April 22, 2009

Never leave meh -2 !!


Each time
you go away
The distance gets longer
Drifts me crazy, makes me empty
it hurts!

Each time
you go away
I feel like a prisoner
a stranger in a no-name town
it hurts!

Each time
you go away
the days are dead again
feel no breath left inside of me
it hurts!


My first attempt on Cinquain, Thanks Tan for the inspiration :)

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14 comments:

  1. Aparna (Life Takes)Wednesday, April 22, 2009 10:59:00 AM

    beautiful !

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousWednesday, April 22, 2009 12:20:00 PM

    wow !!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousWednesday, April 22, 2009 2:29:00 PM

    Awee!! Love it! And feels it!

    ReplyDelete
  4. PULKITWednesday, April 22, 2009 3:15:00 PM

    nostalgic! brought back something...

    ReplyDelete
  5. hasHAN hazaRIKAWednesday, April 22, 2009 3:27:00 PM

    @ Aparna

    Thank you :)

    @ Prats
    what was that? was expecting some critism sm apppriciation.That was my first attempt.

    WOW - Wastest Of wastes :) hehe..:D

    ReplyDelete
  6. hasHAN hazaRIKAWednesday, April 22, 2009 3:29:00 PM

    Thank you Princess.

    @Pulkit

    Nostalgic haah :p..Thank you bro :))

    ReplyDelete
  7. SPWednesday, April 22, 2009 3:36:00 PM

    very heart touching indeed.. beautiful, felt the pain.. it really hurts.. thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. hasHAN hazaRIKAWednesday, April 22, 2009 4:07:00 PM

    hey 'Roshni'..the light..beautiful name :).. Thank you dear :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousWednesday, April 22, 2009 4:53:00 PM

    waste ?? yeah ... i can see my comemnt was taken as waste :( :(

    WoW has only one emaning for me ... and its definitely in a veryyy GOOD sense ! dunno abt u :P

    ReplyDelete
  10. hasHAN hazaRIKAWednesday, April 22, 2009 5:31:00 PM

    hahaha...Ok.. i will take your sense. igot lotza..:P :P :P

    n I am glad u liked it.
    Tan told me its like 2.4.6.8.2 syllables..this the only rule i followed..is there anything more??

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousWednesday, April 22, 2009 5:42:00 PM

    thats the true cinquain :)

    there is another type too .. taught to kids !! I wrote that too long back and then you can even mix the two .. will search the other and tell u :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. TanWednesday, April 22, 2009 6:00:00 PM

    Tell me too Pratibha...

    Well Hashan, that was a series of Cinquains!!! I'm very happy that you tried it... nice write, nice poem.. and as Roshni said... "very heart touching"

    Keep it up ... :)

    Just one thing:
    "I feel like a prisoner" has 7 syllables!!! It should be 6, as per rule...

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousWednesday, April 22, 2009 7:51:00 PM

    lovely!! :D

    ReplyDelete
  14. hasHAN hazaRIKAThursday, April 23, 2009 7:00:00 PM

    Thank you Tan..:)

    yea man i counted it later and it has 7 syllables..will take care of this from next time..too lazy to replace with a oter line :)

    Thank you so much Kajal ji... i mean kajal..:P

    ReplyDelete

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