMC, JNU final year." I smiled to her. She said nothing in return. Fuck! I made a fool of myself again - I hate my nature at times. "anyways...." I whispered and just as I was about to leave her alone. She turned her face to stare in my eyes and said "I know it kills, and hence I shall have another one soon" She smiled a little. Her eyes were red. She left. My friend on phone was screaming "Abey kuch bolega......." 

---- Pulkit & Maithili


(To be continued Next Wednesday)

A little bit of lying..

“Appa, I m sorry.. I will do as you say..”

Muthu patted his daughter’s head.  Auraya was his only daughter and his pride.

It had pained his heart to keep her confined to her room all week but if that was the way his daughter  would forget that Muslim boy and get married to a boy from their own caste, he was ready to inflict this suffering on her. 

He would have to call Tarun’s family and set a date soon.

If a little bit of lying could change situations he saw no harm in doing it for his daughter’s well being.

As soon as she was handed her cellphone she called Tarun. Even though she had agreed to abide by her father’s wishes, her father had not let her use the phone in his absence. 

She called Tarun in front of her father and asked if they could meet to discuss the shopping. Muthu was pleased that Auraya was making an effort to participate in the preparations of her marriage.

She met Tarun at the city Plaza.  Tarun was radiating with happiness befitting a groom. Auraya felt guilty of bursting the bubble of his joy but she had to do it.. for her love.

“Tarun I cannot marry you.” She said without looking into his eyes.

“Auraya! Are you kidding? Why did you agree then?” he asked her disbelievingly.

“Tarun appa will never let me get out of the house if I don’t agree. Tarun I love Armaan. Appa doesn’t approve of him because he is a Muslim, but once I get married to him Appa will know that he is a very loving guy. Appa will accept us sooner or later. Help me Tarun. Please don’t spoil our lives.”

“Spoil your life! What do you want me to do Auraya?” he was flaring.

“Act like we are happy with his match. Let me get in contact with Armaan.  Within a month I and Armaan will marry and then you can tell the truth.”

He sat there watching her in amazement  and felt his dreams collapsing.

She was cheating her father.. She was cheating Tarun.. But if a little bit of lying could unite her with her love  she would do it..

“yes uncle, Amma has consulted the family astrologer. 5^th of next month is an auspicious day. I know its early but we will have a simple wedding. If it is okay with you.. else..”

“No.. no its alright.” Muthu was a little stunned by the speed of events. He wanted to have a grand celebration for his daughter’s marriage but he agreed. Buying more time could mean possibility of a change of heart. Auraya was young and being a father of a young girl in love , Muthu was skeptical.

Tarun knew he was doing wrong. He had lied to Amma that Auraya’s father was ill and that was why the wedding has to be next month.

He had no intention of keeping Auraya’s confidence.  She was a romantic but she was not practical. She was looking at the world with rosy glasses. She would never be happy with Armaan. She was a Tamilian Brahmin. What would she do with a beef eater. Heck! Who was he fooling with all this talks of caste and wellbeing. The truth was that Tarun loved Auraya. From the day he had set eyes on her. His love was not the love that sacrifices for some stupid romantic ideas of his lady. IF a little bit of lying could make her his wife, he would do it.

“You are lying Nausheen.. Auraya can never do  this to me.” Armaan shouted at his childhood friend and neighbor Nausheen.

“I might be lying.. but what about this snaps Armaan? Auraya has willingly cut off contact with you because she is going to marry Tarun.”

Nausheen was Auraya’s classmate and Armaan had tried to send his messages to Auraya through her. Little did he know that his messages remained undelivered, destroyed by the acid venom of Nausheen’s  jealousy.

Armaan once again looked at the blurred picture clicked in Nausheen’s  phone. Auraya was holding Tarun’s hand in what looked like a romantic gesture. What did he know that Auraya had held his hand in sympathy and pleading?

Nausheen  knew Auraya loved Armaan but so did she. If a little bit of lying could make Armaan hers forever, she would do it.

.

“How could you do this to me , you bitch!” Armaan was in a wild rage.

“Armaan I did it for you.” She tried convincing him

He nodded in disbelief, his eyes reddened with pain,deceit and mad fury.

She had the look of a lamb about to be sacrificed when he shot her at point blank range.

wordcount: 794

Hope..

“This is all I could bring for you.” Muthu said. Anubhuti stared at his guilt ridden face and then glanced at the small pot of rice in his hand.

A whirlpool of emotions threatened to wash away her bold stance. She took the pot of rice near the fire place and began to boil the rice for lunch.

Muthu stood watching her pull the end of her sari and quickly wipe away tears. Her hands moved skillfully around the utensils as though calming her nerves.

It had been months since he last spoke to his daughter. “She must be 16” he thought.  Her skin was flawless but was sticking to her bones. Her stomach looked stuck to her back. Her bright eyes were now dry with agony.

Anubhuti blew the fire with the remnants of firewood. The stock of firewood kept for monsoon was depreciating. She worried what would happen if the rains don’t stop this month.

She once again looked at her father who sat on their coir cot in a pensive mood. After months she had seen him sober. She wished her mother was alive to witness this day. The thought of her mother burnt a deep hole in her heart. She had cared enough for her mother but could not save her from tuberculosis.  Her drunkard father spent all their savings on his poison and slept in the dinghy all evening.

She reminisced the time when her father was once a rich fisherman. Anubhuti thought about  her younger self when she used to play hide and seek in her father’s boat. She was carefree about her future. Her father was her hero who sailed great miles and returned with gifts for her from harbors of other cities.

Some evil might have fallen on their happiness. A storm hit the sea. The violent sea destroyed her father’s boat and its crew members. Her father was not on the ship due to some other business. Her father suffured huge loses and he was paying loans through his nose. They lived a hand to mouth existence and soon her mother was detected with TB. They used all their savings and jewellery to revive her health but she succumbed to the disease. Muthu was a beaten man long before his wife died. He had given in to alcohol.

As he watched Anubhuti going around the same way like his wife a thought struck him.. “She is all I have.. I cannot lose her.. I must give her another chance at a good life..”

He put on his chappal and swung a lungi around his waist. He took out his fishing net and hurried to the shore.

“Where are you going?” she shouted out.

“Prepare for curry.. I will return with some fish and crabs..” he shouted back.

Anubhuti looked at the disappearing figure of her father. She smiled.. There was hope after all..

Emily watched in silence as her husband Richard sat with wooden pieces , hammer, nails etc.

He looked up at her. His eyes brimmed with tears.

“You..you came back.. Did you forget anything?”

She thought about Samuel, her first love. She had left Richard never to turn back. Richard was no match for her. She was  a beauty in her community with her large brown eyes, long flowing hair, pink lips which won hearts when they broke into a smile, her slender figure that grooved in grace as she walked sent shivers through the spine of young men who desired her.

Samuel was in every way charming. He had a engineering degree. He had a broad and strong built with a boyish smile that made her fall head over heels in love with him.

Emily wanted to marry him but her father was against the match. He forcefully fixed her marriage with Richard when Samuel was out of town. Emily was heartbroken at the absurd nature of her father. Her father threatened to commit suicide if she disobeyed him. Left with no choice she was married to Richard, a carpenter by profession. He was an average looking guy with a practical approach to life, but he dearly loved Emily.

Emily never let him close to her and Richard waited for her to accept him.

Emily looked at Richard and then turned away in guilt. Richard followed her into the yard.

She burst into tears.

“Emily what happened?” he asked with concern.

“I met Samuel.. told him everything.. He says he doesn’t want anything to do with a second hand thing..” She stood in the rain drenched  and he couldn’t take his eyes off her .

“You are not second hand..you will always be mine Emily..” he gave her a kind smile.

He drew closer to her and slightly touched her lips with his. There was hope afterall..

wordcount: 799

Long distance love..

     "Long distance relations just don't work." They tried knocking some reason into me.
     "You won't be able to hold on for long." 
     "Out of sight, out of mind." They bombarded us with innumerable examples.. 

We were watching Love Aaj Kal.. Me and my friends.. The early sequence where Deepika and Saif discuss the problems of long distance relation is running on the screen..


They say its all over the phone.. Then there is insecurity.. There comes a stage when all one does is fight and on and on and on.. 


I feel three pairs of eyes on me in the dark theatre.. I know what's going on their mind..
"Exactly.. Look look.. It always goes down the same line.." their eyes say it all..


I stir uncomfortably in my chair and shrug it off..  I marvel at the boldness of Deepika's character and frown at the immaturity of Saif.. In the end when both of them unite I give my friends the-evil-victorious grin!  


Ok, its just a movie but its the reality of many relations. Long distance relation thrives on communication, trust and the most important PATIENCE..


It's been 4 years and still I haven't had enough of the last requirement. We frown, we argue and fight.. But we also smile, trust, support, tease, laugh and love...





I never understand why people would want to break up just because they are moving for further studies or work.. In today's times holding on to each other isn't so difficult thanks to the wonderful things called THE MOBILE PHONES, SKYPE, COURIER SERVICES etc etc..


The golden word is PATIENCE! 
Unless you have enough of it don't venture into a long distance relationship.. If you love someone then don't underestimate the power of it.. The thought of losing love will give you the patience.. 


DISTANCE IS NOT FREEDOM TO FLING..
If you feel long distance is a good option as it gives you security of a stable relation as also the freedom to fling then think back.. If you can't hold yourself from getting attracted to someone else then simply accept that YOU ARE NOT REALLY IN LOVE WITH THE PERSON AWAY FROM YOU.. The day you realise it then it is only fair that you move out of the relation than cheat..


Ofcourse, long distance relation is not all rosy.. 
There are times when you wish you too had your special someone sharing the umbrella with you on a rainy day..
Times when you will envy your friends being pampered by their lovers on Valentine's day..
Times when you will be depressed you cannot celebrate your birthday with your love..
Times you will have to head back home not wishing to be kabaab me haddi when your friends plan to go out in pairs..
Times when you won't be able to fit in with your single friends nor the committed ones!
Times you will curse your luck...
Times you will feel your love is jinxed..


If you plan to stick to your partner and have a long term vision of your future then think about the endless mornings you will wake up next to your partner..
The countless nights you will cuddle up with your partner..
The many birthdays, valentine's and rainy days you will see together..
Doesn't a few years of Patience look too less a price for that??


I certainly won't be the one encouraging people to get into long distance relationship for the greater gains..its easier said than done I know.. You may be drawn to the ends of your wits.. :)


The whole point of writing this post and jotting down the good and bad side is that long distance is a feasible option and worth considering before throwing out the love that could endure and still be strong.. 
Physical closeness matters I agree.. But who ever said that having your love close to you would ensure a smooth love life?? 


By the way its been 3 years since Love Aaj Kal and as I was about to write this last line I get a call and that voice on the other end which makes me blush without reason asks me
"Do you still have fever ? Have your eyes stopped hurting ( I woke up with a boil on lower side of the eye  ) ?


No distance is ever too long for two hearts that want to be together... 

Facebook friends..

              Anisha logged into her facebook account. She was an introvert by nature. Introvert doesn't mean that she doesn't have friends or doesn' talk to people easily. It simply means that when she enters the college campus there aren't people she would go up and say, "Hey wat's up" or  there aren't people who would shout out to her from another corner of the campus as "Hey babe, come over". Facebook was one place where she chatted a lot and people got to know who she really was. She was a good listener and she knew all her facebook friends' likes, dislikes, hobbies etc. There were only a handful who knew the same about her.. He was one of them..
              He was already online.. Hrit always came online at 8. She loved chatting with him. She always made a point to come online at 8.

Anisha (A) : Hey hi
Hrit (H): Hi..wassup.
A: nothing much..u say.
H: did u c the pics i uploaded?
A: oh I did.. commented on a few.. u r awesome..
H: thanxie :)
A: I still feel u shud try putting up your photography on display. enter some contest..
H: I m still an amateur..
A: Well  no one is born a professional. Everyone is an amateur at some point of time.. Plus there are many ppl who do photography just for passion.
H: True.
A: y don't u open a photoblog? that wud b gr8!
H: Oh..cool idea.. will think upon it..
A: oh nice..will link u any blogs i come across..will help u wid the idea n all.
H: thanks anisha.. u always support my passion.. glad 2 hv found u on facebook..
A: oh u r welcome.. :)

No Anisha and Hrit are not just online friends.. Hrit is Anisha's senior at college. They haven't ever talked in real. She added him on facebook during the vacations. These were the initial days of chatting.. With time they grew close on facebook and there came a time when she used to exclusively chat with only him when he was online..

It was almost a month since they started chatting. The college was going to reopen in a couple of days. He talked about his dreams, his thoughts about love and so much more. She was happy that when she goes back to college she would have atleast one friend among the seniors..

A: so wat's special today?
H: Lonely..
A: y ? wat hapnd? :(
H: hmm.. nothing much..
A: Fought wid ur girl?
H: nothing like that.. u have a crush on anyone?
A: no..
H: come on, u must b liking sumone from college.
A..Noooo..
H: Given a choice, who would u choose..
A: Well u were a good choice.. but u r taken.. :P
H: lol.. I m flattered. so how was ur day?
and the chat continued..

Anisha wondered if he had any feelings for her. What was the point of asking such a question. True that they talked about anything and everything under the sun and love was just one of the topics.. Could she feel butterflies in her stomach? She liked him.. She did not like the girl he was dating..

It was the first day of the college. She was waiting to see him. The guy she had chatted to everyday for last one month.. She felt close to him. They shared so much and she was the one who would suggest friends to go to his photoblog. He was getting many followers. He always asked  how she liked his snaps. She never forgot to comment on his work.. He was a valued friend for her..

He was sitting in the canteen with his group of friends. His girlfriend was too sitting with him. His girlfriend momentarily left his side. Anisha felt more comfortable seeing him without her. Hrit too saw Anisha. She was feeling a bit concious. She went near their group and smiled at Hrit and said, "Hi.."

Hrit's friends stared at her. She was one of those juniors who never made an attempt to talk to the seniors. Hrit just said, "Hi" and then nothing.. She expected him to say something more.. He got busy with his cellphone. It took a few seconds for Anisha to realise how she was being stared at by his friends and what a complete idiot she had made of herself. The guy was not willing to strike up a conversation. His girlfriend came over and oblivious to what had transpired sat chattering happily.
 

Anisha walked away in haste. She could feel so many eyes on her , ridiculing her, laughing at her stupidity.. Why Hrit behaved the way he did, she could not understand.. That evening she went home and deleted him from her friend's list..


Has it happened to you that someone who is very cordial and friendly on facebook or any other social network gave you a cold shoulder in real life? Have you ever experienced that CONNECT on facebook ,with people you would never open up otherwise? Sure facebook helps people bring closer but is it the same in real life? Is it providing a medium to bring out your self and then hide in shell when faced with reality? I find the term "Facebook friends" fits a new category of friends who are friends just on facebook and strangers in reality...



P.S : I know it's too long. I planned a series for the same on my blog ,but then thought of writing it in one piece for the lounge.. I m not sure if I should bring out continuation of the tale or let it end here.. Suggestions please :)

Rain- 6WS

Grieving our separation, heavens cry along...

Rain- 6WS

Quenching the thirst, feeds my land.. 

Is that what they call old is Gold?

                      Have you ever noticed the stark difference between old professionals and freshers in a particular business? There is something to learn from the generation before which the new generation lacks. I don't know what it is, you could call it charm or patience or simply the old school of thoughts..
                     I happened to visit a very senior doctor for some skin problem a few weeks back. She is known for her precise judgement and usually the first course of medicines work on the condition. Her appointment is difficult to get because of the long queue of patients and also because now she has reduced the working hours. When I went to her, she analysed me and then asked,
                "You had been here once, right?"
I was awed! The last time I went there was 8 years back for some health problem I don't even remember! 
                 She asked me my name and started searching the neatly piled prescription papers in her drawer and voila! she had the prescription sheet on which she had written my details. My age on the sheet said 11 years! 
                 She wrote the new prescription on the same now yellow sheet and gave me a copy of the same. The medicines she advised worked effectively. She even advised me about the food to have keeping in mind my schedule. That is what they call being a doctor. 
                 When I go to any other doctor (the new ones) , they use the trial and error method. Prescribe higher antibiotics that would get them higher profits from the neighboring chemist. Sometimes, they don't even bother to check patient history. When related complications rise, they simply change the course of medication. They literally take their job as "PRACTICE". Don't even ask about diet or any other thing. They would straightaway refer you to a nutritionist or any specialized fields to gain some more profit. This is today's commercial doctor!
                  Just a day before, I was travelling in an auto. The autorickshaw driver was an old fellow. During our journey, several high speed autos overtook us, drove rashly, bikers trying to show off and all through the ride, the driver remained calm. Followed the traffic rules. Stood still at the signal. Slowed down at a turn. Even waved out while taking the smallest of the turns. I doubt he must have had even a single scratch on his auto. He drove with such precision. 
                   I have had some "dhoom" moments with Mumbai autodrivers. One dabbang tried to usher in the auto between the BEST bus and the divider. Murderous intentions I could say! What followed was scuffle between the bus driver and him. Such drivers are really a pain. They break rules and endanger lives! Warm blood .. Lack of patience. Ensure you reach on time, but at what cost? 
                   The old drivers are not only more cautious, but more polite too. This is my experience with them.
The younger generation of professionals, whatever field it may be, should learn the value of patience, courtesy, customer care. Aggressiveness does not create goodwill..
                   Maybe that's why they say, Old is Gold..
                   
                   

Who's smarter..

          Each generation gets smarter than the generation before.. Kids these days can make a fool out of adults! The same was the situation when I was a kid. Adults used to say, "Kids these days know to talk on phone."
         Phone means the landline phone! Today kids know to handle the computer, laptop, mobile phones etc etc.. The gadget generation! My nephew who is all of 2 years is a gadget freak!
         He once came crying into my room. Seeing me working on my laptop, he quickly forgot the reason of his despair. He came over to me and sat on my lap. I was so awed that "Mausi pe itna pyaar?" and then the smart head started typing on the laptop! So the reason was not me but the laptop! Such are these kids who can make you drool over them and make you a fool in a minute.
         Some of my relatives recently took panga with a generation way to smarter than them. I was the silent spectator in this..
         We went over to a relatives place, where there was this small girl called Deepti, all of 2 years. She is a chatterbox and wise beyond her years (which is not an individual case these days). So these relatives tried to pull her leg.
         There was another kid called Ashu who is about 5 years old.
The relatives started talking of Deepti's bicycle as Ashu's. They were talking aloud, "How come Ashu's bike is here. Chalo let's take it home."
          Deepti looked confused and tried to sum up what was happening. The elders thought she will vehemently defend it as hers. So they further asked her, "Whose cycle is this Deepti?"
          Her reply stunned them. She said "Ashu's bike it is."
 She was now playing with the elders! they didn't know what to say!
          Someone asked, "what is Ashu's bike doing here?"
 Pat came the reply,"She left it here last night."
           Saying so, she laughed out and ran out to play.
The relatives looked at each other's face expressionless and spellbound.
          How easily she interpreted their intention and how she worked it against them! I was amazed at her intelligence! All at the age of mere 2 years!
          I was the one who giggled first and commented," Pata chala who's smarter? Bacchose panga kyun lete ho uncle?"
         We all had a hearty laughter following this incident!!

Battle of the mind..

           He came out of the house in the same disturbed mood as everyday. He was a meek husband and it gnawed his self-confidence long back. His wife was nagging as he left. If she had a billionaire of a husband then too she wouldn't be satisfied he thought. He wanted her to just die.. There was no other way he could get rid of her.

          He walked in haste to the station. She would be fuming with rage and he was frightened of her. He was sandwiched between the two women in his life and he had no control over either. He couldn't even decide which of them was a softer tyrant.

         She was pacing back and forth on that deserted platform. Her flaring nostrils made him nervous.

"You are late again. What do you think I m? Your servant?" She asked him without even looking at him once.

"I .. I m sorry.. She.. She didn't let me leave." He was sweating..

She glared at him with those furious eyes..

"Oh.. servicing her.. were you?" She gave a crooked evil grin..

 He didn't know why he had goosebumps.He hung his head in shame.. Why did she have to humiliate  him always..

"Speak to me you dumb creature.. Did she fold your tongue too?" She was shrieking..
He looked around tensely.. A few commuters had come and were staring at them.

HE pulled her aside.
"Talk calmly.. At least spare me some respect.." he pleaded her.
"As if you have any respect. She has made you her dog.. Why doesn't she put a belt around your neck too?" She screamed ruthlessly..

He was red in the face. He had been hurled enough abuses at from both of them. Only his wife didn't know about her but she knew about his wife and took every opportunity to degrade him..

HE was aware of the whispers behind his back. He was in dilemma.. HE knew if he left she would follow him to his office and create a scene there.. On the other hand if he stayed at the station she would still not relent.

She pulled his hair violently. HE struggled to lose her grip.
"Listen to me you idiot when I m talking to you. Don't ogle at other women on the station." She stomped her feet..
"Ok Ok I m sorry.. I was just checking if the train has come." 
"Oh yes, the dog has to catch the train and then slog for his mistress.. Feed her make and make her plump so she has enough energy to order you around. I m leaving you." Saying so she started walking out.

The thought of her leaving broke his heart. He needed her..She was like his drug. Harming him when she was there but still he couldn't bear to live without her.

"Please..please don't go.." he held her hand.
"Leave me you bastard. Go to your wife and rejoice in your slavery. " She started throwing up her arms in the air to free herself.
"I will come early from now.. I will.. I will I promise." He didn't care if the people around laughed at the sight of him crying.. He was sobbing to melt her heart..
"Ok fine... Meet me tomorrow and we will hatch a plan to get rid of that bitch.. Now go.."
"You promise you will meet me here tomorrow?" He asked her..
"I will come.." saying so she left..

He boarded his train smiling.. She would be there with him...

On the station..

"Did you see that man?" the boy asked.
"Yes... at first I thought he was talking on the earphone.. But there wasn't any.." the girl replied.
"Arrey pagal.. He is a madman.. Comes to station everyday and talks to himself.. You saw his drama na." the boy laughed.
"I was soo scared. How come nobody stops him at home only.. Ghar pe bhi pagal honge.." she said.
"Hey I m there na .why to get scared? forget about him..let's go to college." and they both left the station.


P.S : You must have seen many such people talking,crying, shouting and laughing to themselves.. For the world they are mad people.. But they live a life wherein there is no differentiation between reality and illusion. Often they are threatened,abused and made to go to extreme steps due to this condition..Like here the man is threatened and abused by his imaginary lover. Such people are schizophrenic..This condition may result from emotional traumas too.. and is becoming more and more common in people today.. for more information on the same visit http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001925/

To live with a smile..

        Mrs. Sheikh was tired of the long day at school. Children are incarnations of God it is said, she wondered how they  turned into devils the moment they entered school. In an Indian school the teacher to students ratio is an average 1:60.. After managing the class for 5 hours of the school , she could barely speak.  She sometimes felt trapped in her profession which was a weird combination of her dreamy and poetic nature( she was English language teacher) and the constant shouting and warnings she had to give to keep the class in order.
        It was late into the night and she was still checking the English papers. It was a mechanical job for her. They were all the same. It was 7th grade paper she was checking and yet she knew they would all be the byhearted compositions from the same book albeit with different spelling mistakes. Only Maths and Science were the subjects studied seriously in a nation obsessed with Medicine and Engineering profession. The next paper in her hand was written in a neat handwriting. The topic for the composition was "A rainy day". Every single paper so far had the same element," I sailed boats, went out in raincoat," etc etc.. But this one started differently..
       A rainy day..
It was cloudy since morning, but with not a drop of rain. Father was reading the morning newspaper and I was doing my homework. A few drops of rain trickled on the window pane. I went outside and in no time it started raining. I went out into the verandah. Mother was praying to the "tulsi" plant we had in the verandah. She rushed inside when it started raining. I took this opportunity to bring out my football and started playing football in the wet grass. Father came out and couldn't resist joining me. Seeing us both playing in the rain, Mother shouted out "Come inside, you both will catch cold". Father was enjoying as much as I. We both pulled in Mother too. We all were drenched in the first rain of the season. Mother too joined in the play. We laughed and had fun. Mother went early. Father and I went home much later. When we dried ourselves clean and came into the dining room, mother had already prepared hot bhajjis and ginger tea. We ate and sat contended. The rain continued till the afternoon. I was watching it from the window. The veradah smelled of the sweet scent of soil. The trees lustred rich green. It was a beautiful day.

"What a lovely family" she thought. She longed to be in the verandah of this boy's house. It had been years since she read something original and beautiful. She had to meet this boy. He had made her day. She went to sleep happily.
  She looked over the muster. The boy Vivek Bose had been absent for a few days. She could not wait to see him. She took his address from the school office and went to see him. She was shocked when she reached the address. She was anticipating a beautiful cozy home with a tulsi plant in the verandah, but the awaiting her was a dry ground in front of a decent housing named..
                  "Don Bosco's Boys Orphanage"
She asked the father of the center for the boy.
Vivek Bose... now she remembered. The irregular student at school. She watched as he walked with crutches. He had polio.
 "Ma'am you wanted to see me?"
Those innocent large eyes of that crippled, fragile body made her heart bleed.
"Beta why are you not coming to school?"
"Oh Ma'am you came to ask me that. That is so caring of you." His eyes beamed with joy.
"I was having fever and the sisters here take great care of me. They don't let me go to school when I fall ill." He added with a smile.
"Tell me Beta were you always here or you lived somewhere else?" She knew it was too blunt to ask a child that but she could not yet believe what she saw.
"Yes Ma'am this is my house. I never saw my parents." There was a hint of sadness in his eyes.
She hugged him tight as the tears flooded her eyes.
"You write beautifully my child. You are gifted.. not just with writing skill but with a positive spirit and the love of divine." She wholeheartedly believed it. He was special. He had the ability to touch lives.
"Thank you Ma'am. I have to go now. It's prayer time."
"See you in school child." She sent a thousand prayers for this child.

She saw him walking high spiritedly into the prayer hall. He seemed to be at peace with his crutches. She believed this boy had forgiven God for the injustice done to him...

He taught her what it is to live with a smile...

Missing you

"Hello"

"Hello" sounds low...

"Kya hua tabiyat thik nahi hai kya?"

"Nahi toh..aise kyun puch rahe ho?"

"Bas aise hi ."

"Kisi ne kuch kaha kya?"

"Nahi.."

"Accha maine ye batane phone kiya tha ki iss hafte bhi nahi aa paunga. Bahut kaam hai.."

Doesn't say anything..

"Hello ho kya tum?"

"Ha.."

"Kuch toh bolo."

"Ha thik hai araam se ao..koi jaldi nahi nahi..mujhe tumhari bilkul yaad nahi aati.."

"Accha hai fir.. me 2 hafte baad aata hu fir.." smiles..

" Agar aur der ki toh bahut maar khaoge tum"

"Accha kisse pitvaogi?"

"Me khud tumhe bahut maarungi.. Kitna pareshan karoge.. jaldi aajaona.." 

"Dekhenge dekhenge kaise maarti ho tum.. Accha 2 hafte baad pakka aajaunga."

"Tumhe meri bilkul yaad nahi aati na.. me hi tumhara intezaar karti rehti hu.. jao tum.. me bhi chali jaungi tumse dur.." starts crying slowly..

"Hey jaan please rona mat.. mazak kar raha tha baba.. do din me niklunga..teesre din tumhare paas.."

"Sach?"

"Sachme..ab rona bandh karo.."

"Bahut bure ho tum."

"Pata hai.. Aur tum bahut acchi ho.. khush?"

"Ha bahut khush.."

"Tumne khana khaya?"

"Nahi.. "

"kyun?"

"Tumhare call ka wait kar rahi thi..abhi kha lungi.. Tumne khaya?"

"Nahi.. kaam hai thoda..baad me khaunga."

"Nahi abhi khao.. kaam baadme karo.. der ho gayi hai bahut.."

"Accha thik hai madam..abhi kha leta hu.. chalo bye.."

"bye.."

"Love you jaanu"

"love you too.. miss you.. "

"miss you too.. bye"

"bye"

My Princess..

 It was 9 pm.. I rushed to my computer and logged into yahoo messenger. She was not yet there..
5 mins later a message popped on my screen..
Princess now online....

Aryan : Hey whr wer u dear?
Princess: Sorry sweety, reached home l8.
Aryan: oh.. been out wid sum1?
Princess: ohhoo is sum1 getting jealous??
Aryan: nope.. y shud i get jealous? ur life..
Princess: Hey Aryan wud u meet me 2mrw ?
Aryan: whatttttttttt?????????????? I mean r u serious???
Princess: +ve :)
Aryan: yeayayayayaya!!!! I wil finally meet my princess..

Yes she was my online friend.. Found her in a chatroom and since then we had regularly been chatting at 9pm.

Aryan: R u der?
Princess: yessss...
Aryan: Princess tell me ur name atleast now dat u trust me enuf 2 meet me..

Yes, she is not Princess and I m not Aryan.. I m Heet and she knows that.. I don't know her real name.. I haven't seen her.. I haven't even spoken to her on phone.. But I still love her...

Princess: Have patience honey.. Will tel u 2mrw wen v meet.
Aryan: :( :( ok.. but where?? n how do i find u??
Princess: Meet me at Mc Donald's near the Orbit Mall at 5 pm. I will find u der.

Yes, she had seen my snap but refused to send her own.. She had my cell number but never called me up. She was elusive and sometimes outright weird.. But what the heck! I still loved her like crazy..

Aryan : cool.. Hey princess..
Princess: wat???
Aryan: I wouldn't b able to sleep 2nite. waiting to c ur lovely face.. love u gal..
Princess: love u 2 ..:)
Aryan: wowowow!! its the 1st tym u said so:)
Princess: I know... Bye..
Aryan: Bye..

Princess is offline...

I kept staring at the screen for sometime... Was it a dream???

I never slept to wake up the next day.. I kept glancing at the clock and hoping it was 5 soon.. I couldn't concentrate on anything else.. I started getting ready when it was hardly 3.. I shaved and showered.. I wore a cool red T-shirt ( her favorite color) and blue jeans.. I left an hour early..

The direct road to Mc D was blocked for some reason and I was happy I started early so that I can go the other way which is always traffic jammed.. I reached the place sharp at 4.45...

There was so much anticipation.. A girl who I had never seen could turn me so crazy.. So impatient.. What would happen when she was with me... I began thinking how she would be.. I had a mental image of someone very agile, soft toned, fair and cute... A Princess... What if she turned out to be too fat?? What if she was taller than me? Why was I thinking all this? IT was superficial to think like that.. I loved her for her spirit, her inner beauty and that should never change...

I was lost in my thoughts and soon it turned 5.30.. I kept looking at the door.. Every girl entering made me anxious.. I felt she was Princess..  But no one approached me.. Did she forget how I looked?? No.. I knew that was not possible... I waited till 8 but she never came...

Disheartened, I started out for home.. I was angry .. I was sad.. Had she decided last moment that she couldn't trust me? Had I said anything yesterday on chat that must have made her think so? Was my eagerness to see her deciphered as desperation??

I was so much in my own world that I forgot the main road was blocked. I reached near the barricade when a policeman stopped me.

"You cannot go from here.. There has been an accident."

"Oh..anything serious?" I asked

"Yes, an autorickshaw collided with a truck. Auto has hit the divider. The girl in the auto died on the spot and driver is critical. We are looking for the absconding truck driver. Where you here earlier."

" No sir. Was the girl young?"

"Yes.. She was not even twenty I think. Her body is badly damaged. Her relatives are having difficulty in identifying her."

I could feel my heart thumping louder and louder, shouting at me .."That was your Princess.." I could hardly breath...

I had no way to know that.. I couldn't recognise her if she was in perfect health, then what with her disfigured and crampled body? Hell!! I didn't even know her name... I could do nothing but head back home.

It was close to 9.. My princess would come online.. I logged in yahoo..

There was an offliner by princess..

Hey Heet... M dying to meet u sweetheart.. want you to know I love you sooo much..... :)

She had sent this at 3.30... She was coming to meet me... Something within me died that moment... I knew my Princess was no more...

I kept coming online everyday at 9 pm to prove myself wrong.. She never came online... She could not... My Princess was far away in another world....

Lover's talk..

 "Heloooo"
.. silence..."Helllo"
"So rahe the kya baby?"
"Nahi!" (grumpily)..
"Fir kaha ho?" (quiet innocently)
"Neend se uthati ho fir puchti ho so raha hu kya?" .. raises  his voice..
"Sorry to disturb" meekly..
"Accha.......its...."
Girl hangs up...

2nd call...

"Ha baba, bolo kya hua"
"Nahi jaane do.. tum so jao"
"Ho gaya na shona.. ab bolo tum kaha ho?"
"Train"
"Kaha jaa rahi ho?"
"Fir bhul gaye na? Exam hai mera aaj..
Ek toh tumne mujhe sube sube daata aur ab mujhe wish bhi nahi kar rahe ho"
"All the best jaanu"
"Thank you"
"Shaamko milogi?"
"Pehle tum sorry bolo.. "
"Accha baba galati ho gayi..sorry.."
"It's ok"
"Tum bhi sorry bolo ab"
"kyun kyun?"
"Phone ek baar nahi uthaya toh samajhna chahiye tha na.. der se aya tha kal.. so raha tha.. isliye chid gaya"
"Acha thik hai.. Sorry"
"Ye accha hai!! "
"Aye mera chotta wala sorry hai ha lekin"
"Hehe.. chalega.. kamse kam galati toh maani.. Bolo shaamko aogina?"
"Ha aungi.."
"love you jaan.."
"love you too jaanu."
"bye"
"bye"

1 min later..
"Phone rakho na"
"Tum rakho pehle"
"Tum"
"Nahi tum"
"Accha thik hai.. Har baar ki tarah me hi haar maanta hu.."
"Nahi suno.. saath me rakhte hai.."
"Ha chalo bye"
"Bye"
End of call...

How I found my Mom..

The reality was sinking down on me each passing moment.. I slowly replaced the receiver which moments ago voiced J's wrath," It's all over between you and me. I want you out of my life woman! I want a divorce."

  Two years of putting up with his abrupt mood swings, outbursts of abuse and doing everything to keep him with me was now down the drain..I should have known it when he stopped saying sorry for his crude language. I should have known when I often found him ogling at other women.. I had pulled down wool over my eyes.. I just had to make my marriage work.. Because she didn't.. First time in my life, I didn't blame her for the disaster in my life..

  I was 12 years old.. My parents lived like two strangers in the house. They doted on me. The coldness between them made me unhappy. The soft but firm command," Go to your room" meant they were going to have a fight. I remained locked up in my room till the loud noises stopped.. Sometimes I cried myself to sleep. The blames, the loud cries from my Mom, the vehement denial from my Dad and his indifference to her worries, everything shut down and suddenly they were no longer bothered about what the other did.. They lived in oblivation. I was the only connecting link and I often became a football in their court.. kicked and grabbed by their ego..

  I woke up one morning to see her packing. The melancholy of her face talked volumes. She bent down to me and gently stroked my hair, " Zia, I m leaving. Take care baby. I will contact you. I m there for you always". She kissed my forehead and quickly wiped her tears. She walked out of the room. I couldn't even stop her. She was leaving me behind.. She was running away from her responsibility. She was out to have a good life for herself leaving me to fend for myself.. I hated her since that moment.

  My father was good to me. My mother's step  shook him. He was a different man now. He talked less and spent more time alone. I blamed my Mom for his misery.

 I was young, vulnerable and alien to the ways of the world. I was growing up and I hated every new physical change accompanied with it. I was shy to talk about them to my Dad.I blamed her for the first bad touch I ever experienced from a pervert male.I blamed her for my helplessness.

I lied to my friends about a happy family I did not have. When they found out my Mom had ditched me they kept distance from me. Those who were with me invited me often up their place. Their mothers gave me those sympathetic looks which said they knew it all. I should have been humbled by the care they showed, but I felt like an urchin. I blamed my mom for my humiliation.

 I grew out to be an introvert and a  clumsy one at that. I lacked the grooming which other girls had. I always stood out from my peers. I watched other girls and emulated them. Visited the beauty saloon when they went. When the girls discussed some matters which I had no clue about, they often spoke aloud,"Didn't your Mom tell you that?" The conversation stopped there when they realised the wrong in their statement. I blamed my Mom for their careless attitude to me.

 Suddenly she was the only reason why I was a failure. She was to blame if I scored less in my exams. She was to blame if I didn't make into the magazine team. When I had my first heartbreak, she was somehow responsible for it..

 In these years, she tried to contact me many times. I received her call but held it without saying anything. I met her sometimes but remained silent all the time. When she asked about me, I did not reply. I was punishing her for what she had done. Slowly the meetings stopped. Calls were restricted only for special occasions.. I was healing the hurt..

   For the first time in my life I was feeling secure with J in my life. I was 25 when we got married. J was a passionate lover but somewhere down the years the passion dried up. He was just mechanically into the relation. We hardly talked. When we did, it was me voicing my needs which he clearly ignored. I cried and pleaded. I begged him to stay on.. I was weak and I needed him to prove to my Mom that I could make a marriage last..

 I realised now what my Mom must have gone through. She had the courage to move on in life and be happy. She was a strong woman. I should have respected her urge to live and her right to a better life. She did not give up in life.. I did..

  I called her up. My hands were trembling with each ring.. She finally picked up the phone..

"Hello"

I did not speak up.. I could only let out silent cries..

"Z baby.. I knew you would call.."

I burst into tears.. She recognised me without me speaking.. Maternal instincts one may say.. She really did care.. She never ditched me.. I refused to let her close..

"Mom.. mom where are you?"

"What happened dear? Do you need me?"

"I always needed you Mom" that was the truth...

I met her at the Tata Hospital.. She was battling cancer.. Fighter she always was... She had kept me in dark about her condition.. I was heartless that I didn't even check why she hadn't come for my wedding...

Talking to her for hours, I relieved myself of all the pain stored in my heart.. all the burden and concerns.. One thing I learnt was, my Dad was a good father and that necessarily didn't mean he was a good husband as well.. I was naive then.. I didn't let my mother make me understand the difference.. I now value her..

She overcame cancer like all other problems in her life..

Like she always says," One can't always solve the problems in life.. sometimes it is best to let go and live one's life with dignity".

That was what she had always done.. Served as a nurse with dignity rather than taking abuse as a wife..