March 16, 2009

the story of little manu

He slid into the pile of asbestos and buried himself behind. Protection was not the first priority but he was a kid
11 or 12 and he did not know the severity of his slit wrist. Manu wanted to write a story. As he slid into darkness all that came into his mind was hey I should write. That was the reason he picked up a dusty notepad and his Reynolds’s jetter.he felt armed now. He looked down at the pool of blood, maybe it would stop in some time, what option did he have? he was lost, but he was not scared .he would be a man soon and have a good life away from his old man he thought.” write ur story “he heard a voice, yes ,in his head.he thought very precisely for a 12 yr old, or maybe 11 , i dont know.how should i know? He had for the last 2 hrs searched for some sign or trail he could pick up to home, but he missed the hospital. That was bad for Manu. His strength was diminishing and he had to make a move fast. He started writing. Blood blotched parts of the dusty paper, but he was proud so.” I am Manu. My story is simple. Pa is bad most of the times, hits at me and ma.he takes some bad medicine and goes mad after it. His eyes become red and he becomes angry. Today evening I came home and tried to tell my pa about the bullies that threatened me in the park. Pa would always come with me and have a word with them. Pa is so strong and mad that those bullies squeal in front of them. That ways I am proud of pa and want to be like him. And then I call pa. He comes but when he turns around I am scared. He is holding ma's twisted hand and ma is crying. For the first time I am angry at pa and I scream at him. He ignores me and keeps making ma cry and I shiver with rage I pick up a knife and shout at him. When he sees the knife he lets ma go and comes towards me. I am shaking but I don’t put the knife down .he says something like” ill show u what a knife is used for” and next thing I know I am running out and there is pain in my hand and blood is coming out. But I keep running, pa is old at least i'll be alive. I run so fast and so much that I am lost. I want to cry but I have to write this story first coz ma said u would become a writer one day and write abt me and Ur pa and u wud become famous. I don’t care abt famous but at least I shud do what my ma said. I am feeling very weak now and I think I am going blind. I think ill shut my eyes and take a rest"

8 comments:

  1. Nice post...
    But too many errors..grammatical mistakes... Pay attention to that! Don't take it as a negative criticism...honestly speaking ... all this will help you a lot!

    You could have worked a little on focussing on the emotional aspect as well.

    Keep Going...
    Cheers

    *PEACE*

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Aarthi
    Thanks for the comments... sorry for being lazy :(

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  4. hi bro...loved the central idea...well expressed..but the lil mistakes really hit the story hard...i see that you have tried to write the story in the style of a 12 yr old in a way he would have written it...really commendable...i second aarthi...could have built some more emotions...still...proud of what you have dished bro ;-)

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  5. @balan Thank God U noticed that 12yr old style writing i nearly thought it had lost it effect. :) Ya again. sorry for being lazy bro :(

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  6. interesting try !! well attempted but for the silly mistakes !!

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  7. Whoa! seems you do some extremely deep thinking... this is another good one... :)

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  8. @akansha for u next post will be humour :)

    ReplyDelete

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