There is so much more

There is so much more to me than what I allow most folks to see. I shall keep this part of me hidden for I have learned that it is unlovable. Can I really become what they want me to be? Why is the world so harsh? Things that you say to mask the truth, to appear to be in control. You force yourself to use words that you don't mean, that you don't feel, hiding away your soul. Is that even living. Mere existing it is and surviving if you are the fittest. 

Out of all the things I live for or I believe I m living for, i don't even know what’s worth living. Ironic. Some things rank higher than other yet priorities change with every other day, whether set intentionally or not. 

We all run after lot of things career, money, relationships, good health and happiness. Still everything revolves around happiness, we chase all the things so as to find happiness. The question is does happiness find us after we give it all to the things we expect to get us some. Us creatures are never content, always wanting more, better; is more ever enough? Best always changes.  And happiness never exist except for the temporary moments   and days of   joy that do not last because it isn't even happiness. Happiness is no feeling; it should be the state of consciousness. Being happy and staying happy needs a lot of work (at least for me) and it took a whole chunk of my life to understand what it takes, not the career, not the bestest of health, neither a good relationship with your parents, siblings or your significant other.  But being true to yourself, not doing what you don't like, not being with who you don't want to be with, having no conflict with yourself, no lying, no cheating, no judging, letting go, no extreme attachments and loving yourself & people around you. Spread love. Is it that hard? Only six million things to remember. I guess we can do it.