Tryst with teenage- Part 1

‘What film is this? You’re watching with so much curiosity?’ my mom questioned. It was a Sunday evening and after a long time, I was watching TV non-stop for more than an hour. Categorically, it was a Tamil film that kept me glued and this was what made my mom throw at me, such a question. ‘Maa…the movie is really good…an adventurous-thriller’ I exclaimed. I switched on the TV around 4 in the evening after a cup of coffee and that was when the movie commenced. It unfolded with two youth driving on a Highway and as the car was stopped to make them attend nature’s call, a person (identity concealed) from behind the camera kills both of them with an axe. ‘Huh!!!!! What movie is this???’ I exclaimed to myself. Sun TV replied immediately with a flash, ‘A Film by Arvind’. Yeah…a Tamil film with an English title. That was fashionable a few years back. As it unfolded, every scene had something watchable. An adventurous journey from Chennai to a wooden house in the interior locales of Andhra Pradesh and the hunt for a psycho-killer formed the crux of it. An hour and a half passed when my mom entered the hall. I was glued to the TV set and my mom from behind, was watching the same and cleaning the shelf side by side. Minutes later followed an intimate scene between the lead pair, my reaction to which made me ponder over and finally pushed me to pen down this write-up. Mona Chopra (now Sherlyn Chopra) was dressed in a sleeveless top and mini-skirt whilst the male lead, (a new comer, unsure of his name) bare-bodied was clad in a jean. Mona was enjoying her rub over his chest and he was fondling her lips. They came closer and the space between them, I would say, was almost vacuum-packed. A smooch was expected in next to no time and as the lips were about to get locked, as expected in Tamil films, they moved away from each other and a coyly smile adorned their faces.

When this scene was in progress, I was unmoved and watched it just like any other scene, very muchMINDFUL of the fact that my mom was just behind. I profess, the moment I saw Mona entering his room, and from her seductive stance, I got a feeling if such a scene would take place. There was a latent thought which made me wonder if I should change the channel considering the fact that my mom was watching too, but then, I exclaimed ‘Why should I ?’ And I felt, shifting channels may only leave my mom in bewilderment when I get back to the same channel after a while. Also, even if I change, I would be desperate to know if that scene had drawn curtains. This would definitely make me take a glimpse of a few clips of that particlular scene. Hence I didn’t find the need and carried on. All these thoughts flashed and I drew conclusions in a matter of nanoseconds, or atleast microseconds. On this note, I would like to add, my mom seldom accompanied me to a cinema and hence, I’ve never watched such intimate scenes (not uncommon in Indian cinema these days) in her company. Even at home, we rarely watch TV together. Hence, this, I guess was the first instance. I didn’t take notice of this act of mine with so much importance then, but, that night, when I was about to hit the bed, I was reminded of this. I pondered over. Change of channel was the first thing I would have done, a few years back, and a blush with compunction painted all over my face would have followed it up. But I would have felt ashamed for no mistake I had done. That’s where, actors, performing such erotic scenes win over you and it takes time to get back to normal. On retrospection, I found both my reactions (the one I would have done a few years back and the one last Sunday evening) neither shocking nor surprising, but interesting and something to ponder.TESTOSTERONE PROPOSES I DISPOSE befitted both the reactions. Yeah...it was my control over the sex hormones that I guess, resulted in me taking control over the situation, react accordingly and thereby draw conclusions. Now you may wonder what conclusion I drew. Yeah I did!!! I felt, it was time to recognize my exit from the realms of teenage. 

As I pen down this piece, I’m aged 20 years and 188 days and affirmatively, I’m at the doorsteps of the teenage world and it was time to say goodbye to the teenage me. This acknowledgement has made me get into the process of figuring out where that thin, impenetrable blurred line is, separating the stimulation of erotic and aesthetic feelings. If I had made it ‘simulation of erotic rather than aesthetic feelings’, it would have defined my process in a different and in a manner in which most people think. In the sense, it would have questioned the need for the arousal of erotic feelings and showed eroticism in poor light. Now, whether or not eroticism is a degrading word is not the discussion here (though I admit, it’s one of the topics I would like to think about, sometime later) but what exactly makes it replace aestheticism on most/few (the most/few here, differs from person to person) occasions. As far as my perception of the word eroticism is concerned, I would like to stay neutral as I feel, every feeling is to be respected and each has its own significance. 

Before I start with the discussion, I would like to rewind myself 4 yrs back when I entered teenage with all wordly desires. I would like to look back at my own thoughts, how I perceived things then and how different are my perceptions today. What was my affinity to soft-porn and porno stuff ? Did I ever watch porn ? What influence peers had on me ? Whether my teenage was lived to the fullest ? How do I see myself as I leave the teenage world ? If ever I experienced eroticism ? If ever I experienced aestheticism ? How did I differentiate then ? Lots of questions remain unanswered. After answering and analyzing all these, I’ll draw conclusions. This topic certainly needs much time to jump to the right conclusions.

To be continued…..