What have I become,
Scarred, morphed beyond recognition,
A morbid existense it seems,
Stuck halfway through transition!
Into a deep, dark crevice,
Bunched up, cramped,lies my soul,
Hoping to isolate myself, I do,
From the emotional whorl!
Desires, Dreams, Hopes,
Seem alien sentiments to me,
What once was a heart beating with faith,
Now desolate, delapidated, as dead as it can be!
My vision's blurred and hazy,
Cannot distinguish anything for a fact,
Welling up deep inside me,
Abhorrence, odium, and revulsion drives me back!
An unknown hurt of proportions,
Echoes from my core,
My efforts to find a cure,
Only bring about an encore!
A detachment never known before,
Envelops me, swathes me in a shroud,
My soul , my heart, my mind,
Repulse me, feel too much of a crowd!
My hand gripping the blade quivers,poised,
Over my exposed veins, surging with life,
Try as I might, I cannot get myself,
To cut me free from this strife!
Its not the fear of dying,
Nor am I afraid of the pain,
Am not sure if even death,
Can liberate me, make me sane!
Disgusted, mortified I am,
Of my inability to alleviate,
Question providence I do, a lot,
Why did a failure God create?
Something's dying within me,
Numb I am to the ache, the throb,
With lifeless eyes I stare back,
Unperturbed, at the noxious seeming fog!
Disintegrating on the inside,
I don't care about anyone, anymore,
Anguished, helpless, worthless I feel,
And I hate myself to the core!
PS: Image courtesy - 123RF.com