She didn’t know what to do. I was the only one she could share it with.“I don’t know what to do. I’m just gonna go to God.”
“Obviously you’re gonna go to God. We already have.”
“I mean literally.”
“Shut up! Don’t say things like that.”
“I want to leave everything and come there, to you.”
“I wish you could. But we have to wait, remember? God wants us to wait.”
“He hates me.”
As she said that, there was a sound of thunder and I saw rain drops on the window pane.
“You know that’s not true. Remember everything, how we met, how we got through all the crap before this. Who do you think was helping us out?”
“Then where is He now? Why isn’t He stopping him?”
The sound of thunder echoed through the sky. Everything lost its color and tears fell from the sky. God was crying.
She got up and went out of view of the webcam.
“You there?”
“Sorry. I went to wash my face.”
“You’re crying? I’ll forever be sorry if this doesn’t turn out right. I hate myself for not being able to do anything.”
I didn’t want to cry. I wanted to show her that I was strong; a man. But seeing her in pain, I couldn’t control myself and a tear fell on my cheek and then another and in moments, I was drowning in them.
"Adi! Don’t cry! Please! You’re my strength! What will I do if you break down?"
“What else can I do? I feel so helpless that I can do nothing sitting here. You have to go through this all alone!”
Every word I typed was screaming in pain.
“This is exactly what he wants. You want him to win over us?”
I typed the weakest ‘No’ ever.
“Then stop. See I have stopped. I looooooooooooooove you!”
“Me too, but for what? There is not a single thing I can do for you.”
“All I need is for you to love me. But by crying like this, we are proving ourselves to be powerless. Are we?”
“Aren’t we?”
“No! God is with us!"
And then there was a great calm. I glanced outside. The rain had stopped; the sound of thunder was replaced by a peaceful silence. The clouds had parted and the colors had returned. I looked back at the screen. She was smiling.
(400 words)
Well, is this the story that the Lounge was waiting for, for this contest? I dare say it is not!
ReplyDeleteA wonderful narration dude ...
I have a few queries, though:
Is the narrator dead? If not, why is she saying that "Coming to You" is similar to "Going to God"? If yes, how can they video chat?
Then again I thought, like one of the previous comments, you do not ask 'how' in here ... 'why' is a better question ..
The rain was little less in here also ... would have loved to get wet in rain, instead of getting wet in tears of a MAN!
However, by far the Best I read ...
All the best for the Contest!
This is an actual word to word chat conversation between me and her. By going to God she meant killing herself and by come to you she meant coming to me here in Canada(she's in Mumbai) and I'm not dead :P. And everything is real. It actually started raining here when she said that God hates her and it stopped when she smiled!
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot Tan for liking it.
Hmmm ... thats cool ... Thanks for telling me that you are not dead ... Phew!
ReplyDeleteIf that is a real happening, where is your story dude? You are supposed to write a story (forged one) ... Not just narrate a real happening - even if it becomes the best one...
I'm waiting to see you write more on this ...
Hmm it is a story! A story can be a true one, can't it? The rules don't say it has to be a fictitious one. :D
ReplyDeleteYes, you are right ... but, I was actually finding excuses to see you write more ...
ReplyDeleteNot stop arguing and post something again soon ... and it should be as good as this one ... if not better ...
hehe chalo I'll write a 'forged' story just for you but this is still my entry for the contest.
ReplyDeleteThat would be great ... but dude .. just dont write for the sake of writing .. Write if you want to ... I still think this post as the best of the lot so far ... if you can come out with a better one, it would be good for us - the readers! What say? :) :)
ReplyDeleteYes definitely but will take time since I have my exams going on. And thanks a lot for the positive support!
ReplyDeleteHey man... This was good..
ReplyDeleteIt's more amazing to hear that it happened for real...
The competition's getting tougher with such posts.. :)
Cheers..!!
Arjun
As i read it, i knew it to be real ... word by word ... and the comments proved me right :) happy for that !! and i do consider it a good entry for the compitition !! but not the best .. the best is yet to come .. even from your end :)
ReplyDeleteThis is the first thing i read in morning and dude ... You made my day !!
Loved the way u ended it dude ...It was a very romantic ending .No wonder your name's the lover .....
ReplyDeleteI also liked the way u seperated out the conversations with red and black .I should hv done that in my story :( ...This was nice and precise story ....
yes
ReplyDeletereally nice...finally u guys knew that god was crying with u ...and at last it stopped raining.....really nice.. and yeah its a real one ...u and ur girlfrnd :p
best wishes man
:)
like others even i felt that u cud have come up with a better one man.....
but this is different from others tooo ....especially the convo thing ......it clearly shows dialogue red and white colors ...nicely done
I know exactly how you feel.. Exactly how! I dont want to say more and spoil it all! :D
ReplyDeletehmph, I will second Tan, need more!
ReplyDeleteI knew it is real, every word confirmed it so.
But More!
*sigh*
ReplyDeletei am still not over this one.
true and amazing.
beautiful.
wow...this was a continuation to the a love story written by god...a hangover of following your blog adi...he he....and coz i knew the connect, loved the 400 words of this masterpiece...i completely support your view...a story can be real as well...i personally believe that all stories...even if the characters are forged contains an iota of truth in it...and it can be either in the form of the description of locales..or some scenes...or as in ur case...the complete incident...oh my god...every genre has been taken out here...wat do i write on..he he...will pen my version soon...just caught up with some work... ;-)
ReplyDeleteI was planning to write one after my exams but then the incident in the post happened and I couldn't help not writing about it. I am glad you all liked it. I know I can give more but this is really close to my heart. Maybe I will write something different later. By the way, the problem we were going through is all better now. Praise and thanks to God.
ReplyDeletethat was lovely.. n glad to know there is no problem now..
ReplyDeleten u guys r sooo sweet together.. touch wood.. :) am sure everything will be great at the end of the day.. thats how it is.. happy endings :)
Alhamdolilah, to the getting better of the problem. I hope it simply vanishes away, amen.
ReplyDeleteAnd we, as usual, eagerly wait to read you!
wow.. lover... i love the way nature has been linked to emotions out here... and somehow I do feel a strong bond with God when it rains... like God's crying... could really relate to the title... good one... and great to know that its a true conversation!!!
ReplyDeletep.s. sorry for commenting so late.. technical problems..lol...