March 19, 2009
Life goes on so....
Heart : I miss him so much ..
Mind : nothing new.. you miss all your friends.... but yes, with him its different i see.. Do you love him ?
Heart : Unless you consider it romantically, yes I do love him.. He is the best person to come in my life.. and i miss him out of fear of losing him..
Mind : You doubt him ? And what will you say ? What's the reason to miss him ??
Heart : I guess he will understand it.. He should know me and also how much he is valued.
Mind : Not all candid conversations are taken in right sense. Don't act in impulse.
Heart : Well, i will have to take the risk.. I will not rest untill then.
And without letting my mind speak again, i picked up my cell and called him up. Three long rings and i reached his voicemail box. I cut the call without a word.He anyway doesnt check his voice mails.I saw the time,1:00 AM! Gosh!! he will be mad at me for being awake so late,i thought to myself as i lay down staring at the ceiling. Memories playing in my mind and tears blinding my vision.I shut my eyes to hold them back.. afraid i might lose some memory if i cry. I try his number again after every 5 min till i fall asleep.
Morning after every such night is horrible.There is a feeling of guilt in my heart to miss him so much even after i promise the reverse after every call. A feeling to stop my heart beats which are tied to his thoughts. A desire to go into deep slumber and await his return to wake up..Maybe then i will not miss him.. maybe then he too will have some peace from me.. Maybe thats what he wants but is shy to ask.. to ask me to leave him alone..
But i turn a deaf ear to such ideas and a blind eye to such implied gestures.. And with refueled hopes, i adorn a smile as i step outside my self created cocoon of memories. Another week later, i know i will be standing at these crossroads again.. Again i will miss him.. again i will cry... and next day, to be independent, again i will try.. till i either lose myself or gain him back....