February 13, 2011

Red Daubed 63

The paper was still in his hands when he walked out of the classroom. He slowly walked down the stairs, a narrow passageway through the doors that followed to the road. He felt ever so great thinking of freedom from school but maybe he did not think that it was just momentary, for two days. He knew he would again have to suffer, and be scold by his parents because had again failed the mathematics test. But maybe he did see something change this time, a spark of light in the darkness of his mind, followed by a enormous chill of yell, of pain.
He knew mathematics was not for him, maybe because he felt that mathematics was finite. It was not that he hated finite beings but that he did not connect with those finite beings, though they would claim infinite and imaginary. As he rode on the bus, he grabbed a sit and thought why it would be called "imaginary number", a number that is ought to be imagined or maybe it was just that one did not imagine just as anyone else.
"Does that mean we have to lose our identity?" As he questioned himself, he did not realize that he was speaking aloud, quite clearly for the other rides to understand his words. But he felt that he had no existence just as anyone and that everyone coincided in their own locations, immovable. He did not want to believe that at all. Then he started to reason with himself, complicating the matters even further.
Mathematics was finite, too narrow for anyone to say that was that would bring humans happiness and joy. He reasoned because of mathematics, we know the difference between less than and greater than, causing panic among us when we learn that one gets more points that another. Do we not see a difference among ourselves because of these, and do we not feel jealousy when we see that? He asked himself why one was one, and why would one be considered less than two but the only thing he could think of was that it was how the human race perceived these. Maybe because one might reason that one has to be greater than the other, only that way there would be a "balance in the universe". But again he could not think what "balance" actually would be, and what "balance" would actually form into shape. He wondered upon his own self if he could ever find the answer to the question why one was one and why two was two and why two would be called greater than one. He needed to find the answer and prove to his parents that he had gotten a better grade, and that he had passed.
Maybe he could not, maybe we were ourselves programmed that way, programmed just as the numbers were or just as the imaginary number was.
"Why do they call this number imaginary when it is not what I imagine? Yes, yes I imagine it to be less than hundred whereas the student recognizes it as square root of -2. It is imaginary, then where is the imagination? He wanted to know why his answers were wrong, but contracted his heart every time he thought about asking the question aloud. It was all because he was full of fear, mixing himself with the ordinary world and how they would perceive the existence itself. He saw numbers differently because he saw how he was different from his mother, then wouldn't there be difference in the views also, in the different numbers that everyone tried to call the same.
The bus stopped as an automated motion, he walked out of the bus. He walked out quickly from the bus, swiftly amongst the other passengers that were leaving off the bus. Then he realized the mistake he had done himself and autonomously waved the bus again before it started to leave off from the bus stop. The bus driver would not stop and casually thought the student was trying to attain the attention of others in the street. As he started to pull away, the student started to run towards the bus, with his school bag fastened to him, onto the road. The bus driver immediately cautiously stopped the bus but the student did stop.

There laid a red daubed 63 laid on the road.

February 8, 2011

if I ever get the nerve to say

I walk in and you are there.  
Actually, I walk in last if you are there.  
Because I want to be the last person you see, 
say hello to, maybe hug.  Maybe plant a kiss on my cheek 
half-embracing me with your forearms against my biceps 
and your hands grappling gentle, and your hair: 
waves dark and the sweetly smell I am caught in.
The air I kiss instead of your cheek.
I miss because I'm nervous.  And I wish I could try again.

Because I see you so once in a while and the whiles seem so long.
I walk in last so we'll be alone, 
no one behind me, everyone behind you. Everyone seeing and hearing 
but you, like an eclipse, are all.
For a few seconds they are gone and--
maybe you came to our friend's house for his party because of me.
You scanned the line as we entered, and the cold breeze blushing on your cheek
was really the warm red of your smile when you saw me step in.
Over the others' cold shoulders, your almond eyes sometimes sleepy
were looking at me not looking.  Maybe.

Those few seconds, my shaky courage: fast beating bass against my chest
so loud only your voice can be heard like the melody of full-lips against a microphone.
For those few seconds we are an indie song.  
Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.  You're crazy awesome like Karen O.
For those few seconds we are a rap song.
Your Love by Nicki Minaj.  Like Nicki, you're the illest.
Those few seconds in between cold street and warm living room,
between cold and warm bodies,
the confession in my head slightly slanting and
the mystery behind your closing eyes when you smile.
Between what I want to say and the real words that I allow.
Between you and me:  just maybe.

Maybe next time, after this long while,
I'll walk in first.  Step into the between us,
my shaky courage and real words,
I'll sing my confession to your closing eye smile.
You'll blush a warm red.
I won't miss.
And for those few seconds,
with nothing between but everything in front of us..


photo1:http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2622/3777706885_773588c61c_o.jpg
photo2:http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1196/534080970_e082db161f_o.jpg

February 4, 2011

मुली बनी प्याज

अभी कुछ दिनों पहले की ही बात हैं ,कॉलेज से छुटने के बाद में उज्जैन आने के लिए इंदौर के रेलवे स्टेशन पर गया ,थोड़ी  भूख  लगी तो सोचा एक सेंडविच खा लेते हैं ,मैंने भैया से कहा एक सेंडविच बना दो,वहा मुली कटी हुई थी और प्याज नदारद थे ,मैंने सोचा इस महंगाई में प्याज छुपा कर रखे होंगे और मुली शायद स्वाद बढ़ने के लिए राखी होगी ,लेकिन जैसे ही मेरे पास सेंडविच आया मैं दांग रह गया और मेरे मुह से हसी छुट गयी...मैंने उसी वक़्त अपने मोबाइल से सेंडविच का  फोटो लिया (जिसे आप देख रहे हैं नीचे )

एक वक़्त किसान कहते थे  के उनका गुजरा तो दो रोटी और प्याज से चल जाता हैं परन्तु अब प्याज गरीबो के बस में रहा नहीं हैं ,खेर वैसे भी ये सरकार की नयी नीति तो नहीं हैं जो मुली को आगे बढ़ाना चाहती हैं ,वैसे भी मुली ऐसे तो इतने लोग खाते नहीं  तो हो सकता हैं सरकार ने सोचा इसे ही मुली खिलाई जाये. परन्तु सरकार ये भूल गयी हैं के जब-२ ये प्याज ने अपने भाव बढ़ाये हैं  सरकार के भाव  बड़ी जल्दी गिरे हैं 
अब तो ऐसा होना चाहिए के १०० रुपये का पेट्रोल डलवाओ और ४ प्याज मुफ्त पाओ
वैसे अगर सरकार मुली के फायदे गिनाये तो सरकार आसानी से बच सकती हैं 
१.प्याज खाने से मुह से बदबू आती हैं ,मुली खाने से नहीं  आती .
२.मुली में विटामिन A,B,C सब होता हैं
३.मुली खाने से दांत मजबूत होते हैं क्योंकि इसमे कैल्सियम होता हैं ,बाल भी उग सकते हैं 
वैसे ये बाल वाला फायदे का परचा प्रसार ज्यादा हो तो बढ़िया हैं 
४.मुली खाने से वजन भी कम होता हैं 
५.इसे खाने से नाख़ून भी अच्छे होते हैं ,ये बात से मुली महिलाओ और औरतो में काफी बिकेगी क्योंकि वो हर दम अपने नाखुनो को सजाने बोटी पार्लर जाती हैं ,परन्तु उन आवाराओ को परेशानी हो सकती हैं जो राह चलते लडकियो को छेड़ते हैं.
अगर ये फायदे सरका गिनाएगी तो मुली भी बिकेगी और प्याज के दाम  भी कम हो जायेंगे
खेर ये तो कुछ मेरी राय थी पता नहीं  मनमोहन और सोनिया क्या सोचते होंगे...

Memoirs

The morning.
The yearning.
The futile attempts at conjuring some fatal elusive respite.
The trepidation.
Light fades.
It's evening.
And then, it repeats, in the reverse order.

So Little Courage

I want to see you now.
I want to tell you I'm sorry.
I don't need to be forgiven, but I need to apologize.

I want to see you now.
I want to hear you say it again,
That I'm just right, not too fat, not too short;
That I'm just right, that you don't care 'bout my messy hair;
That I'm just right, not too old for you.

I want to hear you say it again,
That I'm just right, and you love me;
That I'm worth all your love and more.

I want to see you now.
I want to pretend things are going on okay for us.
I want to hold your hand, share your lunch.
I want to go into your arms and just stay in there.

I want to see you now.
I want you to stay, I'd kidnap you if I must.
I don't want you to go to Australia.
I don't want you to forget all about me, about us.

And even if you really need to go,
I want to tell you I'll miss you.

So many things I wanna do so bad.
So little courage.