January 20, 2009

Crazy talk!

They told me it would tough. I said I was tough too.
You warned me it wont be easy. I replied you dont know me yet.
It's getting tough. I can feel the heat.
I can feel the emotions inside me swell.
I tell myself I can go on. But I dont want to. I have to.
There is so much at stake.I cant go back now.
I'm a different person than what I was.
I pretended to be strong. I pretended to be something I'm not.
People have done this before. I tell myself.
But its tough. Really tough.
I want it all.The whole deal.
This is just an amuse bouche.
It sucks.
This is what I signed up for, but this isnt what I want.
Kinda like not liking what you order at a restaurant.
Take it with a pinch of salt.
"Hell, this aint food.This is life..
This aint a joke. Weren't you forewarned?
Didn't you know it wasn't going to be normal?"
Give up.Give in.COWARD.
This aint me. I have to make this work.

This is a slight modification of my poetry on my blog

Well the reason I'm posting this here is that I'm really frustrated and I seriously have no other outlet than this. Last night, I suddenly just broke up. I didn't want to continue. I just didn't want to graduate. And thats just not me. I have always slightly on ambitious, competetive side and just to give up like this was so shocking. 

Everytime, my exams come near I become this crazy emotional mess. With my moods and emotions swinging like a yo-yo. From anger to crying bouts to concern and of course insecure, I have felt it yesterday. And so to speak funny part is that I'm not even done with 10% of my exams, the most importants are still left. Yday was the first day, I hate psychology. I so frustrated. The most important thing is I dont know from here, where? My future looks so unsure. Whatever interests me seems to have more frustration involved (chances of getting results after hardwork are bleak in such areas -SUPPOSEDLY) and those which are "lucrative" I find them boring. What to do? 

I just need direction. For now, it seems to be clear these exams.. I just needed to vent things out. And you guys have come real close to me. I get msgs/smses and "pings" everyday asking how my exams were.. So I really really LOVE you guys! :)


  1. I pretended to be strong. I pretended to be something I'm not.

    this is so ME !! dnt worry gal.. we are there to take care of u .. u just go n give these exams a good stand !! Good luck :)

  2. Hey Rashi, Ur poem was so true and vivid! I could identify wid da dilemma!
    My advice wld b jst don't giv up. Coz u certainly don't seem to be that kinda person! Yes, the road's bound to be difficult but from what I have read so far from you I am sure u have da necessary acumen to negotiate ur way succesfully around da obstacles! So cheer up! Wish u all da luck in da world 4 ur xams!
    Nd don't worry! ull do well! :)

  3. i could relate to it so well..
    all i'd say and that too with my own experiences that go ahead with your exams without thinking anything about results..
    you will come out flying..

  4. I too could relate to it so much....
    For now, leave ur exams and give ur exams... We'll discover our directions in due course of time...

    Give ur exams and let ur emotions flow into the Writer's lounge.. :)


  5. leave ur worries* (not exams)
    damn wit my typos....


Comments are sexy.