January 9, 2009

When Love Died

Based on true events.
Actual names.
10th October, 2003.

She was beaming like a solitary star in an inky black sky. Her hair shone like moonlight and sunlight woven together in a magnificent tapestry. I longed to run my fingers through its softness, wrap shining black strands of it around my fingers. I saw her eyes, blinking brightly, mesmerizing despite the shroud of tears that veiled her gaze.

I wished she would not cry. I wished I could make her smile instead. But that wish was beyond my reach. I realized that. Instead, if I could just reach out and catch her tears on the palm of my hands, free them from their onerous journey down her pink cheeks, my own heart wouldn’t hurt this badly.

“I’m sorry he hurt you.” I whispered, but she couldn’t hear me. Priyanka’s sobs retained sound and broke free from her in brutal, heaving bursts. After a while she hiccuped, but her cries ebbed, as if the faucet of her emotions was suddenly turned off. She sighed, defeated.

“I wish I could make it better for you.” I said. Priyanka still did not hear me, in the mild sighing of the summer’s night air amongst the persistent chirping of the crickets. I squinted, wishing that she would look at me, see me. I’m right here!

Instead she closed her eyes, long, wet eyelashes resting gently on her skin. She angrily, mournfully, pounded her small fist against her leg.

“How could he?” she cried in despair. She shook her head and the veil of her hair shimmered like starlight. She opened her wet eyes and gazed off into the starless night, at something I couldn’t see. The crescent moon hung above, wrapping its luminous arms around her in a comforting embrace.

“He doesn’t love you like I do. I would never hurt you.”  I nibbled miserably on my bottom lip. I shifted my position, as if to go to her, but a sudden shadow pooled over her frame. Priyanka looked up with glistening brown eyes, her mouth trembling. I sucked in a tortured breath, watching from the shelter of trees along the dark garden, as she stood to meet her lover. Their voices floated along the garden to greet me, mock me.

“You hurt me, Vinayak.” She said, bitterness marring the usual mellow timbre of her voice. She stood from the cement steps and turned her back on the tall penitent boy beside her. The boy gently laid a hand on her back and she seemed to melt into his touch. I choked back a sob from my hiding spot, desperate to get away, to not torture myself this way. My love was being touched by another. I felt as if my heart would literally shatter into a million shards, like fragile glass.

“If only I could tell you that I love you!” I thought desperately. “You wouldn’t need someone like Vinayak, who will only hurt you!”

“I promise. I will never lie to you again.” Priyanka looked up at Vinayak; hope skittered across her sweet face.

“You promise?” she asked, and a hesitant smile touched the corners of her lips. Vinayak nodded.

When they leaned closer, their lips touched and a strangled cry emitted deep down from my throat. The swiftness of it startled even me and I clasped my mouth with my hands but I was a moment too late. I froze in fear as the couple stared curiously in my direction.

“Who’s there?” Vinayak called out, his fists clenched at his sides, stepping towards where I hid in the canopy of trees.

“Oh!” Priyanka murmured as she noticed me. She furrowed her brow, and a look of disgust darkened her features.

“Vinayak.” she whispered. “It’s that creepy guy from school who keeps staring at me all the time.”

Vinayak moved forward to reach for me, but she laid a restraining hand on his arm.

“Let him go.” She said and they stared at me and I stared vacantly back.

“Creepy? Did she just call me creepy?”
A horrible, piercing hollow filled my guts and I clutched my stomach.

“My love, my light, thinks I am strange?”

“B—but I love you!” I blurted out finally, as if the mere words aloud could convince her of my sincerity. I pictured her in my mind, smiling at me, holding out her hands to grasp mine, her lips meeting my cheek. But instead, she snorted, “Love me? You don’t even know me!” She exchanged amused looks with Vinayak who no longer looked threatened but pleased.

“Go home, kid.” He said. “Leave this to the big boys.” And he winked at me. I struggled to breathe, feeling as if a burning hot knife had pierced my chest.

“She is laughing at me.” I thought, dazed. “What kind of a person laughs at another’s pain?”

“I—I’m sorry.” I muttered, backing away in haste. “I made a mistake.” I turned and fled through the bushes, ignoring the slaps and scratches of branches and thorns on my bare skin and the tingle of tears as they raced down my cheeks. I retreated, heart-broken, to the sound of Priyanka’s laughter, loud and cruel, and it was then that I realized that my love had died.


  1. Again as usual...touchy,,,,extremely touchy.....

    Btw, u said its a true story..really?

    Anyways, excellent write...u made me feel the pain man...i share it. It really does kills u from inside when this thought resides in you that the one you love, doesnt love you back.

    It does sends pangs of pain throughout the mind and the body...

    Caution fr ppl wid a weak heart: Extremely emotional stuff...!!!

  2. agree with 'the silent soul'
    very touching...n sad...its a real story...ohh..i cn understnd how it wud hav felt...cud feel d pain....ya...it hurts badly n terribly ven d person whom u love wid all ur heart doesnt love u back...
    n den d girl even laughed at his pain..ohh..killing...
    kya yaar..mera naam kharab kar diya.. :P

    but i alwys wanted to ask u adi...u post ur true stories...which makes me wonder (shock wud b a bettr word)..dat how many times do u get in n out of love?? cnt understand how?? :o

  3. yeah, poignant, touching, emotional!

    God, sometime i wonder if i would post something other than that as a comment to your posts. they're just too good!

    am I biased? duh, who said I cant be?

    good stuff, really. although i wonder at the 'go home kid' part, was the girl elder to him? since the school bit was also mentioned there!

  4. beautiful! the pain is very much felt through the words!

  5. @silent soul : Yes it is a true story. I agree I am a bit too emotional and it has always caused me pain but I guess that's just the way I have been made.

    @priyanka : Priyanka was my first love and we did end up together later and broke up after some time but that's another story. In fact, I started my blog to write abt her. Otherwise I have been emotionally attached to some girls but could never 'love' them. To answer your question, I've only been in love twice, once with her and now with Shreya. :)

    @.a. : when vinayak had said that, he didnt mean it literally, he meant that loving priyanka was beyond my reach. She was my age and yes we were in school together.

  6. God!
    This was a captivating read. I was forced to read it to the very end by some strange will of the wisp.

    It hurts so much more to realise at the end that i can relate to it.

  7. Reminded me of 2 things:

    1. My school crush who wasnt just that :P

    2. The tag line of a very sidey Hindi movie which said " Teenage attraction isnt love"

    It hurts when the person you like/love doesnt reciprocate. Maybe we can still live with it but that they find our love so worthless that they laugh at it, it outright insulting.. And to be insulted by one's love is the worst kind.. I think you have struck a chord with each one here :)

    As usual, gr8! Wish there were better adjectives but you know what we mean!

  8. that was a heart wrenching post...

    nice description and nararation

    i could see the events wrapping in front of my eyes ...i could relate to the paain of him

    keep writing!

  9. Gosh !! that was touching indeed ...


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