December 10, 2008

Even she is a Woman...


Her life was full of struggle and despair. Was being poor the only curse for her?Working as a maid in a rich mans house ,was all she expected since she was abandoned by her in-laws .Since then ,her life was full of nightmare.She was a widow and left with a 3 year old son. Her husband was swept away by the torrents on a rainy day.There was no one to support her nor provide solace to her.After that she started working as a maid in Seth Rama Saheb’s house for a low wage of 850 Rs.

Several thoughts were running through her mind as she was preparing Chappati’s for her master.The meteorological department had predicted heavy rainfalls for the next 72 hours.She had left her son alone in her house.She lived in a slum area in Dharavi, low lying area and which was easily prone to floods .She was in tears when she was preparing salads.The old thoughts that was washed away by rains again came into picture.Life without a companion is like a rudderless boat.What could a single mother do without her husbands support.She wept and her face turned red.She was cursing her fate for living a life like this.She had done her basic education ,but to vain was refrained from working.Like other children she wanted her son to succeed in life.Butunder such circumstances and with a salary of 850 Rs,what would she do?.Her pale skin and gracious eyes got moist due to the tears.She looked around to see if it was raining. There was a heavy downpour. Even the clouds would not stop crying after seeing her frown.Little Munna must be sleeping at home.A little pelt of rain might cause the house ceiling to crack,eventually leading to leakage.It was 9:30 pm.She asked her Memshab if she could go.She hurried as soon as she got a nod from her boss. It was raining like cats and dogs outside the bungalow.She expected the rains to halt.She waited near a banyan tree for 15 minutes,but rain didn’t stopped pouring.She sighted a young kid of Munna’s age who was playing with his parents.She glared at that child and pondered if even her son was lucky enough to be like him.It was dark.She was walking on the footpath with a plastic bag covering her body.”Oh! Munna”,she soon rushed for her home as her son was alone.


Word count = 399


PS:Want your views regarding this story and my previous story ....

31 comments:

  1. nice ! yet to read the previous one ... i edited my story too .. please give another read !

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  2. This was better than the previous story ....
    This one's was "Stephenousque" kind....

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  3. Hey nice Stephen ... thanks for not making the end more sorrowful ... More of rains in this, than the previous one ... I liked both though ... Keep it up!

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  4. phew! finally something different.. really loved the story,

    acha, i wanted a different end for this story too, may be a sad one like the roof fell off.. and if i put my gory side aside, there could have been a happy ending too, like the boy could have found the hidden will where it is stated that the biggest mall in the town actually belonged to the boy, or on a more fictional one, the little boy would discover that he was in fact the reincarnation of superman and fly off..

    or maybe that the side wall of the home would fell revealing some gold coins etc!

    but then, your story deserves the fate you decide for it :)

    it is good the way it is :)

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  5. Superman?

    WOW!!

    Superthought!!

    lol ...

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  6. asbah

    u naa

    wait till i get to kick u girl!!!!


    all i have is just 400 words

    wht do u expect me to write within 400 words haaan

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  7. nicer attempt. but i like the previous one..maybe coz i always wanna have some boy-girl *love* :)

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  8. Liked the previous one a lot.

    This one is also good.

    :)

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  9. Awww... Loved the simple ending..Bcas most often than not thats how my thoughts are... Exaggerated but then comes down to bare basics...I liked this one better :)

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  10. i liked the previous one ste...but ofcourse only when you try to cut down on some useless characters who are just there for the sake of being there...if you could cut on that and stress more on the last para..that one is too good...this one is good too...you are trying to pull every emotional string that exists in the reader..he he he...dharavi se lekar end tak...hehe...

    you could have ended it like..fast forward....the boy trying to slit his mothers throat demanding the Rs. 850 salary she has just got from her master....which he wants for visting Champakali who runs her business down the lane....and his mother thinks...is this what i wanted my son to become? is this called "success"? is this why i had saved every penny of my hard earned stuff? is this why i had starved on numerous occasions and fed him till he was full? i would rather go childless in my next birth......(The End)

    *sniff* *sniff*...oh man..wat a senti ending...he he...joking ste...just scribbled an imaginary end coz was desperate for a break after a hectic session of work...and how can i resist an opportunity to pull your leg ;-)

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  11. What an Ending Sandeep (Twin?) .. This is what is expected from a tired worker, like you ... good that you do not do overtime, or we would have had great endings to great stories like this ... Thanks ... :p

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  12. u idiot

    u always pull my legs haan

    stupid

    vaise 3 yrs old boy will go to champakali

    hope u did it when u were 3 yr old

    stupid

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  13. man dont make fun of my story maan

    emotions of a mother in dharavi

    kuch project kaam ke liye i went to dharavi with my sister and cud nt see such conditions of woman in slums

    so liked to squeeze all emotion parts ......thus i wrote it

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  14. Your post is good, in fact very good Stephen ... dont be disheartened as you do not have to ... no one is making fun of your story – we were just pulling your leg … joking – just for a laugh … and a family that laughs together – stays together! Love you all … 

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  15. i agree with tan...completely...just pulling your leg...he he...and i said fast forward man...so it is like many many years from this time...so the 3 yr. old baby has grown into a spoilt young brat obviously in bad company of stephen n gang from vakola(mumbai)...i know why you are angry...coz i made that boy go to champakali whom you despise right...maaf kar de bhai...will make him go to pushparani then...happy? happy naa?? see..i can see you smile...yey!! pushparani ka naam lete hi tere chehre par smile aa jaati hain..stop blushing ste...n shut your mind from bad thoughts about her you rascal...even she is a woman!!

    he he tan...yaa..dont do overtime..else wud have had a terrible effect on this lounge...just a hectic week for me...this one....nice knowing you...cheers!

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  16. and tht twin bit...priyanka here calls me by that nick...others balu...nothing else...keep rocking....yey!

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  17. And tht "What an Ending" was eerily similar to "what an Idea sirjee"..our punchline...oops..seems am working a lot...he he...work with idea cellular in the marketing division :-)...what an idea!

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  18. that was lovely.. but which is the previous one?

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  19. @ Sandeep

    Well, Priyanka has the copyright to call you by that name, I saw somewhere ... will call you Balu, as your childhood friends do .. However, I was just thinking why Twin is your name ... Maybe because you are The Writer In Notice here ... I'm sure you are ... ;)

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  20. @tan: that was sheer genius...he he...The Writer In Notice for TWIN...he he...cant help applaud...but am not! i am just a writer...no one notices..hehe...

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  21. sandeep balan
    u will regret for all ur comments man


    just wait and see

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  22. hahaha :P see who's saying so!

    hey ste, *offer Lemon drink* cool down! you know thats the fun we drive from the lounge, pulling legs :p

    remember?/

    @ sandeep *whispering* haha! i was actually laughing like maniac when i read!!!!

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  23. huh asbah and sandeep

    * not talking to u guys **

    katti

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  24. Me Me???
    talk to me ... I took your side too .. din I? ;)

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  25. ohhh wowww...wht fun man!!
    tooo good twinnn....amazing...pushparani...lol....pushparani 'pushparani ka naam lete hi tere chehre par smile aa jaati hain'..hehehe... :D

    n wht an end....even she is a woman!! :D

    ste...fir se...fir se teri vaat laga di gyi!! aur tu fir bhi chup ke baitha hai!! come out man...take revenge..lol...like d previous time...malan series...ur grand revenge!! when u allowed me to write..lol....fir kya hua tha...oops oops!! :P

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  26. well

    gayal sher kabhi chup nahi rahtaaa


    zarur

    regret karega voh nalayak

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  27. ghayal sher!!
    tujhe kisne kaha tu sher hai?? lol

    hobbit!!!!

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  28. that was very touching stephen... a mother's pain and anxiety have been realy well portrayed in the post... its realy bad that some ppl have to face such situations... a nice story with a nice message.. cheers!!!

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