The Adventures of StepMAN: Blogisode 2

# Co-written by Asbah n Sandeep

Stephy had dozed off again. There was nothing dearer to Stephy than sleep. Even if it would be at the expense of seniors wrath at not attending the PDP sessions (Personality Development Sessions). No sooner had he dozed off that he started snoring magically magnified to deafening volumes.

Krghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……krghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee….krghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee….snore followed by a whistle…Stephy sounded rhythmic even in his snores.

Meanwhile in the adjacent room, Chirag could not get himself to sleep. This rhythmic snoring was getting to his nerves. He had just moved in to the room adjacent to Stephy’s. He had heaved a sigh of relief when he had been allowed to skip the PDP session for today. He was bed ridden with high fever. Krghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…krghhhhhhhhhhhhhh…pheeeeeeeeeeee…the snores were getting all the more irritating.

“Abhe yaar!! Yeh kaun apne naak aur mooh ki varjish itni raat ko kar raha hain. Kambhakth sone nahi dete chain se. Seniors se chutkaara paaya toh yeh mahaashay ki aawaaz makhi ki tarah binbina rahi hain kaano main”, Chirag cursed his luck.

He managed to get out of his bed with much difficulty and walked into the adjoining room. His jaw dropped when he saw Stephy sleeping with his legs raised and arms wide spread. He was snoring away to glory. The synchronized movements of his pot belly and lips amazed him. Every snore was acting like a lever which would help raise his legs with each intake of breath. They would fall with a thud when he would breathe out, resulting in a shrill whistle as well.

“Yeh kyaa hain bhe. Kaunsi khet ki mooli hain re baap yeh!! Abhe oye mutton ki dukaan…Kumbhakaran ki chatti aulad….uth bhe mote. Abhe gubbare ki wholesale dukaan, yeh band kar yaar. Hadh ho gayi ab toh. Yeh toh hil bhi nahi raha yaar. Hmmmmm….Abhe oye miniature mount everest…hil…uth…jag…uffff!! Marr gaya hain kya?? Hmmm…let me open the windows at least. Thodi toh aawaz kam aayegi baaju ke room main”, Chirag said to himself.

He opened the windows which were tightly shut. He noticed that there were no grills on this window, unlike his room. Chirag made a last attempt at waking him up. He did not move a single muscle. Neither was Chirag able to move him by an inch. He simply lay there like a rock. Resigning to his fate and cursing his luck, Chirag headed to his room.

No sooner had he left that a monkey surfaced on the window. The smell of bananas kept on Stephy’s desk had forced him to climb up the building to the top floor. He jumped in and started gorging on the bananas. One after the other, he finished all but he was still hungry. He looked around for more food. Precisely at that moment Stephy turned around in bed and his blanket fell off. He was wearing boxers with pictures of watermelon, bananas and other fruits on the back. Stephy’s love for boxers with pictures was well known among people who knew him. The monkey could not resist himself at the sight of the watermelon. He had not had one in a long time. He made a dash for it and dug his teeth deep into the watermelon.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhh”, Stephy screamed at the top of his voice. He sprang out of his bed and made a dash towards the dormitory. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh…aaawwww….mummyyyyyyyyyyyyy!! Shoo shoo…hat hat hat….aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh…aaawwww….mummyyyyyyyyyy!! Shoo shoo”, Stephy was trying hard to shake away the monkey while still on the run. The monkey did not let go off his hold. He dug his teeth deeper into the watermelon. He was hell bent on eating it. “Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”, came away the portion of the boxer with the watermelon on it, leaving a big hole on his back. The monkey let go and ran in the opposite direction with his catch clenched tightly between his teeth. He surely would have got an A grade if this would have been a crafts exam for the sheer perfection shown in tearing off only the picture of the watermelon from the midst of other fruits on the boxer. What a neat cut the monkey had made on Stephy’s boxer, leaving a perfect round hole on his back. Stephy was howling in pain. The monkey had really taken a dig on his back and it was stinging where he had just bit him. Tears had swelled up in Stephy’s eyes because of the intensity of the pain and he had lost all sense of direction. He was too scared to look behind.

A couple of rooms away Kajal and Rashi, the most organized of all, were preparing for their appearance in front of the seniors, loads of makeup, loads of extra bits of everything. Kohl. Mascare. Rouge. Gloss. Dressing up in the best way they could because they were asked to. Neha peeped into their rooms and shouted, “Room no. 215 in two minutes flat juniors. You better be there on time. Else you had it. And what is this you have done to yourself? We had asked you to dress up for a ragging session. Not for my wedding. Follow me. Enough of make up”. Kajal and Rashi left their room without bothering to lock it in a spate of hurry. Stephy had no idea that in his mad rush to nowhere, he had actually run into the girl’s hostel. The first floor of the girl’s hostel was allotted to the juniors and wore a deserted look because the juniors were entertaining the seniors in their respective rooms. The pain was getting intense and unbearable. Stephy desperately wanted to splash some water on his back. He still had a feeling that he was being followed by the monkey. His legs had started paining because of the marathon run that he had just been a part of. All the rooms were locked. He looked around desperately for an unlocked room. And there it was! A room which was inviting him within. Stephy did not stop and barged in. That was when he heard a monkey bark in anger in close vicinity. He got into an unlocked cupboard and hid himself. The fear mixed with the unbearable pain made him lose his consciousness. There he lay slumped in the cupboard with his mouth gaping.

Meanwhile in the same cupboard, a male spider was out on hunt for food, his two little babies and their mother was enjoying a comic series of spider-hero, ManSpider and waiting for daddly to come back home. Little did they know that daddy will have an adventurous journey back home. Out there daddy has just caught the heaviest of flies and was happy that he'll be able to feed the children for a week and he would enjoy the SWW (spider wide web) and would sip sappachino. But at that very moment, his 4th and 6th leg slipped, and before he could balance himself he stumbled, down down and way down. Nature has its way of deciding things and down he landed right on the tongue of Stephy’s open mouth. Stephy swallowed him. Down he went into his system and mixed with his blood. With great struggle, the male spider managed to hold on to one of his internal organs and claw his way back to his food pipe and from there to the outside world. Stephy coughed and turned around in the wardrobe.

Their wardrobe was the epitome of perfection. Neatly folded clothes, Handbags on one side, in the upper portion Rashi's colors and Kajal's cosmetic were decorously placed! And to add to it the beautiful smell of perfumes! What an ambiance! No wonder Stephy had gone into a deep slumber. Stephy twisted once again and as the consequence ended up wrapping upon his boxers the perfect knee length shocking pink skirt Kajal had decided to wear the upcoming morning. And that too, with luck, wrapped to perfection.

He stretched in sleep and his hand touched the shelf in the wardrobe and everything lightly displaced itself. Two things happened that very moment. Kajal's powder foundation was sprinkled on his face making him as white as a ghost. Rashi’s bottle of purging croton (jamalgota) emptied itself into Stephy’s open mouth.

That very moment the girls entered their room, completely drained after their ragging experience. Rashi headed straight to her bed without bothering to change. Kajal wanted to change to her night suit before dozing off. She headed towards her wardrobe to take out her blue pajamas.