26 going on 13- IV

After the sudden thoughts of what should I do, came the 'Did he recognise me? Well if he didn't there is no point in going and talking but if he did then he'll think I'm hiding. Why should I hide? He ran away. I'm a grown woman. I shouldn't hold a grudge for so long. Ahhhh..Splitting headache.Maaaa.'

With that sudden noise, Ma was startled. She looked at me wincing in pain. Worry filled her eyes and she ran toward the door. Before I could stop her, she went and called Akash. Ooops Sorry. Dr. Akash.

No way to escape now. He came in. Ahh, he always looked so good in white. He looked older. He looked wiser and I chuckled. He raised his eyebrows. I saw the place where he had hurt himself on a branch when we were out climbing trees. Earth-to-Pix. Shit! Nobody had called me that except him. He loved calling me Pixie. Which had no resemblance to my name, Aashrita!

Why were my defences failing? I want to give in. Did he just drug me? The love drug? Focus on the present. I hear him say something. No actually I see his lips move. Concentrate.

"Ms. Sinha, are you ok? Can you hear me?"I finally hear him

"Ms. Sinha???" I say aloud

"Thats what it says here. Or is it Mrs?"He says looking at my mother. My mother shakes her head.

"Yes. I think you hit your head when you fell. You may have a mild concussion. Nothing major. Can you follow my fingers?" He waves one finger in front of my eyes. All I want to do is show him another finger for calling me Ms. Sinha.

I try to follow his finger and I think I do fine. All what happened next passes in a blur. He writes some names of some medicines, gives it to my uncle outside and then tells my mother to rest a little. And then he waits.

My mother reluctantly leaves me alone. I start closing my eyes again when he says, " You must not strain yourself so much. Sleep and good food is important. Dont you know that , Pix?"

I open my eyes and look at him. He really was my best friend. He was my Akash. He had called me Pix!

26 going on 13- III

Akash was here. Akash was in Mumbai. Akash was in the same building as me. Akash and I were friends since school. We kind of grew up together. Nani still tells me of the times we used to hit each other with water bottles on the way to our kindergarten class. That was us. We were "linked" together all throughout school and we had no issues. It wasn't like we were oblivious to the fact that both of us liked each other but we just didn't know what next. My diary was filled with our pictures, descriptions of what we did or dreams of how life would be. My days- past or imaginations of the future were incomplete without him.

Till one day, I returned home after a long vacation after my HSC (12th) exams. As soon as I dropped my bags down, I ran next door to speak to him. There was so much I wanted to tell him. More than anything I wanted to tell him how much I had missed him.

What I saw was not what I had expected - a lock on the door. He must have gone for a holiday too, I thought to myself and went by everyday to his house in hopes that he would return. He didn't. What did come by though was a letter on my birthday. I still had it in the pages of my diary. I had read so many times that I still knew each word written in it.

" Dear Pix,

Many many Happy Returns of the Day! I know you must be terribly angry. But it was difficult for me too. I had to leave. Dad got a transfer. I couldn't wait. I didn't want to. Saying goodbye to you would have been difficult. I'm sorry I ran away. But I had to. Hope you reply. I hope you understand. I miss you. I love you.

Yours,

A. "

I never replied. This time I ran away. I had longed stopped keeping a diary but today I wanted to write and tell someone everything. I wanted to 16 when it was all ok. I wanted him to look at me the way he used. Longingly. Lovingly. I wanted him to steal glances at me when he thought I wasn't looking. I wanted him to be mine. I wanted him to be the teenager I was in love with. I wanted to see him, talk to him. No, what would I say? I rather not. What should I do?

26 going on13-II

The next thing I knew was that a strong set of shoulders were picking me up. I could sense chaos all around but had no will to open my eyes. Suddenly, I remember Ma and forced my eyes open. What I saw I could not believe. It was. No it couldn't be. But he looks like him. A little older maybe. Ohh there comes that weak in the knees again. I slump down once again.

This time when I wake up I see Ma next to me.

"I thought you were coming here to see me. What happened?" she asks.

"What happened? I have no idea," I say weakly.

Suddenly coming to my senses, I ask her, " How are you? What did the doctors say? Are you ok?"

"Nothing happened to me. Yesterday was Monday and so I fasted and Sunday was Sankashti (I don't know how to spell that, sorry) So I hadn't eaten in 2 days and that's why the doctors feel I fainted. They did all kinds of tests you know."

"Hmmmfff." I didn't even have the heart (or strength) to scold.

"Are you fainting again? I need to go call the doctor."

"No Ma. I'm fine. Can we go home? I think I have started hallucinating due to sleep deprivation. I thought I saw Akash."

Ma giggled. I looked on. No, she doesn't look old and frail as she did. Maybe it was that hospital room. She had always been my strength, my hope, my courage. We had our moments but I knew she had given the world for me and I would do the same for her.

Dad had died young. And she had raised me and my older brother on her own. Fought with the world for us. Stood by us when we made mistakes. Picked us up when we fell. My brother was happily married in the US where both his wife and he were pursuing a PhD. He was always the smart one. I was proud of him. I loved him. I made a mental note to call him up when I got home.

"It was Akash," Ma said. " But now it is Dr. Akash."

I squinted and looked on. And sighed. One more thing on my plate. GREAT!

(This isnt how I expected it to be but lets see how it goes on!!)

26 going on 13

I cursed the coffee in the morning. I just couldnt wake up. I had heaps of work to do. Staying alone in Pune for the first time away from parents who were back in Mumbai had turned into a nightmare. Most days it was ok. My room-mate and I would somehow manage but it had been a week since she left to go back home. Well, lucky her, I guess.

It was finally the weekend and I was on my way home, almost falling asleep at the wheel. Driving and sleepiness is worse than drinking and driving. Just as if to add to my miseries, my phone started ringing. It was somewhere deep down in my bag. I stopped. Not wanting anymore trouble with the traffic cops. It was an unknown number. It was the hospital. They said my mother had trouble breathing and had fainted on the way to the temple. They asked me to come there immediately. I assured them that I would. I called some of relatives staying closer to home and asked them to reach the hospital as I would at least 2 hrs more. Once at an interview, I was asked what is one quality I admire about myself. I said I loved the way I kept calm during crisis and after it was over I let myself panic. Thats exactly what I was doing now.

My uncle told me he was rushing to the hospital and would be there in 10 mins. Assured, I started driving like there was no tomorrow. Moments, happy and sad were flashing in front of me. The look in her eyes when I told her I was leaving. The fights over why I wasnt married even though I was 26. Oh Ma, I'm sorry for all that. I'll come back home. I will find a job in Mumbai. I will give the entire arranged marriage thing a try. Just be safe. Just be ok. 

1 hr later, I was at the hospital, unaware of how I had survived through Mumbai traffic. There had to be a guarding angel. If just it had taken care of Ma too. I rushed into the hospital and enquired at the reception. She gave me the room number. I went there to see Ma having a hearty laugh over something Uncle had said. I looked through the windows. I looked at my mother, aged and grey, how had I not seen this? I looked at her. I suddenly felt my knee give away. I sat outside the room to gather my strenght. I closed my eyes and let the world fade away. 

This is just part 1 of the story, I think..(because with my mood swings, I abandon stories very easily) I will most probably have another part soon!