December 2, 2009

End of the fog

‘The window is hazy, its fog again.’ He thought as he removed his thick blanket and got out of bed. He looked at his face in the blurred mirror. Hi eyes felt like hollow sockets. He was feeling a little nervous now. He was to meet her today.

‘Hey’ she said as he saw him coming, and gave him a light hug.

‘It’s been a long time’ he said.

‘Yeah, sit, you look very weak’ she asked.

‘Yeah I am a little.’

‘Your cap looks good’

‘Well I had a little hair loss that’s why.’

They talked for a few minutes about college days and as he thought he should say what he has to, she stood up.

‘Ok Ravi, I would be leaving’ she said.

‘Kavita, I have cancer.’


‘Last stage.’ He paused and looked into her eyes. ‘I would live for not more than a month.’

‘Docs insist I stay in the hospital but I feel irritated by that place.’

‘Oh, you should stay there if they say so.’ She sat down.

‘Well I was thinking . . .’


‘If I could spend the rest of my time with you?’


‘You can come over to my place and . . .’

‘And what will we be doing?’

‘In mornings you go to work, in evenings, we will spend time together, and talk, and roam about.’

‘Are you crazy?’

’What ...’

’No tell me, are you mentally retarded?’

’See...we were friends... I thought..’

’What friends, one talks to you for two days and you morons just climb up the sleeves?’

’I thought. . .’, his throat was heavy.

‘Shut up, just shut your foul mouth, I already have a boyfriend, and you know that.’

’I won't even touch you, I swear.’


‘I’ll cook for you.’

’Oh? What else?’

’I’ll bring flowers for you, and put them in your hair.’

’ha ha ha !’

’We will talk all day.’ His eyes were red with tears

’Get lost moron.’

She stood up and started to walk, he caught her hand.

‘Kavita, wait . . .’

She slapped him on his face.

‘Why don’t you commit suicide today, you are going to die anyways.’ She walked away.

The sun was out and the fog was disseminating. Teary eyed, he saw her walking away, he believed she was right, he knew what he had to do now.

Word Count: 398


  1. ok...first off this story has a lot of potential..but it needs quite some finishing.

    for one thing, the girl's attitude at her friend's condition is too crass, no one talks like that. i understood what you were trying to bring across, it should have been done more subtly and with a lot more emotion so that the reader feels sorry for this man's situation.

    nevertheless, i think you can develop it and make it much better

    (don't mean to be overly critical, just trying to be helpful)


  2. Very true. Because this is cut out from the original that I have written which came to around 740 words.

  3. Anyhow i do not believe just because her attitude is crass it's impossible to be so, people do talk like that.

  4. hmm..good one...not much of emotional drama as i thot it wud hv wen i read abt he n she.....

    Jus the fact tht he says Cancer n she doesnt eve ngv a small bit of sympathetic reaction seems too harsh for a girl..thts wat i wud wanna say....


  5. I can't blve that a gal can be like this.... so so so harsh!!! might be she don't wanna be with him.. but this is sharp on the face to that guy... could've been bit more better I guess Varun :) :)

  6. @Urvashi @Meow

    Thanks a lot for your comments. Even I have never been a fan of exaggeration as an art to bring out one's point, as philosophers do in their works. So this perplexes me because I thought such behavior of a girl might entirely be possible though a little more rare.

    I believe our behavior is sometimes lot more affected by previous bad experiences and memories than by current situations. Quite possible that the girl had been with a dying loved one before and living through the same again is too much painful for her, simply too much to take in, human mind is complex. Even then you may contend that her behavior could be different, but then possibilities are numerous.

    I would never want to come down to explain like this but I never wanted to pull my work into realms of unreal as well. :) Let me know your views guys.

  7. hey varun...

    you don't have to get down to explaining the possibilities...we are all writers here...much appropriately... we thrive on creating the unreal and forcing it down upon the rest of the world as reality...

    but then again...think about it...even in a fit of rage...what person would say 'kill yourself anyway' to a dying man... i'm not saying it isn't possible... just that to your readers it has to seem probable

    but then i guess since it's a cut out version, it would seem more in context in its original version. my text turned out to be 1500 words, and when i cut it down it didn't have anything of substance left!

    anyway...happy writing!


  8. @sanz

    Thanks for understanding it in such an objective way. It's rare.

  9. really touching

    i hate kavitha

    she should have granted his last wish in the dying days

    well done!

  10. sometimes feeling sorry for a person means ur insulting him... and in the dying days at least, should he not live with some dignity. It's not the girls fault he is dying or she does not have feelings for him...

  11. @Aparna

    I agree to an extent, but there would be a very strong dilemma with her as well, staying with a guy, isn't that a big deal after all? What do you say?

  12. @h

    well said bro, it was not her fault at all, is was the circumstances that posed a two pronged question to her, in a way she skipped the question.

    But about the guy, I mean, when he wanted her to live with him, where does dignity come into picture, do you mean to say it was wrong and undignified of him to ask her to live with him?

  13. No I meant to expect sympathy in your dying days is not dignified , as a matter of fact, i consider it beneath my dignity to expect sympathy from anyone even in the pink of my doesn't matter if he wants to stay with her not...I can understand the want to stay with a woman, what I cannot understand is going on your knees for doing that..why not just use your savings for an awesome prostitute :)

  14. Yes he tried to gain sympathy, but for a reason I believe. May be it's not his want to stay with a woman, it's his want to stay with 'her'. And then I believe he did not plead, he just tried to convince her. Anyhow in some cases your belief of it would depend on how you perceive the story.


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