A story of Insecurity after betrayal, hope after reassurance and ... Love after tears
Continued from Here
I felt alone walking past a busy street. It was 8 in the night, Friday was ending, seducing the hyper maniac crowd of Delhi into the weekend frenzy. There were people in metro who knew nothing about each other and yet passed a smile, just to rejoice the collective freedom from work. I was standing right there between them, frozen into the numbness of the strange emotions that all electrified my senses for the moment. I walked out of the compartment, out of the noisy cheerful aroma of the platform, out on the celebration of life on the street, silently walking towards my friend's apartment, where I had planned to spend the weekend watching football matches and drinking beer, but somehow I felt like doing none of that at the moment. Those eyes, Those irritated angry mysterious and enigmatic eyes. Those beautiful eyes, they chased me along with the words that I read. Those painful words that tip toed silently into my thought process and here I am cluelessly trying to find the reason behind them, knowing that I should not give a damn. But yet.
4 hours back ... I was happy. I was cheerful, It had been going as I had hoped it would. Miss Too-beautiful-and-Too-
confusing and me had our first conversation, and I soon realized how true is the saying that people with strong hostility shield around them are like coconuts, soft from Inside and hard from the outside. I mean, here is this one girl who gives me these cold looks whole of two weeks or something and the moment we first chit chatted, she was so warm, so good, so joyful, and so friendly. The most beautiful eyes in the world, looks even more beautiful when there is a smile on that angelic face. She was intriguing to say the least, I mean like her or hate her, but she was the kind that you would notice.
The laughs came to a halt as time pushed us to return back to work and a bizzare serendipity occurs.
Here I am, on my desk, take phone out from its leather cover, trying to put earpods and switchin on the music player on my cell. I unlock the keypad by the usual "menu" + "*" combination and what I see is miss-enigma herself, wearing a white plain suit,red dupatta, blue bangles and pink nail polish, looking like an absolute adorable kiddo, standing next to a lady who might be in her early 40s or something, who apparently looked like her mom or something. That wallpaper pic also had a birthday cake which said "happy 19 years angel", so that means it was an old pic. She looked just the same though, with a bit more life may be. This seemed interesting, I clicked on --> Gallery and then on the folder Photos --> Personal pics (to find what archives of this beautiful girl I can see which might reveal more of the real her) but what I found Instead was a text draft that read "Me"
I clicked it open.
14 Feb, 2009
.... Not even in my distant dream I thought that dreams would ever come true
I thought some people might fall for me but I never thought one of them could be you
of rainbows and showers, of breezes and flowers, of destiny and love
beyond the promises, beyond the stars, beyond the heavens up above.
29 March, 2009
Seven years we had known each other
from days of laughter, days of friendship, days of love
Yet when today you held me in your arms
and planted those lips of yours to mine
I felt Its the first time we have ever met.
I felt that I would like to explore my whole life, the lover in you!
8 April 2009
The tender touch
Ok It was your shower
Under those wet moments
we saw a dream
The more I recall last afternoon
The more I smile
It was so unplanned
It was so blissful
I your arms, feeling your breath, sins drive my smiles.
The sins that you persuade me to do
The sins I enjoy every second of their occurance
and the everlasting happiness of acceptance
That stays beyond the moment of those sweet sins ;)
15 June, 2011
12 pills. 4 for every 1 of those 3 times that you sold me.
12 more pills, 4 for every time you entered the cage of my body
12 more pills, 4 for every time I swallowed your love
12 more pills, for the 12 times I saw myself doing the regrettable
12 more pills for the 12,00,000 people who enjoyed my sale
How could you? Why did you? For what?
I smile for the mistakes I did
I smile for the coward you are
I smile for the fool I was
I smile for the trust that was
I smile for the life of those lies
I smile for the death of this bird, The one that lived in me
I close my eyes, and wish that u die a more painful death then mine
30 August, 2011
My life has not been saved
I have returned to this world, Dead
15 May 2009
To Escape into the mountain forest
The bird jumps from the trees above
midway in her flight she realize
her wings are not with her anymore
2 September 2009
I drink to sleep, I blink to sleep
I cry to sleep, I try to sleep
The one thought that never let me sleep
is that out there, people are watching me sleep
every night before they sleep
6 December 2009
Blood all around me, The blood of my legacy
The blood of my recognition
The blood of my achievement
The blood of my victory
The blood of my defeat... The blood of the girl in me, who for the world shall stay a whore
I cut. I bleed. I die.
1 Jan 2010
They saved me again
"Buzz" his phone beeped, and He realized that Its 10 and he had been standing there outside his friends apartment for almost 1 hour. He was so lost in the thoughts that he just could not realize the time passing by. He took his phone out from his pocket, It was from office. Strange! They never call at night!
"Hi Suraj, This is devyati from work, Did I disturb your pre-weekend party?", It was a senior from the editorial department.
"Oh! Not at all mam, It is yet to get started", he replied casually.
"well I have a pretty spoiler coming your way then" she laughed.
"shoot mam, I am already in a not so party mood, the news might not affect me much anyways" He smiled in a lighter tone
"I want you to do me a favor, please fill in for the Sunday entertainment page, the soul-curry column inputs"
"I shall do that mam, but were they not suppose to be provided by your favorite intern in the team"
"Ah! She mailed me in the evening today about her plans of not working more in the internship"
"You mean? she has quit?"
"Yeah, I hope I have not spoiled your lazy weekend plan by some extra work" she replied disinterestedly.
"No you have not spoiled it, or may be just a little" I smiled back to her and kept the phone down,numbness took over me the very next moment, to my amaze I felt an unlogical tear pushing its way over my eyes for no reason known to me.
(to be continued)
Pulkit & Maithili