He had heard me! All those silent pleas....pleading with him to end it.....all those senseless debates of how stretching it any further would serve no purpose.......those moments when tears rimmed my eyes but struggled to flow out.....as if not wanting to let go. He had finally answered!
I opened my eyes to the realization that today it would end. He had promised that he would let me have it my way. I got up, dressed in clothes that were the most comfortable and strolled out, my feet for once deciding the way ahead, neglecting the logical arguments of the mind. I found myself at the beach....the one which had always been my love....but had never found it all to myself. I walked up to the point where the dry sands kissed the wet mud, its wetness replenished time and again by the surging waters.
I closed my eyes and told him what I wanted. When, once again, I slowly opened my eyelids, the blackness and the daze of having closed them for too long, receding, I saw that my wish had indeed been granted. The beach was devoid of every other living being....the weather had just turned into the most beautiful type....where clouds partially mellowed the sun by veiling its aura......a slight breeze, of the most comforting kind flowing in over the waters, carrying with it the myriad scents of the unknown mysteries hidden by the fathomless sea!
I sat down in the sand, bare feet. I picked up a handful of sand and watched it drift away with the wind, tried holding on, unsuccesfully, the grains flowing free deflected at the whim of the wind, as if they did not care for a second where they landed up when the wind stopped. I saw my life etched on each one of those grains, tiny specks, but holding infinte meaning.....I saw myself floating around just like that grain of sand, with drafts of life buffeting me around.....I saw myself wandering without a care in the world....lost in my dreams, my illusions, my beliefs.......never once looking back, always sure that the path I chose for life was right, because I made it that way.
The waves rolling in, surging with a will, vying with each other to reach the coast first, only to turn into breakers and fizzle out as they caught sight of the shore, their fancied destination......made my heart ache, nostalgia rising up, welling like a tsunami where every memory as vivid as it can get, flashed past in a slow graceful arc....a virtual slideshow of moments.....ephemeral instants of legitimate joy, almost infallibly succeeded by the darkest, deepest kind of pain.....I was living it all over again, but I had asked for this....For one final time to relive it, to try and capture every face that had seemingly mattered to me in a waterproof packing, embalmed to remain untouched, eternally perfect in my soul. The seabreeze enticed me, inviting erstwhile thoughts, meshed together in my brain in varying shapes and sizes, giving birth to words, words which had been my sole companions though my journey.
I picked up a dry twig, forsaken by its parent plant, now shrivelled but hardened due to its acceptance of the fact that no one would want it now. Yes, this perfectly suited my need for a pen. I started scribbling words in the sand, blurred letters, my makeshift pen swirling through the specks of sand, marking them, temporarily with the emotions rising deep inside my heart. I knew these words were fleetingly brief, momentary, sure to be blown away by a sudden daft blow of the flowing wind, or wiped away by the sweeping completeness of the
sea. But that didn't bother me. It had always been that way, nothing that could be called eternal ,everlasting had happened to me. And so I kept writing. Gradually as the day wore on, which was quite difficult to tell, considering that my wish about the weather being perfect all day had been granted; the sand surrounding me was etched with words.....everywhere, so that anyone who looking at this sight from above would feel that an entity had been held captive, confined with bonds of mere words!
And then I saw the sun, slip out from beneath the curtain of the clouds and sink, imperceptibly beyond the horizon, all along staining the sea with shades of the most majestic hues that I had ever known. It was time.....just as the first shadows of the swaying palms stealthily crept up to me, nudging me, making me aware of the fact that this was the end....of my wish.....I stood up, sand rustled down my clothes in a fluid motion, as if signalling that the last of my relations to this place had ended, broken as every other bond had in all these years. Savouring the crusty dry taste of salt, that the wind out on the sea inevitably leaves in your mouth, I walked upto the waves lapping at my feet. The first touch drained me of all my fears.......I waded in some more, the water swirling in around me, embracing me, as if I were a long lost son.....I felt the relief of forgetting all my hurt, all my pain, in the arms of a loved one....I stepped forward and the last sight that I saw was the moon just peeking out in the company of a few lonely stars...The sea rushed in around me to fill out the void inside me, which I had always wished would happen, I thanked him for granting me my last wish.....And I let go!!!!
PS: Cross Posted @ my Blog