Will You Still Love Me? - 2

A story of Insecurity after betrayal, hope after reassurance and ... Love after tears

Continued from HERE

HER - I paced back and forth at the bus stop, concious of the eyes savoring me, my body.. I tried not to look anywhere but the buses approaching. A few men spoke in low tones and grinned at each other. I steal a glance at them through the corner of my eyes. A fear too known, grips me. Do they recognise me? It is a warm evening. Even though I m dressed in a full sleeved salwar kameez, I shiver. I feel stark naked at this bus stop.

Someone tapped my shoulders lightly. I was startled and immediately the 'fright, fight, flight' mechanism of my nervous system is in place.

"Hey Payal, I think I scared you."

It was the same guy from office who introduced himself to me last week.
I realised I was sweating profusely and my face had gone pale, my lips colourless. I ran my tongue over my lips trying to usher in remnants of confidence.
"What do you think you are doing?" I shoot at him, immediately realising how viciously sharp my tone had become.
"Sorry Miss, but if you don't respond to your own name, please let us lowly mortals know what name you like to be addressed." he mocked me.
He was just the kind of people I was trying to avoid, who posed danger to me. People too much interested in my life and too reckless to know where to draw the line.
Payal... It would take time to get used to the name. I wondered if the name as purposely chosen to demean me.. To dethrone me from the place that I once occupied in everyone's eyes.
"What do you want?" I confront him to defend my own indifference to my new name.
"I do not need anything. Maybe you will need this tomorrow." he said flashing my ID card.. Oh crap! I had left it behind while signing out.

I muttered a "thank you" and quickly snatched my Id. I see the colour of his face change. I cringe when I see that my act hurt him and he walked away. In some other life I would have gone after him and apologized. Right now I regretted not carrying my pack of cigarettes in my handbag.

************

I reach the place where I have been staying with my uncle's family for more than 2 years now. This place could never be home for me even for a minute.

I get cold stares from my aunt to looks ready to spit venom. I recline in the small room that was once a store room.. It still is, in a way..

I hear aunty shout at uncle, "If anything goes wrong we would lose face. What were you thinking before taking her in? I tell you, this girl will ruin our name. I don't want her shadow on our daughter."

I m strangulated by the ghosts of my past, but not enough to kill me. I could try other ways to kill myself but I hold back knowing that the consequence would be worse..
I drift off to sleep once again hoping that I won't see tomorrow.

IT won't stop.. It is relentless, deligiently following me every night.. I m shaken again, my bed damp with my sweat. That hole left in my chest won't heal. The nightmares remind me every living hour of my past.. I look across the room.. A plate of dinner gone cold.. I eat few morsels.. Like a mother soothing a child and singing a soft lullaby to sleep, the pill that I swallow takes me to a dreamless world.

--Pulkit & Maithili--

(to be continued next Wednesday)

Amuse Me

I stand right here, at this point of your life,

In my glorious darkness and power,

To cradle you in my widespread arms; I

Await your final turn round the corner.

How busy you seem building mansions and

Hoarding wealth for years that go beyond me;

Desires abound, struggles incessant,

You seem so oblivious of my being.

So, you go on with your love, strife, hatred,

Deceit; at the end, the Truth will be seen.

You dream of success, high status and fame

Though you know it’s all just an illusion.

Endless moves have you planned for your life’s game,

All will cease with my sudden intrusion.

Of all things sure I am the surest; you

Know it only too well. Yes, certainly!

Still you dream of flying across skies blue

Fragile wings; while here, I wait silently.

And since you are preoccupied with my

Denial; pray, keep going, Amuse me!

~Almas Kiran Shamim




 

Will you still love me?

A story of Insecurity after betrayal, Hope after reassurance...and love after tears!



 
Image: courtesy -http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs8/i/2005/311/f/d/Boy_and_Girl_by_BeautifulEnemity.jpg
He - 28th August, 2011. Times of India - New Delhi Office.
 I am Suraj Batra, a final year journalism student. It was my first day of internship at office. Seven new interns alongside, and an entertainment section joint editor giving us a tour of the office building, this was exciting. I was out of sync from everyone around me. When all the other 3 male interns were soberly dressed in a check formal shirt, the "beer does a body good" imprinted black T-Shirt was helping me nothing in making a decent first impression. I made a puppy face to the receptionist when she gave me a strange look and immediately decided that I shall rather remain blank when the same strange look is given from all others whole day. The puppy face is not a politically correct escape gesture when u are a guy, specially a guy like me. Slightly overgrown beard, messed up hairs, disorganized and carefree are the two words which actually define me. It took me not long to notice the four other girls in the internship team. The green top had assets that can help me spoil every darn assignment by taking off my concentration, the pink top was cute but looked the rodies type emo a bit - certainly not my taste, the black top was a stunner - 11 on 10, well out of my reach. The fourth one was Strange. she was the most properly dresses among all the girls. Their was an air of arrogance about her which took me to a complete disliking of her. She was walking a few steps ahead of me. White suit and neatly lying from the corner of her shoulders, a dupatta on it. Pinned hairs, half left loose, partially revealing the smell of shampoo looking slightly wet still. She must have been 5 feet 6 inches tall, wheatish complexion, dark black eyes and perfect lips resting below a small nose. She had spectacles resting on her head like a pro reporter or something and she was the only one among us who had not uttered a word yet. She looked the confident-practical breed. The one that hated those like me the most. 
Anyways, I decided to focus on the office tour. It was a colorful creative place and no matter how pain in the ass shall be rising early every morning to come here, I was sure that once in the campus-it shall be fun.15 minutes break after an hour of briefing and touring, all interns quickly made their way to the cafeteria. Names and a little intros were exchanged, Riya, Tina, Akriti. Rahul, Ajay, Vinay. The strangeness was yet to reveal anything about her, she looked disinterested in the chirpiness of the exciting initial conversations and rather continued to tap her touch screen phone to post something on what slightly from the corner looked like twitter screen. I started hating her more and more. What attitude man! She smiled a little and said "excuse me", her voice was contrary to her personality. It was so sweet and polite. I wanted to make a call to my room mate and ask him to pick me up from here only for the matinee show of the movie, the network was breaking and I decided to walk out of the cafeteria to search the signal lines. I found a few finally and managed to get the call connected, It was ringing now.She was standing in the corner watching Delhi from the window and smoking a ciggratte. I tip toed near her, almost forgetting the call. "This can kill, Hi..Suraj. IIMC, JNU final year." I smiled to her. She said nothing in return. Fuck! I made a fool of myself again - I hate my nature at times. "anyways...." I whispered and just as I was about to leave her alone. She turned her face to stare in my eyes and said "I know it kills, and hence I shall have another one soon" She smiled a little. Her eyes were red. She left. My friend on phone was screaming "Abey kuch bolega......." 

---- Pulkit & Maithili


(To be continued Next Wednesday)

Happy birthday Asbah 19/9

I've always been a fervent admirer of her work. For someone for whom writing was just more than passion ,she was a teacher. You got lots of things in life where you seek inspiration from other people. Trust me, she inspired a lot through her writings. She was a pied piper who has this strong tendency to attract people through her strong proses which definitely imbued something in people. A strong amalgamation of emotions,feelings and all other factors would define her work. She was a magician in her own way and offcourse she would drag everyone towards her. Sandeep and me had always been a strong admirer of this princess who hailed from the other land.

Sometime it makes me think I wish we belonged to the same land. Alas! we didn't. On contrary ,we possess everything and we were like minded. The intention behind creating this space was similar. A beautiful girl who would always make you smile. She was someone whose creative quotient was much high than other people. Where thoughts had words and offcourse those words would speak. We were completely taken aback when she decided to leave us. For this place ,she was an asset and for us someone who enjoyed a prime position in this place leaving us was a great loss.

Many many happy returns of the day to the sweetheart of the Writers Lounge. Happy birthday to Asbah aka Islex . Her birthday is on 19th September and my best wishes are always for her. Cause you know that we all here love you. You are the best .


PS - I don't have time to post this tommorow. So posting it today.. :) :) So lets the wishes pour for the birthday girl.... :)

The Wait

I shall wait for you………

Just like a stream waits………

Meandering its way through high and low…….

Waiting to meet the vast ocean

And become one with that enormous wealth of treasures…

Of pearls…of corals…and life -known-unknown.…….

And oh! What stops it from waiting!!!!

Never can it be tied!!

Just like the ocean waits….

To turn to vapour

And rise above itself….

Higher and higher…up above all….

And become the cloud….…

Like a roof to all of God’s creations…

Rich or poor…

Black or white…

Just like the cloud waits…

Laden with life…

To pour down…

And seep into the very pores of the ground…

And bring forth life….

A life from a life…

Just like a seed waits ….

Drenched by the rain……

To break its fetters…

And expand free….

Growing above…

Into a bud….

Ready to bloom

Just in a while…

Just like a bud waits…..

For the sun to rise..

And his light to shine..

That it may bloom…

And sing with the wind….

And dance with the bees…

And celebrate with delight

Just like the sun waits….

For the night to come……

And soothe its heat…

Its parching throat…

Its flaming lips…

That it may know ..

What coolness is like….

Just like the night waits….

For the stars to shine…

Tear apart her darkness…

By their dazzling light…

That it may turn into a beautiful vision,

For those with sight….

Just like the stars wait….

For the learners’ gaze…

Searching out for them,

Studying their movements with time….

Basing their lives on their brightness ….

As if they were

An intervention divine.

And just like the learners wait…

For the streams to flow by….

Bearing waters filled with wisdom,

Lessons and rhymes………

To quench the thirsts

Of their throat, soul and mind….

And so…. Know it….

That I shall wait….

Through all that happens…

As long as I’m alive….

~Almas Kiran Shamim

I am, that I am

I have seen some older people cry. I wondered why?
I then somehow came to know that, they get astonished by the creation of the world. They feel so amused by nature and world that, the moment they think about god who created these, they can do nothing but cry.
I used to think that there was nothing to be admired and that everything was just normal.
But recently there is a difference in myself.
I get amused whenever I become aware of what I am doing.
Try imagining it yourself.
You sit in front of the computer reading this.
Imagine you seeing yourself from the ceiling of your room. Now keep going upwards, just like Google Earth. Keep going from your room ceiling till you reach the sky, the universe. Imagine the vastness of everything and just think how tiny you are and how unimportant you are when compared to the entire _ _ _ _ _ _ (most common answer is creation, but I guess it may not be called so).

I believe in Anna but I am not Anna !

    The thirteen day long fast of Kisan Baburao Hazare aka Anna Hazare has been a much debated lately on news channels, in news papers, in youth clubs and in every commoner drawing room. The fast was for Jan Lokpal Bill to be taken into consideration by Indian Government.

Okay now coming to the central point of this post. I believe in Anna but I am not Anna. I belive in his ideologies and principles. I  believe we Indians are solely responsible for all the corruption we are facing today. The corrupt bureaucrats have risen amongst us. The common man is responsible for proviking the much hated act of bribe. But this was done when we reached a threshold where we had no other choice but to bribe and be bribed.

Anna brought the whole nation under one notion, Remove Corruption. But I don't agree with his fast way to make Government agree to his demands. Okay I am not too much into politics but at-least I know what's going on in there. What was the need for him to fast for 13 long days? He's 74 years old and his life could have been in danger if the fast would have been on for several more days. There are other ways of protesting. Mob can gather peacefully outside minister's houses, they can put RTI to it's best use asking whereabouts's of development money, Candle lit marches could have been organized nation wide, a healthy debate could have been established between the People and the Government. But fasting! I don't see any Gandhian fellowship in that.

I might be wrong in my perception but it was really painful to see an old man sitting and fasting for us all .

Anna ji, we need people like you to remind Indians that they are born in a country that gave birth to people like रजा हरीश चन्द, शहीद भगत सिंह, नेताजी सुभाष चन्द्र बोस, महात्मा गाँधी and you !

Jai Hind
Smita