March 13, 2009

Andhera (Darkness)

 
Raat ke andhere se haar kar chala tha main
socha tha raahon mein roshni to hogi
dhundla sa kahi savera to milega
Koi kiran badalon se ubhri to hogi.

Sab raahon ka ant ho gaya
ab tak gum wo savera hai
socha tha raahon me roshni to hogi
aur yahaan manzil par bhi andhera hai.
 
Translation :

I walked defeated from the darkness of the night
I thought there would be light on the way
hoping I would find a faint dawn
or maybe just a streak piercing the clouds.

Now all roads have come to an end
and yet there’s no sign of a dawn
I thought there would be light on the way
but even the destination is just as dark.

***

This is my first attempt at Hindi poetry. Please be frank if you don't like it as much as my English ones and this would be my last.

11 comments:

  1. nice one
    bt i think it could be better

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  2. Nice one.. and please continue to practice, some diversification is always needed.

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  3. Good one Adi(i guess dats ur name...i picked it up frm sum members of the lounge)! Was rilly good!
    It doesnt seem like a first attempt! Offcourse, there's alway room for improvement, but still continue writing, nd dey would become more and more wonderful with each passing day!
    And this comes from a person whose just written 1 hindi poem till date! So dat makes 2 of us in the first-timers club! cheers! :)

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  4. nothin abt good or bad, keep writing, though i cant do justice to hindi poetry, practice will definitely bring in de best keep writing, english poetry was really good.

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  5. Sab raahon ka ant ho gaya
    ab tak gum wo savera hai
    socha tha raahon me roshni to hogi
    aur yahaan manzil par bhi andhera hai.

    8instead of the last line -
    pur yahaan to manzil par bhi chhaya andhera hai.


    I loved the flow and the thought Adi.. doesn't look like the first attempt. Suggested a change for the last line, coz as a master of english poetry you very well know that the last lines of the poem should hit the reader hard, especially if its a sad one.

    I hope I didnt over do it.. but I loved it.. and for a poet there is no term called 'last attempt' :)

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  6. @ adi... really good for a first attempt...!!! i loved the last line... ! keep writing... cheers!!!

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  7. @ adi.. good translation !! lol...

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  8. hey u know wht...i liked the hindi one better


    the english one's gr8 too

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  9. i guess last two lines need a bit more polish .. loved the poem neway !!

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  10. My very personal comment: I'd rather want to read you in english.

    Pink's suggestion is worth considering, but its still your poem and you are the one to decide what to do with it.

    repeats: I will still want to read you in english :)

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