December 7, 2008

Lost..the sorrow...

The usual hangout. The Galleria in Phase IV, Gurgaon. The usual shorts and jersey. The usual violet nail paint. The usual gray car. The usual friends. But this time, all of it seemed different. Though it was all usual, nothing was the same anymore. Accepting my parents' split was one of the most difficult things to digest. But now that my stomach is fine (sorry for the poor jokes, i have a very dry sense of humor), I am somewhat happy. I am happy that even when I have goosebumps on my legs, I still love wearing my shorts. Something changed. Something which turned me upside down. From the quiet girl I had always been, to a not-so-quiet chic. No, it isn't my dance classes. Something else. I have no idea. These days there's only one thing which worries me...I'm losing readers here!!! :(
Other than that, I don't really have much to worry about. Studies were never really a worrying part. I know I'll do it. Relationships can never worry me. I know how to handle them..perfectly.'ll understand one day that love is what binds them. Maybe the love they had was never there, but they loved me. And their love for me will bring them together...someday..I'm sure...I'm hopeful.

Coming back to Phase IV. I got out of the same gray car. I met friends. Adaah, Raghav, Daksh, Malvika...everyone hugged me as if I met them after a long time. I felt strange...very strange, indeed. I asked them to jump in the car. It was my turn to give 'em a treat. A treat??? Of what?? What was I celebrating?? I have no clue. I drove considerably slower. I pulled over my house, went upstairs, changed into a very cute dress, let my hair loose and got back to the bodies in the car. I turned on the started... I used to think that I could not go on... And life was nothing but an awful song... But I know the meaning of true love... I'm kneeling on the everlasting arms...

No prizes for guessing.It's "I believe I can fly". I still remember my mom and dad used to sing this one for me whenever I cried. It always made me feel special and hopeful. Adaah looked at me, awestruck. She said, "I can't believe it's really you! You're dressed so cutely, your hair is in place..for the first're driving slow with R.Kelly's song!!! You sure you okay???"
I smiled and continued looking in the front. Raghav joked, "Oh, I know!! It's her migraine attacks. She had couple of them on Friday. The pukes took away all her insanity. Shit man!! Now we'll have to listen to these heavy ballad songs!!"

These guys didn't stop making fun of me, but I was okay. They didn't stop me from taking them out of the city. Soon we were about 40 kms away from the city..on the Jaipur highway. I pulled over. We stepped out and were mesmerized to see huge farms with lush green vegetation. The wind was beautiful. I and Adaah sat on the car's bonnet. The guys and Malvika sat on a tree trunk. It was so peaceful...The song played on its max volume. The wind ruffled through our hairs, tickeling us and telling us that we're not alone. At that moment, each one of us were silent and I'm sure all the others were thinking of everything they lost. Raghav lost her sis. Adaah lost her love. Daksh lost his faith. Malvika lost her nanny. And I.... lost the sad side of my life. Pretty soon, all of us jumped on the ground to give R.Kelly some company. We sang at the top of our voices.
...I believe I can fly...I believe I can touch the sky...


  1. awww dearie..

    dont know what to say..

    but i do love that song.. especially when i am really down.. n i am lost not knwing what to do next..

    hope all is well.. take care..

  2. ohh... Tats gr8 for u..!! n Sry abt ur parents...
    "The wind ruffled through our hairs, tickeling us and telling us that we're not alone" I loved this line....
    I could understand u in the post... :)


  3. @ Ani
    I love the song way too much..and thanks for reading :)
    All will be well...I betcha...

    @ Arjun
    Thanks buddy!! and am sorry about them as well..but am hopeful :)
    I too love that line..
    thanks once again

  4. hey good for u ..u have written it well ...

    i belive i can fly i can tough the sky..

    even i like this song

  5. u knw wht

    that song brings hopes at time when u r low ....nice i really felt good and sorry abt ur parents

  6. Thanks a lot Ste..
    am glad to know that ur happy 4 me...
    and as far as parents are concerned...
    they'll be back..I'll bring them back :)
    after all I believe I can fly..I believe I can touch the sky..


  7. i believe if you have a faith and determination to do something, you can definitely do that..always keep that faith that you will bring them together and one day they will i am sure,

  8. poignant!! d song has a beautiful soul.......just keep singing it n all will be well dear :)

  9. i can relate to the dry-sense of humor, lately a friend was telling me that his wife's going to be a lucky one and i retorted with a 'after you'll die' .. supposed to be a joke, he never laughed :(

    Adaah first sounded as asbah, and i wonder when did we meet :P may be in dreams...

    lovely post...

    recently read this quote, by Aristotle i believe:

    Nothing is going to last, so never be elated in pleasure and depressed in sad times..

  10. Reminded me of home .... my place is 50 kms from Gurgaon .. on the delhi-jaipur highway ... i just love the roads there !! n lovely post indeed ... truly heartfelt :)

  11. It doesnt matter why we are sad, what matters is that it hurts.. Friends are a great source of solace in times like these.. Maybe I cant relate to the exact situation you are in but I know the pain and the feeling that nothing is going to be the same ever again... Remember that is for the better... If things never changed than bad things wouldnt get better..Something when you realise that you have hit rock botton, it is good to remember that things just cant get worse than this...And hence, it can only get better :)

    keep your hopes high and if you need it, your "e-friends" are always there to hear you out :D

  12. @ Ste
    yes Sir!!

    @ Jack
    ur right..after all, without hope, we have nothing..

    @ Shruti
    yup..I'll do that..Thanks :)

    @ Di
    Trust me, I laughed on that joke of you've got some company :)
    And Adaah is my little Hitler.. lol..

    And that quote is just so .... deep..
    Thanks a lot :)

    @ Pretty Me
    Oh cool...I am often found driving there...mostly towards Behror..
    anyways..thanks a lot for reading

    @ Rashi
    Aww..thanks a lot sweaty...
    Friends are always very supportive.. and I'm never giving up my hopes..ever!!
    and e-buddies are also my strength...

  13. i love the way you blend a song in almost every narration of yours...seldom have i read your pieces without a song making its way into the narrative..and you do it that everyday feel to the entire if you are living the moment...good one...belief...its this 6 letter word that makes all the difference...cheers!


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