Her!

"Everything in life tells you a story," she said looking up from her coffee,"you just have to find it, search for it."

"Why is everything a philosophy? Can't you let somethings go?" I retort back.

"Then what would be the point of it happening?" That smug look on her face I could only see faintly.

It was 3am. And we were sitting on her terrace talking. This had become a feature. She was 6 yrs younger to me and yet sometimes she seemed so much older and wiser. We used to sit like this whenever her exams came near. She would study sipping coffee, books in her hand and I would study or just look at her. She would be terrified of exams and still is. It was her economics paper tomorrow and it was the most nerve wrecking one. But my favorite for 2 reasons. One, I had majored in it and two, the way she bit her lips everytime she was thinking was just so adorable.

A few minutes back, I had let it slip that I was on a verge of a breakup and she reacted in her typical way and with her hands on her hips demanded why wasn't she "informed" before.

She was so different from the girls all around. Everyone was in a hurry to get ahead. Me too. But her. She was like the still waters of a lake. Well ok she was a waterfall. Full of activity but the kind that puts your mind at ease. She was mature and yet so child-like. Her mind boggled me. It challenged me and yet made me feel so comfortable. I never had to think what is she thinking. She always told me.

No, I didnt love her nor do I now! It is just one of those relationships you cant explain. Now, when I see her change into what I always feared. I fear for her. Please don't change.

This is my first post here. I have heard amazing things about this place! I'm not much of a writer just love to express myself. So rather than reading, feel my posts :)



- Cho

Crazy talk!

They told me it would tough. I said I was tough too.

You warned me it wont be easy. I replied you dont know me yet.

Now,

It's getting tough. I can feel the heat.

I can feel the emotions inside me swell.

I tell myself I can go on. But I dont want to. I have to.

There is so much at stake.I cant go back now.

I'm a different person than what I was.

I pretended to be strong. I pretended to be something I'm not.

People have done this before. I tell myself.

But its tough. Really tough.

I want it all.The whole deal.

This is just an amuse bouche.

It sucks.

This is what I signed up for, but this isnt what I want.

Kinda like not liking what you order at a restaurant.

Take it with a pinch of salt.

"Hell, this aint food.This is life..

This aint a joke. Weren't you forewarned?

Didn't you know it wasn't going to be normal?"

Give up.Give in.COWARD.

This aint me. I have to make this work.

This is a slight modification of my poetry on my blog. 

Well the reason I'm posting this here is that I'm really frustrated and I seriously have no other outlet than this. Last night, I suddenly just broke up. I didn't want to continue. I just didn't want to graduate. And thats just not me. I have always slightly on ambitious, competetive side and just to give up like this was so shocking. 

Everytime, my exams come near I become this crazy emotional mess. With my moods and emotions swinging like a yo-yo. From anger to crying bouts to concern and of course insecure, I have felt it yesterday. And so to speak funny part is that I'm not even done with 10% of my exams, the most importants are still left. Yday was the first day, I hate psychology. I so frustrated. The most important thing is I dont know from here, where? My future looks so unsure. Whatever interests me seems to have more frustration involved (chances of getting results after hardwork are bleak in such areas -SUPPOSEDLY) and those which are "lucrative" I find them boring. What to do? 

I just need direction. For now, it seems to be clear these exams.. I just needed to vent things out. And you guys have come real close to me. I get msgs/smses and "pings" everyday asking how my exams were.. So I really really LOVE you guys! :)