Will you still love me? Part 5

A story of Insecurity after betrayal, hope after reassurance and ... Love after tears

Continued from Here

HIM

I felt alone walking past a busy street. It was 8 in the night, Friday was ending, seducing the hyper maniac crowd of Delhi into the weekend frenzy. There were people in metro who knew nothing about each other and yet passed a smile, just to rejoice the collective freedom from work. I was standing right there between them, frozen into the numbness of the strange emotions that all electrified my senses for the moment. I walked out of the compartment, out of the noisy cheerful aroma of the platform, out on the celebration of life on the street, silently walking towards my friend's apartment, where I had planned to spend the weekend watching football matches and drinking beer, but somehow I felt like doing none of that at the moment. Those eyes, Those irritated angry mysterious and enigmatic eyes. Those beautiful eyes, they chased me along with the words that I read. Those painful words that tip toed silently into my thought process and here I am cluelessly trying to find the reason behind them, knowing that I should not give a damn. But yet. 

4 hours back ... I was happy. I was cheerful, It had been going as I had hoped it would. Miss Too-beautiful-and-Too-confusing and me had our first conversation, and I soon realized how true is the saying that people with strong hostility shield around them are like coconuts, soft from Inside and hard from the outside. I mean, here is this one girl who gives me these cold looks whole of two weeks or something and the moment we first chit chatted, she was so warm, so good, so joyful, and so friendly. The most beautiful eyes in the world, looks even more beautiful when there is a smile on that angelic face. She was intriguing to say the least, I mean like her or hate her, but she was the kind that you would notice.

The laughs came to a halt as time pushed us to return back to work and a bizzare serendipity occurs.

Here I am, on my desk, take phone out from its leather cover, trying to put earpods and switchin on the music player on my cell. I unlock the keypad by the usual "menu" + "*" combination and what I see is miss-enigma herself, wearing a white plain suit,red dupatta, blue bangles and pink nail polish, looking like an absolute adorable kiddo, standing next to a lady who might be in her early 40s or something, who apparently looked like her mom or something. That wallpaper pic also had a birthday cake which said "happy 19 years angel", so that means it was an old pic. She looked just the same though, with a bit more life may be. This seemed interesting, I clicked on --> Gallery and then on the folder Photos --> Personal pics (to find what archives of this beautiful girl I can see which might reveal more of the real her) but what I found Instead was a text draft that read "Me"

I clicked it open.

14 Feb, 2009

.... Not even in my distant dream I thought that dreams would ever come true

I thought some people might fall for me but I never thought one of them could be you

of rainbows and showers, of breezes and flowers, of destiny and love

beyond the promises, beyond the stars, beyond the heavens up above.

29 March, 2009

Seven years we had known each other

from days of laughter, days of friendship, days of love

Yet when today you held me in your arms

and planted those lips of yours to mine

I felt Its the first time we have ever met.

I felt that I would like to explore my whole life, the lover in you!

8 April 2009

The tender touch

The raindrops

Ok It was your shower

so what

Under those wet moments

we saw a dream

The more I recall last afternoon

The more I smile

It was so unplanned

It was so blissful

I your arms, feeling your breath, sins drive my smiles.

The sins that you persuade me to do

The sins I enjoy every second of their occurance

and the everlasting happiness of acceptance

That stays beyond the moment of those sweet sins ;)

15 June, 2011

12 pills. 4 for every 1 of those 3 times that you sold me. 

12 more pills, 4 for every time you entered the cage of my body

12 more pills, 4 for every time I swallowed your love

12 more pills, for the 12 times I saw myself doing the regrettable

12 more pills for the 12,00,000 people who enjoyed my sale

How could you? Why did you? For what? 

I smile for the mistakes I did

I smile for the coward you are

I smile for the fool I was

I smile for the trust that was

I smile for the life of those lies

I smile for the death of this bird, The one that lived in me

I close my eyes, and wish that u die a more painful death then mine

30 August, 2011

My life has not been saved

I have returned to this world, Dead

15 May 2009

To Escape into the mountain forest

The bird jumps from the trees above

midway in her flight she realize

her wings are not with her anymore

2 September 2009

I drink to sleep, I blink to sleep

I cry to sleep, I try to sleep

The one thought that never let me sleep

is that out there, people are watching me sleep

every night before they sleep

6 December 2009

Blood all around me, The blood of my legacy

The blood of my recognition

The blood of my achievement

The blood of my victory

The blood of my defeat... The blood of the girl in me, who for the world shall stay a whore

I cut. I bleed. I die.

1 Jan 2010

They saved me again

"Buzz" his phone beeped, and He realized that Its 10 and he had been standing there outside his friends apartment for almost 1 hour. He was so lost in the thoughts that he just could not realize the time passing by. He took his phone out from his pocket, It was from office. Strange! They never call at night! 

"Hi Suraj, This is devyati from work, Did I disturb your pre-weekend party?", It was a senior from the editorial department.

"Oh! Not at all mam, It is yet to get started", he replied casually.

"well I have a pretty spoiler coming your way then" she laughed.

"shoot mam, I am already in a not so party mood, the news might not affect me much anyways" He smiled in a lighter tone

"I want you to do me a favor, please fill in for the Sunday entertainment page, the soul-curry column inputs"

"I shall do that mam, but were they not suppose to be provided by your favorite intern in the team"

"Ah! She mailed me in the evening today about her plans of not working more in the internship"

"You mean? she has quit?"

"Yeah, I hope I have not spoiled your lazy weekend plan by some extra work" she replied disinterestedly.

"No you have not spoiled it, or may be just a little" I smiled back to her and kept the phone down,numbness took over me the very next moment, to my amaze I felt an unlogical tear pushing its way over my eyes for no reason known to me.

(to be continued)

Pulkit & Maithili

Tacky Imprints !!

Sob Sob.

"Why Aniket? Why?", teacher asked furiously.

"Why did you hit Rahul?", but came no reply. 

She dismissed both of them from the class for that hour.

( Next day )

Sob Sob.

"Mam, he again bullied me.", Rahul said crying.

"Aniket", teacher shouted at top of her voice.

"I warned you yesterday not to repeat this again na?", and she tried threatening him not to do that again.

They both were again dismissed for the hour.

( Next Day )

"Aniket!!!!", even today Rahul complained being beaten by him.

"Why do you have to hit Rahul everyday? How many times do I have to tell you not to do that? This is too much now."

The teacher was in a fix now what to do. It was becoming a daily nuisance for her now. Everyday she warned them both but one could clearly see that it had no impact.

She was unable to make out the reason for such beatings between both of them. As they literally had no issue of rift between them for such violence to take place daily.

Transfixed, she ordered Aniket,"Alright, ask your Father to meet me tomorrow during school hours positively".

She had thought that this might be enough to surface some fear on his face but the person who did get scared off was Rahul and not Aniket.

Today even he stood there, cool and calm, listening to the scoldings of the teacher .

( Next Day )

( In the Staff Room )

"Good Afternoon Madam.", said a husky voice.

The teacher looked up from the copies she was correcting to see Aniket's Father standing along with him.

"Yea, Sir. Please have a seat. The reason I called you for is, your son has a daily activity which is really annoying".

"Everyday in the recess time, he has to slap Rahul. Sir, I want you to ask your son the reason for such violent act as I have already tried my best to discover the reason but have always failed."

"I can't let this happen anymore because his parents are complaining to me every then and now to take serious actions against your son, so if please you could make him understand that whatever he is doing is just not done.", teacher completed the whole drama story in one go.

"Why did you slap Rahul?", now the interrogator was his Father, so keeping quiet seemed to be a bad idea.

He tried answering but words just won't come out.

"Answer me, why did you hit Rahul ?", this time a more threatening voice was heard in the staff room.

For a moment even the teacher got scared, but then came the reply.

"I love to see the imprints of all my fingers on his face after slapping him", came the innocent reply.

Smita 

Will you still love me? Part 4

A story of Insecurity after betrayal, hope after reassurance and ... Love after tears

Continued from Here

 I was sitting alone in the cafeteria, having my lunch. The company gave us a voluntary break time and it worked in my favor. I would sneak in for lunch when the rest of them would get back into their cubicles. The cubicles made me feel secure. It was where I felt most comfortable these days. They were impressed with my work and thankfully did not make me go on field. Maybe they realised I excel at my work when I don't have to interact with people. What a contradiction to my previous life!
            

  I had just started on my coffee when I saw him enter the cafeteria and frolic with the girl at the counter. I silently prayed that he doesn't see me. That guy was persistent. I had rebuked him enough times and yet he didn't get tired of starting a conversation. I began to realise that he isn't that irritating when he isn't around girls who drool over him, like in that metro the other day. He looked so lost that I almost thought of talking to him. The way he was trying to wipe his shoes clean reminded me of the school assembly, when first grade boys did the same thing before the inspection! I couldn't believe I actually smiled looking at him. How long was it since I smiled anyway? He caught me smiling at him and gave me that idiotic grin. Ok, I didn't feel the same way about it then. It was something different as if we were sharing a private joke which only we understood. The walls built around me threatened to collapse and I immediately looked away. Gratefully the station arrived soon and its been awkward with him since then. 

         Oh no ! he was coming towards my table and without even asking he settled himself across me. He smiled and got busy with his burger. It was strange to see him so quiet. I looked at him closely for the first time. His dark eyebrows in a perfect arch above his dark brown eyes (I m not sure if he wears lens). His thick hair as usual flopping and covering his forehead which he tried to pull back again and again. His sharp nose and his perfect jawline. If one sees him in the way he was right in front me, one would think of him as a mature and reliable guy. One look at his slender fingers carefully picking out the vegetables in the burger and placing it at the side of his plate, you know what you are dealing with! He looked up at me and once again smiled (does he think the whole clan of girls would fall for his smile?? I admit he was cute though!)

         "Why do they call it chicken burger if half of it is stuffed with these ghaas phoos?" he said gesturing childishly at the dressings as if accusing them of coming on the burger and making it less delicious.  I do the most unexpected thing! I laugh out aloud at his action. 

         "OMG OMG!! You laugh as well!!" He got hyper with his reactions.

          I nod silently and listen to his blabbering. I notice that for the first time he was talking more about work than about me and him and unknowingly I join in the conversation. My phone beeped and I see that it is already 2! For last one hour I have been talking to him and my cheeks hurt due to all the smiling and laughing I had done. IT had to, considering the long period of rest it had got. He noticed my phone and remarked, "Hey I have the same model." 

          I just said, "Congrats" and even though I didn't think it was a great joke it set him rolling with laughter. 

          I finished my second cup of coffee and we returned to work. I noticed that for the first time he was wearing formals ( read proper formals with tie and all) to office.

I started my work and after sometime out of habit went into the gallery of my mobile. The image folder looked strange and the contents left me breathless. I get an anxiety attack of sorts (It hasn't happened for long) and I close my eyes and sit still till the turbulence has passed. I opened my eyes to see him smiling upon me 

         'Hey payal I think thats my cellphone you brought by mistake. Here is yours!"

        I got up in a fit of rage and thrust his phone into his hands and grabbed my own phone. 

        I picked up my bag and rushed out of the office. Tears poured out of  my eyes and I took in a quick smoke. My thoughts before hailing a cab were of resigning from this office..

       

       

Maithili & Pulkit

(to be continued next Wednesday)

The Wait..

"Hmm, I know. Even lately Rajesh has been rude to me", said the guy wearing pink shirt.
The one sitting next to him agreed on his point.
It was 11 in the morning and these two guys were returning from their night shifts and before going back to their respective dwellings, they had made the choice of enjoying a cup of coffee along with some hot corporate conspiracies and office gup-shups . So could be well seen from their unman-aged formal clothes and their unkept hair.

"And did you look at that bitch Neha!", said the blue shirt guy.
"Man, yeah. What kind of a girl she is! Totally a shame on the female community!", said the pink shirt guy.
And they both laughed.
"Sshhh..This guy sitting next to you is listening to all what we are talking about", he said and blue shirt guy turned to look who was sitting next to him.
The scene was, in a mall, near the cafeteria, on one bench of three, were sitting these three guys. Pink shirt guy on one end, with blue shirt guy sitting in the middle and this young guy on the other end.
Now this guy seemed to be much younger than these two guys. He was in his cool T-shirt and jeans but was sitting there a bit dull. Hence he might have turned towards these two people just to listen to their talks for a  futile time-pass.
But those two guys were a bit surprised as to why would a guy like him sit at such an early hour and listen to their talks while he could go out and enjoy. It seemed as if he had nothing else much interesting to do but to sit and hear those two people out!

"Oh, come-on! Let it be na! He doesn't know either of us and also he has no idea as to about all whom we are talking ", and they both laughed.
This young guy was still listening to them.
His one hand was in his lap and the other was giving a support to his head while his eyes and ears were busy listening to those guys! It seemed as if that small baby was instructed by his mother to sit there and listen to those people and there he was,obeying his mother like an obedient child!

This continued for some 15-20 minutes and then she came.
"Okay, Shall we proceed?", said the girl approaching this guy.
"Oh, yeah. Let's go",he said lifting himself, happily, from the bench.
And they both left! And he seemed happy the moment she came.
As The wait, was finally over!

Will you still love me? Part 3

One week. Two Holidays (Read it as voluntary bunks). Two Public Holidays (god bless religion). Two "Get out's" from senior intern manager. The first 7 days in short have been usual for me, following the same course on which my life has carefully tread so far.

 I am casual and thus in-spite of all my carelessness for every other serious task, I am good at one thing for sure - Mixing with people around me. Two  other male interns, no matter how boring they were, had gradually gelled with my friendship and for all the utter shit I landed up in during work assignments I could easily tell that female colleagues Riya and Tina found me cute. Not the Ranbir Kapoor kinda cute, but the lonesome vulnerable street puppy kinda cute. You know what I mean. 

Anyways, now coming to The mystery of the office herself, Miss gorgeous hairs and bitter attitude, Payal, About her I was still not sure that she even knew of my existence. I mean its ironical how I was always around cracking jokes on which everyone laughed and she still refused to even lift her chin up from that stupid mobile phone of hers, how I was being screamed to get lost by the in-charge and everyone at that moment being tensed giving me a poor-puppy look while she is busy with her diary making notes as if nothing that happened to me or I did ever was in her sight. It was not rude if I can appropriately put it up, It was disinterest. A complete disinterest which actually serves as a slap in the face for attention seekers like me. Talking of attention seeking, I can tell you something that more and more a person as beautiful as her abhors you for no reason known to self, the more becomes the challenge and curiosity to know the basis behind it. On the weekend, while drinking kingfisher and watching weekend football, I made a note to self to make sure I know why she hates me for what I am, or why she is the way she is. I made another note that very night - To make sure that I carry extra beer for weekends when I have to finish the stupid reporting home work from office. I put the second note as a lower priority, I was gradually becoming obsess of her strangeness.  

Monday morning, The time I have learned to hate for every reason known to me. Late again, carefully just somehow tucking the over length shirt of my roommate as mine was not pressed(read it as not washed), I was looking like an Idiot again for the hundredth time boarding the same metro train for the hundredth Monday in a row, missing two early one's again. The human-sea around me pressed hard and rolling inside, in the next blink of a moment, I was inside the compartment. An old lady right next to me gave me an angry stare "Dikhai nai deta hai kya... You Idiot, You stepped on me while getting in". I made a puppy face my long messed up hairs falling on my eyes and whispered "Sorry aunty". she snubbed and looked the other way. The puppy face never works on old ladies, I looked down on my shoes, the polish has been mercilessly rubbed away by footmarks of the crowd. I started rubbing my shoe from the back flap of my trousers and from my hands I started combing my hairs a bit. I heard someone slowly smiling right behind me, and turned to found a pair of beautiful eyes staring at me, enjoying my nuisance every passing second and carefully observing my every move. She was the mystery herself and though I knew nothing about her except for a name, I was sure of one thing - she had a smile so beautiful like a morning prayer of peace after a sleepless night of tension, She kept smiling watching me and I stood there motionless unable to understand how to respond. The Monday never appeared so warm and beautiful before.

- Pulkit & Maithili

(to be continued next Wednesday)

Silence

She was busy working in the kitchen.Preparing lunch and breakfast.
It was almost eight o’clock and Neha had to leave at 8:30.

She was having an exam today hence was not giving her mother a helping hand in the daily morning chores.

Neha was busy mumbling the formulas and concepts in her room when she heard her mother’s voice.

“Come downstairs and pack your lunch“,her mother shouted.

"Coming “,Neha replied back. 

In a minute Neha was standing besides her mother.Cutting apple into slices for the breakfast,still mumbling the formulas and concepts.

“Okay, now here’s milk and bread.Make yourself a cup of coffee and a pair of bread-butter.Then you can go.”  She had an exam in an hour! In an hour! And it ain’t was some school level exam! An engineering level exam.But Neha have always been a good daughter,an obeying all the order girl .

She took it as a pleasure to assist her mother in household work which is usually not the case for any of today’s age girl.She took this work too with a pleasure even though she had an exam.

“Okay.I am done.I am leaving“,Neha said,picking up the cup and the plate of bread-butter.She had made herself a cup of coffee along with a pair of bread-butter,with butter applied on simple plain bread.

Why are you eating plain bread?Why didn’t you make a toast?“,her mother inquired.According to her mother, bread eaten in raw form was not a very healthy idea.Hence she always used to insist on eating a toasted bread or an oven-ed bread. 

Neha answered,in a low voice as she knew the reason was enough to make a spark for a fight between her and her mother early morning.

“I have to study.I will eat plain bread only today”,she made it simple,not to include any repulsive words to attract any argument.

“Why don’t you say that you like plain bread that’s why you are having it”.

“No mother.It’s not that.I hate plain bread.I love toasted bread.I love it especially with butter.But I love it because you always make me that.And today I am not having it because you didn’t make it for me.”,she wanted to say.But she kept quiet.

Quiet because her mother had a rough start in the morning with her father on some issue and she just didn’t want to annoy her mother anymore herself.Hence she decided to leave in Silence !

Smita