December 9, 2008

It rained ...




She looked out of the window... Dark clouds gradually covered the pale sky.It was going to rain she knew.Her eyes scanned the empty road below... Dry leaves and flowers covered the black tarred road like a lovely mosaic.The humid breeze played with her hair,covering her dreamy eyes.As the first drop hit the mud,she strtched her hand to catch a few of them.The cold raindrops seeped into her pores,blood rushed to her cheeks and her eyes shone with joy.she stepped out on the road,bare foot, clad in a colorful dress that clung to her thin frame.As it rained harder, she moved in sporofic rythm around herself.. The mud smell, the rush of water into the potholes, the sound of breeze in the trees and the songs in her head... she was lost in her lovely world...

And then she saw him coming... he was again drunk. She ran inside before he could see her... Even rains will not be able to hide her tears once he started abusing her on the road... But no one will come to her rescue... "Its between the man and his wife" they will say and move on...

Gradually, all weathers became same to her ... She lost herself in providing a good life to her only son ... Shae only knew the day break when she started working and then the dark night when she returned to her son. He still drank and beat her for no reason...She still had no help until the day her son stood for her ... That was the first day she smiled in years... and her last too... She died that night with a content smile on her face.And it rained for her again,,,, It rained the day she was buried,,, It was harsh winters yet it rained ... The winds howled, the flowers covered her grave, and the clouds covered the sky she looked upon ... Rains did not desert her after all ...


word Count : 333

19 comments:

  1. Girl,Seeing the pic and reading the first para I thought this was going to be one Mushy Love Story....but it turned out to be domestic abuse thingy....I haven't read something combining the two...

    Not bad ...Well done ...Catastrophic ending though But I liked it :)

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  2. I always feel bad for the catastrophic endings .. but till now ihave not known any way to extend my imagination after few paras ... :(

    Thanks for the read Anurag...

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  3. it was a good one, although it could be elaborated more, but then we keep on asking for more :)

    slight grammar error, edit pieces before you post, and you know what you have the potential to write prose along with poems pretty me :)

    believe you me!

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  4. Pretty good!! Could have been better but that's just my opinion.

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  5. @ .a. : I feared ruining the story if i ealborated more ... and thanks for the encouraging words:)

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  6. wow...this was a totally different thought....of an abusive relationship...n the plight of thousands out there...well written...the transition to the last para was sudden...was going smooth till then...you shud have cut down a lil in the first para, where you have elaborated the rains n stressed more on the all important last para...still this one carries a beautiful message...hats off!

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  7. Somehow, I missed reading this post until now...

    Now, that was an wonderful start and little too fast at the end ... She has to stand for herself and for her son ... who will see him after her? She never thought of that. She should not die...

    Will you come out with part two and make her alive again ... at least tell us about the things she did in between - how she fought - how she won, before losing to death ... please ...

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  8. Thanks Sandeep ... glad to hear all the good and helping comments for my story .. will keep this in mind for my next write !! thanks again :)

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  9. yeah right, but i am glad she died happy :)

    whew! i somehow got a chilly shiver while i read that. ... I am sure it is the weather hehe!

    but this edited one is better more light into it.. atleast she was smiling when she died..

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  10. Thanks Tan for the suggestions .. i edited the post ... and as far as part 2 of the story, will think abt it ...


    @ .a. : thanks for the second read :)

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  11. hey u thought to write about this abuse thing haan...husband abusing and beating wife and the child watching....brilliant.....yup slight grammar errors..... correct it ...and shud say that its good ...clearly a rain theme and see ur magical word count 333

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  12. wow .. that was totally unexpected one.. lovely post dearie :)

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  13. wow.. perfect... a 10/10 for that from my side.. well thought of, and really well written... loved reading it.. cheers!!!

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  14. forgot to add... i loved the pic... cheers!!

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  15. and thanku so much for the comment mona :)

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  16. thanks Lover for the read.... hope u read the edited version n like it better :)

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