The Perfect Being

Pre-Script :One of my friend updated the following status on his fb :

When Apples were 3 and we were 4 ...my mom said "I don't like apples"

..and to torture you all..it reminded me of my following poem which i wrote when i was 14 (and edited when i was 16)..It's kiddish but the closest thing to my heart i would have ever written..Enjoy!


When I was four :
A heartily smiling face,
Looking down on me,
Swinging me with full pace,
Grabbing me with both hands,

The only one,
To be happy
When i passed step one

--She is my mother
The first memory of her.

When I was ten :

Tightly, steadily holding papers,
Asking a familiar face,
To fill them up,
Standing worried in a new school,

The only one
Though literally illiterate
Getting my admission done

--She is my Mother
One of the faintest memory of her

When I was thirteen :

Trying to console me,
Standing beside my bed,
Arranging the pills and syrup,
Moving fingers through my hair,

The only one
Greatly afraid
Still making me stand operation

--She is my mother
The most heartwarming memory of her

When i was fourteen :

Making me rest in her lap,
Encouraging me with most zealous words,
Unknown with Boards,
But preparing me for the trial,

The only one
Mysteriously filled
With moral information

--She is my mother
The most lovely memory of her.


When i am sixteen :

Ready for the most wisest advice,
Ready for the most warmest lap,
Ready for the most genuine care,
Ready for the friend in need,

Ready for the only one
I know will be with me
Always, at any situation

--She is my mother
The perfect idol on earth.


Post-Script : Isn't it simply amazing how your mother understand your world better than you....even when you refuse to admit that.. :)

चाँद की कहानी

सूरज के जाते ही 

सांझ ने डेरा डाल लिया

चुपके से अंगड़ाई लेते हुए  फिर 

चाँद आ गया 

देने तपती गर्मी से राहत 

बढाने  उन दोनों के बीच चाहत 

शरमाते इठलाते हुए लो फिर 

चाँद आ गया 

मुझसे नहीं उन तारो से पूछो

उस नदी उस किनारों से पूछो

पुछो उन बच्चो से और उनकी माँ से 

रोज़ क्यों करते हैं वो इंतज़ार चाँद का 

तारो को गगन में  सजाने 

नदी को शीतल बनाने ,नाव को किनारे पहुचाने

बच्चो को उनके पिता और 

उस माँ को अपने पति से मिलाने

फिर चंचल सा भोला सा 

चाँद आ गया 

सबको मिलाता सबको अपनाता 

चैन की नींद दिलाता हैं 

अगले दिन फिर मज़िल को 

पाने निकलना हैं 

ये बतलाता हैं 

एक दिन एसा भी आता हैं 

जब चाँद नहीं आता हैं 

तब ना तारे ,ना नदी ,ना किनारे ,

ना बच्चे ,ना माँ घबराती हैं 

क्योंकि अँधेरे के बाद फिर उजाला 

आता हैं  और 

मुस्कुराते हुए फिर  से 

चाँद आता हैं ......

(चिराग)

A Love Letter

Everything seems so wrong nowadays, I think I'm missing me.

Dearest Me,

Hey! How's life for you these days? Like, how are you? For me, life sucks 'cause I don't get to see you anymore, unless I look in a mirror. And looking into a mirror is weird when your eyes gimme that kind of... distant look, like you're so empty inside. Are you okay? I'm worried.

Anyways, you've been through this before. And you managed to fight things off, didn't you? You always stayed strong. It'll be just the same this time, trust me. Everyone has mood swings once in a while, or maybe more often that that. People can get really bitchy sometimes when they're feeling lousy and low. But you've always made me proud, dear. You always do magic with that precious smile of yours. Promise me you'll never lose it, kays? It's just too beautiful.

I want you to know, whenever, wherever you are, you need me, I'll be there. If you wanna talk, I've got ears, I'll listen. If you want a hug, or a pat, just ask, I've got plenty to share. And my shoulder's available 24/7. Specially for you.

You may feel out of place sometimes, maybe you think you don't blend in well with your friends anymore. But hey! It's just your imagination running wild, dear... You may feel you see things differently from most people. But it's not a sin, it's just 'cause you're special. You deserve to be loved, and you're pretty. One the outside, and also inside, where it matters most.

Always remember this. No matter how far apart we may grow to become, no matter how much there is about each other that we can't understand, no matter how hard it is to believe, always remember, I love you. And I always will. No matter what.

You're changing, dear... And I suppose it's part of growing up. Don't be afraid, the Lord is with you.

Keep in touch, kays? I missed you.

xoxox,
Nic.

p/s Don't stay up too late at night, it's not good for you. =)

i will bring you a flower

We had fun, didn’t we?

Under the hollow glow of long fluorescent tubes,

the permeating aroma of dry erase markers,

I could have drawn your nude body

across the clean, white, board.

The whole in separate regions,

I explored each under moonlight

with clumsy finger tips.

I would need to catch each

as it floated to the shallow end of my memory.

Some I would have to imagine,

though I can’t err,

fooled by stimulated delusions.

They may be exaggerated, but

in my memory you are perfect

and I must have possession of my remembering,

if nothing else of you—

They are all.

And the decision.

You were clever

and mercifully cruel to let me choose:

How I would lose you,

how I wanted to hurt over you.

Alone, with my ignorant limbs

stupidly reaching for you across my vacant bed,

my heart, masochistic, still knowing you.

The gravity of an empty space.

Or should I compromise?

my self, my desire,

And my increasing ability to love you.

Still see you, but

at a friendly distance.

Still spend, otherwise lonely hours, with you

but at what miserable cost?

I would not be allowed inside!

I would not be permitted

the sweet moisture of your lips,

and my skin, the wet warmth of your sweat.

You were good to make me feel powerful,

after you took it all from me.

You knew I had no choice but self-imposed exile.

You should know that my hands shake as I write,

but the fire breathes relentless.  It is dying

and I will soon put down this torch.

But there is more left.

You cooked for me.

I can smell it on my jacket.

It distracts me from your scent.

I know that will be the last to go.

Neruda wrote, ‘love is so short, forgetting so long.’

I have so much to forget,

and too much I want to keep.

The smell of you will be the last, but

the hardest to experience losing.

I’ll be brave and keep both eyes open;

what you could not do.

What you did was childish.

Worried about the receding years,

you said you wanted to settle down soon.

Why did you send me away?

Your other sin was worse

and less easy to forgive.

I can compare us to a literary couple.

Not Shakespeare’s married martyrs.

They were lucky to both be foolish.

No.

I think of Brideshead Revisited,

of Charles and Julia.

She chose God over him,

you your mother over me.

I wasn’t surprised, little girl

but you interrupted me.

Given more time—

I would have changed your mind.

You could have loved me

enough to deny your mother and her plan.

But I’m already late.

‘that what once was, was and is lost,

is lost in the past, and now will not return.’

We are lost and now we can’t return.

But if we can, if you realize you want to,

we’ll go back there.

I won’t look away.

I won’t hide like you,

behind your fear and your household gods.

Return with me

Cook a meal for the two of us.

I will bring you a flower.

Kiss me across the table.

I will read you a poem.

For my friend.  I wish you the strength to put down the torch or the courage to keep carrying it.

photo:http://www.flickr.com/photos/alanvernon/ / CC BY 2.0

I jumped

You told me to jump

Jump into all the things I love
All the dreams I have

Even the ones
That might seem to be so impossible
So unreachable

You told me to jump
And never to worry 'bout falling
'Cause you'll be right there waiting
You'll catch me

I trusted you
So I jumped

Also posted on thewarrantycard

Lost Mind

Lost mind,

runs hard,

in search

of peace.

Suddenly,

a voice calls,

it fumbles,

falls down.

Tries to hold,

it's lost breath,

pulls it up,

to stand again.

A support

it seeks,

no one cares,

not even one.

It begs to

the heart,

to hold

it's hand.

Heart excuses,

turns the face,

mind remains

still all alone.

Where to go,

what to do?

Endless questions

increase pain.

Yet it knows,

it has to run,

for there is

no one it's own.

It runs and

it does fast,

but destination,

seems yet far.

In search

of peace,

lost mind,

runs hard.

Replica...

Deepak

Tom and Jerry

Timeless tricks and traps
Of Tom , elusively chasing
Mouse with all might


Amusing us with their
Naughty , silly jokes and
Duels funny in nature


Jovial mouse , mischievous cat 
Entertain us with sweet
Rivalry among them . Still
Remembered and loved by
Young and old alike


For Acrostics Only

No One Special

You're no one special.

You're just about the only one
Who could see through my eyes
And make me feel safe
Even without my mask

You're just about the only one
Who would look at me
And then my heart would skip a beat

You're just about the only one
Who told me to just jump into things I love
And don't worry bout falling
Coz you'll be waiting for me
You'll catch me

You're just about the only one
Who could make me feel real
Make me strong
And let me believe
That I might be
Pretty

You cared that I eat proper meals
You made sure I don't stay up too late
You called me just to say 'Hi'
You smile whenever you see me
You say I make you happy

You're no one special
You just bent my heartstrings
And stirred my soul

Weightless Heavy

"Ouch, what's this?", I screamed as she sat down on my lap to tease me.

"Oh, sorry", she apologized hiding a sheet of paper behind her.

"What are you hiding", I asked curiously.

"Nothing, ignore it", she continued, "OK, tell me if I leave you forever".

"I have many options and they are not as heavy as you. You would have killed me if you had sit on my lap for one more second", now I was teasing her.

"Well, sometimes your questions create fear in my mind", I became serious,"You know how much I love you?"

"Yes, I do", she confessed,"OK dear, we are getting late, I think we should leave now. Bye, take care".

"Bye, love you", I bid her adieu.

Then we didn't meet for about a month. And one day, I got a news which changed my life. She left me forever. I went to her home where her Mom gave me a note written by her daughter.

It read,"Dear, that day I was hiding my reports. I had cancer, last stage. I wanted to tell you but I couldn't. How could I? Dear, You used to call me your angel and see I've become one. Now I'm not heavy like before. Don't you know, the angels are weightless? Now you can use your options. Take care, love you".

The note felt heavier than her.

Replica...

Deepak

ripenserei che non sei qua

I remember getting lost in Jersey

With the one with black curls

Buying daisies of different colors

For the blonde who didn’t care

Eating cupcakes, strumming a pink guitar

With my brown eyed girl

And what you wore the third time I saw you

We held tight in Rome during the fall

6 hours from the common room

You let go

The difference between a boy who lies and a man who regrets

4 years

And now I can’t remember how you taste when you sweat

I forgot how you smell and how you moaned

Tight blue Seven jeans

Maroon tank with thin straps

A few yellow-orange streaks peaking out from behind your brown hair

You caught me staring through my silver and blue Oakleys

But I never looked away

4 years

I emptied out the trunk I kept you in

Every hallmark card, every artifact

Threw out the photo albums

Scraped your face off my hard drive

7 years

There’s still one picture stuck up on my wall

Waiting still behind a draped flag above my bed

Of you posing on the steps of “the wedding cake”

Our last days in Rome

Trying to fill all my unused rolls of film

Now

My last clear memory

On a blurry 4x6

An awkward pose, a forced smile

Sleepy eyes and perfectly straight hair

My last clear memory

The look you gave me

That it had been a long day

And you were done

Her Anger

She was angry that day.

I arranged flowers and a hand written note for her. I placed them in kitchen.

I was sitting and suddenly she planted a kiss on my cheek.

"I love you too son", she said passing the note to Papa.

"Happy Mothers' Day Mom, Love you", Papa read it.

Anger vanished.

P.S. - Happy Mothers' Day to all the mothers of the world. Our world is with you.

Replica...

Deepak

hiii

just came here by accident.....fortunately blog opened...hence m writing here.....hello family hw r u ?

i assure  i will be back asap.....hi from new delhi

love ya all nd welcome to all new members.. for those who don't knw me...

hi this is ste ...co founder of wl...

love u all.
ste on behalf of sandeep nd asbah....tc got to rush,...feels like some body is watching me from behind
:D :P

Love You Mom

In the darkness of your womb

I was safe though I was numb

Came to the world naked & crying

I know with pain you were dying

Still you kept the smile on your face

Because I was fine with God's grace

The moment you held me first time

I was relieved and stopped crying

The first things I did were special to you

First smile or word uttered or a walk too

The nick names you gave me I still remember

Though with some of them I didn't resemble

Whenever I got sick you didn't sleep

I know you care with your heart deep

Sometimes I made you angry and fought

But each time I got a lesson taught

Your blessings are all what I treasure

You don't even show off your gesture

I pray to God that on my part I never cheat

And bring all the happiness under your feet

I love you so very much my Mom

Without you, our house is not home

Truly said that God can't be everywhere

So He sent the mother to take care

Replica...

Deepak

Friend

Friend - a word with thousand interpretations ..


Six Word Stories

tea with little u

I wish I knew little u

to be sitting at the table

stuffed bears all around

tea in my cup

all oxygen no hydrogen

and little u, with your pigtails

playing hostess to your playthings

much like U do now

to me, your frequent guest

But U have learned how to

hurt the ones that aren’t stuffed

with fluff

U smile in your party dress

dancing around the room

with one eye to the corner where

i sit waiting and wishing

For U to leave all the gentlemen to their conversations

And though I no longer want to attend to U

I’d be happy

in dull bliss

as a plaything for little u

my secret

Victoria took Pilates

in the room across from the bench press

I sneaked glances as often as I could

of her bending and stretching

her body, youthful and wet

had me desiring

breathing heavy, licking my lips

my heart beating fast

behind my burning pecs.

I watched her

like forbidden fruit

I wished to taste her

drink the sweat sweetly dripping from

her chest onto her stomach and down

the slender legs that didn’t know

could walk all over me willing and open

to all types of pleasure.

She was my fantasy

exotic, exciting, and erotic

in my innocence I was blind

to her age, her experience

her knowledge of how to enslave

the young and restless spirits

that wait in lines outside her temple,

all ready to rip their hearts out in worship

and die in ecstasy for her

the goddess out of man’s reach

and she had been out of my reach

until last night

and I feel dirty.

photo:http://www.flickr.com/photos/flem007_uk/ / CC BY 2.0

The Adieu

"Goodbye....I never want to meet you , till I am alive " I said flatly .
"Are you very sure ?? "
I nodded .
" You never want to see me again ???"
I stared back for the stupid question being repeated ..
" Fine . Goodbye . Have a nice life "





And from then on I never cried ! :P ;)

Rebirth

Sometimes life brings you to a certain point where you don't know what to do. You can't even find the reasons behind your confusion and sometimes you feel like crying for nothing and yet you can't cry, or shout out loud but you can't. It is really irritating when this happens because even if you are around people, or hanging out with your friends, your mind seems to drift away, trying to search and pinpoint the reasons behind this restlessness.

I was restless that day. I made some tea and went to the rooftop along with my radio. It was dusk and the lights from the vast cityscape shimmered like stars. I slowly sipped my tea, smoked a cigarette while listening to the random songs playing on the radio. Something had been bothering me all day. I couldn't put a finger on what exactly it was. I really needed to get high, to keep my mind off of this for a while. I decided to call her. I remembered the last time we smoked pot, we ended up getting philosophical. Maybe this time too, I might be able to find an answer.

"Hey..."

"Hey..."

"I need to talk to you...come to the rooftop...and bring some."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing...just some shit I need to figure out...I'm already there.."

"Okay...see you in five."

I was lying on my side on the cool cement floor staring into oblivion when I heard her footsteps. She promptly came and sat next to me. None of us spoke for a while. She took out a joint, lit it up and passed it to me. I took a deep drag and felt relief as I felt the smoke in the back of my throat. I then passed it back to her. We had our silent conversation for a while while passing it back and forth. We sat there listening to random people calling up the RJ and talking to him about their problems. I wondered why they did that.

"These people share their shit with the RJ because they don't have many people they can trust." She looked at me. Could she read my thoughts? Maybe she said it randomly. She passed me the last bit of the joint but I refused.

"Now...tell me what happened?" she asked putting her right hand over my shoulders.

"I've been getting restless about a lot of things but I can't figure out what those things are...you know what I mean?" I looked at her to see if it made any sense to her. She was staring at her feet. I continued anyway. "And it is eating up my head. That is why I thought of smoking weed because then we talk and it clears my head."

"So did it?" she asked.

"No."

"Well it's simple..." she said suddenly shifting her position, now facing me, a weird glow on her face. I knew answers were coming, the weed was having it's effect.

"....do you believe in rebirth?"

"What has that got to do with what I am feeling? No, I don't. I think it is all crap."

"Hmm. You feel as if there is no fun in life anymore and you just can't figure out what to do next?"

It was more of an answer than a question but she was right. I felt exactly like that.

"But why? I mean...I've had fun, I've done amazing crazy things, I've had good friends...though most of them are not there anymore...but.."

"You're dead."

It felt like a punch on my chest and my heart almost stopped for a moment. There was so much conviction in her voice that for a second I really thought I was dead.

"What do you mean I am dead? Can't you see me sitting here? Now don't tell me I am a ghost." I lit up the second joint she had brought.

"You have finished a life...see, a lifetime is divided into parts called life. You've finished one."

I passed the joint to her. "You don't make any sense."

"Well...since you have finished a life, you're dead...and it's time to take a rebirth and start a new life. Throw away the leftovers of your past life...live this new life in a different way. Stop thinking about why you can't get back your old days and start thinking about what to do next."

And then it struck me.  I realized I was irritated by the fact that I was stuck in the past for too long. I didn't want to move on in life. I had to die and be born again, start a new life in a new way. She was right. She always is.  Somehow she managed to hit me hard with facts every time in her own weird way and I loved it. Maybe I should never have left her, but it's too late, and we are better off like this.

"You're right." I said, and she smiled at me. She got up and pointed to the front of her T-shirt. It said "I Am Always Right".

"But what if I don't want to die? Maybe just fall asleep for a while? Won't that work too?" I felt like a fool asking her this after everything she explained but I wasn't ready to die just yet. This time she laughed and turned around. The back of her T-shirt said, "You Are Right Too."

I smiled.

- The Lover@SoulIntoxicated

Pangs of turning 20..!

#1 : You are not a "Teen" anymore.

#2 : You had a lot of fun being a teenager, and somehow you still feel you have not had enough.

#3 : You havent had as many as flings you thought you did have when you were a teenager.

#4 : No, you didnt pursue photography as your sole passion in your life. Survival tactics came as a major blockade.

#5 : You have to get rid of your funky piercing and goatee you flaunted back then.

#6 : You are not supposed to have erratic emotional behavior as this is solely a trait of a teenager and mentally retarded.

#7 : Your hormones dont go over-drive anymore.

#8 : You dont have much of pimple problem to complain about.

#9 : You 're shocked to discover that you 're still a virgin.

#10 : You dont call your pocket money as 'pocket money' anymore. "Allowance" seems fancy!

#11 : You always have that nagging suspicion that your "plan for next 10 years" if going to fall apart.

#12 : You 're expected to act mature when you dont want to.

#13 : Whatever happened to those times when you were so concerned about your growing chests and penises than your mind.

#14 : You 're more Organised.

#15 : Your music, movies or porn collection gets replaced by 'Project slides and pdf's'.

#16 : Your spend half your free weekend asleep as you claim to be tired all the time.

#17 : You 're demoralized as its time to find The ONE and not just a Hottie from the pub.

#18 : You dont gift your friends cards that say "friends forever".

#19 : You watch the movie 3 Idiots and dont say "Hey, Thats us..!". Instead you say " Hey, that WAS us.."

#20 : Ripped faded jeans dont suit you anymore.And also dont fit you anymore.
And finally.. When the word FUN gets replaced by MBA And EMI.

Self compiled.

prison sex

I liked her a lot when we met.  I liked hanging out with her in her apartment in the Upper Eastside, listening to Hinder and chain-smoking on her bright red futon.  I wouldn’t call her beautiful, but there were moments in between pulls of my cigarette when I could say she was pretty.  Her personality was like a cloud of smoke; it filled the room for a while then spread out into thin air.  What turned me onto her was her honesty.  She reminded me of Avery from Jerry Maguire.  She was brutally honest.  See also: blunt, frank, a kick in the gut.  It was easy to tell her what was on my mind.  It was always sans the bullshit.  Blunt people are often the easiest people to deal with, because, like them, you can say whatever you want.  And I didn’t have to dance around for an hour before proposing a swim in the sheets.  Sex came as natural as inhaling… and easier then exhaling.

I was seeing a couple of girls at the time and my friend nicknamed them all by where they were from.  There was Pennsylvania Girl, Jersey Girl, and Riverdale.  This is about Pennsylvania Girl.

She went home every other weekend to visit her mom and her sister, who were still living near Pittsburgh.  She didn’t tell me till a year later that she never felt right in Manhattan and that she needed to go home every other weekend, for her own sanity.  I picked her up from the airport a couple times.  The first time was because I really liked her.  The second time was because I wanted to have sex and the other two girls were busy.  The third time was the last time and I only did it because she always brought me something from Pennsylvania that I couldn’t live without, at the time.  Every other week she brought me a carton of cigarettes.  They were cheaper in Pennsylvania.  I gave her money for the first carton but after that, we started to get close and were having sex regularly.  The cartons became gifts.  After a few weeks, I found myself bound by an unspoken contract. 

It was nice not paying for cigarettes but when I lost my feelings for her and thought about breaking it off, I couldn’t help but think about the money I had saved.  I decided to stay.

I still liked hanging out with her but she was changing.  I was her boyfriend and she treated me as such.  She reminded me of a Stepford wife. She was clingy.  See also: dependent, insecure, stop texting me! 

I was an inmate.  I had sex with her, she gave me cigarettes then I went home smelling like smoke and shame.  I’d spend hours driving around, listening to angry music, smoking, and convincing myself to break up with her.  But as soon as I convinced myself, I’d realize that I was out of cigarettes. 

My Seven-Step Program

1) call Pennsylvania Girl

2) find parking

3) all kinds of sex (she was actually really good)

4) get paid in cigarettes (or was I paying her?)

5) drive home defeated

6) shower

7) cry yourself to sleep, see also: why, Glenn, why?

I lost hope.  There were only two options.  Quit smoking or Spend the rest of my life with her.  I prepared myself for eternity…

But one morning, weeks later, I woke up earlier than usual and decided to go for a run.  It had been months since I exercised last and I coughed the whole of a mile before walking back home.  My chest was burning, my throat was burning… everything was burning, but I couldn’t help but smile.  I found my way out.

I went to her apartment that evening with a nicotine patch somewhere on my back (I didn’t want it to get peeled off if we ended up in bed (I was usually on top)).  I told her about my disastrous morning run and how I decided to get back in shape.  I showed her the patch and explained how it worked.  She said she was happy for me in between pulls of her cigarette.  She asked me if I wanted to watch some soft-core porn on Cinemax, and I told her it was over…

I had broken free and was actually able to go six months before lighting another cigarette.  We eventually started hanging out again and I slept with her a few times before she moved back to Pennsylvania.  She was Avery again and I remembered why I liked her before.  There were no more free cartons, just sex between friends.