March 19, 2009

Life goes on so....




Heart : I miss him so much ..
Mind : nothing new.. you miss all your friends.... but yes, with him its different i see.. Do you love him ?
Heart : Unless you consider it romantically, yes I do love him.. He is the best person to come in my life.. and i miss him out of fear of losing him..
Mind : You doubt him ? And what will you say ? What's the reason to miss him ??
Heart : I guess he will understand it.. He should know me and also how much he is valued.
Mind : Not all candid conversations are taken in right sense. Don't act in impulse.
Heart : Well, i will have to take the risk.. I will not rest untill then.


And without letting my mind speak again, i picked up my cell and called him up. Three long rings and i reached his voicemail box. I cut the call without a word.He anyway doesnt check his voice mails.I saw the time,1:00 AM! Gosh!! he will be mad at me for being awake so late,i thought to myself as i lay down staring at the ceiling. Memories playing in my mind and tears blinding my vision.I shut my eyes to hold them back.. afraid i might lose some memory if i cry. I try his number again after every 5 min till i fall asleep.

Morning after every such night is horrible.There is a feeling of guilt in my heart to miss him so much even after i promise the reverse after every call. A feeling to stop my heart beats which are tied to his thoughts. A desire to go into deep slumber and await his return to wake up..Maybe then i will not miss him.. maybe then he too will have some peace from me.. Maybe thats what he wants but is shy to ask.. to ask me to leave him alone..

But i turn a deaf ear to such ideas and a blind eye to such implied gestures.. And with refueled hopes, i adorn a smile as i step outside my self created cocoon of memories. Another week later, i know i will be standing at these crossroads again.. Again i will miss him.. again i will cry... and next day, to be independent, again i will try.. till i either lose myself or gain him back....

19 comments:

  1. till i either lose myself or gain him back....

    GOSH the lounge is full of magicians these days :) :) :)

    And di your choice of pics creates an additional impact :)

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  2. nopes, cry baby... What ever happens , happens for your own good... myself a living example :P

    But well written emotions of any gal who's going thro the same :(, life is like that.

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  3. its my turn to go speechless now :P

    really prats...the conversation between heart n mind...what imaginations! wow...no words...if this goes on like this...posts like these will start a new generation of blank "speechless" comments daa...he he...amazing write as ever prats!

    n i second nan...the choice of pics are so very good n apt!

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  4. Luvly Prats! Jst wonderful! Speechless I am! :)

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  5. awesome as always!
    you do the spells of writing prats!you make every reader mesmerized.

    *hands on* and hugs for such a lovely write!
    p.s: this line brought tears in my eyes:)
    "afraid i might lose some memory if i cry."

    stay blessed!

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  6. this was so true..so helpless..if a guy would have written the same thing i wud have been mildly surprised..i wonder if they do..but yes..the thots are the same..

    :)

    lovely

    vyo

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  7. Prats,it couldn't have been better than this!

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  8. i have lived each moment mentioned above.... oh my god! i m speechless too!!

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  9. me a magician ??? thats too big a praise Nan !! :) thankuuu

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  10. @kings.. i know life is like that .. but WHY ????????

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  11. hey Sandeep ... coming from you, its such a biiiiig comment for me .. *still blinking* :D

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  12. thankuu vyo :) sm feelings are universal :)

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  13. speechless Prats..!!

    I resound exactly wat nandini said here...

    n tht heart, mind conversation.... god so much relateable...
    magician surely...

    Cheers..!!
    Arjun

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  14. Mohita, Ashrita, Kajal .. Thanku ladies !!! your every commetn is so precious :)

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