The Adventures of StepMAN: Blogisode 5

To read the earlier parts Click here

# Co-written by Kajal(Pink Orchid) n Sandeep

** Starring: Stephy, Ms. Shabnam Lele, Ashrita, Nabila, Uzra, Nandhini, Anchita, Rags

Stephy was crawling up unaware of the dangers awaiting him a few feet above. Ms. Shabnam Lele was singing “Tu mera jaanu hain, tu mera dilbar hain” at the top of her voice. Stephy had reached the point where the pipe crossed the ladies bathroom. The song forced him to halt and peep within. “Meri prem kahaani ka, tu jaanu hain…Par premgranth ke panno par…apni takdeer toh zero hain”, Shabnam kept on singing unaware of the preying eyes. Stephy intervened, “Madam, its Meri prem kahaani ka, tu HERO hain……n not Meri prem kahaani ka, tu JAANU hain…gaana toh correct gaaya karo! Atleast sing in tune yaar…anuradha paudwal will commit suicide if she sees such pathetic rendition of her song!! ” Ms. Shabnam Lele just stood there dumbfounded. She was too shocked to react. It was at that moment that Stephy realized where he was. Shabnam screamed at the top of her voice, “Bachaaoooooooooooo….Bachaaaaoooooo….Nirdayiiii…Nirlajjj insaaan, Ruk main teri complaint karti hoon...badtameez student....besharam….Cheapo……..Bachaaaaoooooooo”. She hurled her green coloured towel on Stephy in an act of self defence. Stephy managed to catch it, but in trying to do that, let go off the pipe. He slipped and came down in full speed with the pipe rubbing and scratching his body and face all over. Bluppp!! He fell directly into the open sewage which he had so carefully avoided on his way up. He was dripping with a black mucous type liquid when he came out of the stinking sewage and only his eyes were visible. Stephy actually resembled a walking statue carved out of lead. He had Shabnam’s towel still tightly clutched in his hands.

It was almost 8 in the morning and he could see people all around the campus. He could not afford to head back to his room through the pipe. He was scared to do that now. He draped the towel in a flash and tried to walk towards his hostel wing. At that very moment, two girls walked out of the wing 3(girls hostel) hand in hand. They were whispering and giggling, completely unaware of Stephy’s presence. They were heading straight towards where he stood now. Stephen prayed they would be unaware of what had happened the last night at wing 1 of the girls’ hostel. An idea struck him all of a sudden and he decided to stay still like a statue. So he just froze in his position with his hands over his head. As the girls came closer, the girl towards the right budged her partner, “Hey Ashrita, look there. See they have the statue of the humpty dumpty in our campus here. Look look. My teacher never told me that Humpty Dumpty was actually this fat!! But he almost looks like he will spring back to life any moment”. Ashrita herself was amused as they approached the spot where Stephy stood, “Strange Nabila! Really strange!! How could I miss this yesterday? Pretty lifelike yaar. Cutie cutie this statue is. Shweeet. Obese-ness personified, that’s what Humpty Dumpty really was. Call Nandhini, Uzra and Anchita quickly. We will do our group studies beneath this statue from today yaar. We can use this to dry our clothes as well. See there is lot of space here. Humpty Dumpty is really huge. Wow…these 2 years are going to be so fun. Look at that belly of Humpty Dumpty…he he he he….lets hang our handbags on him. Here I go”.

Stephy did not know how to react. The jamalgota inside Stephy’s system had started showing its effect. The pressure was becoming unbearable for Stephy. He could see Nabila running to her wing from the corner of his eyes. Within a minute she was rushing back with three girls in tow. He just stood there praying to God that the girls walk away. The girl whom the others were addressing as Uzra seemed really excited at the sight of this statue. She scanned the statue from top to bottom. She turned to others and said, “Our Humpty Dumpty just has a towel on him yaar. It is so cold here in Delhi yaar. It’s freezing right now and here is our Humpty Dumpty standing only in a towle!! Agar yeh zinda hotey, toh bol rahe hote ki kaisi ladkiyaan hain jo itna bhi khayaal nahi rakhti. Lets make Humpty Dumpty a girl naa. What say? I will try to tear my old pajamas and stitch it around his waist. And this towel is so dirty. This needs a wash. Let me pull it off him and give it to the laundry". Stephy was shaking in his boots. He did not want any more embarrassment and land up the laughing stock of the college for the next two years. Uzra came forward to pull of the towel when Nandhini stopped her. “We will do it post our classes yaar. We are getting late. I chose MBA over an MS in Intelligent Systems Design and I want to do full justice to my decision yaar. Lets head for the class”, Nandhini commanded. Stephy heaved a sigh of relief. Within a few minutes there were around 15 girls standing all around him gaping in amazement. They garlanded him with their handbags and college bags. Stephy’s face was covered with bags now. He could not see a thing due to the obstruction. He didn’t budge a muscle. Stephy had his hands over his head when he had decided to play a statue. Now with all the bags on his hands and head, his hands were stuck. His stomach was paining really bad now, courtesy the jamalgota in his system. In his effort to contrast his stomach muscles to avoid embarrassment, Stephy could feel the towel slip down a little. The knot had started untying itself. He tried freeing his hands out of the tangle it had got into. “Awwwwwwwwwwwwww….Humpty Dumpty is alive……..Aaaaaawwwwwwww…”, screamed the girls in unison with Uzra’s scream overpowering the rest. The towel had started sliding off and Stephy could not get the bags off his head. Scared at the sight of their cutie statue springing back to life, the girls started running here and there. Somehow managing to free himself of the tangle and saving further embarrassment by managing to hold the towel from sliding off, Stephy made a dash towards his hostel wing. He still had all those handbags dangling on him. Ashrita, Nabila and Uzra followed him crying out aloud, “Chor….chor…chor….Pakdo…Chor Chor…chor…”. Rest of the girls joined them in the chase. Anchita and Nandhini, who had represented their State at the national level in sprint got ahead of the pack and started hurling stones at Stephy. All stones hit their target, Stephy letting out a wail each time but he dared not stop. He ran for his life with the towel tightly clutched to prevent it from sliding off. He had no clue where he was running towards. When he stopped for breath, he noticed that he was at the parking lot. The girls were nowhere in sight. Probably they had rushed back to their classes.

Stephy saw a middle aged man coming out of his shocking pink coloured Maruti Alto. His car had pictures of stars all over. The middle aged man performed a small jig after getting out of his car. The step he had done right now reminded Stephy of Mithun’s steps of yesteryears. Mithun soon made way for Dharmendra and the man started running all over. He halted all of a sudden and swayed his hands in Dev Anand style. This was then followed by the famous Hrithik dance step from Kaho Naa Pyaar Hain. The next second, he stood there with a hand on his back brooding in Amitabh style, mimicking that angry young man look. Stephy couldn’t help but laugh at this blatant display of mimicry talent. The guy did not seem like a student to Stephy. He had to be a professor. “Bada rangeen prof. hain yeh toh”, thought Stephy deep within. It was then that the guy happened to catch a glimpse of Stephy. The Amitabh Bachchan expression gave way to that of amazement. He clapped his hands like a director and looked at Stephy from bottom to top. He tried to focus his hands on Stephy, which were now functioning as an imaginary camera, and tried to zoom in. He was now going in circles around Stephy, his hands zooming in and out periodically. Then all of a sudden, he started off, “Wow. This movie promises a lot with some great performances being pitched in by its lead actors. The hero, an unknown entity, takes the audience by surprise with his heart warming rendition of a poor sewage cleaner. The fact that the director took pains to get renowned international make up artists clearly shows and is the plus point of the film. I give this stupendous film 9 star out of 10. One point cut because of the unbearable stench.” He then folded his hands into a greeting posture. Next moment, he arched his eyebrows and gave a lop sided smile, which reminded Stephy of Shahrukh Khan. He said, “Raj…..oops……Rag…..Prof. Raghav…Naam toh suna hi hoga!”

# Arjun StepTAGGED to co-write the next part with me. With two writers who churn out a lot of senti stuff to their readers joining hands, this episode is going to be one helluva "SERIOUS" emotional roller coaster....read with your tissues by ur side.....we will make you cry till you drop dead... ;-)