He sat down.Head bowed, brows up in anticipation.He was struggling, struggling to find his answers.That jammed hooked up feeling to nothingness.That agonisizing helplessness.This was similiar to a riot attack on your brain.what was his for? That was his question. why was he thinking or doing the things he did to this day.What did his mortal life account for? why was he here?
Sweat clinged to the side of his foreheads.You could not see his eyes, as deep they were encased into the sockets.His skin was parched.He looked a thousand years older than he was.Alas, the mental connection of his boredom sung songs of glory. wastefulness, impoverishment , these words to which he connected, he was at last loosing connection.
"I am like any other stranger you pass on the street.The only way I am different than you is that i choose to stand up and fight.Its been 15 years since I started hunting for a motive or a reason for my being alive. I got an architecture degree, made some buildings, did a pottery class, sold ornamented pots in MExico, I bought a sports bike, did some local circuit racing,ya ...that was a misktake. I only lost one leg.It was now that i finally started selling some paintings in Paris, and I even hooked up with a musical girlfriend.SHe played em flute, hey what sweet music.I love that part of my life , without the leg i made so much love in so little time.And my little musician baby she loved me so much.I started for the stock exchange, lost great money, then i learnt some cheap magic tricks from magician Purio.And believe it or not i spent 2 years roaming Jakarta streets making small money out of cheap tricks.And then I got really pissed off and I took to a drama school.They say i act well but ya muh looks not than fine bro.So i scuttled off a few cents here and there.And one day i come home from this rehearsal with a jaunty dame and i look at the mirror.I am 55 bro.And i ain't even done a single piece of shit my heart loved doing, except maybe i miss my musical babe.But that's it.So I give up,maybe i would jostle a few years more, but the alcohol and dope have gone into me.I rebel against anything that kept me from doing or even realizing what i was meant for, and in this anguish of ignorance, and fatigue, I leave this bloody earth.Amen"