March 10, 2009


I came back from college. It was 7:30. There were still 4hrs before I could talk to him. it was an endless wait. I went online hoping i would meet him online but he wasn’t there. I left him an offline message to call me if he gets free even when i knew it was a futile attempt on my side. When did he ever call me? i realised i had my college assignment to submit tomorrow but was too tired from the bus journey. Everyday travel from Faridabad to Delhi was a frantic experience. Let the assignment go to hell. I have my papers coming and the course and the books are still a mystery to me. and even with all this in my mind i was waiting for the clock to strike 11:30 so i could call him. To tell him how my day was and what all happened. It was like a daily routine. I would say more of an addiction. I went to the balcony to feel the fresh air. It was always a welcome feeling. I looked up at the moon and silently hoped that he would send my care and love to him. Confused by my feelings i went inside. What was happening to me?? i gazed at the clock and it was just 9:30. For that moment i wanted to change the course of the time. Toil of 2 hrs was still left. Sigh

Mom called for dinner and at least being with my family would keep my mind away from him even though just for a small time. I ate my dinner. I wondered if he had eaten his. After all he is so careless. I rushed the thoughts away from my mind and concentrated on my dinner. It was over and i again checked the clock. It was 10. The time passed so gradually. I went to my room. Again went online to check if there are any offline messages. There were none. I was not upset ‘cuz i am too used to his non communication and i never blame him. I never complain either. Making a mental note of complaining today i start my stroll along my room. My mom asks me to make coffee for her. Dam i don’t want to work right now. I just want to be alone with my thoughts. But i don’t have much of an option. I brew her coffee and thankfully its 11. I smile. Half an hour more and i would finally hear his voice. I ask myself why I am so anxious to talk. And like always i have a reason to convince myself that i had a bad day and i just want to share my frustrations with him. but maybe he is not even interested to hear your chatter every day. He doesn’t complain ‘cuz he doesn’t want to hurt you. But you just don’t understand. Sigh. Really, he doesn’t want to talk to me. a question that troubles me every night. And even the rose gives me a different answer every day. My eyes fell on the clock besides me. it was 11:30. Finally thank god. It was like a wait till eternity. All the questions, and the uncertainties vanish in the thin air. I shut the light. I pick up my cell and dial his number. I can see his face shining on my cell phone screen. And before i can have more glances at him he picks up. After complete 24hrs i hear his deep voice. A voice that touches my heart everyday.

Him: hi
Me: hi, How was ur day
Him: fine, how was yours
Me: fine
(a long silence is followed)
Him: what happened?
Me: nothing
Him: bata bhi de
Me: kuch ni. Bus aise hi.
Him: bolegi ni ab
Me: (silence followed by a smile and followed by a thought “thank god! He knows me so well”)
Him: hello?
Me: ya, i m there
Him: main phone rakh doon
Me: i had a bad day
Him: i could guess that, what happened
(and then finally my pata hai sessions(name given by him) start)
After all my frustration is out, i smile. I hear him tell me what i should do.
Him: mujhe bahut neend aa rahi hai
Me: *sigh* abhi to 12 hi baje hain.
Him: bol to aise rahi hai jaise meri gf hai
Me: no comments (laugh)
Him: (laughs)
Its a treat to watch him smile. My heart says a silent prayer that his smile should never fade.
Him: now will u let me sleep?
Me: sure....
Him: byes
Me: byes, gn n sd. Tc. i love you
Him: hmmm bye

And i hung up with a smile. My heart is content and calm. I have no complains with him. he doesn’t call me but i knw somewhere down the lane of his heart he does care for me. he doesn’t love me but still he does. I know. He might not say it with the frequency i want to hear it but i never complain. Because i am thankfull to even the mere presence of his in my life. He is one person who doesnt judge me by my actions but knows the real me. i person with whom i don't have to pretend being a person i am not.

Some say that i love him (even he says it sometimes). But i never accept it. I know its hard for you people to believe me. but yes i don’t love him. i am committed to him with all my blood and flesh. And i trust him like i trust no one else. But i don’t love him.

So when i think of our relation and the time that has flown past us, i don’t have many questions but sometimes i do ask myself “HUM APKE HAIN KAUN”


  1. believe me shwetha

    i've gone through the same at one point of life and couldn't agree with you more
    the endless wait, the frustration with non-communication.. i went through it all

    i could visualise everything....nice descriptive narration

    i coud relate to this experience so much

    there are some relations which hv no names....not reletives, not friends and not a lover...but nonetheless these mean a lot

  2. there exist on earth some souls that dont have any apparent relation with you but they are sent to console you for your woes and congrats you for your successes. they are meant to have an eye on your soul , your moods. and you never feel close to them for any relation but to sooth your soul and to calm your heart!they are your soul mate and so remain!

    A beauty !!

  3. Kisiki yaad aa gayi! :P

    Sounds soooooo damn familiar na? What to do with such people? We love them, we hate them... and then people say.. Its been a week since you called and then it will be a month and then a year and then you'll forget me!!! Random people :P

  4. @aparna

    hmm true some relations just cant be defined...thanks

  5. @uz

    true dear...n hnstly ur life feels incomplete widout dem...thnks a lot

  6. @rash

    hahahaha...yes pretty familiar i guess...n dey have d audacity to stay later dat u dint u rashi...mmuuuaahh

  7. shweta :) slight grammar mistakes, the piece itself is strong.

    I will second Uzra and Rash. Soul mates. Random people :)

  8. Woah..!!!Totally fatak piece..!!

    Some people are just so dear that 'love' would be a small word to describe their importance..!!!

    And about 'hum aapke hai kaun'...
    *wink wink* lemme us know when u know :P


  9. wow...i loved it so much!!
    i cud see myself other words cn explain how much i loved it..

  10. wow.. loved it... loved it... loved it...

    some relationships are undefinable.. and best left at that... coz the day u try to define, the relationship loses its charm..

    i could so relate to this post.. really good!!!

  11. @asbah

    temme dear what is the mistake n i would correct it...yes soul mates random people :P

  12. @rohan

    hehe thanks a lot...jab mujhe patah chalega to tum sabko bhi bata doongi :P

  13. @priyanka, mona

    u knw its so lovely to c dat ppl can relate to this...that tells me i m nt alone n not the only abnormal one...n i agree some relations just fall short of words

  14. Nice write Shweta! As everyone has said some relations have no names, but still sometimes they kindle hopes, hopes which one has no control over.
    As hard as u try to make them recede they emerge with an even greater strength.
    But luvd the emotions in this one. keep writing. :) nd sry fr bein late fr da comments!

  15. @mav

    thanks a lot dear....but i would tell you if the relationship is strong enough...sometimes there is even no need to recede our feelings...the best part of such a relation is that u cn be honest to any degree with him/her without the oder person bng judgeental abt is very lucky to find some one of dat sort in one's life...

  16. ohhh!!! awesome post...!! i know i know... some relations are so difficult 2 describe..!!

    Who is it btw??? tel us tel us?? But awesome post!! Nice describing style!! Sometimes u dont get an answer to that hum aapke hain kaun.......Dont worry keep wrking hard....... infact, ask d guy!! hel tell u...!!! Best of luck!!!

  17. a similar incident happened with my friend....
    and she used to call their relationship had a waiting list status. they can be together they all depends on others and god.... :)
    nice post.... :)

  18. @nik

    ohooo i was waiting for ur comment...some realtions dnt have u really want me to disclose his name...temme honestly n i ll do the for asking d guy itslf is concrnd i knw his answer already...but actually his answers also vary from time to time...but honestly on a cerious note...vat maters is not vat i think but vat he thinks...

    nywys thanks a lot dear

  19. @The Vitruvian Boy

    hahah no dis is not on waiting list status cuz i dnt think i ll be spending too much time thinking about its status...the more we think, things become more complicated...nywys thanks a lot

  20. oh yes sometimes we have some people in our life who are way beyond the worldly definitions.. beaUTIFUL :)

  21. i have a friend just like that .. call him "devil" coz of the reasons mentioned here ... thank God i dnt have to see the clock to call him when he is in India .. but now that he is in US, we dnt get to even chat only on weekends !! and yes,, we are not in love ... we cant be .. coz that will blurr the wonderful bond we forged :)

    thanks for writing this .. love ya for this ...

    and i miss ma devil now !

  22. hnnm jst dont know what to say..

    sometimes there are certain relationships which we just cant explain.. some ppl make us feel things.. which we never feel otherwise.. n be it what ever.. n how ever the other person is..its the way tht they make u feel.. n thats what counts..

    lovely post dearie.. loved it


Comments are sexy.