If Only ...

I saw his shadow in my dream. I tried to catch him up. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to touch his lips with mine !!

His mesmerising smile melts my heart ! This isn't the first time i tried catching him in my wildest dreams. He is in my dreams almost every time i fall asleep.
I wonder is this really love?? Or just my desire to hold him. Or is this lust?? Is it turning into longing ??

He haunt my memories. I get angry. He doesn't give a damn. He doesn't even care for my existence. A virgin me, A fucker you. I hate you more than any one !!
I know he never even said hello from his heart. I want to delete him from my memories. But the more i try, bloody the more he haunts .

Is dream a fool's paradise??Is dream a fiction?? It might be, for its the only way to see him. I'm tryin to walk away and laugh it off . Nothing feels good now. He never said he loves me. But i assumed he liked me. I gaze at his pic for hours.why don't you take off that pic of yours you bugger !

I hate to sit alone in the dark. I wonder why my eyes are wet. I never wanted to end up writing about him in this way. I always wanted to see him in my dreams..

I never wanted to give it a chance to forget him, no matter if nothin feels good ..

If only, he loved me back, as madly as i did .
If only, he knew how much i love him..

I don't want to sleep at the ugly nights any more. The full moon is now just a rock of nothingness..The stars look surreal. I like the dim lights. I don't want to burst in anger.. I liked it more when u used to buzz me to chat. It all seems to be a bubble of dream.. I shoot the bubble..

Is this my sincere confession?? Or is this my anger burning.. I might bruise you if i meet you...Go away my dear ! I don't want you to see me collapse..

You were the friend who turned into my beloved and turned into jilt ! I surrender here with silence. This silence will follow me forever. I'm blind to love ,I'm deaf to music, for my fate i know is wicked ! I crush my feelings deliberately , softly ..