January 1, 2009
I stood there with a scarf in one hand and an empty hope in the other. My hair hung below the shoulders, carefree, and dejected. Half of them covered my face. But..I...continued standing there. The tube dress I wore was beautiful. It would have looked even more beautiful if someone else would have worn it!! My head bowed down, I was tired. I had come running towards him to catch hold of his heart. But...I was too late!! Though I reached him, I was far away from him. His words echoed in my ears...."Shane, I'm done with you!!" And I stood there with a scarf in one hand and an empty hope in the other.
There was no tear, no nothing!! I could only feel one thing at that time...his sorrow. He must have been so shattered before saying those five words to me!! He'd have broken many times before talking to me about this...He'd have been through a lot of turbulence while thinking of the times we spent together. The times where the only happy soul was that of mine. He had been so quiet..and I had been so stupid of not understanding what his silence meant. But, I didn't revolt...I knew this would happen some day!! I knew it!! I just knew it!! But what I was unaware of was that he would do it so brutally!! He's not the one to be blamed. Not at all!! If in this relationship, there is someone faulty, that's me!! Has to be no one but me!! I understand it!
Hasn't it always been about my problems?? About my hardships?? About my sorrows?? About my tears?? I lost in myself so much that I forgot his tormented mind. It had to happen. It's good it happened this way!! Thank god it happened his way. Thank god it happened so brutally...so I could dream down my confessions. Earlier his five words used to be.."Shane, you're my chocolate mousse." I'm left with "used-to-be's" and I deserve every bit of it!
The moment he brushed past me, I had nothing left with me. Suddenly, I realized that I was without him now. But, I was sure he would find someone much better than me...someone who has lesser tough turns in her life. One who gives him closure..not demand it...Someone who sings for him and doesn't wait for him to give the beat. Someone who accompanies to the parties more often...Someone who doesn't have many responsibilities. Someone who loves him more than he loves her. God, if you're listening, please, don't break his heart. Let him find his better half and not his worse. God..please...bestow him with the music of his life and leave him with the best symphonies. Let him forget the untuned strings...help him forget me!!...
"Shane...what are you thinking?? You okay?? You went off to sleep..Am I that boring??"
"What were you dreaming of??"
"I was praying."
"Of a better music for your life!"
"Huh???? What's that supposed to mean?"
"It's best you don't think over it."
"I'm so fed up of your *deep* lines..."
And both of them left the scene. Shane untied her scarf and held it in her hand. He looked at her and gave a what-do-I-do-with-this-girl smile!! She smiled back and rested her head on his shoulder and dropped a tear!!