Returning back giving fire to his best friend,Arav just turned him into ashes.He was crying as he was missing every moment spent with him.Walking towards his mother passing by mourning people;he realised that he lost only his best friend but everyone around lost much more than that,specially his mom.
P.S My first try at 55 fiction.Really apprehensive of people liking it.Drop in your comments guys..!!
It is good but as I said in 55 fiction some kind of twist is very necessary.If I would have written the same thing I would have added some little twist. Sorry couldnt think of anything better at the moment. I just wanted to demonstrate my point.
ReplyDeleteReturning back giving fire to his best friend,Arav just turned him into ashes.He was crying as he was missing every moment spent with him.Walking towards his mother passing by mourning people;he realised that he lost only his best friend, that's what everybody around thought. Only his mother knew that he had lost his brother.
..good attempt..
ReplyDeleteDifferent and nice.... :)
ReplyDeleteAs abhri said .. I somehow think the last sentence in a 55 fiction should be strong and shld leave an impact... :)
But then there's no such rule... I liked it.. :) The sadness it brings....
Cheers..!!
Arjun
well, not so bad at your first attempt...:)
ReplyDeleteit is in trying that we improve our craft...:)
post more.
i have posted mine too here, my first attempt also, the title is The Gift, care to read also.
best friends are precious to us but they are more precious to their beloved family, too.
:)
I enjoyed it .. for em, the last line made me to think .. there was so much truth there .. keep penning :)
ReplyDelete@Abhri..Thank you so much for your honest comment buddy..I really never knew what '55 fiction' is until i came here at writers lounge..i've learnt many things from you guys..i'll try to bring the twist next time..;-)..
ReplyDelete@Vidisha..thank you..;-)..
ReplyDelete@Arjun..The last line should bring an impact..rightly you said..The next time i'll try that..
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it..;-)..
well written.....keep it up
ReplyDeleteloved it...
ReplyDeletethe writing was ood...that was good advice from AD.
kip it coming
@Aparna..Thanks..;)
ReplyDelete@Freelancer..I think the poetic effect just doesn't go from whatever i write..:p..So happy you loved it man..:)
ReplyDeleteit is nice 4 ur first attempt..!!!
ReplyDeleteAwwww! Good one :) Good one for your first attempt... Hoping for more :)
ReplyDelete