December 6, 2008

Raman, the Car cleaner and an ass**** ..!!

The door bell rang at 6 in the morning. I came out of a wonderful dream where in I was riding a bike in Switzerland. I got up and dragged myself to the door to open it. A bell ring was far out of range to wake up my mom and my sister, so I had to open the door. I opened it and it was our car cleaner. He ordered- “ Give the car keys.” I wanted to ask him – “When did u become the owner of my car?” but I spared him and simply passed the keys. He washed the car talking to someone over his cell phone. They spend rs.4000 change on a cell phone when they don’t know how to manage their family for the next meal.

Anyway, I finished my morning activities and went to the gate. He was still cleaning the car wearing an innocent face. He looked at me and said cheerfully- “ What sir? You’ve lost weight..!!”
I checked if anyone had heard that and giggled. No one. I said-“ I’ve stopped eating.”

“Why?” he asked.

“I bought a cell phone. I don’t have any money left.”

Mad fellow, dint understand that and said- “really?”

“ See if you can get me a job.”

“ Come on sir, you must be joking.”

“ Thank God! You have a brain.”

He laughed. He said-“ That movie that I was telling you about last week has now released. Tamil movie. I heard it is super.”

“The movie is super or the movie’s name is super?”

He laughed as if to say- what kind of a dumb ass you are and said-“ Not the name. The movie is super. It’s name is- Billa.”

“Shall we go?”
It's fun sometimes. Away from the expensive multiplexes, silent crowds and all that. 'Watch a mass movie along with the masses'. Sit in an uncomfortable chair, without air conditioning and enjoy the charged atmosphere. I don't mind it once in a while, you see.

“What? You and me?” he asked as if he got an electric shock.

“No. You and my spirit.”

“Ha ha. Sure Sir. We shall go to the Lido theatre.”

“Okay boss.”

“ I’ll come back here in one hour” he said and walked back with a spring in his step.

I entered my home and by now my mom was awake. I told her that I’m going to a movie with ‘Raman’. She asked- “ The car cleaner?”
I said “yes” and quickly walked away to my room. My sister was there and she asked-“ Did your girl friend dump you or what?” and giggled.

I stared at her and said- “ Shut up and go sleep.”

She again giggled and walked away. I got ready. Raman came 5 mins earlier to the fixed time. I got my bike and we started and left. On the way, from behind he asked me over my shoulders-“ Sir, do you have a girl friend?”

“ You know Bipasha Basu?” I asked seriously.

“Yeah. So?”

“I recently broke up with her. I’m seeing my colleague now.” Poor guy dint know I was full of bullshit.

We reached the theatre and it was one of those old style theatres and there was a long queue for the tickets. I said-“ Go fast and stand in the queue.”

“You don’t worry, Sir” he said and walked straight into the theatre’s office room. Meanwhile I parked my bike, returned and stood near the entrance. After a while he came and I ordered him- “ Go fast. Stand in the queue.”

He drew out two tickets from his pocket and showed it to me and said- “ I know the ticket counter guy here.”
I looked at him and wanted to say something witty but refrained. We entered the theatre and he started laughing out loud all of a sudden.
“Now, what happened?” I asked.

“ You broke up with Bipasha Basu??? Hahahaha… Nice joke.”

Oh my god. I should have simply stayed at home.

The movie began and then came the moment where the Hero of the movie arrives and all the other heroes in the theatre whistles. I too put my fingers under my tongue and blew a loud whistle. Raman looked at me in astonishment just like a proud father would look at his son and said –“ Super sir. Super.”
I winked.

After the movie we went to a restaurant. He ate as much as I could have in two days. Of course he knew I was going to pay the bill. Over lunch he asked- “ How was the movie, Sir?”

“Super” I said in his language trying to please him.It wasn’t bad actually. Though I don’t understand tamil much, I know that much that their movies are technically very sound. In fact, far better than bollywood. I conveyed that to Raman and he became blissful as if he had directed that movie or something.

Anyway, after a day of very different kind of fun (for me) we reached home. Just as he was about to leave, he asked-“ Sir, can you lend me rs.1000? I need it, Sir. You can deduct it from my salary.”

I’m a wonderful human being, just if you dint know. More so, I was in good mood. So I counted out the amount and passed it to him.

Now after a month, I realize that that was the last time I met him. He never turned up to work after that. I pictured him spilling all that money in a bar or on a new cell phone. Now, my mom gives me lessons on crap like not to get carried away and so on. My sister keeps pestering me with queries like - “ Remember if you had given rs.1000 to your ex-girl friend by any chance?? Just askin man…She too never came back...” ( I had spent more than 1000 bucks on that bitch. That’s a different matter)

Anyway, I still keep saying- “ I’m a wonderful human being. I helped a poor guy.”On hearing this, one of my friend broke his jaw when he fell down from his chair laughing at me.


  1. 5 lines reading this and i knew its you arjun !! as good as i have read others of ur posts :) and i do agree that tamil movies are good on content and technical better than many of our bollywood movies ... loved ds !!

  2. 5 lines n u knew it was me...
    hehe is tat a compliment?? lolz..

    Anywayz.. Thanks 'Pretty Me' .. oops sry 'Pretty You' ;)


  3. hehe well that was a cute read.. hehe

    yeh tamil movies sometimes is a bit tricky and but must agree with preety they do have good content.. compared to other language movies.. well atleast most of the time they do..

    hehe hope the friend is fine now.. lol..

  4. @Ani

    haha.... damn abt him... I lost 1000 bucks.. ;) lol

    Thanks ..


  5. hehe well kya karren hotha hai yaar.. now ur wiser than before.. minus the 1000 bucks though.. lol

    sorryy have got the same question like ur sis though :P

  6. haha.. come on... :)

    i became wiser by losing 1000 bucks... :P
    i would not want to become any wiser.. ;) lol

    Thanks again..


  7. another OMG for you..
    man where do you get that humor from??
    that line where you ask your sister to shut up and that reminded me of my elder friggin similar..
    but all in all... a friggin amusin post..kept on laffin d whole time along with my friend who now wants to meet you..

  8. @shruthi ..

    haha.. meet me to say i'm pathetic??
    hehe.. anyways....Thanks..!!
    Who's The lucky/unlucky person btw??


  9. no wonder you know how to handle wit, something i so blatantly Lack. *sigh*

    anyway, yeah nice read, although you cant be judgemental about people buying the cell phones when they cant feed their families well, I find it odd too, but me thinking or asking them about such is much odd-er i think.. nice read btw

    last line was the best in the post. I am at your ceiling.... in the process of being your fan i mean :p

  10. @ .a.

    haha.. Tell me when u become my fan... It's too hot in here.... Need some air...... ;)

    Anyways, thanks.....

    and abt those guys, tell me how much of the money they earn they take it back to the family at home ?? They either drink or buy such unnecessary luxuries with the money..

    My servant maid keeps tellin stories abt her husband to my mom.. Jobless me, caught some of her words... But she's isn't the only one....
    There is nothing wrong if u can point out to them....(i feel)

    Thanks... :)



Comments are sexy.