February 28, 2010

Logout (on the other side)

It was another wrathful weekend and I was stuck to my bedside holding unto the computer keyboard for almost 12 hours. There is nothing to do – not anymore. It has been a long time since he left and it has been long enough that his absence has become a habit. I was not bothered much; why would I? Nobody is bothered about me; why would I be bothered about anyone else? I work now; not like olden days when he used to earn and I used to cook for him. How damn fool I was – how I wasted my life with that nincompoop! I look back and want to slap myself. Anyways, that is past now. I am what my present tells me to be.

We married with lots of hope in our eyes – away from the families on our own all the way. We were kids that time, but we walked together. Life was a challenge and we were forced to experience loss every other moment. Still, we had love to bind us together, I guess! But with time, it withered too. The plant of our dreams wilted in front of our own very eyes. Sometimes, he did not water it sometimes, I faltered – and it wilted. Then one day, when we both ‘grew up’ and we become ‘practical’ and ‘down to earth’, we ‘understood’ that our ways would not meet again soon! It was like a railway track crossing – we were happy as the two tracks were coming close to each other and as they crossed, the distance kept on increasing forever; never to meet again. After years of being married, we realized we should not have come close at the first place. How ridiculous! And if it was so, why did I not think about it all these years? Probably, the best days of my life, that were now lost!

Anyways, we parted. And it was only for good. He never looked back – he is a man of his words, I know! He would not look back. If he would not, why should I? Why should I keep on waiting for him? He would come online but never say a ‘Hi’; but still I spend every futile weekend of mine on chat messengers – just to see if he is online. I used to ping him at times, but he never replies. So, I login invisible to him. He knows I will be online this time – but he would not ever ping me back.

WTF! What am I thinking about? Its late into the weekend night and I must be drinking more than usual that I’m getting all these worthless thoughts in my head. This life is good – no one to ask questions – none bothered for you and the best of it all, no one for whom you should be bothered! I could not go back to my family – nor could I commit something foolish. I went ahead and caught that highly paid and easily available job for me. It is a pleasure at work and I am the boss of my own coins.

I clicked on Logout and realized the world has turned a deaf ear to me. I am no longer living to anyone, anywhere. I logged in long ago and was seeing him online on messenger all the time. I had to logout and I did. He was always online, but he never said, “Hi.” Oh, damn him! Damn me! Damn these worthless thoughts of mine!


  1. :) i was thinking to write something similar ad then i get up in the morning and see this post...u wont believe fel so wam inside my heart..

    can relate to it...its so superb :)

  2. Hey, Thanks Heena...
    Hope you read both sides of the 'Logout' if not, read the previous post too... ;)

    Keep well...

  3. wow..this was really vry good..I liked this .. "I am the boss of my own coins"

    ..u mold wrds vry b'fuly..


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