April 27, 2009

LOVE-3...!!!


He walks to me in the night
night with the starry skies
skies beautifully dark
dark like his romantic eyes

Eyes i close to see his presence
presence in my dream land
land of smiles, he turns it to be
be there, i wish forever, holding his hand

Hand to hold, to him i move
move to meet him in the tender light
light of the burning candles suddenly fade
fade away my hope for the night...!!!

18 comments:

  1. first verse... perfect.

    second verse... its good, but if 1 small edit is made, i feel it will be better.

    third verse... lacks flow to me, can very much be bettered.

    *dont scold me yaar, i've been at ur throat looking for perfection i guess!* :)

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  2. @Leo

    thanks yaar...will take care of the changes the next time...!!!

    and scolding?? never...i take your words...u help me do better all the time...so no scolding frm my side...!!!

    i am ready to take every comment from you...i see it making me better the next time..!!!

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  3. vinay did my job already :) but i must say, i loved the ending thoughts !! really perfect :)

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  4. the 1st stanza is super...so too the last two lines...the ending of the reverie as hope ends!!!

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  5. The painting complements the poem pretty well and I liked it because you carry a hope in it which fades towards the end. The end was destined to be yet the hope makes it worth dreaming.

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  6. @Pretty me

    thanks yaar...will defly try n do it better the next time..!!!

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  7. nice work...i also agree wid vin... though, i liked the ending a lot.....!

    good work....kp rytn...!

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  8. jeez ..Love the start i.e the first para....and the end too....

    Liked the way you took the last words and made it the first for each line :)

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  9. @Anurag

    thanks friend...this form of poetry is called Lop poetry..!!!

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  10. @the pink orchid

    haha...why are you sighing my dear???

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  11. yamini i would reply for kan...it left me sighing tooo...i wouldn't comment on the style of poetry as the masters have already done but the ending was just too deep n touching...it touched my heart straight...

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