December 12, 2008

Do I know you?

She was returning from Iza, and while seated in the coy seat of the "Executive" class in the flying machine, she felt great. Because she had promised herself someday that she would fly back to the country in it. As she repeatedly blinked, she saw flashes of the life she left behind in the place she was returning to. Her family, her little daughter, her house, and even her husband, whom she had once married out of love. The rusted chains of matrimony came undone tem years after her daughter was born. She was thirty five then, and had discovered love in a twenty eight year old man by then. She wanted a divorce and she got it. She wanted the custody of her daughter, she did not get it. Afterall you do not get everything. Along with the man she fell in love with she went to Iza, where just an year back he died of a chronic desease. So now that she had lived her life, and was of sixty five, she wanted to look back. Her first husband had told her, " He might seem like a better man than me. But I am the father of your first child." These words rang through her ears all these years. She felt like, it was all her mistake and all the unending occassions when she felt neglected, was just some mistake. Some gory mistake. So she returned. And it was raining heavily. She took a cab till the hotel where she was to stay put. Then from there she decided to walk the same roads again. The roads where she met her first and second husbands were opposite to each other. Things have a way with irony, she thought. Each drop of the serene thing poured on her, gave a painful sting to her soul and body. "Was it me who strayed?", "Did I run away from my daughter?", "Was it me?", these questions kept eating her up in peices. She reached the gate of the house which she once lived in as a wife and mother, an unhappy one. "Mr.Burn, is it Mr.Burn's house?", she mumbled. "Yes it is. Please may I know who is it?", said a young girl. "I am, Mrs.B.......Mrs.Gunther, Mr.Burn's friend", said she, trying to hide the mistake she was going to commit. She knew she had no right to think of it. "Oh!, Please come in. I am Elizabeth, Mr.Burn's daughter.", said the pretty girl smiling. These words burnt her from within. She could not face it any longer. "I ... I am, Bella. I am Bella Gunther.", she said almost in tears. She could not hide her guilt. It was eating her soul up faster. Then she stood up, as up in a hurry,and said, "I am sorry I made a mistake, I need to go." She was half way to the door when Elizabeth said, "Mom...!" She turned back, and watched Elizabeth looking at her.Elizabeth turned back again and cried, "Mom! It is some Bella Gunther here!". Her mother rushed out, It was Miriam, Mr.Burn's sister. She came out running,saw Bella, and the room fell prey to silence. Elizabeth excused herself to make some tea for the ladies. The absence of Mr.Burn, no presence of any other woman and Elizabeth's calling Miriam "Mom", explained it all. Mr.Burn was no more, he did not marry again. Elizabeth was adopted by her aunt. Miriam said, after a lot of time, "Yes, Mrs.Gunther , Do I know you?". She had tears in her eyes, could not speak more. Rose from her chair. "It was one such rainy day, when I had said these same words to my daughter. I don't know if I said them to the rest of the family too. It is one such rainy day again, and my daughter doesn't know know I am. Some, "Mrs.Gunther".", and she began crying. She handed over a choclate bar to Miriam and said, "Too less for a compensation though, but give it to my darling." And quietly left the place. Later that same day, she was found lifeless in a Church.


  1. hey girl as per the rule
    the word count shud be 400

    and urs is 688

    y dont u make it upto 400
    its the constraint yaar
    coz every 1 has followed that thing

    so ur requested to do the same

  2. i really think some lines can be cut .. it will help the word count too ... on the whole a nice story .. liked few bits of the story too much .. like talk of irony of life , and the feelings are well expressed .. good one :)

  3. woho! really really chilly!

    I almost had tears in my eyes when i read 'mom', for once i thought she's calling her Mom...

    very nice attempt. i liked the couple of lines: Afterall you don't get everything and chocolate bar.. can never be a compensation of the time :)

    but re-look here:

    It is one such rainy day again, and my daughter doesn't know know I am. Some, "Mrs.Gunther".

    some typo i believe?

  4. Story was kind of touching..
    Especially when the girl says - "I'm Mr.Burn's daughter...."
    Very touchy...

    nd Mr.Burns... nice name ;)

    And one small suggestion- If u can break it up into paragraphs it would be less straining for a reader... :)

    Arjun .. oops.. 'Arkun' ;)

  5. I agree with Arjun (Arkun, maybe??0 break it into paragraphs...

    But sometimes following your dreams comes at a price. It is like choosing between the devil and deep blue sea and neither of the choice will be perfect. We will regret both!

    But the moment she said Mom, I was so touched but then.... :( Anyway life doesnt give you everything, does it ?

    Great read!

  6. Hi Alisha

    The lady did a mistake and she came back to admit it - such courage! She should have been forgiven, but for the hursh author, she was not ... she died with the guilt in her ... and you let her to die so ... I hoped you would have forgiven her ...

    Coming back to the contest: 400 words dear!!

    Somebody told me that I do not count words while writing - I admit - but while writing an essay in the Exam, I have to and I do keep a track on the same ... I just talk about rules and you like it or not, the first rule is the word limit of 400 ... :(

  7. And no .. I DISAGREE with Arjun and Rashi ... A story is told as it should be - if the paragraphs are needed, they will be there ... here, there was no need ...

    And yes, one thing I stretch on ... little less of rain in it Alisha, dont you think so??


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