November 14, 2008

I lie awake but try so hard not to think of u

Dad pulled over the market. The only market where you can expect everyone to be. You can even expect your lost friends to be there. Dad asked me to stay in the car as he left to get something to eat. I was getting bored. Rihanna was singing "We Ride". It was too groovy for me at that time. I looked out from the car to catch a glimpse of dad. He wasn't in sight. I stepped out, rested by the car and searched through the school people. I found him, finally!! He was pretty busy eating momos with one of his surgeon buddies. The song had finished. "What do I do now?" I thought. There was a fight going on in my mind!! I wanted to go to dad and tell him that we should move, but I was getting vibes that I would definitely find someone who would disturb me further. After a couple of minutes, I put the CD to halt, locked the car and walked towards the market. Nobody noticed me. Reason?? Well, I'm just another girl trying to find peace in here!! I greeted dad's buddy, took a bite from dad's momo and turned in the opposite direction.
Right there, I saw someone. Within a flash of light, my eyes poured tears. A tall, lean guy in a black tee and jeans stood there with someone. The same body language. And the same black favorite...I pretty quickly put the hood on my head to hide my face from him and everyone around me. The guy was far off and I could only see his side profile. As usual, he was lost in his thoughts. Carefree about whats going on around him. Dad was still busy with his buddy. He was laughing and I was right beside him, weeping. The guy could never had seen me. Never!! Because I didn't want him to see me.

As I kept looking at him from the distance, all the nostalgic moments flashed in front of my eyes. A movie started rolling. All the amusement park tickets...all the Baskin Robbins ice creams...those long drives...all of them felt so old yet so recent. I had my palms on my mouth as I walked through the crowd. I wanted to meet him. But at the same time, I didn't want dad to see me going towards him. I reached the place where he was. I stood right behind him. Just wanted to smell his perfume. The same Axe smell!! He hasn't changed even a bit. I looked at his tee shirt. As always...Adidas. His favorite brand!! He had the same ear ring. I wanted to reach out to him...touch his steady arm which had always been there to hold me...hug him, for, he had been so far off...but it's only life!!! I turned back soon after realizing that he was busy. I suddenly recalled that I had to go back to dad. I had just sneaked away from him. Dad saw me coming. He had a frown on his forehead...obviously, he didn't like watching me struggling with my decisions. Dad said, "It isn't getting late now???" I didn't say anything. I just thought, "I wish mom was here. She knows!! I wish she was here..." Dad asked me to get in the car. He had to bid goodbye to his buddy. I still had my hood on my head. After so long, I had dressed like myself. The way I used to dress ever since I had started shopping for myself. Though it was pretty cold, I was in my favorite white shorts. But the hood helped me a lot. It hid all the tears cascading down my cheeks.

The guy was still visible. He was still lost in his thoughts. I was lost in thoughts as well!! I recalled all the days we spent together. Not that we're separate. But it has changed ever since my parents split. I live far off and he deosn't know about that. No one does. He suddenly turned towards my car and I hid my face with my jersey's sleeves. He didn't notice me...Thank God...He went inside the market to get himself momos. I can bet on that. Its his favorite in the market. And specially that market. I switched on the stereo to listen to Amy Lee. She was the only one who could stop me from crying. She sang ..."I long to be like you...Lie cold in the ground like you...." I rested my heavy head on the seat and closed my eyes. Dad entered, I didn't open my eyes. He didn't say anything till we reached the mall. He lowered the volume and said, "Lets get your Evanescence album." I looked at him with drowsy eyes and replied, "Which one?? I've got all of them. Besides, I don't listen to the CD player, anymore." "Oh!! No problem. I'm sure you would want another iPod" he said, trying very hard to cheer me up. I replied, "Dad, I don't need another iPod. But if you wanna go to the mall, I'll accompany you. You don't need to look for excuses. You wanted to have a look at that handycam, right??" So after parking the car, both of us were standing in the showroom. He was talking to the attendent about the price and everything, and I was listening to one of the songs in their collection...."Why do all good things come to an end"... Dad must have noticed my choice of song. He looked at me from the billing counter and gave me a smile. He was happy to buy a new handycam for himself. All kept going in my mind was...the guy in the black tee shirt wearing Axe. We got back in the car after roaming like animals for two hours. Dad made my film from his newly bought love as I drove back to home. But I just couldn't get the smell out of my senses. I covered the thirty minute drive in just twelve minutes....Dad took the car keys from me, told me he had a surgery waiting for him in the hospital and left. I cooked noodles for myself and cried myself to sleep....


  1. oh..sad... u know..ur writings r always so touching coz u write ur real feelings..

  2. good yaar.....hmm finally u never spoke to the guy wearing black tee haann...may be ur dad ws with yaa.....

    sad .....

  3. Ste..i didn't speak to him not because dad was with me..but because he would get upset seeing me...

  4. Some things are best left as memories! Some times, what hurts the most is that for no fault of us we have to pay... Others take a decision for us!

    True emotions..True feelings...I could feel yr pain



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