January 13, 2009

The Pain of Losing

Nisha had been in love. It was an emotion she could not understand. He taught her the meaning of love. But today, she had yet another emotion, another feeling that she couldn’t understand. It was the feeling of emptiness. Emptiness she had never felt before. Her eyes searched for him. But he was nowhere. He was far away from her. He had left her all alone in this gruesome world. He had been her best friend since childhood, someone with whom she had shared the deepest and the darkest secrets. He had been her support all her way from adolescence to being an adult. In this hollowness, someone called for her. Nisha tried to hear but couldn’t concentrate. Someone shook her but she dint respond. They finally woke her up from the deep sleep of vacuum. The nurse told Nisha “You should call his parents”. Nisha called his home. All she could say was “Raj....Accident....Yashoda Hospital” and she hung up. She couldn’t explain to herself. What the blood hell was going on?? Everything had gone numb. It was as if she was placed in a crowd and yet she was all alone. She didn’t cry. She was just as silent as death. Raj’s parents came rushing into the hospital and were themselves shocked to find the cold, dead – body of their hale and hearty son. It was unbelievable. Their pain was inconsolable. Someone grabbed Nisha back to her home. Who was this person who was taking her away from her love?? But she couldn’t speak. She couldn’t shout. She couldn’t complain. Nisha was forlorn in her thoughts so deeply that she could not comprehend her surroundings. And before she knew was unconscious. After two days Nisha regained her consciousness. And that is when it struck her. She had lost Raj. He had died. That was first time she had tears in her eyes....Tears of desperation.....Tears ‘cuz of the pain of losing him. Her fairy tale was over. It was just yesterday he had proposed her. Their marriage was fixed for two months from now. She couldn’t believe it. Nisha was awestruck by the irony of life. The next day Nisha went to his grave and cried and wailed hoping his tears might melt him and make him come back to her. She waited the whole day for some miracle to occur. She lay besides his grave till her eyes couldn’t pour any more.

After two years, I saw Nisha again at Raj’s grave. I heard her and this is what she had to say -

“I come to your grave every day, to talk to you. People tell me you can’t hear me because you are gone. I just tell them that you might be gone in their eyes but not in mine. You are still in my heart and you always will be. I cry when I think of you but people ask me why? I just tell them how if felt about you and I still love you and that I miss you so much. But they just tell me that there is no point in still loving you ‘cuz you are gone and you will never come back. And I agree with them. You are gone but you will never be forgotten. I promise....
I pray to God to keep you safe so that I can meet you again in the heaven. I try to be happy but I can’t when I know that I won’t be hearing your voice again. I never thought you would ever leave me. I even asked God why, why did he have to take you and hurt me so much. But he never replies. I wish I could see you one last time, so I could say goodbye. I never knew this could have happened....no one did.
Even thinking about you makes me cry. But ma tells me not to cry and think about all the good past memories. But I said I can’t do it without you because I need your smile and feel your touch while we smile together and look at the good memories.
I know you will never give up on me ‘cuz you loved me a lot. And I will also love you till eternity!!!!”

I had tears in my eyes. She kept his favourite red roses on the grave and left. People say she comes here every day. Yes they call her insane. The pain of losing him had driven her insane!!!!

P.S. Inpired from Rashi's "Till death do us apart"


  1. Oh Thanks! I have become inspirational. :)

    Insane or not, is like the debate of normal or abnormal. But all I can see is a person who loves someone. Love that is so deep that when it goes away there is nothing but vacuum. Not even empty air can take its place!

    What is name btw? M sorry but I would like address you as something better than I, me :P

  2. @rashi

    yes true...the emptiness love leaves cant be filled by anything.

    i am shweta :)

  3. or as pink orchid akka kajal calls me tweety :P

  4. spelling mistake...it is not loosing, it should be losing

  5. Hi there!

    Is this a true story or fiction??
    Seems like my own story!!

  6. @tripti

    its fiction as well as parts of it are true...

  7. @Shweta...I like Tweety :P

  8. rashi... u seem to be inspiring great writers to write even greater writes!! :)

    nicely penned shweta...! :)

    @rashi's 2nd comment:
    Tweety? (*confused*)

  9. thanks leo....

    and tweety is vat kajal calls me...and rashi inquired my name and i gave her a choice bw shweta and tweety...she chose the latter :P :)

  10. that was really touching

    u play wih emotions shwetha!
    true love can never be forgotten

    the pain of the gal u described is so intenseful

    great post!

  11. @aparna

    u flatter me gal...yes true love can never be forgoten..thanks fr the appreciation...

  12. touching yaar
    really ....its really very sad when v lose our loved ones....nicely potrayed


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