hmmm the horrible night of my lyf

yes atlast bhai got to know abot my cel.my frenship. i wasnt scared but i was cold. he scolded me;slapped me n did wateva . nitish just my fren hehe........um sayng it from last nite.
i don wanna write bou dis even
may be net disconnect ho jaye .........will come back n will start again my rollacosta ride of emotions

KEEPING A JOURNAL

I always love writing but writing wat?? no doubt poetry is something dat i dont have to give a second thught while writing. the second option dat always existed for me was to jot down a diary .but wid tym i was tilted towards journal.maintaining journal is one of the bbest personnel growth initiative one can ever take.EArlier i was a bit confused bout jornal and a diary but den i came to know a journal is not a diary.a diary is a placw where u recrds ur events but a jornal is a place where u analyse n evaluate them.hmmmmm i do agree that writing down ur personnel experiences along wid the lessons u have learnt from dem will make u wiser wid each passing day.even it clearify ur intentions so dat u remain focussed on things u truly count.

Keeping a journal provides one-to -one conversation wid urself. in this case it has really helped to know exactly wat i am n wat i want n the thing dat truly counts for me in my life.
i startd thinking deep n moreover it helped me to be a thinker and that too a clearer thinker.
and my personnell journal,blogger n my poetries definitely has encouraged my imagination n defined my dreams in a more enlightened way.

I am extremely thankful to some of my frein like tushar n aakif who showd me dis way.n yeah i feel a transformed person .remember ur life is a worth thinking bout ,even its worth writing about!
sheetal_madaan958@yahoo.co.in

Let me keep the memories....

Let me keep the memories,
Of the day we first talked,
Down the lane of tender love,
As we both first walked...

Let me keep the memories,
Of the day you held my hand,
As we saw the setting sun,
And dug our fingers in the sand...

Let me keep the memories,
Of the day we had our first fight,
We decided to part ways,
And I stayed awake and cried all night...

Let me keep the memories,
Of the time we talked all night,
Of love and how much we mean to each other,
Till the sun shone and we saw daylight...

Let me keep the memories,
Of the day we played our wedding day,
We took our vows and exchanged rings,
Wasn't it so much fun all the way?...

Let me keep the memories,
Of when I had fallen ill,
And you were on my bedside all day long,
And had promised that you always will!...

Let me keep those memories,
For life has forced us to part our ways,
And though we can't be together any more,
These precious memories will always stay!!!

Dedicated to all those who ever felt the magic of being in love for the first time... and the pain of losing their first love!!!

Moments....

Moments of love,
Moments of pain,
Moments of loss,
Moments of gain,
Moments that came,
And moments that went,
Moments that you and I,
Have spent,
Engraved in my heart,
Forever they' ll be,
Will remind me of you,
Till eternity!!!!

tuesday fun

till now i cnt believe i seriously called tushar's mum. n the funniest part is dat i told her at i jus called u to say ''namaste''. hehe don know uske ghar mein kya scene hoga? lol. but i thot ki he might hv informed his mum ki i ll be calling . but damn the way auntie interrogated me lol was tough for me to answer .
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hmmm the good part today ....atlst i did my hair rebonding .......um loving dis straight look . it takes a hell of care to these hairs . i don hv to wet mt hair for 3 days . n bad part it started raining aftr salsa clas . i jus told him ...um not going out in rain .....n the sweetest guesture shown by him was ''shud i take out my shirt n u cover ur hair''. hehe loved this thing but din showd dat .
The way he opened my car door n placed me thr so nicely .....hmmmm good one. n how can i forget his daily duty to offer me glass of water aftr salsa . i really cnt let him go so easily jus bcoz um not feeling for him . his care n nice nature ........i wont get it again i know dis thing. lel c how this chapter turns out ? god knows.
----------------------------------------------------
sheetal_madaan958@yahoo.co.in
09878444508

this nite wont come again......i played or he did dont knw ....

hii 12:05:49 AM aakifkichloo2006: hi
12:10:23 AM sheetal_madaan958: so u hv startd walking dats gud
12:11:00 AM aakifkichloo2006: i am his mom
12:11:41 AM aakifkichloo2006: how are you
12:12:03 AM sheetal_madaan958: um good auntie
12:12:35 AM aakifkichloo2006: ok by
12:12:56 AM aakifkichloo2006: ok good night
12:13:05 AM aakifkichloo2006: byeeeeeee
12:13:20 AM sheetal_madaan958: aakif is dis u or not?
12:13:47 AM aakifkichloo2006: no
12:14:04 AM aakifkichloo2006: what
12:14:24 AM sheetal_madaan958: um really sorry
12:14:28 AM sheetal_madaan958: goodnyt
12:14:36 AM sheetal_madaan958: bbyeee......n take care
12:14:47 AM aakifkichloo2006: ya its me now
12:14:52 AM aakifkichloo2006: ma was here
12:14:56 AM aakifkichloo2006: shes sitin besides me
12:15:13 AM sheetal_madaan958: oh ahh okk
12:15:18 AM sheetal_madaan958: hehe
12:15:28 AM aakifkichloo2006: cum on hotmaail msgr
12:15:33 AM aakifkichloo2006: y dont u cum on thee
12:15:37 AM aakifkichloo2006: i made u an id now
12:15:41 AM aakifkichloo2006: wats the prob nw
12:15:43 AM sheetal_madaan958: but
12:15:55 AM sheetal_madaan958: wats the problm here .......i din understand
12:16:13 AM sheetal_madaan958: i mean u said ur gal has this id n password
12:16:20 AM aakifkichloo2006: my gal has all my pass words except hotmail
12:16:23 AM aakifkichloo2006: u get it ornow
12:16:26 AM aakifkichloo2006: or not
12:16:54 AM sheetal_madaan958: but why to talk if she doesnt like it ....kisi se darr ke baat karna but y
12:16:56 AM aakifkichloo2006: she has all my pass words
12:17:08 AM aakifkichloo2006: all my email ids and everything except hotmail
12:17:10 AM sheetal_madaan958: u cn change ur password cant u
12:17:22 AM aakifkichloo2006: no i dont want to
12:17:28 AM sheetal_madaan958: ok
12:17:37 AM aakifkichloo2006: ok i think we shudnt talk
12:17:43 AM aakifkichloo2006: u r rite
12:18:00 AM aakifkichloo2006: we shudnt talk if she doesnt lyk itthanks 4 opening my eyes wide
12:18:07 AM aakifkichloo2006: just as thewy were widely shut b4
12:18:30 AM sheetal_madaan958: they were never shut dear .........
12:18:50 AM aakifkichloo2006: i know wat they were n are
12:18:56 AM aakifkichloo2006: u dont hav to tell me daT
12:19:10 AM sheetal_madaan958: um not telling u anyhtng aakif .........
12:19:51 AM aakifkichloo2006: ma not besides me nw
12:20:01 AM aakifkichloo2006: but i think we shudnt talk
12:20:11 AM aakifkichloo2006: y to talk if ma gal doesnt lyk it
12:20:13 AM aakifkichloo2006: wats the point
12:20:16 AM aakifkichloo2006: i pity u baby
12:20:20 AM aakifkichloo2006: i sincerely pity u
12:20:22 AM aakifkichloo2006: huh
12:20:51 AM sheetal_madaan958: okk if its again wat u think? den i wont say a word . dont pity me .....
12:21:01 AM aakifkichloo2006: i wont
12:21:06 AM aakifkichloo2006: let me juz go to hel
12:21:07 AM aakifkichloo2006: thats it
12:21:22 AM aakifkichloo2006: no point in discussin wid a dumbo lyk any gal iz
12:21:29 AM sheetal_madaan958: again the same thing
12:21:32 AM sheetal_madaan958: thanksss 12:21:44 AM aakifkichloo2006: enjoy wid ur guy 12:21:45 AM aakifkichloo2006: bye
12:26:43 AM aakifkichloo2006: do listen to this song
12:26:55 AM aakifkichloo2006: in pieces by linkin park if u hav tym
12:26:56 AM aakifkichloo2006: ok
12:26:59 AM aakifkichloo2006: c ya
12:37:48 AM sheetal_madaan958: okk thanks again
12:38:18 AM aakifkichloo2006: ok let us keep aside our egos 4 a while
12:38:30 AM aakifkichloo2006: let us just sit down calm down and diiscuss
12:39:00 AM sheetal_madaan958: ego? aah ?wat u ohh yea wat we gonna discuss
12:39:08 AM aakifkichloo2006: i think v need this to calm our nerves
12:39:22 AM sheetal_madaan958: hmmm
12:39:30 AM aakifkichloo2006: d reason i hate gals u know this
12:39:32 AM aakifkichloo2006: huh?
12:39:37 AM sheetal_madaan958: no i dont
12:39:48 AM aakifkichloo2006: the first and the formost reason is that they act as they know nthing 12:39:55 AM aakifkichloo2006: nthing at all
12:40:10 AM aakifkichloo2006: as if they are as innocent as a newborn child
12:40:14 AM sheetal_madaan958: u loved me n u now lov ur gal.....u used to hate gal
12:40:29 AM aakifkichloo2006: n i still do
12:40:30 AM aakifkichloo2006: lol
12:40:38 AM aakifkichloo2006: n i will al my lyf mayb
12:40:47 AM sheetal_madaan958: okk thanks again for dis
12:40:47 AM aakifkichloo2006: let us just be cool
12:40:50 AM aakifkichloo2006: n chilld out
12:41:03 AM aakifkichloo2006: yea chilld out 4 the very reason that v r no more in a relationship
12:41:44 AM sheetal_madaan958: hey um cool.......dats y i needed no discussion .yes i know we r not in relation u dont hv to tel me dis
12:42:20 AM sheetal_madaan958: u know wat
12:42:44 AM aakifkichloo2006: ...
12:42:56 AM sheetal_madaan958: ...?
12:43:00 AM sheetal_madaan958: ohh
12:43:03 AM sheetal_madaan958: i understud
12:43:08 AM sheetal_madaan958: shud i guess lol
12:43:37 AM aakifkichloo2006: ?
12:43:47 AM sheetal_madaan958: ... means wat hehe
12:44:05 AM sheetal_madaan958: rite?
12:44:21 AM aakifkichloo2006: yea nw i know that u r cool
12:44:24 AM aakifkichloo2006: n chilld out
12:44:29 AM aakifkichloo2006: n dont know wat else
12:44:36 AM sheetal_madaan958: hmmmm
12:45:28 AM sheetal_madaan958: u know i really pity on me u said me such bad words abhi without my any faut .......um still talking to u so nicely ...don knw y
12:46:10 AM sheetal_madaan958: acha lets discuss now...
12:46:19 AM sheetal_madaan958: :)
12:46:33 AM aakifkichloo2006: ii just dont know ats goin on between us
12:46:43 AM aakifkichloo2006: its just affecting me so damn much
12:46:47 AM aakifkichloo2006: n i dont know abt u
12:46:50 AM aakifkichloo2006: i really dont
12:47:11 AM sheetal_madaan958: if i hv the right to ask u ? wats affecting u
12:47:58 AM aakifkichloo2006: u
12:48:02 AM aakifkichloo2006: the answer is u
12:48:04 AM aakifkichloo2006: U
12:48:05 AM aakifkichloo2006: U
12:48:06 AM aakifkichloo2006: U
12:48:10 AM aakifkichloo2006: shu i repeat it again
12:48:13 AM sheetal_madaan958: me?
12:48:14 AM aakifkichloo2006: as if u din know
12:48:22 AM aakifkichloo2006: thats wat i say abt gals
12:48:24 AM aakifkichloo2006: lol
12:48:56 AM sheetal_madaan958: i really don know ...i mean i know we were in relation ...u moved on u love ur gal......den wats the problm
12:49:24 AM sheetal_madaan958: u tell me wat shud i do? so dat i dont affect u?
12:50:26 AM sheetal_madaan958: ??
12:50:31 AM sheetal_madaan958: btau plz
12:50:50 AM sheetal_madaan958: if i cn help u in any way .......i will 12:51:09 AM sheetal_madaan958: n u know watever i do ....i do it 4 u
12:51:51 AM aakifkichloo2006: i moved on n thers no problem
12:51:55 AM aakifkichloo2006: uu sayin this?
12:52:43 AM sheetal_madaan958: see aakif ...wats affecting u thoda bahot to mujhe smaj aa rha hai ...but the main thing um really not getting
12:53:37 AM sheetal_madaan958: u only told me again n again i moved ON .......we r happy n i jus thot of being happy in urs happiness ......gandhigiri u know
12:54:25 AM sheetal_madaan958: ;)
12:54:37 AM aakifkichloo2006: n wat abt ur guy?
12:54:45 AM aakifkichloo2006: where does he stand in al thiss?
12:55:40 AM sheetal_madaan958: he knows everythng
12:55:52 AM aakifkichloo2006: we talkiin rite nw 12:55:55 AM aakifkichloo2006: he know this too 12:56:01 AM aakifkichloo2006: ?
12:56:07 AM aakifkichloo2006: he knows this too?
12:56:23 AM sheetal_madaan958: yea may be, he z my bstfereind .......n he wont mind
12:56:33 AM aakifkichloo2006: n who am i?
12:56:51 AM sheetal_madaan958: n who am i 4 u?
12:57:01 AM aakifkichloo2006: thats wat the prob is
12:57:04 AM aakifkichloo2006: samaj aaya?
12:57:10 AM sheetal_madaan958: shayd
12:57:24 AM aakifkichloo2006: so?
12:57:27 AM aakifkichloo2006: solution?
12:57:39 AM sheetal_madaan958: u know it better n always
12:58:06 AM aakifkichloo2006: wow never expected in this world ki i will write this word 'solution' n then put a question mark over it
12:58:08 AM aakifkichloo2006: lol
12:58:12 AM aakifkichloo2006: solution?
12:58:18 AM aakifkichloo2006: sounds ajeebly weird
12:58:37 AM sheetal_madaan958: really ajeeb harkat i must say on ur part 12:59:12 AM sheetal_madaan958: c jitni mujmein samaj hai ....utna hi main abhi thoda bhot samaj paa rhi hun......
12:59:32 AM sheetal_madaan958: acha ek baat pucho leavng all dis behind

12:59:43 AM aakifkichloo2006: ya] 1:00:11 AM sheetal_madaan958: hw was the pics .......frst tym i have send so loads of pics in one row don know y
1:01:00 AM aakifkichloo2006: they got me all messed up
1:01:13 AM aakifkichloo2006: bus i can say only this 4 them
1:01:14 AM aakifkichloo2006: lol
1:01:18 AM aakifkichloo2006: hope u understand
1:01:26 AM sheetal_madaan958: is messed up the rite word?
1:01:56 AM aakifkichloo2006: as far as the situation z goin.......no other word sounds correct 1:02:08 AM aakifkichloo2006: n appropriate
1:02:11 AM sheetal_madaan958: they messed u up its fyn but u dont ever mess them up 1:03:11 AM aakifkichloo2006: like
1:03:24 AM aakifkichloo2006: no need to say anythiing
1:03:32 AM sheetal_madaan958: like u did me abhi
1:03:34 AM aakifkichloo2006: i think v hav discussed this b4
1:03:47 AM sheetal_madaan958: :)
1:03:48 AM aakifkichloo2006: n u know i dont lyk this
1:04:08 AM sheetal_madaan958: yea i know it all
1:04:25 AM aakifkichloo2006: kabhi kehte ho u know it all kabhi i know it all
1:04:31 AM aakifkichloo2006: u r only messing me upo more 1:05:16 AM sheetal_madaan958: i don know whr this convo is leading us? i jus hv a slight idea about wat u r meaning abhi ......
. 1:05:41 AM aakifkichloo2006: n may i know slightlyabt that idea of urs
1:06:29 AM sheetal_madaan958: aakif ....um seriously terrified by urs dis gestures n words
1:06:36 AM aakifkichloo2006: cn i just irritate u 4 a while
1:06:37 AM aakifkichloo2006: ?
1:06:53 AM sheetal_madaan958: okk if u
1:06:54 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O
1:06:55 AM sheetal_madaan958:
ok 1:06:57 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:06:59 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:01 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:03 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:05 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:06 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:08 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:10 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:12 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:14 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:16 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O
1:07:17 AM aakifkichloo2006: 1:07:20 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-:-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:22 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:23 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:25 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:27 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:29 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:31 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:33 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:35 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:37 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O 1:07:39 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O :-O
1:07:40 AM sheetal_madaan958: u know um not al all irritated but i feel like shooting dem all lol
1:07:42 AM sheetal_madaan958: stop
1:07:50 AM aakifkichloo2006: ok
1:08:11 AM sheetal_madaan958: aakif wat next?
1:08:24 AM aakifkichloo2006: dont ask me
1:08:29 AM aakifkichloo2006: even i feel weak sumtyms
1:08:37 AM aakifkichloo2006: i dont hav to be strong al the tym
1:08:41 AM aakifkichloo2006: n i dont want to b too
1:08:44 AM aakifkichloo2006: n thats it
1:08:55 AM sheetal_madaan958: thats it
1:08:58 AM sheetal_madaan958: great 1:09:14 AM aakifkichloo2006: thats wat is called as sarcasm
1:09:30 AM sheetal_madaan958: no ....i call it as gals
1:10:16 AM aakifkichloo2006: sarcasm = gals
1:10:22 AM aakifkichloo2006: nai baat bani nai
1:10:23 AM sheetal_madaan958: whrs ur vodka? hehe .....u r weak this tym
1:10:50 AM aakifkichloo2006: so?
1:11:26 AM sheetal_madaan958: so? wen i drink vodka i forget the past night convo's always?wats up on ur side
1:11:36 AM sheetal_madaan958: lol
1:12:00 AM aakifkichloo2006: u do?
1:12:03 AM aakifkichloo2006: i know u dont
1:12:11 AM sheetal_madaan958: i do
1:12:27 AM aakifkichloo2006: i know u dont
1:12:32 AM sheetal_madaan958: but i do
1:12:42 AM aakifkichloo2006: i know u dont
1:12:51 AM sheetal_madaan958: third n last tym i DO
1:13:04 AM aakifkichloo2006: i know u do
1:13:10 AM aakifkichloo2006: :-O
1:13:13 AM sheetal_madaan958: YEA perfect
1:14:21 AM sheetal_madaan958: aakif wat u r tryng to say me in tints of words .......um unable to get dem the way u wanna show
1:14:52 AM sheetal_madaan958: u tell me am i horrifying u in ur dreams ?is dis affecting u?
1:14:58 AM sheetal_madaan958: lol
1:15:08 AM aakifkichloo2006: heeeeeeeeehoooooooooooo essel world
1:15:44 AM sheetal_madaan958: u need to go out thr wid ur gal ....really u shud jaldi theek hojau
1:16:03 AM aakifkichloo2006: n u really need to shut up
1:16:19 AM aakifkichloo2006: chhal this was our last convo just too infrm u
1:16:28 AM aakifkichloo2006: ab i know at aour relation is
1:16:34 AM aakifkichloo2006: its a fucked up mess
1:16:38 AM sheetal_madaan958: wait
1:16:42 AM aakifkichloo2006: n i just want to b free from it
1:17:17 AM sheetal_madaan958: fuckd up mess?dont use such language for godsake
1:17:22 AM aakifkichloo2006: hmmmmm
1:17:29 AM aakifkichloo2006: no more language 4rm now on
1:17:40 AM aakifkichloo2006: silence is the thing mayb
1:17:55 AM aakifkichloo2006: it was gud wen u were on ignore n not on my orkut account 1:18:04 AM aakifkichloo2006: n that will be the case again my dear
1:18:05 AM sheetal_madaan958: dont u consider me as humanbeing though
1:18:13 AM aakifkichloo2006: not me but u deserve this
1:18:21 AM sheetal_madaan958: hey listen to me
1:18:25 AM aakifkichloo2006: i just try n gi u wat u deserve n thats it
1:19:22 AM aakifkichloo2006: chal say the last gud byes honey
1:19:23 AM sheetal_madaan958: i deserve it .okk i know bettr wat i deserve ,how cn u be sooo rude .um sorry n thanku for all such nice things .um immensely hurted
1:19:26 AM aakifkichloo2006: sach mein
1:19:42 AM aakifkichloo2006: thers no word lyk hurted in dictionary 1:19:48 AM aakifkichloo2006: its hurt
1:19:55 AM aakifkichloo2006: my last lessonsto u
1:19:56 AM aakifkichloo2006: lol
1:20:00 AM aakifkichloo2006: chal bye bye dear
1:20:03 AM sheetal_madaan958: hehehe
1:20:09 AM sheetal_madaan958: okies ......
1:20:25 AM aakifkichloo2006: um thankful; to god that u managed to smile
1:20:28 AM aakifkichloo2006: keep smiling
1:20:40 AM aakifkichloo2006: chal wich me luck n leave me alone
1:20:41 AM sheetal_madaan958: gandhigiri is still the best .......do the worst wid me n i ll b always good wid u
1:21:02 AM aakifkichloo2006: do the worst wid me
1:21:03 AM aakifkichloo2006: huh
1:21:10 AM aakifkichloo2006: u live in a fools paradise
1:21:18 AM aakifkichloo2006: chal koi nai
1:21:22 AM aakifkichloo2006: as i say no worries
1:21:29 AM aakifkichloo2006: likh do ab gud bye
1:21:57 AM sheetal_madaan958: leave u alone? u were free from long tym back .yes i do live coz wats happening wid me presenly dats the best i cn have .ye sab itna kuch isliye tha .......clever mind
1:22:52 AM sheetal_madaan958: blame it all on me dis tym.......i wont affect u more ......is se jada humilation kya kr sakte ho meri dear .
1:22:57 AM sheetal_madaan958: gudbbyeeee
1:23:19 AM aakifkichloo2006: um sorry but i wont ever touch ur emotions eva
1:23:25 AM aakifkichloo2006: neither gud nor bad
1:23:30 AM aakifkichloo2006: so ur free too
1:23:35 AM aakifkichloo2006: bye bye n tajke care
1:23:49 AM aakifkichloo2006: n yeah i will delete u from every where i hav u
1:23:50 AM aakifkichloo2006: ok
1:24:03 AM aakifkichloo2006: um tellin u coz i think u shud know
1:24:06 AM sheetal_madaan958: goodbyyeee..........i was always free n i thot aap bhi ho ..... do wateva u want to do.
1:24:16 AM aakifkichloo2006: hmmmm
1:24:39 AM aakifkichloo2006: takke gud care of urself n best of luck for the great future u hava head of u
1:24:43 AM sheetal_madaan958: thanks iss se jada to mujhe kuch aur aata nahi hai .......delete my pics tooo
1:25:03 AM aakifkichloo2006: yeah sure i will...unki to bohut tension hod\gi aapko as i know 1:25:11 AM aakifkichloo2006: but dnt wrry um nt a crook
1:25:50 AM sheetal_madaan958: always a bad ending n always i never wanted it .......mujhe koi tension nahi hai ........maine pyar se bheji thi .......aur har jagah se delete kar rahe the to pc mein unhe rakh kar bhi kya kroge
1:26:15 AM aakifkichloo2006: chal enjoy ur life n dont think bad of me
1:26:18 AM sheetal_madaan958: i wanted u as a frein but nevaminds .........
1:26:21 AM sheetal_madaan958: bbye
1:26:28 AM sheetal_madaan958: dont wish me any gudluck
1:26:35 AM aakifkichloo2006: n no need to think gud of me n for me either
1:26:47 AM sheetal_madaan958: u dont hv to remind me dat
1:26:50 AM aakifkichloo2006: bye
1:26:53 AM sheetal_madaan958: okk wait
1:27:51 AM sheetal_madaan958: plzz dont behave dat foolish ....y u always do dis . lets be a nice humanbeings n if u wana delete do it ...but dont like dis
1:28:30 AM aakifkichloo2006: um nnt behaving foolish
1:28:36 AM aakifkichloo2006: u deserve this treatment
1:28:43 AM aakifkichloo2006: n believe me u do
1:28:44 AM sheetal_madaan958: wat i hv affected u in these days .....abhi samaj aaya . sorry for dat . but wat i DID
1:28:46 AM aakifkichloo2006: u do
1:29:04 AM aakifkichloo2006: hamesha late hi samaj aata hai aapko
1:29:05 AM sheetal_madaan958: U OWE ME AN EXPLANATION N u do
1:29:15 AM aakifkichloo2006: n i still wonder ki kya samja hoga aapne
1:29:26 AM sheetal_madaan958: dat u loved me lol
1:29:30 AM aakifkichloo2006: i owe u nthin honey 4 ur kinf information
1:29:35 AM aakifkichloo2006: nthin at all
1:29:57 AM aakifkichloo2006: u were n will always be late at understanding things
1:30:05 AM aakifkichloo2006: even i wanted u to be my frined
1:30:08 AM aakifkichloo2006: my best friend
1:30:17 AM aakifkichloo2006: but urego is way ove u
1:30:28 AM sheetal_madaan958: my ego?
1:30:33 AM aakifkichloo2006: u r flying rite now but u will hav too cum down one day
1:30:35 AM aakifkichloo2006: u will
1:30:45 AM sheetal_madaan958: i hv never let it come in btwn us
1:30:50 AM aakifkichloo2006: a high headed person is nevr a gudperson
1:30:53 AM sheetal_madaan958: um not flyng
1:30:58 AM sheetal_madaan958: listen n stop
1:30:59 AM aakifkichloo2006: u r mada'me
1:31:22 AM aakifkichloo2006: u hav voice facility on yahoo?
1:32:45 AM sheetal_madaan958: frst of all i wana clear u bou my stuff.if u think um flyng for which reason u know it better may be . um into a relation wid a boy whoz jus my bestfreind . i cudnt love him coz i cudnt forget u . we r happy as freinds
1:33:00 AM sheetal_madaan958: n um not flyng for anyreason although i have reasons
1:33:30 AM aakifkichloo2006: do u hav a head fone n a mic attached to ur computer?
1:33:46 AM sheetal_madaan958: yes i do . but my mom sleeping next to me
1:33:54 AM aakifkichloo2006: same here
1:33:57 AM aakifkichloo2006: haha
1:33:58 AM sheetal_madaan958: i can call u if u don mind.
1:34:02 AM aakifkichloo2006: waat acoincdnce
1:34:09 AM sheetal_madaan958: haha
1:34:18 AM aakifkichloo2006: no actally i cant talk
1:34:26 AM aakifkichloo2006: i thought u will speak n i will write
1:34:26 AM sheetal_madaan958: yea i know
1:34:36 AM sheetal_madaan958: hehe 1:34:37 AM
aakifkichloo2006: u take ages to write
1:34:44 AM sheetal_madaan958: yea lol
1:35:03 AM aakifkichloo2006: luk gal v can be the best together
1:35:08 AM aakifkichloo2006: v dont hav to part
1:35:16 AM aakifkichloo2006: v just hav to remove the inhibitions v hav
1:35:20 AM sheetal_madaan958: u hv been messing up my life since long
1:35:21 AM aakifkichloo2006: ssach mein
1:35:45 AM sheetal_madaan958: sach mein i cudnt do good wid anyone else coz i was n um doing gud wid u
1:36:20 AM aakifkichloo2006: but u r nt doin any gud to me
1:36:29 AM aakifkichloo2006: u find the place where it hurts the most
1:36:37 AM sheetal_madaan958: evn um not doin any bad to u?am i?
1:36:37 AM aakifkichloo2006: n then kick just at the rit spot
1:36:53 AM sheetal_madaan958: u too
1:37:04 AM aakifkichloo2006: nai nai
1:37:20 AM aakifkichloo2006: u know i hav been almost cheatin on my gal just to talk to u 1:37:29 AM aakifkichloo2006: n u know i dont lyk to cheat on any
1 1:37:39 AM aakifkichloo2006: but i do it sumtymes just 4 u
1:37:45 AM aakifkichloo2006: n then wat i get 4rm u
1:37:55 AM aakifkichloo2006: no's n no's n no's
1:37:55 AM sheetal_madaan958: love
1:37:59 AM aakifkichloo2006: n idiotic stuff 1:38:03 AM sheetal_madaan958: love
1:38:06 AM aakifkichloo2006: no i dont get it
1:38:10 AM aakifkichloo2006: i really dont
1:38:12 AM sheetal_madaan958: love
1:38:17 AM aakifkichloo2006: no i dont
1:38:19 AM aakifkichloo2006: sach mein
1:38:25 AM sheetal_madaan958: u get it .....jus u dont c it
1:38:30 AM aakifkichloo2006: nai
1:38:57 AM aakifkichloo2006: i was dyin to c u one day..it was feelin devastated ...wanted to c a glimpse of u
1:39:02 AM aakifkichloo2006: but wat i got 4rm u
1:39:10 AM aakifkichloo2006: um wearing less so i cant
1:39:17 AM aakifkichloo2006: cummin u say that to me
1:39:19 AM aakifkichloo2006: to me
1:39:41 AM aakifkichloo2006: u break me jaan u really do
1:40:32 AM sheetal_madaan958: i reaaly cnt write .......it will take ages to believe all dis .i love u 1:41:16 AM sheetal_madaan958: um not innocent um not child too .........n i know wat um sayng....
1:41:48 AM sheetal_madaan958: i love u n dats the biggest truth i know ......i cnt cheat anyone so um sayng all dis
1:43:08 AM sheetal_madaan958: my salsa patner ........he loves me immensely ...i was so cold wid him . i left it in btwn coz i was not comfortable wid him ...so cold
1:43:43 AM aakifkichloo2006: n wat abt ur guy?
1:44:28 AM sheetal_madaan958: he was the only guy ...he proposed me i said no .......he did again ......i askd him for tym.it took two months .i said yes
1:44:52 AM sheetal_madaan958: but aftr few days ifelt i cudnt give him wat he deserves....
1:45:04 AM aakifkichloo2006: so? 1:45:47 AM
aakifkichloo2006: then?
1:45:53 AM sheetal_madaan958: so .......i told him bou u ? he said he dont cares .....i told him 4 days back dat aakig msgd me on yahoo sayng he loved me
1:46:23 AM sheetal_madaan958: but still i told him i ll be faithful to u always .......but i was deceiving me only
1:47:01 AM sheetal_madaan958: i hvnt broke up .......but i hv told him dat i still need more tym to get bck on right path may be 6 months
1:47:21 AM sheetal_madaan958: n he z ready to wait ........n he is waiting ,,,,,n i know he ll 1:47:47 AM sheetal_madaan958: n he know dat um talkin to u abhi
1:48:05 AM sheetal_madaan958: n he has msgd me sayng abhi ki thanks sheetal
1:48:11 AM sheetal_madaan958: i hv no reply to him
1:48:42 AM aakifkichloo2006: did he eva touch u?
1:49:22 AM sheetal_madaan958: in some salsa movements ........i never saw in his eyes kabhi so i never felt dat touch too
1:50:52 AM sheetal_madaan958: does it matter?
1:51:09 AM aakifkichloo2006: answer me
1:51:49 AM sheetal_madaan958: i hv told u he touched me during dance
1:52:05 AM aakifkichloo2006: and
1:52:10 AM sheetal_madaan958: dats it ........
1:52:24 AM sheetal_madaan958: he held my hand during dance n i never did
1:52:43 AM sheetal_madaan958: i left it in 6 days coz it was killing me inside
1:53:17 AM sheetal_madaan958: i will loose him as a frend abhi i know .....but i don care 1:53:34 AM aakifkichloo2006: luk the prob is that as u know ii got committed a few months back
1:53:45 AM sheetal_madaan958: yes i know
1:54:51 AM sheetal_madaan958: aakif look i jus wanna know ..wat ''WE'' want ? but um asking u wat ''U'' want? coz its all wat matters to me the most
1:55:49 AM sheetal_madaan958: ?
1:56:37 AM sheetal_madaan958: ?
1:57:30 AM sheetal_madaan958: r u thinkin or doin smthing else lol
1:57:54 AM aakifkichloo2006: i want u.........i want u to be the same old sheetal n i want u wid nin inhibitions.....luk i stiill feel that i own u n i hav every rite to own u....bus thats it...
1:58:06 AM aakifkichloo2006: wil u b that 4 me?
1:58:25 AM aakifkichloo2006: can u promise me dat?
1:58:41 AM sheetal_madaan958: inhibitions?
1:58:46 AM sheetal_madaan958: wat kinda
1:59:25 AM sheetal_madaan958: i hv always been the same for u always ........ 1:59:29 AM sheetal_madaan958: n yes i will
2:00:22 AM aakifkichloo2006: promise?
2:00:25 AM sheetal_madaan958: i said three times before dat I DO ........ i was jus sayng in dat sense only 2:00:37 AM sheetal_madaan958: i mean isi sense mein lol
2:00:48 AM sheetal_madaan958: do u really need a promise?
2:01:00 AM aakifkichloo2006: ya
2:01:04 AM aakifkichloo2006: very much
2:01:13 AM sheetal_madaan958: my words r far more dan just a promise
2:01:23 AM sheetal_madaan958: vaise yea i promise u
2:01:31 AM sheetal_madaan958: hv u noticd one thing
2:01:49 AM aakifkichloo2006: u tel me
2:02:16 AM sheetal_madaan958: u need a promise from me .......um not asking any such kinda promise from u
2:02:20 AM sheetal_madaan958: u know y?
2:02:46 AM aakifkichloo2006: u tell me dear
2:04:13 AM aakifkichloo2006: tel me
2:04:31 AM sheetal_madaan958: tel u wat?i hv told u everythng
2:04:48 AM aakifkichloo2006: hmmmmmm
2:05:04 AM aakifkichloo2006: let me tel u abt the inhibitios i was talkin abt 2:05:12 AM sheetal_madaan958: yes tell me
2:05:13 AM aakifkichloo2006: lyk if ur gal doesnt lyk it then we shudnt be doin this n
:13 AM aakifkichloo2006: lyk if ur gal doesnt lyk it then we shudnt be doin this n stuff...lyk u cant c me coz um wearing less n stuff....u hav to understand the fact that um commited n i hav to be carefull wid it...
2:05:29 AM aakifkichloo2006: these things
2:06:09 AM sheetal_madaan958: wat u mean
2:06:22 AM aakifkichloo2006: u know wat i mean
2:06:32 AM aakifkichloo2006: i still feel thesame 4u
2:06:43 AM aakifkichloo2006: i cant bear the pain wen u say no to me 2:06:59 AM aakifkichloo2006: it hurts lyk anything
2:07:17 AM sheetal_madaan958: thr r jus certain things whr i hv to impose this NO
2:07:34 AM sheetal_madaan958: IT hurts me more wen i say u no
2:07:50 AM aakifkichloo2006: there is nthhin where u hav to say no to me
2:08:06 AM aakifkichloo2006: n u know i wont ask 4 any such thing which i dont deserve 2:08:26 AM sheetal_madaan958: i will remembr dat always ...........
. 2:09:26 AM sheetal_madaan958: love is a pure feel........wateva i can do pure things in this pure feel.......i ll do
2:09:51 AM aakifkichloo2006: i believe u
2:10:08 AM sheetal_madaan958: n i believe u rrite now more than me
2:10:36 AM aakifkichloo2006: hmmm
2:10:41 AM sheetal_madaan958: so?
2:11:12 AM aakifkichloo2006: i hope i put that question up first
2:11:13 AM aakifkichloo2006: lol
2:11:40 AM sheetal_madaan958: hmmm not lol dis tym
2:12:18 AM sheetal_madaan958: cn we end this discussion ab? jus wanna ask u one thing 2:12:36 AM aakifkichloo2006: sure
2:12:46 AM aakifkichloo2006: juz dont fuck things up nw
2:12:51 AM aakifkichloo2006: srry i used the f word
2:12:55 AM aakifkichloo2006: but um scaed
2:13:06 AM sheetal_madaan958: hehe dont be
2:13:27 AM sheetal_madaan958: my pics really messed u up??hehehe
2:13:41 AM sheetal_madaan958: i din know they were dat horrible
2:13:44 AM sheetal_madaan958: lolz
2:13:51 AM aakifkichloo2006: they were great
2:13:59 AM aakifkichloo2006: just can i use the f word again
2:14:02 AM aakifkichloo2006: pleeaaaaaaggggg
2:14:08 AM sheetal_madaan958: yea
2:14:15 AM aakifkichloo2006: they were fuckin awesome
2:14:18 AM aakifkichloo2006: fuckin nuts
2:14:30 AM aakifkichloo2006: my whole world fuckin spun ova my head
2:14:48 AM aakifkichloo2006: srry but i sumtymes will use this wiid u
2:14:51 AM aakifkichloo2006: ok wid u?
2:15:06 AM sheetal_madaan958: r u fuckingly serious?
2:15:25 AM sheetal_madaan958: no its not ok wid me
2:16:07 AM sheetal_madaan958: is dat ok wid u? lol
2:16:08 AM aakifkichloo2006: reallyy
2:16:11 AM aakifkichloo2006: huh
2:16:13 AM aakifkichloo2006: lol
2:16:23 AM aakifkichloo2006: sure it is so damn fuckin ok
2:16:27 AM aakifkichloo2006: oookkkkaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy
2:16:41 AM aakifkichloo2006: promise me that we will rock he world together
2:16:53 AM aakifkichloo2006: the world toghether
2:16:53 AM aakifkichloo2006: the world toghether
2:17:05 AM sheetal_madaan958: i can rock u n not the world
2:17:38 AM aakifkichloo2006: hahaha
2:18:00 AM sheetal_madaan958: ek last baat kehna chahti hu sone se pehle
2:18:19 AM sheetal_madaan958: ?bolu?
2:18:34 AM aakifkichloo2006: hmmm
2:19:16 AM sheetal_madaan958: c um not asking anythin bout ur past commitmnt ......no nothin n i wont be asking even ..... um believing u . u wont proove me wrong
2:19:33 AM sheetal_madaan958: u ll take care of mine n ll do gud wid me as much as u cn
2:19:44 AM sheetal_madaan958: i ll be urs .......no doubt on dat .........
. 2:20:16 AM sheetal_madaan958: chalo ab so jaate hai ?
2:20:36 AM sheetal_madaan958: ten times......this tym wona make it eleven
2:20:40 AM sheetal_madaan958: i love u 2:20:42 AM sheetal_madaan958: i love u 2:20:44 AM sheetal_madaan958: ilov u 2:20:46 AM sheetal_madaan958: ilov u 2:20:48 AM sheetal_madaan958: ilov u 2:20:50 AM sheetal_madaan958: ilov u 2:20:54 AM sheetal_madaan958: ilov u 2:20:56 AM sheetal_madaan958: ilov u 2:21:00 AM sheetal_madaan958: ilov u 2:21:02 AM sheetal_madaan958: i lov u 2:21:06 AM sheetal_madaan958: i lov u 2:21:10 AM sheetal_madaan958: i love u 2:21:46 AM aakifkichloo2006: c um not asking anythin bout ur past commitmnt ......no nothin n i wont be asking even ..... um believing u . u wont proove me wrong
2:21:52 AM aakifkichloo2006: explain 2:21:57 AM aakifkichloo2006: i cudnt get this?
2:22:48 AM sheetal_madaan958: u wanna rock wid me ? inhibitions ? dat was the point . wat i ll be urs?
2:23:22 AM sheetal_madaan958: ur frend....ur bestfreind, ur love wat?.........u ll be my bstfreind n my lover
2:24:00 AM aakifkichloo2006: but v will hav to b carefull
2:24:42 AM aakifkichloo2006: make me a nu yahoo id tmrw
2:24:48 AM aakifkichloo2006: we will chat on that id only
2:24:50 AM aakifkichloo2006: ok
2:24:57 AM sheetal_madaan958: wat u mean?u ll be in relationships or relation?
2:25:20 AM sheetal_madaan958: relationships or realationship?
2:26:07 AM aakifkichloo2006: lluk one thing is for sure
2:26:22 AM aakifkichloo2006: that gal that i hav wid me here will hav her plac in ma life
2:26:29 AM aakifkichloo2006: n u will hav to adjust to that
2:27:00 AM sheetal_madaan958: ........................
2:27:07 AM sheetal_madaan958: really ab so jaate hai
2:27:10 AM sheetal_madaan958: gudnyt
2:27:17 AM sheetal_madaan958: god bless u dear ..........
2:28:00 AM aakifkichloo2006: nai i dont things to remain unsaid
2:28:07 AM aakifkichloo2006: juz say it
2:28:31 AM sheetal_madaan958: i dont hv words ........
2:28:48 AM sheetal_madaan958: u want me as second fiddle?
2:29:04 AM aakifkichloo2006: fidle 2:29:14 AM aakifkichloo2006: not an appropriate word 2:29:21 AM aakifkichloo2006: v r not playin games here
2:29:46 AM sheetal_madaan958: wat u r doing. she ll be ur gal i ll be uurs?
2:30:30 AM aakifkichloo2006: i don know
2:30:35 AM aakifkichloo2006: bt u wil be mine
2:30:39 AM aakifkichloo2006: thats 4 sure
2:31:01 AM sheetal_madaan958: um not gonna share u dats for sure
2:31:10 AM sheetal_madaan958: i don know anything else
2:31:39 AM aakifkichloo2006: she's juz lyk my wife god damn it
2:31:47 AM aakifkichloo2006: u gotta absorb it
2:32:30 AM sheetal_madaan958: n dat my best frnd is like husband to me ..........god damn i cnt absorb it ........
2:32:43 AM sheetal_madaan958: i cn love u the way i was loving ............
. 2:33:37 AM sheetal_madaan958: nyways aakif ..........leave it all here ...gudnyt jaan
2:33:53 AM aakifkichloo2006: no v need to talk but beter talk tmrw
2:33:55 AM aakifkichloo2006: ok
2:33:58 AM sheetal_madaan958: loads of love to u ..........
. 2:34:19 AM aakifkichloo2006: do make me a id n dont scrap me on orkut
2:34:29 AM aakifkichloo2006: email me on hotmail instead 2:34:31 AM aakifkichloo2006: ok 2:34:52 AM aakifkichloo2006: email me on hotmail instead of ur offliners on yahoo till i get a new yahoo id 2:34:53 AM
aakifkichloo2006: ok
2:35:10 AM sheetal_madaan958: take care love .........thrs nthng to say ok
2:35:28 AM aakifkichloo2006: email me on hotmail instead of ur offliners on yahoo till i get a new yahoo id 2:35:29 AM aakifkichloo2006: do make me a id n dont scrap me on orkut 2:35:33 AM aakifkichloo2006: email me on hotmail instead
2:35:50 AM sheetal_madaan958: i hope i cn c in ur eyes once again.....
2:36:22 AM sheetal_madaan958: gudnyt n bbyee love .....wats her name n i wont ask u nything aftr dat
2:36:32 AM aakifkichloo2006: divya
2:36:37 AM sheetal_madaan958: okhies
2:36:41 AM sheetal_madaan958: chal cyaa 2:36:49 AM
aakifkichloo2006: gudnyt
2:37:00 AM aakifkichloo2006: bye bye
2:37:49 AM sheetal_madaan958: n last thing wat i said dat was for sure .......i wont share u . um leaving everything for u .......everythn u cnt evn imagine wat.
2:38:08 AM sheetal_madaan958: bbyee last wala dont reply for dat 2:38:13 AM aakifkichloo2006: wait
2:38:24 AM aakifkichloo2006: wat u mean that u wont share me?
2:38:32 AM aakifkichloo2006: n u leaving evrything 4 me?
2:38:36 AM aakifkichloo2006: i need to know


2:39:09 AM sheetal_madaan958: i wont share u means .....one boy two gals differnt places one in heart one in mind.ok.
2:39:32 AM aakifkichloo2006: n u wont let it happen
2:39:35 AM aakifkichloo2006: u mean this?
2:39:45 AM sheetal_madaan958: may be
2:40:02 AM aakifkichloo2006: luk sheetal i cn leave evrything bt nt her
2:40:07 AM aakifkichloo2006: sach mein
2:40:11 AM aakifkichloo2006: nt at any cost
2:40:19 AM aakifkichloo2006: if u in with meis baat par
2:40:23 AM aakifkichloo2006: then um fyn
2:40:30 AM aakifkichloo2006: otherwise v will hav to part
2:40:37 AM sheetal_madaan958: ur wish
2:40:39 AM sheetal_madaan958: bbye
2:41:25 AM aakifkichloo2006: is this ur last bye to me
2:41:27 AM aakifkichloo2006: ?
2:41:51 AM sheetal_madaan958: cn u adjust wid me if i being wid dat guy too
2:42:07 AM aakifkichloo2006: u dnt havto be wid that guy
2:42:15 AM aakifkichloo2006: u hav neva promiised him that
2:43:06 AM sheetal_madaan958: bt he trust me .......i hv promised him to b faithful. i told him if um not coming to him i wont be going anywhere also
2:43:09 AM aakifkichloo2006: agar u wud hav been commited then i wud hav neva askd u 4 such a thing lyk this
2:43:22 AM aakifkichloo2006: not to me too?
2:43:39 AM sheetal_madaan958: dat um still following
2:44:09 AM aakifkichloo2006: so either we r in or we r not
2:44:16 AM aakifkichloo2006: we both r cheatin then
2:44:20 AM aakifkichloo2006: r u in ?
2:44:24 AM sheetal_madaan958: no
2:44:53 AM sheetal_madaan958: c aakif .........r u in wat?wait lel me read it again
2:45:34 AM sheetal_madaan958: do u realy thing being wid u i ll b doin rite?
2:46:05 AM aakifkichloo2006: its nt abt doin rite al the tym
2:46:12 AM aakifkichloo2006: i feel this way
2:46:20 AM aakifkichloo2006: but u dnt hav to feel this way too
2:46:27 AM aakifkichloo2006: its completely ur choice
2:46:29 AM sheetal_madaan958: okhies .......talk bout dis tomorrow. let me ask him one last tym.
2:47:12 AM aakifkichloo2006: u cant ask him abt it
2:47:16 AM aakifkichloo2006: just b wid him
2:47:23 AM aakifkichloo2006: i promise i wil b fyn too
2:47:41 AM aakifkichloo2006: but v wil hav to make a sacrifize
2:47:53 AM aakifkichloo2006: we wont eva c eachotheer, neither talk to eachothr
2:48:08 AM aakifkichloo2006: otherwiseal this will start al ova again
2:48:27 AM sheetal_madaan958: just 1 thing do u think u r being fair to me?
2:48:43 AM aakifkichloo2006: i know uum not
2:48:50 AM aakifkichloo2006: but there o other way 4 me honey
2:48:54 AM aakifkichloo2006: sach mein
2:49:04 AM aakifkichloo2006: i wud d it agar kuch aur kar sakta
2:49:07 AM aakifkichloo2006: uct me
2:49:11 AM aakifkichloo2006: trust me
2:49:19 AM aakifkichloo2006: n one more lesson
2:49:28 AM aakifkichloo2006: trust me in polish means fuck u
2:49:32 AM aakifkichloo2006: lol
2:49:35 AM aakifkichloo2006: srry
2:49:54 AM sheetal_madaan958: srry
2:49:58 AM sheetal_madaan958: hehe
2:50:13 AM sheetal_madaan958: wen u ll be coming here?
2:50:17 AM sheetal_madaan958: lol
2:51:31 AM sheetal_madaan958: okk......cn u promise me 1 thng?
2:51:40 AM aakifkichloo2006: tel me
2:51:54 AM sheetal_madaan958: u wont be giving my tym to anyone else
2:52:07 AM aakifkichloo2006: lyk?
2:52:21 AM sheetal_madaan958: lyk ko chodo promise me
2:52:51 AM aakifkichloo2006: wat u mean by anyone else?
2:53:08 AM aakifkichloo2006: divya?
2:53:12 AM sheetal_madaan958: yea
2:53:23 AM aakifkichloo2006: wat u mean by givin tym?
2:53:41 AM sheetal_madaan958: wen i want u .......i want u
2:53:53 AM aakifkichloo2006: yeah sure
2:54:02 AM aakifkichloo2006: but we will hav to compomise sumtimes
2:54:18 AM aakifkichloo2006: lyk by fone cant be on waiting 4 long
2:54:26 AM aakifkichloo2006: um answerable 3 hr
2:54:36 AM sheetal_madaan958: n to me?
2:55:05 AM aakifkichloo2006: u cant compare
2:55:15 AM aakifkichloo2006: u will hav to compromise
2:55:21 AM aakifkichloo2006: u will hav to
2:55:29 AM sheetal_madaan958: ohhhhhhh
2:55:36 AM aakifkichloo2006: u wil hav
2 2:55:42 AM sheetal_madaan958: oh ok
2:56:08 AM sheetal_madaan958: n wat i ll get in return aof all adjustmnts n compromise 2:56:20 AM sheetal_madaan958: U?
2:56:24 AM sheetal_madaan958: UR LOVE?
2:56:26 AM sheetal_madaan958: WAT?
2:56:54 AM aakifkichloo2006: i will do the best i can
2:57:21 AM sheetal_madaan958: DO U THINK SIRF BAATON SE vo satisfaction milegi 2:57:53 AM aakifkichloo2006: i wil try my best
2:58:21 AM sheetal_madaan958: shez like ur wife.ok. u love her also?ok?
2:58:39 AM aakifkichloo2006: ya...very very much
2:58:49 AM sheetal_madaan958: n wat u do wid me?
2:59:19 AM sheetal_madaan958: this one answer will change everythnf
2:59:26 AM sheetal_madaan958: so sahi sahi kehna
2:59:53 AM aakifkichloo2006: u n me together feels so rite
3:00:05 AM aakifkichloo2006: above al rite or rong
3:00:11 AM aakifkichloo2006: u nt me n me nt u
3:00:25 AM aakifkichloo2006: it just cant b possible
3:00:30 AM aakifkichloo2006: thats it
3:00:51 AM sheetal_madaan958: ok
3:01:10 AM sheetal_madaan958: lel me not ask him n just ask the gandhi sitting in me
3:01:25 AM sheetal_madaan958: lol
3:01:31 AM aakifkichloo2006: that wil do fyn
3:01:40 AM aakifkichloo2006: u cant discus us wid him
3:01:47 AM aakifkichloo2006: juz as i cant wid her
3:02:02 AM sheetal_madaan958: okk lets sleep now ..... i can u cant but i wont
3:02:58 AM aakifkichloo2006: i need to hear u so bad...i will cal u in a while
3:03:03 AM aakifkichloo2006: u go to ur rum
3:03:07 AM sheetal_madaan958: ok
3:03:10 AM aakifkichloo2006: n i will cal
3:03:17 AM aakifkichloo2006: i wont talk but jst u talk
3:03:19 AM aakifkichloo2006: ok
3:03:25 AM sheetal_madaan958: bbye.yea i ll wait
3:03:42 AM aakifkichloo2006: bye
sheetal_madaan958@yahoo.co.in
09878444508

New thoughts for the new year ?

I don't know what I want.

I sound like so many of the others no.

Don't know what I want, don't know what I can do, Can't make up my mind, think I'm good at everything if i want to do something types.

I'm going crazy wondering just what is it I want from life.

I'm going crazy finding someone I want too, but lets not make my sad social life the object of this discourse, I might go and buy vodka and sleep all through tomorrow and the rest of my life too. Or even worse, I might go give Cadbury their highest sales ever in a day.

Either of which does not seem to be a good option so...

But yes, career. Let's not talk about that either, I feel kaka.

I'm so going out to buy a lovely new pair of shoes. I have these huge duck type, left leg scarred in childhood mishap kind of feet. No kidding. I talk to my feet because I have never seen feet like mine. I love them !

Then again I don't look at men's feet, if i did, I might find a sole mate.

I want to learn how to play the piano. No, seriously. I didn't bother about it when I was younger and mum hounded me, and now sometimes, when i hear instrumental songs, while I'm on hold for the umpteenth time with some psycho, I tend to drift away in my thoughts. Everything goes still and i can feel the music vibrate inside me. Perhaps its the awfully high volume on the phone, or maybe I'm just clawing at some alternative means of entertainment at my boring job, but, Oh that music is heaven. I feel sorry now, for my piano teacher. I don't know what he goes through everyday, listening to teenagers mutilate Swan Lake. I killed it.

Hey you nice people who read my blog, please tell me what you see me doing ten years from now. It's always easier to imagine other people doing things, that you just know are right for them. Don't try and foist YOUR unattainable dreams on me. I do not ever want to wear green fur, kiss a doggy's butt crack, become a stripper, shine shoes, walk the ramp in excruciatingly painful heels that look like the neon monster puked over them, sing the Opera...oh well..you get the point.

Leave some nice suggestions though, I NEED a laugh. No really.

thanks aakif for loving me

i wont ever forget dis day ever in my life . i still love u . n ur this gesture proved me rite. we loved each oder .thanks for dis. it not only made my day but also my life.


Aakif kichloo:can i c u for a minute oor 2, ma facin the other side rite nw tabhi...bohut mann hai apko dekhne ka this one tym
me:.um not in rite condition
sheetal_madaan958:um not wearing dat much clothes lolz..
A: its okk i just wannted to wish u al the luck in the worlld.
rite condition.....nevvr thought u wud use such words 4 me,it hurts but its fyn.just wanted to c 2:09:33 AM aakifkichloo2006: just wanted to c u once aur kuch baatein kehni thi dats it 2:09:47 AM aakifkichloo2006: tabhi wanted to talk on messenger 2:09:52 AM aakifkichloo2006: buts its fyn 2:10:06 AM sheetal_madaan958: aaah okkk..............aakif i know everythng is fyn wid u 2:10:19 AM aakifkichloo2006: hmmm 2:10:26 AM aakifkichloo2006: ya i knw u knw it all 2:10:33 AM aakifkichloo2006: bt um cool abt it 2:10:52 AM sheetal_madaan958: i dont know anything , .........but wat u show only dat i c 2:10:57 AM aakifkichloo2006: nw shut up n listen to me2:11:01 AM sheetal_madaan958: yea u r cool n um chilling
2:11:11 AM aakifkichloo2006: wil u listen
2:11:13 AM aakifkichloo2006: ?

2:12:00 AM aakifkichloo2006: luk i dont lyk u writing anything regarding me n u publically

2:12:32 AM aakifkichloo2006: the thing v had btween us was btween u n me n that was beautiful

2:12:43 AM aakifkichloo2006: u dnt hav to write bout it on orkut 2:12:46 AM aakifkichloo2006: its a pr site

2:12:49 AM aakifkichloo2006: common

2:13:02 AM aakifkichloo2006: n one more thing

2:13:19 AM aakifkichloo2006: i loved u n i loved u wid all the love i hhad

2:13:36 AM aakifkichloo2006: nevr be in any doubt bout it

2:13:52 AM aakifkichloo2006: wateva i did was 4 the better of u n both of us

2:14:10 AM aakifkichloo2006: keep all this in ur mind al ur lyf 2:14:20 AM aakifkichloo2006: n keep it only upto u

2:14:25 AM aakifkichloo2006: wats his name?

2:15:03 AM sheetal_madaan958: who is writing bout u......i hvnt write bout u for soo long ...........um writing bout me n wats happening wid me ....., i swear from 2 months i hvnt writtn any tagline bout us

2:15:18 AM sheetal_madaan958: u loved me

2:15:26 AM aakifkichloo2006: yeah i knoow n u dnt evn hav to

2:15:43 AM aakifkichloo2006: dont question me bout '''u loved me'''

2:15:45 AM sheetal_madaan958: i dont doubt it........coz evn i hv loved u immensely

2:16:03 AM sheetal_madaan958: ek baat hamesha se puchna chahti th

i 2:16:17 AM sheetal_madaan958: puchlu

2:16:26 AM aakifkichloo2006: thats past n let us nt discuss it nw

2:16:33 AM aakifkichloo2006: puchu if u want to

2:16:40 AM aakifkichloo2006: cant eva say no 2 u

2:17:16 AM sheetal_madaan958: u hv wriitn dat u r in relationship wwhich is from past . i dont doubt ur words bt is it true

2:17:58 AM aakifkichloo2006: i got into a relation wen the 2 of us seperated

2:18:22 AM sheetal_madaan958: c i owe my life to u .um living d way u wanted me to .....but itna hi janna chahti hun ki kya kabhi mere admirer ne jhooth to nahi bola.

2:18:35 AM aakifkichloo2006: sheetal i dont want 2 bother u much

2:18:43 AM aakifkichloo2006: i neva lied 2 u

2:19:23 AM aakifkichloo2006: wen u luk into sum1s eyes u cn find atonce wat d truuth is 2:19:32 AM aakifkichloo2006: n u hav very closely looked in mine

2:19:38 AM aakifkichloo2006: so u cant dounbt me eva

2:19:59 AM sheetal_madaan958: okkk ........i understnd ...thanks 4 dis. shud i mail u my recent pics plzzzz i want u to c me . yes i looked into ur eyes .......n i believe u

2:20:36 AM aakifkichloo2006: i dont want to bother u bt can u pla wear sumthin decent n sit in front of the cam 4 me

2:20:40 AM aakifkichloo2006: just 4 a while

2:20:57 AM aakifkichloo2006: that was plz instead of pla

2:21:11 AM sheetal_madaan958: i cnt believe me ......um sorry plzz understand me 2:21:31 AM aakifkichloo2006: ah ok

2:21:42 AM aakifkichloo2006: i completelly understand

2:21:53 AM aakifkichloo2006: chalo u take gud care of ur self

2:22:01 AM aakifkichloo2006: n be the best u cn in life 2:22:17 AM aakifkichloo2006: best of luck 4 ur life n ur relation

2:22:36 AM aakifkichloo2006: i did n will always remember u

2:22:39 AM aakifkichloo2006: gud bye

2:22:40 AM sheetal_madaan958: take my no . plzzz if u want . same to u . 2:22:53 AM sheetal_madaan958: i want to give u

2:23:16 AM sheetal_madaan958: 9878444508

2:23:34 AM sheetal_madaan958: okhh bbyeee dear . bst of luck to u tooo

2:25:59 AM aakifkichloo2006: i wont be taking ur number srry 2:26:34 AM aakifkichloo2006: n 1 more thing all my email passwords are wid my girllfriend except the hotmail one

2:26:39 AM aakifkichloo2006: take care love

2:26:43 AM sheetal_madaan958: it always hurt but its fyn . wat shud i say more .

2:26:46 AM aakifkichloo2006: ttake gud care 2:27:27 AM aakifkichloo2006: hamesha aapko jaan bulake pukarne ka mann hota tha but i neva did so

2:27:39 AM aakifkichloo2006: n ya keep our convo upto urself only

2:27:42 AM aakifkichloo2006: bye bye

2:28:04 AM sheetal_madaan958: bye bye.i hv maild my pics on one of ur id

2:28:08 AM sheetal_madaan958: gudnyt

2:30:55 AM aakifkichloo2006: which id? 2:31:33 AM

aakifkichloo2006: which id?

2:31:34 AM aakifkichloo2006: ?

2:31:35 AM aakifkichloo2006: ?

sheetal_madaan958@yahoo.co.in

09878444508

Love or Infatuation???

As I don know wt love is so I cant cum out with deeper meanings,bt till now wt life has taught me by knowing various incidences I feel tat love is left far behind, its just infatuation which has strengthen his position in today's world. These days relationships r on fake terms r v can say temporary basis tat is have a crush on somebody fr a sometime ,use that person n just finished it off…which is often termed as infatuation at the end.

The most easiest part is to get in to these kinds f relationships but must difficult part is to deal with d consequences of such relationships, People once heart broken,becomes too hard,cold,,there perspective changes n be cum numb. N wen this situation arises d situation f depression takes his seat..which is dangerous.

If we see are environment,every then n now r friend's comes up with d prob tat ,v broke off,,n v r upset ,tat person did this n all..n v give them a simple advice of move onn,,n v flash sum beautiful dialogues n finally v r done with d,,formality of being friend's ,,n v feel tat its sufficient,,v r done with r job..

But d person who's suffering knows,,how it feels wen heart breaks,,n how long time will b taken to recover frm such a brutal hurt,. N at tat time person feels there's no love only pain n whatever was it it ws a mistake ,,a infatuation.

Here also persons thinkin does'nt end up,,he started gettin pulled off from relationships..,starts makin boundaries n at d end love theory is vanished n rude,selfish world theory is activated.

I know there would be people who r in serious relationships, n they must have a strong believe in this love part n I really wish loads f good look fr there future n God Bless them with same love n tender care in tere relationships, but tese days majority is f heart broken people n its increasing day by day an finally it is resulting in creating a mind set f infatuation n hatred among people..n discouraging people to get into any kind f relationships.. which will,, at d end not result in a healthy outcome..

So we people should be bit genuine fr others n help them not to form such opinions by takin a a very first step from ourself only tat if v genuinely like sum1,,ten only v should approach tat person to get into any relationships n should try n carry out it till d end with full trust,loyalty,care n a genuine love..:-) so v can have a better world tomorrow n healthy perspectives tomorrow.:-).

Note:This post was originally posted by me to one of my dear friend's personal Blog, My Musings than to my personal blogUnpredictable life n now here:-)

Moodie's MOOD

FOR MUCH OF MY LIFE N MY BAD PEROIDS I BELIEVED MY THOTS WERE BEYOND MY CONTROL. THEY ENTER MY MIND AUTOMATICALLY N THEY DO WATEVER THEY WANT TO DO.
its not my case only like yesterday while talking to usman on messanger i felt the same thing. he was quite nice to me .but the last tym we had a chat god knows how we crashed on each other. surprisingly i asked him yestrday hey man is everything all right? u being so polite?
He answered me, '' look dat day u met another usman but this one me is different n real.''Dat day i wasnt in good mood n u had a bad impression of mine.
TRUE, it happens wid all of us... wat we are today depends in wat mood we are today.
its our thots and mood that makes our day n complements our action. even my mood swings has put me in trouble a lot many times.thankfully now i have discovered dat nothing cud be further from truth.we are not our thoughts instead we are thinkers of our thoughts.and we can change our thots if we choose to do so n our mood in the same way.
this seemingly was an epiphany for me. its just dat we have to give whole more concentration to the quality of thots we allow in our mind to enter.i hv tried my mind to focus only on positive n enlighteningthoughts. and in doing so i saw all other circumstances of my life changing too.
just as we are not our thoughts,we are not our mood too.earlier my mood used to be my master n it bends me the way it used to be. but after my trials for changing it, i have realized dat we are the creator of our mood n not our mood being the creator of us,wat we are!!
sheetal_madaan958@yahoo.co.in

Enigma

Hello people, this is my first post on this blog. My story "Enigma". Hope you people read it. Please bear with me. Keep smiling.

~

Life is one enigmatic journey. An enigma of its own kind. Each life is distinguished with its own set of characteristics, and uniqueness. Sometimes, the uniqueness of this journey, makes it a tinge more complicated than its individual parts.

And maybe at those times, fighting and moving ahead becomes essential. So essential that you cannot breathe unless you have made some silent yet huge compromises with your own self. And still, this journey which makes you do so much to yourself, is enigmatic. And there is nothing even questioning the glory of this beautifully caked up walk in the natural plastic garden called “Human world”.

How about being able to take guilt free sneak peek into someone else’s garden? Steal some apples and yet not be caught? Sounds like a fancy , one which would not com true in real life. Because no body in their conscious selves, would let you know who they really are. Or more specifically, nobody would ever let you know or even understand in proper state, what would they do in a reply to anything adverse.

There was this girl, somewhere in the country, who lived a life on her terms. Had her own share of discreet ideas, and her own dreams to live up to. She was friendly, jolly, and very lively. She was the life of any gathering she was a part of. People yearned to have her with them all the time. That was what was the skin of her. But what about the flesh, blood, and bone? There ought to be some. There was this other side of her, a girl, who excelled at writing dark poetries, had the worst dreams and fought miserably with her brain. She had her own contradictions, her own apprehensions and her own limitations. But these never stopped her from being who she was. And, If things were to be put in simpler words, then it would be, that she was a matured young girl. The kind one could call a kid at times, but at other times, it would be her, even people years elder to her , would turn to for emotional and practical help.

She did everything that normal people would do, indulged in everything that was fashionable, and relished life just like she did her chocolate bar.

She was one of those queen of fantasies and enjoyed life like, there would never be another tomorrow.

Only one thing, she did not have a friend, a true one. Some one who could understand, who she really was and what she needed and not wanted from life. May be she was among many people, but she was not that complete. She was not completely happy with her soul, which required some healing.

So destiny has plans for everybody, and she was not an exception. But hers was a slightly different story all together.

She was sitting in her very own seat in the cyber café. Was chatting with some friends, and simultaneously, noticing everybody who were occupying the computers next to her. She was not really directly looking at them, that would make things very obvious and she would be left embarrassed, and that was surely something she ever learnt to be. So while she was typing in some words, a young lad came and sat next to her, the computer I mean.

He looked at her once, then twice and then over and over again. She tried not to look, but it was difficult with such random attention.

He :You know I am looking at you.
She : Sorry?
He: I am looking at you and you know that.
She: (pause) Well, so?
He: Go ahead and type what you were typing. (Laughs)

She felt snubbed, and continued with her work.

He: Who is it? Ryan? How do you know him?
She: Excuse me. What are you talking about?\
He: This fair skinned chap on your screen.
She: Look mister, I am not interested in what you do, so be away from my things as well.
He: As if, I did not notice you looking at me when I entered the café? And then you pretended as if you are very busy … No?
She: Whatever I do should be just my own concern. You are a stranger, and I shall prefer you to remain one.
He: English honors?
She: What?(irritated)
He: Nothing.

She continues with what she was doing. A minute later, gets up to leave.

He: You going?
She does not reply.

He: Hello madam. Are you going?
She: Yes. You got problems?
He: Of course not! Good for me if you go without logging out of your messenger. I could easily get your number , address, and everything else.
She: What non sense.

She hurries back to the computer, logs out and head towards the door.

He: You lost you basic manners when you were busy thinking about me?
She: Sorry?
He: Sorry seems to be the hardest word , to most, but you seem to be quite fond of it
She: Will you shut up?
He: No.
She: I have to leave now.
He: As if I stopped you?
She: Whatever.
He: All girls are same.
She: You may think so. Goodbye.
She goes out.

He continues typing.

Next day, when she comes back, unknowingly, she was looking for him, but he did not come.
But, she got a chat invitation from an unknown address. And it had a message along with it.

“I know you are looking for me but sadly, I have a super fast net connection at my place.”
She did not know what to do. She knew it was him, but if she accepted it, it would mean that she gave in to him. But if she did not, she would not get to tighten his nuts!

So she took the safer way out. Accepted the request, but pretended as if, he did not know who it was.

He:Hey
She:Hello!
He:Hey , you sound so normal online!
She:What?
He:Yes. I thought it would b the same cranky you.
She:I dono know who you are.
He:Lols. Stop lying ok?
She:Srry, I ain’t lying.
He:So, still talking to Ryan?
She: It you again?
He:As if you didn’t know and your heart wasn’t thumping hard?
She: Nonsense.
He:You!
She:Shut up
He:I came online for shutting evrything up?
She:Do whatever you feel like.
He:Feel like hugging you.
She:Get lost!
He:hehehhehe
She:Yea whtever
He:You think you are something lik the mysterious queen??
She:y?
He:No, bcoz u behave like one.
She:Smiles!! Well, you know Who I am then!
He:Yea.A pretender.
She:You enjoy pissing me off?
He:Just two days madam. Lot more to come.
She:Yea, I ill see.


He:You’d better.
She:I gtg now.Bbye.
He:Muaah!!
She:Get lost.
Signs out.

For five days after that he does not come online.

Sixth day, he comes to the café, and finds her there.

He:Will you join me for a cup of coffee?
She:What?
He:Coffee.Made of coffee beans.Well brewed.
She:I am busy.
He:No you aren’t.
She:How does that bother you.
He:May be it does.

Something happens to her, and she walks with him.
He walks endlessly till they reach a grocery shop.He buys a satchet of coffee powder.And then continues to walk.

She:What is this?
He:Coffee.
She:I can see that. But….
He:You will make two gud mugs of it
She:You are out of your head??
He:You are.
She laughs almost hysterically.

He:What?
She:You are a sample piece.
He:(gives a sheepish look)(chuckles)
She:Stupid!
He:Coming home or not?
She:I do not have any option left.(smiles)


They go to his home. A nice big one.

He:You know what?
She:What?
He:I wanna tell you something.
She:aamm…Wht?
He:You should have known it but then, I have to tell it to you.
She:Go ahead.
He:Go straight and thn take a left, you shall find my kitchen.
She:Non sense.(begins to laugh)
He::Go go!
She:Shut up!
He:Go na.. please..
She: Ok ok..

Both begin to smile in a way they had never before. It was something nice. Something beautiful.

While she was busy pouring the coffee in the mugs, he stepped into the kitchen.

He:Hey..
She: (Turns back)Yea hi..
He:I had never expected anybody to work in my kitchen. Not a girl atleast.
She:What..?
He:Yea, never seen a girl work in here.Never.
She:Never seen you mom in the kitchen or what?
He:No…
She: (pauses) I didn’t get you.
He: She passed away when I was five, and dad never married again.
She: Oh..I’m sorry.
He:Naah.. it is ok.
She: So, what happened next? Where is your dad?
He: He? Maybe in London now.
She:Maybe?
He:Yes. I was sent to live with my grandparents after that..Dad seldom wrote letters. Called up once in a blue moon. He was living with his girl friend.He did not marry and did not worry.
She:What the….I am sorry.
He:I am used to trying to control my anger. I hate him.
She:So where are your grand parents?
He:Grand dad passed away when I was fifteen. Grand mom passed away five days back.
She:Oh..
He:So that is why I couldn’t be with you.(winks)
She: You are…(pauses) I mean…(pauses)..I don’t know..
He:Acid tested.hahaha…
She:You are not lik what you seemed to be. You are nice.
He: uh huh!! Think again girl.. You always thought I am good, you wouldn’t come down home else wise… would you?
She: (smiles) May be.

That day had been, one of the pretiest examples of life for anybody who would want it!
She was finding a companion, and he already seemed to have found one. Both could recognize with each other in a way, they had never previously done. Things began to change. For most days, she would go to his house , instead of hanging around with her usual circle of friends, and the most noteworthy thing was that, she did not feel anything going amiss!

One of those days, they planned to cook together.
In the kitchen..

She: Wanted to ask you something.
He:Ask ask..(winks)
She:Why did you talk to me that day?
He:When?
She:In the café …
He:Oh!..Was just flirting….
She:Huh!
He:But there is something else to it too.
She:What?
He:There was something, that made me come back..
She:What??
He: You look like my grand mom….
She: (looks at him) I could kill you.
He: No no!! Seriously!

He held her by her hand, and then took her to his room. Askd her to sit down, and then pulled out something of the drawer, and sat down beside her.

He:Here, see…(hands her a photograph)
She: (takes a look) Wow…who is this?
He:My grand mom(smiles)
She:She is so, beautiful….
He:Yes, she was pretty.Very pretty. I wonder if my mom looked like her too.
She:She surely did. You haven’y seen her pictures?
He:Yes…I have.. But never too clear..
She: hmm..
He: (turning towards her) So you see, you look like her. My grand mom.
She: No ways! She is way too pretty!
He: Look at yourself, the way I look, you are the pretiest of all..
She: (lowers her eyes) Thank you..
He: (goes close to her) You dumbo, we were cooking….Come lets go…(winks)
She:Oh yes… (laughs)

Days, weeks and months… all passed by. And now, they were the best of friends.
There was nothing that was hidden. Nothing that was forged. Every fact was so clear and every expression was so well understood. Now they even did not have to talk to let each other know what they were thinking. Eyes could speak so well now. And they were working together on a social project. So that let them have , more time each day together.

Her parents knew him well. They began to trust him. It was all as if, It was meant to be this way always.Always.


One year now, things were good. But they had fights too. And had their own ways of soling their problems as well.

She:Where did yo keep your file?
He:Which one?
She:The Bio data, medical reports,couple passes one..
He:Why?
She:I kept my, discount coupon in that.
He:What for?
She:I needed to keep it safe.
He:You don’t have your own file or what? What was it I bought you the other day? A piece of rubble?
She:Shut up..
He:What shut up? Why did I buy it then?
She:I was with you that time when Igot it, came down to your place after that, so, I kept it in your file.
He:It is my file for God’s sake!
She:So I should’nt have kept it there?
He:Yea absolutely..
She:Okay… Fine. Buhbyee.I have to leave.(moves to leave)
He: (moves towards her)What for?
She:No. I am sorry. I forgot my limitations…(heads towards the door)
He:What!...Fish!!.....(hold her hand)Don’t go.
She:I have to. And yes, I am sorry.(looks downwards, hiding her teary eyes)
He: (Raises her face up) Awww no!! No no!Don’t cry. Please.. No! Keep all your coupons in my file, keep all that you want anywhere..But don’t cry please!! (hugs her)
She: Shut up….(rubbing her tears) Go get lost. I don’t want to talk to you.( half laughing)
He:All right… alright …my baby’s laughing… ok ok… Smiling?.. yea yea!! (pulling her cheeks)
She: I hate you!
He: I love you too!
She:Huh…! Loafer!
He:Naah… just flirting around…(winks)
She:Loafer!! Duffer! Dodo!!
He:Yea, yea whatever..(laughs)
She:Shut up..
He:Coffee?
She:Yes…
He:Go make it..
She:huh!!

What they said to each other, what they felt, was just among themselves. Just so secret, that often even they did not know what they were sayin to each other.
Who would ever not want to be so innocentlyin love? So innocently that they themselves knew not what it was? Or even if they knew, they would say not what it was…


She:You , loafer, I wanna have some ice cream
He:No
She:Yes!
He:You’ve got flu..
She:So..??
He:So I had to pick you up from your place.
She: So..?
He:I am taking care of you.
She:So…??
He:So what!!! ?? No ice cream! That is it!
She:What nonsense…
He:You..
She:Shut up…(looks at him angrily)
He: (keeps staring at her) I could… Only if you promise you would sit like this, infront of me, forever.
She: (glances at him.)What?
He: (regaining his senses) No.. what?? Oh.. nothing..
She:Mad ..?
He: (laughs) Yepp..
She: I knew, I knew! Hehehe..
He: You sure you know…?
She: Evn if you don’t say it.. I know…( lowers her eyes, smiles)
He :Nice… (realises something) (Slaps her lightly on her cheeks) Wake up!
She: Only if you wake me up…
He:(glances at her)What?
She:(regaining her senses)No….nothing…

But how long, could they both, hold in an obvious secret? The knew each other so well, that they knew it too, that they were hiding a sweet little secret, with perfection unmatched.
And what more? They both were in collaboration! But now, words, somehow changed their route from eyes to lips.

He:Ever thought of a candel light dinner?
She:With?
He:Amm..Well anybody..
She: No..
He:Why?
She: I don’t know..You?
He: Yes..
She: (brightens up) Who who??tell me!
He: Someone..
She: Duffer, who??
He: Told you , someone…
She: Tch! Tell me!
He: You..
She: We had it already! Don’t remember? That day? Lights went off?
He: Yes, and you fell on me.. (laughs)
She:Yes.. and you didn’t utter a word!
He:How could I ? It wa a dream come true..
She: What? Lights going off?
He: Naah… you won’t get it.
She: Me falling on you?
He: (smiles) Perhaps..
She: Why?? Huh! What was so funny in that?
He: Not funny you dodo! It was nice.
She: How come?
He:I got the touch of your face, for the first time.
She : (lowers her eyes) amm.. oh. Ok..(shy)
He: Hey, what happened?(pushes her)
She:Nothing..
He: You look gorgeous..
She:Loafer.!
He: No.. really.
She:Yea?
He: Yes..
Will you let me hug you once?
She: I am surprised! You’re asking me? (goes ahead to hug him)
He : (Stops her) (looks into her eyes) Mind being with me forever? Just like this? (hugs her)
She: (hug him) (looks at him) Loafer…. What happened?
He: Nothing except that, I realised that I have never flirtedwith anybody else than you..
She : (shrugs off..) Oh, so you want a girl friend? Go ahead.. Go to other girls. I won’t mind.
He: You would..
She: You really wanna go? (almost crying)
He: I want a wife..
She: Oh ..ok… good.
He: I don’t plan to flirt with anybody else. I don’t plan to even look at anybody else. But somehow, I wanna know, does looking at just one girl , wanting her and loving her make you a loafer?
She :What? No! That is love!
He: Who is it for me then? Ten hours a day you are with me. Rest of the day I am either a work, or sleeping. So?
She: So?
He : Would you be there forever?
She: Of course…….But why?
He: Why..?
She:Yea..
He: Coz, I look at you. I like to. I listen to you speak endless. You make no sense. But I like it. Coz, I need you to be here even when you are sick. And I want you to be here all the time. Coz, I wanna flirt around, just with you. Coz I wanna be the only man you trip down on. Coz I wanna be the only person, who you would hug so dearly . Coz, I wanna be your loafer, for life….
She: Coz you wanna be my husband….
He: No.. Coz I already am.. But wanna confirm it.. (winks)
She: Loafer…
He: Only for you.. (hold her close to him) Say it once na duh! (smiles) I love you silly girl!
She : (blushes)(smiles) Me too.. I love you too loafer..
He:So, you’re my wife?
She: You’re my husband… so what else can I be to you?(winks)
He : Hmmm.. coffee?
She: You make it!
He: Oh yes! Why not? Day one eh! (laughs)
She:Practice..practice…(winks)

They got married formally , three months after that. And now, they stayed together always.

He: You know what? You are stupid!
She: What?Why?
He: Coz, …..I love you.
She: (smiles) You are more stupid than I am…
He: Yeah?
She: Yeah.. I love you na!
He :Yeah.yeah..
She: (hugs him) Yeah…
He: Awww… my wife… love you(kisses her)

They had so much love to give each other. But somehow this love, was not enough to give them a child. She, could not be a mother. It was diagonised, when even after two years of marriage, they did not have a baby.
But, the sacred enigma, that life is! It has plans, knitted for every soul. Every blessed soul.
Before this, she had never found herself, so much in love with someone.
And never before did she feel so incomplete. But when, the person you are married to is all that makes you complete, how can you keep the enigma an edge far.

One evening,

He: Coffee?
She: (in a dead tone) Yes. I made it.
He:Eh! Of course! Hey , but come, lets make it again.
She :No. It is ok. We have enough of it in the flask.
He:Dodo….(looks at her) I am here. With you.
She :(almost crying) So what do I do now? (crying) Why….me lord!
He: You know something?
She:What?
He:I am not my parents child.
She :(startled) What?
He: Yes. They had adopted me. When I was a small kid. I don’t know if mom loved me. But I am sure dad didn’t. He left me to my mom’s parents. They loved me. So, here I am.
She: (looks at him) Baby..? Baby…. You know it all? (crying) (hugs him)
He: I know it all. So.? Am I crying like you dodo?
She:But…
He:But what?
She: No…
He: Yes. We will bring out child home soon. And we will love him or her . A lot. We will. You trust me love?
She: (breaks down crying) I love you…
He: I love you too..

Enigma. That is life.
Hey Don’t blame me. I just allowed a sneak peak. And, the rest is their life. Just think , if life, just a part of it, looks so beautiful, how enigmatic is life for real?

What changed you???

You know I care for you,
You know am somewhere dependent on you,
You know I count you in one of the special persons in my life,

But suddenly what happened??

Y u doing this,
What changed you soo much!??
That now u don't even show your concerns,ur friendly love...
U were never so inexpressive ,wt changed you suddenly,
what??

Is time has changed you soo much that u forget me??
Is new people around you have become soo important that u r wid tem all the time n don't get time for me,
or
Life has become soo busy that u r soo occupied that u don't even get a time to ring me n ask, hw r you dear friend???

If its all because something is bothering you, than share with me,
il ease u,ill make you feel happy,
il make you realise hw important you r to world, to me,
il make you feel gud..

But,please break this Silence,it sometimes, makes me uncomfortable,
this dry,rough behavior upsets me...
U were never like this...

What happened,wt changed you so much ???

Note: This post ws originally posted In my Personal Blog,Unpredictable life.

May B THIS is d DAY of my new future

Today was the day which lead me to some deep thinking widin me.um not dat sure bout this feeling but for sure my words are colliding wid my very own thots,my actions are not being complementary WID my words. um devastating my very own ideologies just for the sake of moving on. i know neither um right nor um wrong but their is something for sure dat is not in equilibrum wid my mind.One must move on in her or his life .but is this only reason logical enough for confronting my this deed of action?? was this an hour of need?? or just my girlish n amature nature?

yeah um toooo confused .shud i carry on wid wat going on?

Its not just falling in love nor bout my commitments.but its just dat if others r happy in their deeds then y shudn't i be? but sometyms i do wonder how can one fall in love wen he /she is already in love.

NEHA my frein..........wat she is asking me for ,um ready to give but still um not sure. but i must agrre that things are making their own way.....some topics which were left unsolved suddenly came to my forefront. n everything after dat wasnt in my hand.enthusiasm;nervousness;happiness ,curiosity ....a mixed fruit juice of my feelings.i hv startd believing in omens now. from feew days my left eye was blinking badly n hey my mom says its a good sign. i thot may be this can be a sign of my clearence of pmt. but now i hv startd feeling may b that was for this reason.hmmmnnmmm um not taking any decision nor um thinking so hard .; leaving everything on my destiny

yesterday i read smwhere ,'' gravitation is not the cause for falling in love''. i don knw y this line clickd me .

leaving this behind....again aftr reading 'A' PROFILE.....it hurted badly...everyday i c n everytym i feel a setback.

Choices are in my hand nd adjustments too? but is this worth for making such a big change in my idealisation dat has occupied for so long. lel c wat happens in my life........keepin fingers crossed!!

sheetal_madaan958@yahoo.co.in

a touching poem from Lotuseater

۩ सर्व शकितमते परमात्मने श्री रामाय नमः۩

[The Picture sky67 clicked by Tshhar Mangal]
THis post id transplanted From The Blog Enlightenment

As i sit here on the bench
alone in a dark night
thinking of nothing
in a kind of state of trance
i feel a droplet of water
running down my cheek
like a roller made to run
on the field of my skin
fearing it as a tear
i wipe it off
but soon feel another drop
running around my face
like a cool nebula of water
streaming its way through
my weird grassy beard
i try to wipe it off too
fearing an another tear
but soon realize that
its not I who am shedding tears
but its the great heavens
as i see above to the starlight sky
i see hundreds of droplets
looking like a diamond
dropping over my face
like a blessing on to me
some clinging on to me
as a life long friend
while some falling off
as betrayed ones
all i can see is
this spray of shower
in the streetlight lit road
looking like a hundreds of bullets
attacking on to the earth
with a ever increasing force
soon the heavens gets furious
and those droplets which
gave those trance effect
were now sounding like
a hard rock music to me
with their harsh chords
banging me on my skin
feeling the utter ruthlessness
of those droplets
deep down in my heart
draining off my brain
looking through those horizons
i see those lightnings
striking a battle of superiority
with each uproar
creating a diff kind of fear
in the interiors of my heart
with water all around me
i feel like a drowning titanic
holding on for my identity
in this worldly ocean
of corals and rocks
as i feel drenched
inside this water of pain
making me look inside
to the real me
for a reason i may not know
and for things i may not show
______________________________
Jai Shri Ram!!!

Member of the Month for August-Sandeep Balan

Proudly Announcing Mr Sandeep Balan as our first Member of the month.
This is with respect to the poll conducted in the community and 69% votes are in favour of Mr Sandeep Balan.

Also ,we will see the Writers Lounge Award for Writers in various categories.


Category 1.(Includes popularity of the member)
Most popular blogger of the Writers Lounge.
Nominees: Sandeep,Shruti,Sheetal,Tushar,Rajesh,Ani,Asbah,Anurag.

Category2.(most posts made by any member)
Frequent posts award .
Nominees: Sheetal,Shruti,Rajesh,Tushar.

Category3.(most active member of the community
Active Member award
Nominees: Sheetal,Shruti,Rajesh,Tushar,Sandeep,Ani.

Category4(refers to the best writer of the group blog)
Writer of The Writer's Lounge
Nominees:Sandeep,Asbah,Stephen,Shruti

Category5(indicates best poet of our community)
Poet of the Writers Lounge.
Nominees:Divita,Sheetal,Mona.

Category6.(most loyal member of the community
Most LoyalMember award
Nominees: Sheetal,Shruti,Rajesh,Tushar,Sandeep,Ani.

Category7(for member with most comments)
Commenter award.
Nominees:Sandeep.Ani,Asbah,Stephen,Aquagirl,Rajesh,Divita,Anurag,Tushar,Shruti.

PS:Only active members name are included

AGAIN the same feel

AFTR SOO LONF UM FEELING THE SAME DESPERATION.SAME EMOTIONS.

i truly believe in destiny.whoever wenever comes in our lyf its always preplanned.

Realization

In my previous write-up, I had exclaimed ‘Happiness is best realised when one finds things once done, amusing’. Now, the point I’m trying to emphasize in this write-up is, ' What happens with Realization???'. Happiness may not be the only parameter. I’m describing Realization in general. What it can do to one etc etc… I’m just a 20 yr old guy and what I’m going to pen down may not exactly be true and what I write is just my opinion and what I’ve learnt from my own experiences. You may add what according to you is a better definition in the comments column.

Realization, in my opinion is a must for all at one point of time in life. Realization of one’s past incidents include the mistakes one indulged in, the arrogance that accompanied the conversations, things done with no inclination and lots more. If I confine the topic of realization to my own self, the highlighted statement was always part of mine. All these years, I had been a victim of this practice where I involved myself in activities towards which I had no inclination whatsoever. It's always commendable to aim for higher goals but what makes it achievable is the inclination attached with that desire to succeed. That was exactly what I lacked and ended up being in the middle of nowhere. Now, when one looks back at my past, it certainly defies logic when I say I'm focussed about my career. But after realization, the same can be told with confidence and authority. This is precisely what Realization can do to one. You get it ??? Realization can work wonders to people who think twice before acting upon things. Also, the timing of realization is very much important. The preceding statement could be contradicted saying ‘ It’s better late than never’ but I would like to refute ‘ It’s better early than late’. Which is early and when it is late depends on the situation and differs from person to person. Realization, if I can say, is a by-product of Introspection or rather analysis of all thoughts ( good / bad ) culminates into what is called Realization.

The positives of Realization are best acknowledged when enough time is given for oneself to analyse how exactly mistakes were done and how aversive was one to suggestions suggested then. One thing I’ve realised is, ‘When you achieve success, it’s described a multiple effort but when you have failed, you’re the only person to take the blame and there’s none around you to receive the baton of blame’. Mistakes are indeed, part and parcel of everyone’s life but life’s lived better with minimal number of mistakes. Mistakes, here, I don’t mean the blunders but the small things done in haste (with no second thoughts) which leave a lasting impression. To take a page out of my book, I realized lot many things in the recent past, how foolish I had been in giving undue importance to what everybody had got to say with no inclination on my part. Also I’ve realized the importance of patience, tolerance and benevolence - soft-skills make a person's outlook much better than his intelligence or qualification.

Now, realizing all my past incidents doesn’t make me a complete individual. It’s important how well I practise and try my best to not repeat the mistakes. I’m trying to re-invent myself as a responsible and a mature individual. The learning process has just begun but I’m sure it’ll continue forever.

P.S: I didn’t know what to post in my blog this week. Since these thoughts have been flashing across my mind for quite a while, I thought it won’t be a bad idea to just pen them down. Hope I didn’t bore you. Infact, this is the shortest write-up in my blog :)

get well sooon aakif

hey god plzz plzz plzz aakif ko jaldi theek kardo. i cnt bear this feel dat he is not well. heis on bed for so long n gonna stay for next 6 weeks more.
wenevr i think of him being on bed .....some turbulence starts in my heart. i wont deny dat i still lov him n feel for him. god plzz bless him n make him well soon

A Walk To Remember

It was a pleasant Sunday evening and after practising a few RC passages (CAT beckons me), I felt the need to greet Lord Hanuman, residing just a few metres away from my house and it had been a long time since we met. I generally don’t visit temples wishing for things to happen because I believe, God understands my needs, recognizes my capabilities and bestows me with things I truly deserve. But when something really nice happens in life, I make it a point to thank Him in person for being with me and this visit was no different as He had blessed me with a lucrative offer from Tech Mahindra.

On leaving the temple, I embarked on a walk which today, I feel is the most cherished and best reminisced. Even before leaving home, I had decided to take a walk in my locality (one of the evergreen places in Chennai – Ashok Nagar) and so pocketed my mp3 player. Music freshen my thoughts, I imbibe in me the enthusiasm to enjoy brought back memories. If ever I could experience an indeterminate sense of joy erasing all worries troubling my mind and dispelling unwanted feelings stemming from my heart (at least for a while), this should be the first instance. As I start with the next paragraph, my finger nerves are ordered by the heart to key in the correct words to make sure no feeling is minced and my mind is instructed to make sure emotions are best expressed. This’s accomplished if I succeed in making you take a trip down your memory lane once you finish reading this write-up.

I left the temple, switched on my mp3 player, started off with Pehla Nasha (Jo Jeeta Woh Hi Sikander) and the walk began on a feel-good note. I walked a few metres and looked up to see a dark sky with no stars above me but as I looked down, I could visualize footsteps of a 7 year old boy carrying his violin on one hand and holding his cousin with the other hand. I halted for a while just hoping if I could listen to any conversation between them.You may wonder if that was hallucination ? Yes, I did hallucinate but I just hope I could re-live the past. That 7 yr old boy still lives in me and I love him more than anybody else because that child was me, 13 yrs back. Everytime I cross the temple, I breathe memories of the days I did no harm, got no anger, never bad-mouthed people and above all, was adorned by almost all in my family. As I think deeper, I’m reminded of the days when as a kid, I played cricket with my cousin and my neighbours on sunny afternoons outside the temple. But I’m best reminded of the evenings when I carried that stringed instrument cursing all Gods for having invented it. I was cajoled by my parents to attend violin classes but I detested complying with their cajolery at the expense of playing cricket.

As I proceeded a few more yards, to my right, I gazed at an old building with a board outside ‘St.Mary’s School’. That intent look touched my nostalgic nerve and I wondered if I could knock at the gate to meet the Big Miss ( The headmistress of this school is referred as ‘Big Miss’ and she resides just behind the school ). This was the first school I ever attended as a 3 yr old and I’m reminiscent of the days I attended school with no books but a snack box and a water-bottle shouldering me. I turned right and there, at the crossroads is the apartment where two of my friends live. When I think of them, I’m reminded of those sunny afternoons when we, as children, danced for the song 'Muqabula Muqabula' on the cycle rickshaw after one of those exams. As I leisurely walked a little further and looked up, I was unable to view the sky as I was sauntering on a road with trees on either side (those are rare sights in modern Chennai but that’s Ashok Nagar for you) and at that street beginning was the house where the then Principal of my school Mrs. Lakshmi Subramanian once lived. It brought back horrendous memories of days when my mom threatened to take me to her if I fail to eat green vegetables (even today, I hate green vegetables). As I passed by her house, I found my mom’s words only amusing and laughed at my innocence. The road that leads from her house, I would say, is one of the best stretches in Chennai and if I were given the task of naming roads, I would call it ‘The Joggers’ Paradise’. This stretch is semi-circular shaped and it's one of those few roads where one gets to breathe fresh oxygen 24X7 and seldom disturbed by jarring horns of vehicles - Tranquility at its best. I ambled a little further to find the office of my local Cable TV operator. One of the happiest moments in my childhood was when my dad gave the nod for a cable TV connection at home. If I’m right, it was the summer of 1998 when I went through those anxious moments - seconds took minutes to pass and minutes looked hours. I pedalled my way from home to that office atleast 10-15 times that day just to make sure the connection was done at the earliest.

As I finished walking the semi-circular stretch, I entered one of Chennai’s well-maintained broader roads, the 11th Avenue Road .This best exemplifies the term ‘arterial road’ and despite the continous buzz of vehicular traffic, pedestrians are given enough space to walk and one doesn’t find sand gushing onto the face. And there situated is the Madras Corporation Library. One look at it, I rewind myself ten years back when my friend and I were barred from entering just because we were wearing shorts despite the fact that we were just 10 yrs old. Direct opposite to that library is a narrow street housing many apartments and one of them is ‘Gokul Flats’ where my childhood friend once lived. Incidents there, best substantiate my childhood innocence and exuberance. That was the apartment outside which I played cricket in the evenings and the flat A-1 was where I played video games with a 4th standard social text book beside me. In the name of joint study, I used to go to my friend's place and play video games till my eyes got weary of the rays being emitted from that 12’ TV set. It was also that apartment terrace where we once studied computer science together only to fail miserably in a class test. It was such a nice feeling to think of those days and just one look at that apartment sufficed for those thoughts to flash across my mind. I was so much moved on retrospection. Yes !!! Those were fun-filled days.

As I came back home, I felt Happiness is best realised when one finds things once done, amusing. Also I felt something had dented my heart and got a feeling of having dropped something very precious on the way. I exclaimed to myself ‘How about continuing with the walk for another half-hour atleast ?’ - To regain the lost possession

What I missed, was the happiness I had acquired during the walk. Although past incidents are sure to remain etched in my memory, they’re best felt and acknowledged when I actually take a walk and revisit. It's indeed a special feeling when trees on Joggers' Paradise smile at me by a flutter of their branches everytime I pass by. It was certainly A Walk To Remember.

monday scribbling

today i cn contribute my this post to my weakness or my power . my weakness as um emotionally so dependable on tushar . jab kabhi bhi koi bhi confusion ya problm aati hai........in some corner of my heart i know ki chal koi naa tushar hai ...us se bat karne se sab theek ho jayega. AND MY POWER as i have him as my good buddy . in aakif case he had been my strongest support . aaj bhi us se kafi der tak baat karne ke baad i felt so light hearted. vo male psycology kafi achi tarah samajta hai n really helps me to undrstand aakif's intension . well really wanna give him a big thanku. vo bolta thoda zyada hai aur examples bhi kafi deta hai but everythng granted ......coz uska motive sirf meri help karna hota hai .
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
aaj i went to patiala LGDC clg for medical . i really liked its infrastructure . but stl um not sure enough ki i cn live in hostel or not ?

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow-2

(*To read the first part please click here: http://weandwords.blogspot.com/2008/08/yesterday-today-and-tomorrow-1.html)

{This is the final installment of the two part story for the contest "Best in the lounge"}

“Where is Adrian?”, I questioned Rashid. It was Rashid who had coordinated with the others of my gang. I had left it on him to make all the arrangements. He hadn’t disappointed me by getting all of us under a single roof. All of them…except one!

Adrian D’Souza aka Adi! My roommate for 2 years was conspicuously absent from the get together. To be very frank, apart from sending occasional mails to the group, I had not gone the extra mile to call any of my friends for the whole of last year. I was made to sweat out so much on my offshore project that the only thing I loved to do after getting back to my apartment was to play dead on my bed. Nothing could beat the comfort it offered after slogging hard for the entire day. The fatigue would kill all my thoughts of calling up Richa at the end of the day and I would postpone it for the next day. This would carry on for the entire week. After all the postponing I would end up adding a word or two to my limited list of abusive words every weekend when I would muster the courage to call up Richa. Then she would burst out crying. Over the next hour she would race me through memory lanes, reminding me of the best times we had spent together. All the while making me realize how much I had changed.“I love you baby, I very much do! I am waiting for the day I will be done with this dreaded project of mine and head back home. Head home to be with people I love, to be with you who is my life. It’s not that I don’t like chatting with you everyday sweetheart. It’s just that I am so shit tired at the end of the day that all my thoughts and feelings die a silent death. Day after day after day. But I try making amends on weekends. Don’t I? It has been an hour since I am trying to explain things to you and all you tell me is that I don’t love you anymore! Come on yaar.”, I was trying desperately to calm Richa. Richa had this wonderful ability. The ability to start a new argument every time borrowing a line from me. She blasted off, “San!! See!! That’s just what I was pointing at. You have been keeping a tab of time. I am so sorry to have taken an hour of your precious US time darling. I really am. There used to be a time when we would chat for hours together. And here you are, reminding me that it has been an hour! Thanks for your time Mr. Sandeep”. Richa slammed the receiver. I wondered what my mistake was? I was making an ISD call after all and had to keep a tab on time. But I had never meant to hurt Richa. Never even in my dreams. There were times when she understood and gave me strength. There were times when I would be blasted off. Distances do make patching up after fights all the more difficult. I would still try in full earnest. Sometimes I would succeed and I would be showered with kisses over the phone; sometimes I would fall flat on my face and see Richa drifting apart. Somehow I had seen the dreaded year through. And what timing it had been. It was her birthday the next day. I had finished off my project well before time to get a reprieve. I had not told Richa about my arrival in Delhi and had warned Rashid from telling her as well. I wanted to surprise her. The love and longing that had accumulated in me in the past year had enough horse power to keep me going after a long flight. I was not feeling jet lagged at all. I had slept throughout my flight anticipating this night out.

“You moron! Wake up!! Day dreaming about your lady love eh! Hey Alaena, it’s Richa’s birthday tomorrow. And our prince charming would be heading to her flat in an hour to surprise her. She will be swept off her feet; I tell you bro. Especially after seeing this bouquet that my lady love has personally selected for you. Take it bro, gift it to her. 200 roses in it, right Alaena? You are a darling my cutie pie”, Rashid kissed her again. Alaena blushed. The couple looked very much in love. It had been only a month since Rashid and Alaena had started going around. And it showed. Alaena had this natural glow on her face. Something which can never be achieved through cosmetics. Something which only love brings forth. Rashid couldn’t take his eyes off her for a single moment. He was completely smitten by this lady. I could see that in his eyes. I could very well do that. Even Adrian had seen my love for Richa back then. Now I realized that eyes give you away. You simply can’t train them to lie.

“Will you tell me the truth Sandy? Come on, don’t hide this from me. Tell me everything about your newfound love. And keep that accounting book aside if you don’t feel like going through it brother. It’s an insult to the author that you are thinking of someone else while reading the cases he took years to pen down. Look here Sandy. It is Richa, right?” Adrian looked at me questioningly. He had that “I know it all” look on his face. I had not shared the latest developments with Adrian. Richa was no more just a friend. She had transformed into the most important person in my life. I knew this would hurt Adi a bit. He had a crush on Richa from the first day of college. He would get angry whenever I abused her in front of him after our famous presentation run ins. Sharing the room with Adi was suffocating me from the day Richa had given her approval. I did not know how to confront Adi after that. And here he was demanding an answer. “Yes. I am going around with Richa yaar”, I mumbled. Adi had never accepted openly that he liked Richa. But I knew deep within that he did. I felt guilty. But then, why? Had Adi told me even once that he liked Richa? That I must allow him to play his cards before I did. It had been a year into the course and Adi seemed to be going nowhere. I should not feel guilty. Richa has to choose. She has made her choice. I got the courage to look him in his eyes. Adi was smiling. “I am happy for you. You should have told me of this earlier. Richa is lucky to have you. Never dare you hurt her. I will forget you were my roommate brother” Adi hugged me. Adi was like that. He was the most silent one of our gang. He was an introvert to the core. I am yet to see someone who would switch off his phone on his birthday, tired of taking the wishes. He did what his heart felt was correct. He never thought of the pros and cons of his decision. That was Adi….Adrian for the world!

“Adi is mad yaar. He seldom takes our calls. It’s only once or twice that we have met him in the past year. He was in Delhi till last month. Now he is posted in Bangalore. And worse still, we get to know this from Crystal’s friend who is working with Adi in the same department in Bangalore. He leaves from office early every Friday to catch the 6 pm flight for Delhi. He has been in Delhi every weekend since he was packed off to Bangalore. The airlines are surviving because of him…he he he! His phone is engaged most of the time, and that bugger does not care to call back or drop a message in return. Grapevine is that Mr. Adi has a girlfriend now……he he. Crystal’s friend is our detective who snoops on him you see. She claims he caught him getting all mushy on the phone. Imagine our silent Adi getting all mushy. If I bump into Adi for once, I am going to slap him hard on his face”, Divya growled. Divya, Adi and me had been in the same group in college and were close. Richa was never a part of our gang. She never got along well with my group. Richa was very clear about it and stayed away whenever I used to spend time with my gang. I appreciated her for being frank enough to admit that. I loved her for that. She was perfect for me. Richa……..oops! I glanced at my watch. It was almost twelve. A few more minutes and it would be Richa’s birthday.

I had to rush. I realized that Rashid had gone to the bartender to collect our next round of drinks. I waited for him to get back and then leave for Richa’s place. I scanned the disc. As it was Saturday night, Turquoise cottage had more than three hundred customers. There were lots of couples who had taken to the dance floor. A remixed version of “Pappu Cant Dance” played in the background. Alaena handed me the bouquet realizing that I will be rushing in a while. Rashid was taking long. The clock struck twelve. Suddenly the volume of music went down. DJ’s voice echoed in the disc, “We have a bday girl in our midst. Wishing Richie a very very happy birthday. And one thing lady…your boyfriend loves you like mad. This is the fiftieth time he has reminded me in the past 5 mins. This one’s dedicated for you.” The hindi remix made way for Butterfly(Crazy Town) and everyone clapped as Richie’s boyfriend picked her up in his arms. She embraced him. People were still clapping. Seemed there was only one birthday girl in the disc today. Seeing the attention the couple was getting, the DJ signaled the light man to put the spotlight on the couple. In a minute, the couple took the centre stage. We also joined in the clapping. The couple had their back towards us. Richie was still up in her boyfriends arms. Then he let her stand on her feet. She put her arms across him and pulled him closer. As my eyes got used to the sudden flash of light, I saw the couple more closely. My heart skipped a beat. It was Richa! I felt as if someone had stalked me with a sharp weapon in my stomach and pulled out all the intestines. I had never felt this much pain. My soul was twitching with the pain. Divya and TJ had already recognized Richa. I felt their touch on my hands to comfort me. I felt betrayed. I felt hurt. I had collapsed in my seat. Divya was trying to pull me towards her to shift my attention from the scene. TJ tried to hug me. I had frozen in my seat. I could hardly breathe. It was then I saw her boyfriend. The one who had replaced me in her life. He looked familiar. Very familiar. Wasn’t it Adrian? Yessssss…it was him. It was Adi.

People started whistling loudly. DJ was egging the crowd on. Richa was kissing Adi. She was kissing him like mad. I don’t know how long it lasted. Time had stopped for me. Rashid was back and my gang was helping me get back to my feet. They were trying to pull me to the exit door. I was still frozen. I didn’t blink even for a second. No tears trickled down my cheeks. My face was expressionless. It had just frozen in the motions. I felt my soul escape from the body that encaged it.

वन्दे मातरम

The National Song of India
An exemplary piece of poetry.[Transplanted from The blog Enlightenment]
वन्दे मातरम्
सुजलां सुफलां मलयजशीतलाम्
शस्यश्यामलां मातरम् |
शुभ्र ज्योत्स्ना पुलकित यामिनीम्
फुल्ल कुसुमित द्रुमदलशोभिनीम्,
सुहासिनीं सुमधुर भाषिणीम्
सुखदां वरदां मातरम् ||

I Miss You More Than You Know

We had these "sophisticated" guests coming to our house to see one of our "sweet" cousins. Another "eligible" bride being watched at our place. It usually happens at our home. You know it is so pretty that all our NRI relatives fall head over heels for it. This was long time back. I guess about two years ago. And my brother, being the more "responsible" of the lot, was supposed to welcome the guests. Our cousin, Shweta, was busy sleeping. Can you imagine? The girl who was supposed to be seen by so many people was sleeping. Well, when her mom told her to get up, she said "Mom, I have jet lag. And besides, you want me to look fresh, don't you?" Phew!! Another NRI throwing tantrums. Well, we've been handling such "cool" cousins for like so many years now. Chuck that! Coming back to the evening's chores. It was I guess November...yeah! November and before even the guests came, our house was already filled with seven people. And I hope you know how NRIs behave once they are in their own country! No offense but most of them are like that.."Oh, the weather is so tacky..the dogs licked my nail, now I 'll have to bathe..." Some of them are still tolerable. Had my brother not been there, I would have surely gotten pissed off. After about six in the evening, both our dogs fought with each other for barking on the door bell. My mom called "Shrutiiiiiiiiiii" in her loudest voice and asked me to take the dogs with me. I mean, why always me? Sometimes I feel, I am more of a dog catcher! Anyways, I thought that there would be an old man, an old woman and a son. Obviously, the whole big fat family doesn't come to see the bride. This was my first experience of something this sorts. There stopped one car. Then another and then the last one. All three cars were pure white. Ladies steeped out of the first one. Men from the second and really old ones from the third car.

People from my colony thought that we had a BIG engagement party. My mom freaked out at the number of "guests" she saw. And I was very honestly, PISSED OFF. My sweet Sunday evening was spoiled. I couldn't watch any movie just because of the two generations who came. Ironically, the guy for whom the bride was being searched, hadn't come. All I and my brother did was put dishes on the table, take them away, put new ones and take them away too. My brother had to make about twenty cups of tea in about two huge vessels. The best tea set was taken out. The best silver cutlery was used. I asked my brother, "These cups are so small. They would hold only two sips of tea." And he replied, "What do you think they are here for? Drinking tea or inspecting our drama queen?"

Well, as everyone says, I am a dream come true for any poor joker, I laughed out LOUD. And suddenly stopped. My brother was laughing silently. You know with those zipped lips and face becoming red. mom came in the kitchen and told us, "Tum log zara dheere hasongey please. Yeh log bahot zyada sophisticated hain. All of them were looking at each other when this silly girl laughed." And as always, both of us burst out laughing again. Mom laughed after looking at my brother's red face. And then she told him to take care of the tea.

Ta-da!! Shweta came down the stairs making a very irritating sound with her pencil heels. She had about three inched heels, though her shoes were very pretty. She is a pretty girl so she looked pretty in a suit. There was no seat in the living room. So, guess who was asked to bring one? ME!! Why should I get a seat for that level headed, snobbish, shrewd, irritating, bloody NRI. Tea was served by mom and the "guests" were impressed by the tea set. They had to be! It was the most expensive we had. With pure gold plated handles and brim. I simply love it. So, I got her the heavy chair and she sat. She didn't give me a "Thank You". How rude?!? My brother called me in the kitchen and started making fun of that weird looking old man who was sleeping while people talked about Shweta's hobbies, interests, job and salary.

Dad called me and bhaiyya to greet the guests. I asked bhaiyya before going in front of them, "Yahan toh itne saare log hain, kis kis ko namaste karu?" My brother smiled and said, "Bas sabko ek saath dekh liyo aur haath jod kar rakhiyo. Apne aap namaste ho jayegi!" Wow! What an idea sir ji! I did exactly what he asked me to. These people did not seem as angry as they were. My poor mom was in the kitchen for the next I don't know how many hours. And my brother was helping her all through. I was told to stay out. When I asked why, there came a snap reply from my brother, "Zara si toh hai tu, kho jayegi khane ke beech. Aur waise bhi, you disturb us with your small hands and slow steps." I felt so bad when he said that, that I went right up to my room with my dogs. I was very very hungry, but as per the courtesy, I was to eat after the guests had eaten. My brother came to my room with a chocolate pastry and mango juice. He had his own snacks in the other hand. Both of us ate and laughed a lot. He made fun of every oldie who slept and every word that Shweta spoke in her not so heavy Australian accent. That evening was very hectic and when I came to know that Shweta had rejected the proposal, I felt so irritated. I was like, "All our hard work and hunger paid off nothing?"

Even today, I get to experience many of these evenings. But the only difference now is that I make the tea all alone in the kitchen and am all quiet. I serve snacks and take them back too, not even spilling even the least of laughter. Sometimes, I tell my mom, "I miss bhaiyya specially on these evenings. He would have made these busy kitchen chores a lot funnier and lighter." And my mom looks at me with pitiful eyes when she sees the sparkle of my brown pupil.
My brother studies in Brisbane and I miss him a lot! All I wanna tell him is that "I miss you more than you can ever think of. This Rakhi was the first 'solitary' Rakhi I have ever had. I pray to God that you stay happy forever and don't you dare to forget to bring me that iPhone you have promised. God Bless and I miss you A LOT..."

The Letter Part 2

Continued from The Letter Part 1
___________________________________________________________

I, Emily Watson, field representative for the Virginia Society for the Preservation of Antiquities, found this letter when I visited the old Balsam Inn on October 30, 2007 to evaluate it for possible funding for renovation and use as a museum.

The inn had been deserted for many years after the civil war. It was reopened briefly in the 1950s as a motel but was soon abandoned once again. There were stories of footsteps on the stairs and loud pounding on the door at night, the usual haunted inn yards. The motel lasted for less than a year.

I pushed the bulky, intricately carved oak doors. They were unlocked. The hinges made the usual creaking sound particular to old unused doors. I had expected most of the antique furniture to be damaged but was pleasantly surprised to find most of it still present and intact with dust covers over the damask upholstered pieces. This was very unusual indeed for such a well-known property that had been unsecured for years. The ghost stories had probably kept the scavengers at bay. It was my job to describe in my report the overall condition of the property and to catalog each piece of furnishing noting its condition. It was already mid afternoon and I had only two days to finish my work at the inn. There was no electricity so I would have to work quickly to accomplish as much as possible before dark.

I worked my way through the drawing room, admiring the heavy mahogany pieces and the richness of the faded red draperies. There was a huge formal dining room, kitchen and back parlor as well as two bedrooms on the ground floor. The furnishings appeared to be in good condition. The office would be pleased that all of the pieces there could be used as part of the museum. By this time it was late afternoon and I knew my time was limited.

I climbed the wide winding staircase with the balcony at the top. At the top of the steps, I noticed a door that had planking nailed over it. My natural curiosity as a historian was aroused and I pulled the wooden bars away. When I pushed the heavy door open, a rush of stale air threatened to overcome me. Apparently this room had been boarded up for many years. As my eyes began to adjust to the dim light coming from the heavily draped windows, I was impressed by the beauty of the ornamentally carved posts of the canopy bed. In front of the window was a large desk on which was placed a box. It bore engravings and the initials R.H. Well, whoever had left it would have no need for what it stored and certainly no longer had any objections to my looking inside.

I'm not a superstitious woman, however as a historian and an explorer of ancient and deserted properties and places, I have seen things, felt things, things too strange to explain or name. I reached out to take the box and as my hand touched it I suddenly felt a chill and had goosebumps all over my body. I had experienced this before but never this strongly. I opened the box and inside was a handwritten letter on stationary that was yellowed and almost crumbling. Darkness was falling, so I had too little light and didn't waste any time in reading the letter. I placed it in my pocket and took it with me that night to my motel, a few miles from the Balsam Inn. The first thing I did after checking into my room was read the letter. It affected me deeply. I knew the letter was no hoax, it was too old and the tone of it too credible. I didn't believe in ghosts, and besides, what could I do to help this one?

I lay awake all night, the tormented request of the letter troubling my mind. I determined that the next day I would ask around locals and see if someone could shed any light on Richard and Susan and their untimely death.

My search led me to Derek Shepherd, the local librarian. If he seemed ancient, it was because he was. Derek must've been around 90 years old. He was now too frail to lift the heavier books, but the county had hired several young assistants to help him manage the library. He smoothed his white hair and peered intently at me over the frame of his spectacles.

"Yes, Miss Emily. I'm very familiar with the tragedy of the Herrings. I'm also an expert on the stories that sprang up around the tragic happenings of the night of October 31, 1854 on the Balsam Inn road. It seems that Richard and Susan had started on the trip back to their home when for some reason the horse must've bolted and the carriage turned over on poor Susan. The horse was dead from a broken neck and here's the most horrible part, Richard's head was quite crushed beneath the heavy wheel. Beyond explanation, he managed to get up and walk almost half way up the mountain towards the inn before he died there on the road. The bodies were found the next morning by a traveler and they were buried in the local cemetery. After the incident, the guests at the Balsam Inn never stayed more than one night. They reported hearing loud knocking at the doors and footsteps on the staircase. I don't think anyone actually ever saw anything paranormal, but most didn't stick around long enough to chance that they might. The civil war started and people traveled less and less. The inn was closed and reopened the year of 1956 as a motel. The new owners abandoned it when it failed to make a profit. Why are you asking? Have you seen anything unusual?"

"Oh no. No, Mr. Shepherd. I'm a historian and just curious about the truth of the story. You've been very helpful. Thank you."

That afternoon I returned to complete my work. I began absorbed in cataloging the contents of the last bedroom when I realized it was twilight. Just about another half hour and I could finish. I turned on my flashlight and continued to work. I was startled by a loud knock on the front, oak doors. As I descended the staircase I experienced the same chilling cold of the previous day and my heart began to pound uncontrollably. The experiences I had before with unexplainable things had in no way prepared me for what was waiting on the opposite side of that door. As I swung it open there before me stood a young man. The whole left side of his skull was missing and his dark hair was covered in blood. He held up bloody hands in front of him in an imploring gesture. In a sudden drawl, he whispered, "Please help me."

This was no ethereal specter, but a flesh and blood man whose ravaged body and bloody hands appeared to be as solid and real as my own. Before I could reply to him, he was gone. Did I really see a ghost? I couldn't be sure, but one thing I was sure of, if there was any chance of release for him, the old Balsam Inn had to be destroyed.

I retrieved the can of gas I always carried for emergencies from the car. I poured the gas on all the furniture, on the draperies and on the walls. Then I stepped out into the veranda, struck a match and threw it into the inn. I ran to my car, drove down as fast as I could to the bottom of the mountain. I watched the inn burn from a safe distance away. When I was satisfied that it had completely burned down, I drove back to my motel. It was then that I realized I had left my report in the inn. It would've made a great souvenir.

I found the local cemetery where Richard and Susan were buried. I couldn't enter; the lock to the gate had long ago rusted shut. But I pushed a red rose through the iron bars of the gate along with the yellowed, crumbling letter. As I proceeded back to my car, I saw my report lying on the seat along with a yellowed, crumbling note. On it was written, 'Thank You.'
______________________________________________
http://soulintoxicated.com

Innocent Murderer....

Blood stains everywhere,
I kill to win,
A ruthless human,
I err, I sin,
This thirst for success,
No one can quench,
But the smell of guilt,
Has an unbearable stench,
Still I continue to be cruel,
For the want of more,
I struggle to proceed,
And break all doors,
I have no compassion left,
For money and power, I strive,
Yes, I am a bloody human,
And I kill to survive!!!

The Letter Part 1

We had enjoyed a lovely day in the country. The mountains were ablaze with the colors of the fall. A picnic by a rocky stream and some much needed time together had made the day one of the most special in my life. It was our first anniversary and Susan had planned the surprise trip as a gift for me. The Balsam Inn where we had spent the weekend was one of the oldest and finest in the area. The demands of my law practice had caused some tenderness between us of late and the undisturbed time we spent together seemed to be just what we needed to rekindle the lost spark of our love.

I was indeed a happy man as we finished our picnic lunch, got into our carriage and started at a slow trot for home. Normally, we wouldn't travel after dark, but I had a case to try in the morning. We could see well enough by the light of the carriage lantern. Atlas, our carriage horse, seemed familiar with the route. All seemed well in our world and in our marriage for the first time in many months.

They say that all good things must come to an end, however none of us ever seem to realize how precariously near that end may be. There was a chill in the late evening, autumn air. I covered our laps with a blanket and placed one arm around Susan’s shoulders as I held the reigns with the other.

“Susan…” I whispered in her ear, “I’m so glad we had this time together. It shall be one of my fondest memories. I hope that we will be together forever just as we have been this weekend. I want you to know that I will never be very far away from you.”

“Do you swear it to me, Richard?”

“I swear it. I will never leave you in this life or the next.”

“Neither will I, I swear.” said Susan.

That was the last of our conversation I can remember. I suppose I will never know what Atlas saw on the road or in the woods that startled him when he bolted. I tried to control him but I was no match for the strength of such a large frightened carriage horse.

“Richard! Help me…” These were the last words I heard of Susan. I woke up beside the overturned carriage in the woods. Twilight was beginning to settle in and patches of fog obscured my view of the road. The wind was whistling mournfully through the tall trees and I felt chilled to the bone. I lay there stunned for what seemed like an eternity before I attempted to move. As I moved, I felt soaring pain rush through my body. I presumed most of my bones were broken. I turned my head to the side and saw my wife pinned beneath the heavy carriage. The horse lay in the path ahead, its head in a grotesque position. Its neck had broken and it must’ve died instantly. There was no way that I could get the heavy carriage removed from over Susan by myself.

I crawled to her side. She lay face down under the carriage. I reached out to touch her face and felt the sticky warmth of her blood on my fingers. I realized that her head rested in a pool of blood but she was still alive and moaned when I touched her. I feared that her injuries could be fatal. I had to find help, to help me lift the carriage and get Susan to the hospital in the city and I had to do it quickly. The city was at least 60 miles away from the Balsam Inn. It would be a long ride and Susan had no time to spare.

I trembled with weakness as I held to a nearby tree for support and pulled myself to my feet. Twilight had turned to darkness. The sounds of the nocturnal, woodland creatures was terrifying. I was a city man, not used to the sights and sounds of the wild. Walking back to the inn in that pitch black darkness seemed like the most horrifying thing I had ever been expected to do. There were brief moments of illumination from the moon as the clouds parted before covering it again and far up the side of the mountain at the end of the road within its many twists and turns, I could barely make out the light coming from the entrance lanterns of the inn.

Would I be able to walk, or was I like my companions, fated to die on this roadside so far from home? I felt no pain and seemed to be uninjured. I started towards the inn. The climb was torturous and at times my chest felt as if it would explode with the strain but I pushed on towards help. I had to get there before life was completely crushed out of Susan. The road seemed unending, climbing, twisting up into the cold and darkness.

Finally I had an unobstructed view of the twin lanterns, one on each gate of the Balsam Inn. Breathlessly I ran up the lane to the massive double oak doors and pounded on them with all the dissipated strength I had left. Finally I heard footsteps coming down the staircase and moving towards the door. I knew the innkeeper would be surprised to see me again and I prayed that he had a good carriage and a swift horse.

The bolt was lifted and one of the doors swung open. There was no candle or lamp lighted and by the moonlight I saw the figure of a young woman standing before me.

“Richard, come inside. Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you. Our carriage is ready and the picnic is packed. We need to head back for home now.” said Susan.

Susan held out her hand and I took it. The awful reality of what had happened broke into my consciousness. We were dead, all of us, Susan, Atlas and I. Yes, we were dead and we were somehow doomed to relive that carriage wreck throughout eternity. I have already died through it thousands of times. I am weary, so weary. Perhaps this is the punishment reserved for those who swear to things they do not rule. I don’t know if anyone will ever be able to see the words on this paper, if the line between my existence and the existence of the living can be crossed but I am writing this letter in fervent hope that someone will someday find it and discover a way of release for me, my wife and even our poor horse. Please dear reader, I beg you to have pity and help us find safe passage from this world to the next.

- Richard Herring
October 31, 1854

*****************
To be continued...
http://www.soulintoxicated.com

believe

۩ सर्व शकितमते परमात्मने श्री रामाय नमः۩
[From My other blog Enlightenment]
Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it.
Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held.
Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books.
Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin.
Believe nothing just because someone else believes it.
Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true.
__________
Jai Shri Ram!!!

Surprise element

I have been writing a short story from August.I was really confused with story as the beginning was supposed to be a family story ,but later on I changed it into some office stuffs .After that I introduced a girl and love part.I named my story as Family,Office and Love.

My very good friend Sandeep Balan,the member of this month in the Writer Lounge gave me some suggestions.He told me to add some twist and surprise element in the story.I thought for a while.

For this I had to sacrifice my Software Engg assignments.I wasted my precious time,thinking of his suggestions.Finally,I got a twist.
I decided that I will include our very own Sandeep in my story.He plays a cameo in my story lol

:p
;)

He is just to bring life to my story.He and his girld friend Richa have some improtant role in my story.

Thank you sandy bhaiyya.
Thank you for your suggestions and advice bhaiyya.

Sandeep's part will be posted on 11th August .
So ,all my friends here are requested to read our mussadi man creator's part.

Thank you

you can check the part
www.thesolitarywriter.blogspot.com

That Feeling of Contentment

Do You all remember the time when your Uncle or your Aunt or anybody else asking you when you were may be 6 or 7 Years old….”Son, What do you want to be when you grow up”?? Some of you must have answered a doctor, a police officer, a model, an actor and some may have even answered something like an astronaut or a scientist!! And for those of you reading this who went on to become what you had told once, Kudos to you and then this post is not meant for you

But most of us, atleast the ones I know, end up becoming something else. I personally remember not answering anything to my uncle when he had asked me once, as I seriously hadn’t given it a thought. I am into my final year of engineering now and I still don’t know if this is the right thing for me. The only thing I really enjoy doing is Writing or Blogging! But sadly that ain’t a profession though one can make money out of it. Let me ask you guys a simple question,” How many of you are “REALLY ENJOYING” your own professional lives??” I remember a few days back I had asked one bhaiyya who lives in my society 3-4 years older than me whether he was “happy” of what he was doing in his professional life and if I will be, when I enter his world i.e. The I.T industry and he said, Look Kid, Nobody is really “Happy”. You enter once and then you will realize what I mean…

But I still ask “WHY”?? Why can’t we find a way to be happy? A right to be happy? Why is nobody “really happy”? And if that’s the case, then why aren’t people moving on with their lives? Haven’t they read “The Alchemist” where a Shepard moves on with his life in order to do what he always wanted to which eventually gave him “Happiness” which he always craved for!! But sadly the World around us ain’t really an Alchemist, is it :(

i know it all but still

i m totally messed up for no reason .my tears wont stop today . i betrayed my very own self. i need no shoulder.i wont be fine dats for sure. its not just my moodswing nor a sudden heart ache. um deceiving me from long tym back.hard ,tough n painful -yes um all over.
still a hope exist ................


i know i 'll be busy
n i 'll be fine again
i know things will fade way
n i ''ll be myself again
i know i am being loved
i know i''ll be loved
n life will blossom again
i know i 'll be happy wid u
n i wont peep into any memory again
i know life is not just love
i know love is not just life
i know i ''l find a new way
n i 'll rock again
i know i can't help
i know even den i have to help
n i wont prove myself wrong
i know i 'll be the best i can all over again
i know i'll be happy in ur joys
i know i'll be sad in ur pains
i know it wont effect me 1 day
n i 'll be alright again-sheetal

Contest Voting Open...

Writers are people who take challenges  head on.Its with this intentions that I declared a short story competition with some limitations making it really tough.I expected writers lounge to stand up to the challenge.It feels great to know that there were 2 among us who took the challenge.I expect  more of you to stand up and take up challenges thron  up at you.This is not a show case blog where members are supposed to fight it out.Hope you won't disappoint me in future.

I have posted the  part I of the 2 entires recieved .The entries were made by Miss.Asbah Alaena and  Mr.Sandeep Balan.
The Story title are as follows
1)Yesterday,Today and Tommorow .
2)The Story that didn't bear the 'happily ever after' as its epilogue.
Voting is open .
You can check the side bars and You are supposed to read the posts  .
All members are here by requested to vote .

Voting will be open till 15th September.

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow-1

(*All characters and situations are fictionary. They bear no resemblance to anyone living or dead. This is my entry for the short story competition at Writer's lounge. This is the first installment of the two part story)

I checked my watch. It was only 10 in the night. I had headed straight from the airport to Turquoise Cottage. It was a special night. I was returning from the States after completing an offshore project for an year.

It is tough staying away from everything you love. The smell you are so used to, the roads with their potholes, the traffic, the maddening rush, the cutting tea, hanging out with friends, those gossip sessions, and those idle moments with Richa…the spark in her eyes, the smell of Charlie which for me had become synonymous with her, her curly locks which I admired..

“Sir! Would you like to order something? You won’t be able to avail the happy hour benefits later. This is the last order”, the waiter had broken my chain of thoughts.

"Ah..ummm…huh…yaaa! Get me a Bacardi please…small….with sprite yes!" I placed the order. I glanced at my watch once again. It was 10:15! "Where the hell are these morons? What had Rashid said? Dude, you be on time! We will be there in TC(Turquoise Cottage) to welcome you. Damn! And here you go! I will be having my drink all alone!" I had asked them not to come to the airport fearing that the girls would need another session of make up before heading to this popular discotheque. My attempts at time management for my gang had failed miserably. The results were evident from the empty cushions surrounding me.

The interior design of TC had me in awe right from my MBA days in Delhi. Ultraviolet bulbs gave this place a dark and cool look. That along with flickering candles created the perfect ambience for greeting alcohol. Your eyes didn’t take long to adjust to the semi-darkness.

TC was our favorite hangout. It was here that we had celebrated the end of every dreaded trimester in our MBA days, sticking to shoestring budget. And today when our monthly earnings were much more than the amount we spent on drinks at TC back in our student days, we didn't have the precious "time" to catch up. Strange are the ways of nature. It always keeps you deprived of one or the other thing. And you continue living in the hope that one day; everything would be according to your wishes. Hoping that one day, everything would be fine. And you slog on, till the realization dawns! That too, when you are on your deathbed. And you continue hoping for a better life in your next birth! Hope…hope..hope! How much I had hoped and prayed that I would not be the one packed away for the offshore project to States. Everyone back in office wanted to go. I didn't. Because I loved it here. Because dollars never excited me. Because for me, being close to people who mattered was top priority. I wanted to be with Richa. Richa, my enemy!! She used to question my every presentation in the class. I would put in hours to research my part, fearing Richa would take me on. I never knew when that enmity turned into friendship.

Richa was a rare breed. A blend of someone who is modern yet so simple, who is cute yet headstrong, who looks dumb yet may stump you with her intelligence. I secretly admired her. I secretly wished she would be mine. That one day changed everything for me. We were crossing the road when she had pulled me back seeing a speeding truck. We stood on the divider for the next 15 mins where I was pacifying her that I was fine. She looked even cuter with the tears spoiling whatever make up she had put on. She was punching me hard and I kept holding on to her. It was that moment that gave me the courage and I proposed her in a single breath. Richa was the craziest person you would ever meet in your lifetime. She didn't take even a second to reciprocate my emotions. She slapped me! Right there…on the divider! The lucky souls who noticed this had frozen in their motions, their jaws dropped and stares fixed. The impressions of Richa's fingers were still fresh on my cheek. My face was moist with tears that had trickled unknowingly due to the impact. She was not looking at me. She had her gaze fixed on the traffic signal. It had turned red and still our feet were cemented. We didn't cross. I didn't know what to do. I later realized I never needed to! The light turned green. Richa turned and fixed her gaze on me. She pulled my hair, as hard as she could. I screamed in pain and more tears trickled. She pulled my collar. She put her arms around my neck and looked menacingly at me. "Couldn't you find a better place to confess your love you pigeon head? Now bear the consequences Mr. Sandeep." No sooner had the words escaped her lips that she pulled me closer towards her. I could feel her breath on my cheeks. I closed my eyes and prepared myself for another blow. And she didn't disappoint. The only difference being this one was far more pleasurable. The lucky spectators who had witnessed the slap and were patient enough to wait for a few more minutes would have nearly missed their first heart attack. Richa kissed me passionately and kept hugging me for the next 5 minutes right at the divider. Some started whistling wildly and clapping. There were some morons who booed. I am still grateful to them that they didn’t throw stones at us. I was lucky not to be caught by the so called guardians of Indian culture at this passionate public display of affection. The vehicles on the road had deliberately slowed down and the occupants had theirs heads stuck out of the windows…each one of them. I could neither see them nor hear them. I had turned blind. I had only the sense of touch intact. And that department in my brain was working well beyond its capacity to ensure that I felt every moment of that passionate kiss. I still feel the taste of her peach lip-gloss…the touch of her soft lips…..i still…..Aaaaaaaaaaaah! A blow landed on my face. I was caught totally unaware…

"Sandyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Broooo!!! Man…you seriously look a US return man!! Ooooooh!! Just look at you…you have put on man!! I bet you were on meat 24 x 7…Just look at your one pack flab…or should I call it a family pack??…Don't you…don't you pull in that paunch of yours! Let it meet your gang……Hey paunchie…This is Rashid…Hello…and meet my sweetheart Alaena. Don't you stare at her paunchie…don't you! She is mine. See…sealed with a kiss…muah! And hey, this is Divya…hey, Divzz…say hiii to Sandy's paunch! He he….And hey hey hey..how can I miss TJ!! Stop smiling you moron and say hiii to Sandy's lil paunchie…and hey…this is my colleague Crystal. That's it dear…wow! You already waving! Oyeeee..Niyati Moti…will you continue being a spectator like always or will you give paunchie a hug…yaaa…that's like it…Cheers!! And now take this dear paunchieee!! Punchhhhhh!" Rashid had punched my stomach hard. I buckled with the pain. I got some more kicks on my ass. TJ, Moti and Divz joined in the assault. Putting up any resistance was futile. My gang was nuts!

There was someone missing. I could feel his absence. Hey, where was that idiot friend of mine? Where was that roomie of mine who had been like a shadow for two years? Where the hell was Adrian?

 By
Sandeep Balan

The story that didnt bear the 'happily ever after' as its epilogue

Few stories are less fairy-talish, they don't deserve 'once upon a time' as a prelude, or for that matter a 'happily ever after'.

It is a rainy November night, the hands of the clock unite at 12 and I leave my chair; put the knitting needles and specs on the side table, wrap the shawl around my shoulders and watch the rain droplets tracing unknown patterns on window panes, I try to follow them. I smile. I cry. The butterfly of yesteryears spread its wings and takes me to the life I once lived.

I am Alaena, I have thinning hair, reading glasses, a little towards chubby frame and I'm 67. I live in hill-view plaza, Building no 14, floor no 6 apartment no 174 A. I have been living here ever since they were constructed - a good many years ago. It is still pouring down; Novembers to me are always nostalgic.

 He was Rashid Amin, a little less than 25 and a little more than 6 feet, had deep intellectual brown eyes that sometimes appeared green, a caramel colored skin, chocolate wavy hair and a very generous warm smile. He lived in the apartment right opposite to my room's window; far enough that he could never notice me still near enough that I always knew him well – very well.

He was the most handsome and noble man of the plaza, with a square jaw and very well define features, I could have said cute but cute suits for 5 year old and he was very masculine for cute. He topped in the university majoring in accounts and was immediately taken by one of the most prestigious firm of the country. It was late that I realize that he was awfully rich too (better said, awesomely rich) living alone in the apartment and owning his father's entire estate yet he had courteous manners (opening car door for women, holding glass door for elders and nodding, smiling and killing hearts) Every morning I would see him in his navy jogging suit, he would greet any one he pass with a smile and gentle nod and would sometimes stop to pat a young lad. He was such a healthy person I wonder if he had ever been to doctor in his life? Never - but once, and for the last time.

He was so good to be true and so unmatchable that I never dared to step ahead to know him or be friends with him. Time fleeted akin to the sand escaping from the grasp of fist. And it brought me grief. He picked his life partner, the lucky Crystal Koya and invited everyone to attend his wedding ceremony; in the flood of colors and smells the ecstatic man was sitting next to his bride, joy was dripping his eyes and smile, radiating and mesmerizing. No one noticed my tears; it was the first time I saw him from near, even less than three feet away. He was so charismatic and charming; no wonder why he was the throb of every young heart.

The minute I saw the bride, I knew she was his perfect match. I had never seen someone as beautiful as her; sleek, slender as if made of most perquisite porcelain. I came back home with a heavy heart, darkness engulfed me.

His room was theirs now. I sealed the window and the Pandora box of my hopes and flew to another city for a change. It took me three weeks to get back to normal, to accept life as it is, three weeks to lit fire to my dreams; for life then was not dreams, it was nightmare.

When I came back Sandeep, a next door neighbor by chance and a dear friend by choice, visited me. His favorite sport, after retirement, had been sitting next to his window and observing people, he hence, knew all. Who was going out with whom, who was doing what, the new borns and the deads; who were engaged and who were broken up. He, to me, was a gossip monger, a cheap local newspaper; that day we sat over the coffee and he told me about Crystal's suicide.

Sometimes facts hit you in your pit so hard to digest, despite everything I felt so sad for her and for him. She was a schizophrenic, been hallucinated and had anhedonia, inability to experience pleasure. One random day when he was off for office she killed herself. Just like that, as killing yourself is a matter of fact.

I broke down, I cried like I had never cried and that day I realized something I never did, I loved Rashid Amin.

 

 

 

Asbah Alaena

http://charcoals.blogspot.com

GOD USED TO BE A MALLU!!

(* This was one of the most loved posts on my blog www.yembeeyae.blogspot.com . Thought of sharing this on writer's lounge.)

Jan 3, 2007

I was lazing around in bed. I glanced at my watch. It was only 9am. Too early for me to get out of this slumber. That too on a cold winter morning! No way. Delhi winters for a second year B-School student post the placement week are meant to catch up on the lost sleep. Sunlight was peeping through the torn sheets of newspaper which I had pasted on the windows as a substitute to curtains. I had been trained to think like a manager in the last year and a half. What should I ideally be doing to solve this crisis? Whether I should go for a long term fix or a short term patch up? What will be the ROI in both these cases? Which one will be more feasible? Damn, I cursed the sun and pulled up the blanket over my face. That confirmed I had transformed into a manager! I don’t remember when I slipped back into the divine state of sleep. When I got back to senses, it was 12 in the afternoon. I had a lecture to catch at 12:30. Rather than heading straight to the bathroom in a state of urgency which would have been the case one year ago, I rummaged through my bag to look for my diary. I flipped the pages till I arrived at the one wherein I had made a note of the classes I had missed. My eyes were searching for “IED(Innovation and entrepreneurship development)” which was scheduled at 12:30. I rebuked myself, “Gosh! I have committed a cardinal sin. How could I do this?? The professor has missed me just once till date. How can I take all his attention when other mortals need an equal share? I would miss today’s lecture for you, my friends. Just for you”. After saying these comforting words to myself, I slumped back into my bed.It was 4 when I woke up for the 3rd time in the day. I put on my favorite jeans dismissing its frantic pleas to get itself a wash. I had been trained to behave like a manager wherein my topmost priority should be getting the maximum mileage from my team. And at 3 months without a wash, this jeans of mine was nowhere close to getting an appraisal. I walked down to Panditji’s Dhaba and ordered a parantha and a cold drink to wash it down my foodpipe. It didn’t matter whether i was broke or without any credit cards to boast off. It only mattered that I had an “Account” at Panditji which would take care of my 2 years at the School of Management. Come what may, I would never die of hunger here. But unlike credit cards, your credit limit goes on decreasing with passing time here. I could not order one of the expensive dishes on the menu because my account had grown from a small baby to a monster, and like other carnivores, the mother “Panditji” had stopped taking care of its babies. They had been on their own. The next moment Mithun arrived and ordered a plate of Chilli Chicken. The very mention of the dish reminded me that it had been long time that I had not caught up with Mithun. I sat besides him and started discussing the surging economy and the exciting sectors to watch out for in the next decade. This discussion then moved towards india’s political scenario and social issues, with Chilli chicken serving the perfect add on. My points started drying up as soon as the last piece went down my food pipe. Mithun paid for the dish and we bade goodbyes. I came back to my hostel room and headed straight for the bed. It was 6 and there was still time for the 9.30 pm movie that we had planned to catch up on. I slumped back into my bed. Life was so under control. I was so carefree. I felt so light. I could feel my wings. I felt I was nothing less than a God. GOD WAS A MALLU THEN!!

Jan 3, 2008

I was lazing around in bed. I glanced at my watch. It was only 9am. Shit!! 9 am……I cursed myself. I had a meeting with the marketing HOD’s at 9.30 sharp. How on earth could I have missed the alarm I set at 8. I checked my diary. I had attended the last two meetings. I was required to present my verticals plans for the upcoming event next month. If I would slump down in my bed this moment, I will be a roasted chicken by tomorrow. I rushed as if the world were to end just to make it in time. I was panting even after gulping a glass of water and settling down. I got free from the meeting at 2 pm. I was damn hungry. Canteen was swarming with employees. I filled my plate and took a seat besides Amit. We discussed the surging economy and the exciting sectors to watch out for in the next decade. The discussion moved towards india’s political scenario and social issues and then towards the dipping sensex. There was no Mithun nor his plate of Chilli Chicken to serve as an add on. Neither was there any need for me to grab anything from Amit’s plate because of the abundance. I reached my cubicle after the lunch only to find a letter placed near my desktop. It was from my credit card company mentioning that they were offering me a platinum card instead of the gold one I used at present with a higher credit limit. I pushed the letter aside and got back to work. The next time I glanced at my watch, it was 7 in the night. I packed up for the day and headed for home. I cancelled the movie plan I had with my colleagues at 9.30 pm because i was too tired to make it. I had a simple dinner at my flat and retired to bed. I did set my alarm at 8 am before dozing off. There was a conference call scheduled the next day at 9.30 am. I feel like a mortal nowadays. GOD USED TO BE A MALLU!!

Love !!!!!!

Well this is one of my favourite topic..

And this one is in response to Tsshar's blog Lost love..

If love is nothing but illusion of the heart
so let me live in this dream forever
let me believe still
that you and me
is we
Don't wake me up
I love to dream like that
Don't wake me up
I want to sing my song
Till the end of love

lOst lOve

from My blog Enlightenment.I really like this poem, written by someone anonymous.

What happened to our love?
It used to be so bright
Loving, laughing, caring
Then soon caught the night
You were my one and only love
Cared for you too much
Then something happened
And slept with that man
You deceived me
I never felt so desperate
But I try to forgive you now
And try not to think about before
I love you so much
It just hurts to ponder now Everything
I have Is because of you Everything
I bought Was because of you
I just love you so much
I'm scared to lose you

I loved you more than
I have ever known
Those starry eyes
Those tender lips
You made my heart melt
Then boil into a roaring fire
I now know
What my eyes could not see
You are the only one that is for me
Many nights those tears flew
Being myself without anyone
Anyone to care about the thoughts
Looking at the sky and knowing
Many mistakes
I had Many mistakes I have had



Shattered heart forced to heal as greatness unveils thine soul.
Hope whispered in the distance, to recover thine lost love.
'Tis night brings tender passing,
healing thine soul with glorious blunder.
Caus' not one or two, but dissipated nights of dreams.
Sadness comes to end, happiness conquered hate.
Love sprouting -- sadness shrinking,
hope has come again.

I thought I finally received a break
Only to see the sun fall
My eyes will not see what they longed to see
My lips will not taste what they longed to taste
Why does life have to be like this
Full of hatred and pain Instead of joy and bliss

When love has come
But soon is gone
It begs the question
Was it there

The love was lost
And never found
Lost without you
Lost without me
Lost into eternity

The love was just a figment
A figment of our minds
Something we could ponder
But never express

Was it love or just a feeling
Was it love or just healing

Healing from the hatred
The hatred of our hearts
Our past was deep and full of pain
We needed this to release the stain

For this I do not regret
The time with you that I had spent



What is this feeling I have?
I seem to love you
But other times I seem to loathe you

I can't be without you
Or maybe just without anyone
I think about you all the time
But why do I have this feeling?

I long for your voice
And I would die to hear your laugh
But is this love
Or merely lust?


Time Clicks as I await
The hour ends before my take
Sitting, thinking, waiting; my mind escapes

The day grows old as night passes
Wolves crying, coyotes howling; anticipating
Watching, staring, seeing -- nothing

Silence begins the day
as morning comes without notice
Tears begin to fall, slowly

The day moves on without hope
Wishing to be what is not to be

The sun moves to its peak
without a whisper or retreat

Time moving, but still empty
Stomach aching, curling
Still waiting

Happy Friendship Day!!

A very very very happy friendship day to all fellow friends(you cease to be fellow bloggers anymore) on writers lounge.....we started off as a small group but have grown exponentially....we had never mentioned that we would be taking a cue from india's population curve for this blog...he he...i am more than happy to see this little group turn into a big one....thats gives me more friends in blogville...if friendship is a treasure chest hidden deep within, which has to be dug from bare hands for years to become visible, i would say that "Writer's lounge" is technology's gift to mankind to make the job easier...Enjoy your day.......greetings from this friend! Cheers!! Raising a toast!

We Judge and how..

 ۩ सर्व शकितमते परमात्मने श्री रामाय नमः۩ 

Wednesday,June04,2008.1.55 Pm [From My Musings]

8 things or people you Judge....Its like tags are raining here.But They help me sharpen my brains,so i gotta do it.
1. I judge people who loath reading
2. I Judge people who have no ethics
3. I Judge people,who don't care for other human beings
4. I judge money minded people
5. I judge those who don't respect their elders.
6. I judge those who have immersed themselves in other cultures so much, that they have blinded themselves to their own culture.
7. I Judge hypocrites
8. I judge those who have so many opinions and fake talks,but in actual they wont do anything,just sit back,and enjoy the destruction of the society.

Whoaa!!! I am a judgmental person!!!! lolz!!!!!
Others who would like to sit back and reflect on their judgemental system, are
welcome to do so on there personal blogs / or this blog if you are more comfy here.Do inform us here so that we may create links.

All the readers of this post.Its fun and enlightening. Try it.
Jai Shri Ram !!!