April 26, 2009

If Only ...


I saw his shadow in my dream. I tried to catch him up. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to touch his lips with mine !!

His mesmerising smile melts my heart ! This isn't the first time i tried catching him in my wildest dreams. He is in my dreams almost every time i fall asleep.
I wonder is this really love?? Or just my desire to hold him. Or is this lust?? Is it turning into longing ??

He haunt my memories. I get angry. He doesn't give a damn. He doesn't even care for my existence. A virgin me, A fucker you. I hate you more than any one !!
I know he never even said hello from his heart. I want to delete him from my memories. But the more i try, bloody the more he haunts .

Is dream a fool's paradise??Is dream a fiction?? It might be, for its the only way to see him. I'm tryin to walk away and laugh it off . Nothing feels good now. He never said he loves me. But i assumed he liked me. I gaze at his pic for hours.why don't you take off that pic of yours you bugger !

I hate to sit alone in the dark. I wonder why my eyes are wet. I never wanted to end up writing about him in this way. I always wanted to see him in my dreams..
I never wanted to give it a chance to forget him, no matter if nothin feels good ..

If only, he loved me back, as madly as i did .
If only, he knew how much i love him..

I don't want to sleep at the ugly nights any more. The full moon is now just a rock of nothingness..The stars look surreal. I like the dim lights. I don't want to burst in anger.. I liked it more when u used to buzz me to chat. It all seems to be a bubble of dream.. I shoot the bubble..
Is this my sincere confession?? Or is this my anger burning.. I might bruise you if i meet you...Go away my dear ! I don't want you to see me collapse..

You were the friend who turned into my beloved and turned into jilt ! I surrender here with silence. This silence will follow me forever. I'm blind to love ,I'm deaf to music, for my fate i know is wicked ! I crush my feelings deliberately , softly ..

12 comments:

  1. Wow! That was passionate! Great work!

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  2. awsomly described...sometimes our dreams hanut us so much...it was so live as if hapening to me only...great work...

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  3. Damn.. INTENSE is the word for this. If this is true wwith you....which i can guess it is.....its better to shade it. Shadde it with black.. PURE PITCH BLACK.

    And den wait for the best doctor to work on it..called Dr. Time.And den see life. Ul feel relaxed. Its tough. It seems impossible. But its true..

    Very intense again...i liked it. It was like a mirror.... good going.. :)

    Nik

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  4. @Nik
    Thanx a lot Nik.. Hmmm yea time heals everythin.. N One fine day when i look back at all the tears ,i am sure it ll make me laugh :)

    Thanx for the wonderful comment :)

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

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  5. Girl... you just wrote my nights g=here... sometimes they are much dark... and they just get darker !!

    thanks for writing this!!
    If only...............

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  6. @Pretty
    Thanx dear :)
    Night is of course dark, when v r sad it gets darker n its a torture..

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  7. wow...perfect write up friend...!!!

    reminded me of my dream boy whom i see in my dreams....!!!

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  8. @Yamini
    hehehe.. Dreams r sometimes so weird .. Hmm thanx a lot dear.. N wow tats really gud it reminded u of ur guy :p

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