He: how u doing?
He: u sound low
Me: no I am fine.
I am fine….it is a statement I despise from the core of my heart. Because in spite of this ready fineness, I am not fine.
Then why is it so hard to admit. Why am I always putting that sweet smile in front of everyone that tells them that I am fine?
I have few ready answers to this –
- Everyone who presently copes up with me, will hate me for saying this.
- I don’t want people to pity on me. Self – pity is hard enough to live with.
- I love the feeling of being loved for my sweet demeanor, which I feel vanish with time if I tell them its not fine.
There are many more reasons but for now these are the ones more prominent. Tell me is it always easier to pretend, than to face the reality or to be blunt. Why is it so hard to tell them that it is not okay? Why it is always so difficult to say no, when my conscience refuses even the idea of it.
Day by day, my own self is becoming a huge mystery to me. The more I look for answers the more I get tangled in them.
Someone said to me that nothing in life is permanent. But then why is this temporary phase so torturing.
When can I be free enough to say it is not fine? I am not fine.
PS: into a lot of negative mood today guys....its been a bad day...so just felt like sharing with u guys...as it WL is like my family..