Her screams echoed through the night. It was raining heavily and the car was stuck in traffic, not ready to budge. Sam turned around to look at his wife. “Have faith in God, Sarah. We’ll just be there dear.”, he said. Sarah clenched her teeth and felt her bulging abdomen. The labor pain was unbearable. She screamed again.
Both husband and wife had the same fears. It was two years ago, and on a similar rainy night, when Sarah was 6 months pregnant. They were going out for dinner. Sam had gone to park the car. When he returned he saw Sarah flat on her tummy, a pool of blood and mud surrounding her. They had lost their baby before it could even come into this world. “Will history repeat itself?” , they shuddered to think. Both could not bear the thought of losing their child again. Both looked at each other and prayed silently.
All of a sudden the rain stopped. The skies cleared and so did the traffic. Sam drove to the hospital at top speed, Sarah still wincing in pain and clutching her abdomen tight. They reached the hospital just in time. They had an adorable baby boy. As they held their darling in their arms with pride, joy and relief, it started raining again… this time, from their eyes!!!
Word Count: 226.
Both husband and wife had the same fears. It was two years ago, and on a similar rainy night, when Sarah was 6 months pregnant. They were going out for dinner. Sam had gone to park the car. When he returned he saw Sarah flat on her tummy, a pool of blood and mud surrounding her. They had lost their baby before it could even come into this world. “Will history repeat itself?” , they shuddered to think. Both could not bear the thought of losing their child again. Both looked at each other and prayed silently.
All of a sudden the rain stopped. The skies cleared and so did the traffic. Sam drove to the hospital at top speed, Sarah still wincing in pain and clutching her abdomen tight. They reached the hospital just in time. They had an adorable baby boy. As they held their darling in their arms with pride, joy and relief, it started raining again… this time, from their eyes!!!
Word Count: 226.
lovely post
ReplyDeletea womans biggest asset is her child.....it wud be bad for sarah as somewht similar happened to her few yrs back ....nicely related mona......i loved it....shortest story of the contest and can say that was amongst the best
like this was better than ur previous one.....so wht r u going to send which one......
sweet ... well scripted .. i just loved the last line !!!!
ReplyDeleteour lil poet is now our lil writer too... :)
ReplyDeletesweet one mona...
all fingers hav posted...except d middle finger...when twin???
I know of some1 who went through this and I can completely relate to the feelings..But I wish you could have expressed what they were thinking, feeling a little more.. I felt I could feel it but not read it! And you had words left!
ReplyDelete@ Stephen...
ReplyDeleteWhy only a womans??? Sorry but a feminist speaking here!!
that was Short and Sweet :)
ReplyDeleteI liked the idea....
short and sweet... that sums it up...
ReplyDelete@ rashii
ReplyDeletecoz i feel she is the one who takes care of her child and provides shelter in her womb for 9 months
so special for her naa after all her kid
@ stephen.. i already emailed the previous one... can i switch over to this one now??... i had no clue i would be writing another one actually...
ReplyDeletesure mona
ReplyDeletewrite as many as u want
butpost only one to that mail id
hey that was sweet,
ReplyDeleteIn the end it was a happy ending,
good read :)
cheers
hehe, may be thats why i haven't emailed anything, no one knows of the future and the gem that they may create any other day :D
ReplyDeleteback to story, seconding to rash, a lot more emotions could be added to it, see this:
the rain droplets were hitting at the windscreen screaming and beseeching, voicing sarah's fear of losing, of having to bath in pool of mud, blood and tears, the notion of new life and death was mingled, the clouds thundered sam felt sweat beat sprouting on his forehead, He Had to save two lives! clutched the steering and pressed the horn, why cant people get aside... he wanted to yell.....
and once it is over,
the rain showered again, tenderly, on wet mud a new plant sprouted, green appeared and so a rainbow!
etc...
overall a brilliant idea and nicely presented.
@ asbah and rashi... very true.. could have been much better.. but since havent written stories before its difficult for me to describe things... would try to be more descriptive next time..
ReplyDelete@ everyone.. thanks for all the encouragement.. it means a lot...
@ asbah... wow.. please edit the story for me some time and post it... would love to see the change... your words do create magic..
No, no! you're our little poem girl na :) your magic lies in brevity :) I was just telling you that few things can be described to infinity.. and that they actually look good that way - specially to prose people :)
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite entries..it had all the emotions needed...and not overdone!!..neither incomplete!!!
ReplyDeletereally really sweet post!!
ReplyDeletethat was such a sweet and lovely one my lil one....i very well understand that these are your baby steps in story writing, but your steps are confident and promising. You will only improve with time dear. You came up with such a lovely theme which really touched the chords somewhere deep inside...the feeling of remorse at the start and the way you converted it happiness towards the end are the signs of a real good writer...the ability to switch between emotions with ease...and if these are your baby steps into story writing, i cant wait to see when you become more confident with your stories...keep writing daa...you can weave the same kind of magic you weave with ur poems...i am damn sure of it...cheers my lil one!
ReplyDelete