Every where around i see you
you are there i feel
feel that brings me joy
joy to me is you, its a deal
Deal we made to live
live forever together in love
Love we shared is a beauty
beauty like the little white dove
Dove, i want to be in your arms
arms where i find the world
world of love that i now own
own the smiles to me you sold
Sold joy i wish to return
return with the season of smiles
smiles that i got from you
you and me, lets travel all the miles
you are there i feel
feel that brings me joy
joy to me is you, its a deal
Deal we made to live
live forever together in love
Love we shared is a beauty
beauty like the little white dove
Dove, i want to be in your arms
arms where i find the world
world of love that i now own
own the smiles to me you sold
Sold joy i wish to return
return with the season of smiles
smiles that i got from you
you and me, lets travel all the miles
By
Yamini Meduri
Yamini Meduri
yamini,
ReplyDeletethat was a nice read. not ur best but it was good.
to me, some lines felt awkward...
"feel that brings me joy"
"sold joy i wish to return"
these two didn't make sense to me.
i'm no pro, but just my opinion! :)
the choice of words was good, could feel ur emotions. flow was there and perfect in the rhyme scheme.
i am sure u will come up with something much better.
:)
That was beautiful. Made smileeee :D
ReplyDelete@Leo
ReplyDeletethanks vinay....!!! will take care of it the next time...!!!
i think the second attempt made it better...isnt it???
@Ms.R
ReplyDeletethanks friend..!!
@Vinay: for the first time ever i have seen you pointing someone out for something that can be improved! wow bhaai!
ReplyDelete@Yams: loved the lines.. i liked your 'love-2' better.. :) keep writing! :D
@The Pink Orchid
ReplyDeletethanks yaar...and Vinay is trying to make me better all the time...so i take his words and...so here was the Love-2 posted..!!!
i am glad that he liked...but i think i have to be still more better..!!
Deal we made to live
ReplyDeletelive forever together in love
Love we shared is a beauty
beauty like the little white dove
nice nice! and it rhymed too :)
@.a.
ReplyDeletethanks friend..!!!