April 27, 2009

LOVE...!!!


Every where around i see you
you are there i feel
feel that brings me joy
joy to me is you, its a deal

Deal we made to live
live forever together in love
Love we shared is a beauty
beauty like the little white dove

Dove, i want to be in your arms
arms where i find the world
world of love that i now own
own the smiles to me you sold

Sold joy i wish to return
return with the season of smiles
smiles that i got from you
you and me, lets travel all the miles

By
Yamini Meduri

8 comments:

  1. yamini,
    that was a nice read. not ur best but it was good.

    to me, some lines felt awkward...
    "feel that brings me joy"
    "sold joy i wish to return"
    these two didn't make sense to me.
    i'm no pro, but just my opinion! :)

    the choice of words was good, could feel ur emotions. flow was there and perfect in the rhyme scheme.

    i am sure u will come up with something much better.
    :)

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  2. That was beautiful. Made smileeee :D

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  3. @Leo

    thanks vinay....!!! will take care of it the next time...!!!

    i think the second attempt made it better...isnt it???

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  4. @Vinay: for the first time ever i have seen you pointing someone out for something that can be improved! wow bhaai!


    @Yams: loved the lines.. i liked your 'love-2' better.. :) keep writing! :D

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  5. @The Pink Orchid

    thanks yaar...and Vinay is trying to make me better all the time...so i take his words and...so here was the Love-2 posted..!!!

    i am glad that he liked...but i think i have to be still more better..!!

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  6. Deal we made to live
    live forever together in love
    Love we shared is a beauty
    beauty like the little white dove


    nice nice! and it rhymed too :)

    ReplyDelete

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