December 19, 2008

The Rain Storm.


As I lay in my bed, trying to sleep, I heard a spattering of rain outside. I turned over, trying to hear it better. I had always loved rain at night.

Come on,’ I thought. ‘Become a huge, loud thunderstorm. Reflect my mood. Be a real-life symbol.

The rain splashed lightly against my window and the wind whistled, but it did not escalate further.

Lately, I had been feeling less than human. It was hard for me to say just what was wrong. Everything was the same as always. The same people, work. Nothing had changed. But then, perhaps that in itself was the problem. Pinpointing my issue seemed impossible to me. My life wasn’t bad enough for me to call myself ‘depressed’ but I was never happy. I felt hollow, like something was missing. I couldn’t tell what was missing, though, and that lack of knowledge made me constantly unhappy.

So I then poured myself into little bits of everything, for short periods of time. Today I drew something wonderful, and tomorrow I would write my award-winning novel. Friday I would dance like nothing else. Saturday would be devoted to music: Violins, iPods, anything with a hot beat and a catchy tune. But nothing ever lasted. My life was on repeat. Every week was identical. My outlets came back to haunt me.

But I hadn’t exploded, at least not yet. I came home and cried almost daily, but I had yet to finally let everything out and just scream. I hadn’t thrown anything, or hit anyone. My sanity felt like it was ebbing slowly away, but I was physically unhurt.

And that’s when I realized that I was already just like the storm. The storm, the rain, the wind, they were all quiet. The rain painted my window with tears, the same way my eyes managed to produce them every evening. The wind was noisy, but it could not overpower the sound of the rain against my window. It didn’t scream or break anything. But it was there, quietly making itself known to the world to me.

So I realized as I lay there, trying to drift off to sleep, that there didn’t have to be a huge thunderstorm to reflect a type of sadness. The quiet misery I felt was embodied in that quiet rainstorm. I had found a real-life symbol, but somehow, I didn’t feel much better.

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Word Count: 400

9 comments:

  1. This is ME !!! just perfect to describe me at this instant in life or any time wen one is stuck with some things ... not knowing to move on ... well written !! i loved it ... one of the best in the contest :)

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  2. I loved the last line..If this is true, then once you have felt this way..This will get better. Only when you have hopes, do they get crushed.. But when you are in despair and things just cant get better...The only way to go from there is up! Only better :D

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  3. Wonderful Jeevy like always! I'm glad that you are a part of WL now!

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  4. Man..!! Really nice...

    I agree with Rashi..!!

    Cheers..!!
    Arjun

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  5. That was a wonderful post.. all of us try to look for a real life symbol when we are down.. especially when it is raining.. beautifully said.. :)

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  6. doesn't count as a story, much of a rant though but something that ever one can relate to. We're thankless people, always striving for something which is so beyond our grasp.. always whining at it.

    I love the way you write away emotions to this story. how you related life with rain! really nice :)

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